• Vanilla sex?

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    Rigman91 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi guys and girls

    How can I inteoduce my girlfriend in to something that isn't missionary position? We have been going out steady for a good year now and have only ever explored doggy 3 times (usually after a drink or two) she doesn't like because she gets the sensation that I'm some how pumping her full of air? And making her queef (this makes her upset) she doesn't like her on top either as she claims she's rubbish and spoils the moment?!?

    Also she is very shy and embaresed about her body and won't let me go down on her or engage in any for play, resulting in us using lots of lube as she isn't ready when it comes down to shagging? In the past this has made her bleed.

    How can I introduce other positions to the bedroom? I really feel this is putting a barrier between us, any help be amazing :)
    Thanks
    Rigman

    1428877419
    LittleSwitchBitch [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey, welcome to the forums :) x


    Have u tried talking to her and explaining how u feel and see what she has to say?!

    1428877490
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    I sympathise with the predicament, but you're looking at a symptom and not the problem. I expect you'll get more diverse sex by focusing on improving her confidence and self esteem, which can take a long time and a lot if caring, attention, and patience. Help her feel better about herself.

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    slinkykinky [sign in to see picture]
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    If she isn't 'ready', as you say, have you considered spending more time on foreplay rather than just reaching for the lube? If you spend longer getting her relaxed and in the mood, things will likely flow from there.

    Have you spoke to her about it to see if there are any underlying issues? Talking openly about things really is the best option and she will be able to give you far better answers than we can. I think it'll just be a case of taking things slowly and allowing her to be more adventurous in her own time. Best of luck.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Rigman,

    That sounds like a difficult situation to be in for both of you

    With regards to your girlfriends self confidence, have you ever suggested the idea of a blindfold to her? I know that sounds extreme and maybe a little much, but perhaps if you're blindfolded she won't worry so much about how she looks while she's on top of you? I have a lot more body confidence now than I used to, but even still I find that I'm a lot more 'free' when my partner is blindfolded, and I really let myself go wild because I'm not thinking about what my belly looks like or if my boobs are flopping about too much etc.

    Also, have you tried engaging in foreplay in the shower together? A lot of women are nervous about what they taste like down there, maybe she'd feel more relaxed about you going down on her if this is the case?

    Really, the best way to get to the bottom of it is to discuss with her exactly why she feels the way she does. It's one thing having low self esteem, but why does she have low self esteem? What part of her body is she most worried about, and why? What makes her think she's no good at sex?

    If I were you I'd try your best to really build her confidence, tell her what you love about different parts of her body, and slowly introduce intimacy by perhaps giving her a little kiss on what she sees as her 'problem areas', or gently caressing them, even using a feather tickler if she's uncomfortable with everything else, so the contact is less direct. It takes a lot of time and patience to build somebodys self esteem, sadly I don't think there is any way you can introduce new things without working on this first.

    All the best xx

    1428881011
    Lovehoney - Dani [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Rigman, I agree this is going to be a lot about her confidence - if you make it your mission to show her how gorgeous she is in your eyes then, over time, she will feel more comfortable.

    Just want to say from experience that doggy and other positions where the hips are raised higher than the spine, when the vaginal muscles are relaxed, can be painful as if you pull too far during the out-stroke air slips in really easily and the resultant queefs are embarassing but the air is a really unpleasant sensation too, kind of like a stitch! If you like the idea of being behind, maybe both of you on your knees but upright would be worth a try, with the bedhead for support - it gives a bit more intimacy too as your chest is against her back and you can add some intimate touching/kissing to make her more comfortable. 

    The blindfold suggestion is a great one too; not just for you but maybe as you progress she'd be happy to be blindfolded. Again just from experience but when I am blindfolded it's like I'm in the dark and I'm not as self conscious about my body, but I still get to enjoy the benefits of my partner being turned on by the view.

    Sex during spooning can also be really sweet and intimate and a nice alternative to being on top, she can still control the motion but without the pitfalls of needing a lot of stamina the way that riding you might.

    Hope it all goes well for you, there are some great points shared above and I'm sure she will appreciate the effort you are putting in to making her more comfortable with your sex life and addressing her emotional needs. It can be hard to broach the topic and, form her end, also hard to be asked to discuss it, but it's worth it in the long run :)

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    Subdom27 [sign in to see picture]
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    scarab9 wrote:

    I sympathise with the predicament, but you're looking at a symptom and not the problem. I expect you'll get more diverse sex by focusing on improving her confidence and self esteem, which can take a long time and a lot if caring, attention, and patience. Help her feel better about herself.

    This! Although not as restricted as your situation, my OH was fairly similar in that she only ever used to have the same sex every time - partly because she didn't have great body confidence. I could see this and I really helped to nurture her self-esteem and I helped her to see that she really is beautiful (an absolute stunner, in fact!). Now you should see what we get up to! It's all about her inner confidence. Best of luck with it all!
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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    Could you also set the mood to relax her-some nice smelling candles, rose petals, a glass of wine, and take some time to treat her to a massage and suggest a blindfold for her if she's comfortable. Then take time for foreplay all over her body. Maybe talk to her, reassuring her to relax, that you won't hurt her and you'll stop if she really doesn't like it.

