• How important is sex?

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    After seeing the 'sexless marriage' post, it got me wondering, just how important is sex to you? To your relationship?
    Do you think there is a minimum amount of sex you should be having in your relationship? Are you achieving that minimum?

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    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    We went through a difficult patch when we barely had sex every three months if we were lucky. I had no sex drive and we were like two friends living together.

    Then I found lh and all changed.

    With the sex changing so did our relationship. We are much closer and into each other now than ever.

    So yes,I,believe you do need it

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    Ruby Red Slippers [sign in to see picture]
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    It's extremely important to me (and my OH) and hope it stays that way. I don't necessarily think it should be x times per week or whatever, just as long as both people are happy with what they do and how often.

    I just finished reading the sexless marriage thread there and I feel sad for those who aren't having their needs met. I don't think I could personally stay in that kind of situation, although I don't judge others who do.

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Its important for me, at one point it was not at all, ardly cruical. Now though...yeh I need sex. Its liek a switch has been pressed, and I am now wanting to explore try things etc. My partner is...not interested to say the least :(

    Not a pleasant experience in this relationship truth be told.

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    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    I think its very important, well it is for me! If both parties are happy with the amount of sex they're having then it's the right amount, the problems arise when one of you feels that its not enough or its too much .
    Personally I'd like more sex than I'm getting, I would quite like it everyday, my OH on the other hand seems happy enough with things as they are. Unfortunately I can't make his sex drive match mine! I just have to accept that my libido is higher than his but I'd certainly be very concerned if we weren't having any sex at all.

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Wilflower my libdo is high too, but I am finding my self denying it a lot, due to the relationship I am in...My partner`s sex drive is none existant

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Hubby and I seem fairly well matched when it comes to our sex drives. I do,seem to go through 'peeks and troughs' as it were from time to time but I also have to accept that due to his training he is sometimes just exhausted. As long as you're both happy with what you have I dont see an issue - do however feel a bit sad for those who dont feel that they're getting enough :(

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    SensualFire, do you find the different views/needs putting real strain on your relationship then? Please don't answer if the question makes you uncomfortable!

    I think it has some importance in a relationship, not entirely sure of the priority though. I find if we do go through a 'dry patch' that we tend to have more silly little arguments, again I don't think I could pinpoint that being down to lack of sex or generally lack of intimacy. My husband doesn't place huge importance on it, which I do find odd sometimes as I always believed men to be more sex-dependent. But I like to think there's more to our relationship than sex and we'd survive if it were to stop.

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    I am ok in talking about it.

    I have talked to my partner numerous times, I have been upset, I have been angry. I have tried to meet him in the middle. List goes on, in all the thing I have done to try and move things into a more healthy energy.

    However he admits he has no libido, and no sexual desire. He suffers from depression, and is not the best when it comes to talking about things or how he feels. They say a womans sexual peak in in their late 30`s early 40`s which is where I am.

    There are other things, which I have briefly spoken about on here, but with all the healing I have done on my self, from having no passion to being quite passionate...Yeh..frustrating is an understatement.

    Not sure what can be done, but I still remain optimistic

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    MissE23 [sign in to see picture]
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    I must admit I need it in a relationship....I would happily do it everyday at the moment but I guess feelings change and as long as both parties get enough then its good. I find making love to be the most intimate thing me and my OH do so I would be lost without that....I feel awful for saying this but if the sex stopped then I don't think my relationship would survive. Thats not down to missing the act itself but down to the intimacy and the connection you get from love making.

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    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a very un-guy-like problem in that it's not lack of sex which upsets me in my relationship, it's lack of emotional intimacy.

    Although my partner and I have different libidos - mine much higher - we still have sex at least every two to three days so I don't want to whinge to people who have, perhaps more tangible, problems but she has some issues that mean that even after 12+ years together, she's still in many ways a total closed door to me. If I don't do anything about it, it remains closed. If I push, it remains closed.

    I'm not at my wits' end because I love her and it's my problem for nor always being able to accept it without acting like a spoiled baby, rather than hers for not being able to change something as easy as me asking her to change her eyes from blue to brown but I feel it does negatively impact upon our relationship in ways that transcend the bedroom.

    I think it was the thread your're talking about in your OP which contained a lovely quote (I'm sorry I can't remember who it came from or the exact wording), something like "Men need sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to want sex".

    I've also come, over the years, to understand that having the lower libido doesn't make her wrong any more than having the higher one makes me right. It's difficult to remember though, particularly when frustrated.

    I guess I haven't even nearly answered the question. Sorry for the ramble.

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    I so agree with that statement about women needign to feel loved to have sex etc. Wise words and very true

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe our sexual peaks do contribute, in a way. I'm just approaching 30.
    I would happily jump my husband every day, which seems to have given him a mega ego-boost! I'm comfortable that our sex drives match, most of the time anyway. At the minute we are a bit unmatched, I'm incredibly horny, almost constantly (pregnancy) but he's just not feeling it, plus it's proving to be somewhat uncomfortable so just have to wait til after, will need to book a dirty weekend away after!

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    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
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    Not knowing your circumstances, I can't comment specifically, but I don't think it's uncommon for men to walk on sexual eggshells around a pregnant partner. I don't believe it's an attraction thing, more a nerves thing.

    Do you mind me asking: is this your first? If so, your dirty weekend will likely be a looooong time after. :)

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    No, it's our third. I don't really mind when our dirty weekend happens, or if we don't go anywhere, just stay locked up at home haha.

    Pregnancy didn't affect our sex life before, but we were younger then. I did actually approach him recently in an attempt to start something, but when it came to penetration it actually hurt and couldn't do it and my first thought was 'damn, he will just not want to even try again for fear of hurting me!'

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    So many taboos, false belief systems, fesrs apprehensions etc when it comes to intimacy and sex

    Sex seems easier rather than sensual/intimacy

    Sensuality is about being in the same space as the other, being stipped bare, beyond clothes.

    So when partners ae walking around on egg shells, well why fear talking about such things, nothing to be ashamed of. Now shame is the major energy connected to sex on all levels, and I for one would love to see it all gone.

    No more red tape, people happy to express them selves etc etc

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    SensualFire wrote:

    So many taboos, false belief systems, fesrs apprehensions etc when it comes to intimacy and sex

    Sex seems easier rather than sensual/intimacy

    Sensuality is about being in the same space as the other, being stipped bare, beyond clothes.

    So when partners ae walking around on egg shells, well why fear talking about such things, nothing to be ashamed of. Now shame is the major energy connected to sex on all levels, and I for one would love to see it all gone.

    No more red tape, people happy to express them selves etc etc

    Very deep words :)

    I agree completely.

    We actually cuddle up in bed some nights with low lit lamps on and just talk about everything, things that have happened in our day/week at work or wherever, our past (a decade together and we're still learning about each other), our hopes, fears, ambitions. To me, that's really intimate, to know each other inside out, we probably know each other better than we know ourselves! And I think that's why our sex life succeeds, because we are so open and comfortable with each other, I hope anyway!

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Ohh that sounds really nice and cosy Innocent. My old house had a spare room and I made it up into a cosy space, lots of rugs cushions blankets, a salt lamp in the corner, crystals candles incense..My partner and I used to talk in there and give one another massages ...I need to get back into that