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    Char99 [sign in to see picture]
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    This could have been written about me a few years ago!! I agree with the others, you really need to make her feel beautiful and tell her all the time how attractive you find her. In the throes of the moment, see if you can get her to sit on your face. My husband loves it, and I much prefer it to laying down and receiving, view is restricted and she can also move more. Also, spend longer on foreplay so she's really geared up, I love doggy style but I can't just go straight into it, I need to be really ready. This is were lovehoney becomes your best friend ;) suggest some toys for warm up. Get some line and a nice sized dildo, see if she's willing. Also, if she's a lights out kind of girl (I used to be!), then suggest a bedside lamp asnd explain you just love to see her.
    Good luck. And remember, as frustrating as this is for you, she probably feels the same way.

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    Char99 [sign in to see picture]
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    *lube. Bloody predictive text!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you are in a bit of a predicament here but nothing that can't be overcome in time. Patience is going to be key. I have no idea of your ages or experience either.

    Your foreplay is the part that you need to work on first. Don't bother about positions too much yet that can come later. For positions I would recommend publications and books on the Kama Sutra which is far more than just positions , its an whole ethos of lovemaking and how to be inimate with your partner .

    I was lectured some time ago by my father and he described women in similar terms to a car . You will never get the best out of a car until its nicely warmed up. The same is that of a women. Foreplay is vital IMO to get you lady in the mood and aroused.

    A good idea would be to start heavy petting and kissing say on the sofa whilst watching an erotic romantic film . Nine and a Half weeks would be a good choice and slowly whilst still wearing a top kiss her on her neck and then perhaps by lifting her top gently up at the back kiss her down her back and say how wonderful and soft her skin feels . Still keeping her top on work your way round to the front and kiss her around the belly button and again keep comiplementing her. If you think she is beggining to enjoy it usually shown by heavier breathing then slowly start undressing her but keep on kissing her and complimenting her. This way she will be warmed up for you and if she is more comfortable with the missionery position then you will have to accept that for now.

    I have also read in a couple of books that women like to be seduced and they enjoy rioleplay which confirms the advise my father gave me when I was experiencing similar difficulites with a previous partner. Take your time its not a race and think romance rather than sex. Work on your foreplay and the rest will follow:)

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    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    Hiya firstly welcome to forums, I just wanna say this will all get better
    Me n bf were in same place at the start of our relationship, I could never relax n enjoy sex, evn forplay became painful n id avoid any intimate play.
    now we enjoy sex n slowly more position, play etc..
    the key was talk n him making me comfortable, he turns me on mentally not just physically, loads of forplay yeah I still need lube on occasion but no more painful sex n bleeding etc..

    1428945677
    Rigman91 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi guys and girls, thanks very much for getting back to me, i think your right and I will try talking to her about it and how she feels, she has just come off the combined pill and her hormones are everywhere at the moment so will give it a few weeks, thinking about it she has never really opened up to me about what her fantasies are or what turns her on and I think it's probably time to

    Thanks people your help is very valuable

    Rigman

    1428949908
    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    Theres some of your problem, the contraception, I know depending on what time in my cycle or my contraception will depend on my mood, sex drive, dryness, etc

    1428950262
    MissE23 [sign in to see picture]
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    I definitely agree with making her see how gorgeous she is to you....I have always had self esteem issues and struggled to enjoy myself with previous partners however my current OH makes me feel Like I'm gorgeous, constantly tells me he loves my bum, thighs, hips, eyes etc begs me to go on top telling me how much he loves it and has been so patient with me and slowly I've become braver in the bedroom, letting him see a bit more. The blindfold idea is a great idea. Hopefully over time she'll realise she doesn't need to worry and can let herself go........good luck x

    1428951788

    [suspended user]

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    Have been here, am here, will still be here for some time. Constant reassurance on how gorgeous she is. Then slowly trying things out. Pick a time when you know she's all loved up and horny, then try and broach the subject on specific things that turn you on, may get more response. But pick your moments! (I've got probably a 50/50 success rate on this currently). Its a slow process to be honest, need to be patient and understanding, but it's totally worth it mate. Slowly does it and you become much closer.

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    mrskandmrt [sign in to see picture]
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    This sounds fairly similar to us, we found talking and being honest with each other helped. It took a long time and a lot of trial and error but now we have more fun than ever before and are more happy and in love due to it. I would also say shopping on Lovehoney combined with the forums helped with this, started with sexy underwear progressing to little unimposing toys and now we have a fairly big and varied collection. The forums also helped us talk as it was clear to see people in the same boat and that our fantasies\indulgencies were perfectly normal.

    1428961911
    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    I just wanna add personally i would of freaked if my bf blindfolded me, I think it has to be something you discuss before doing :)

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree. Blindfolding tying up is all about trust . Trust is something built up after time but never the less a very exciting element but it isn't for everyone .

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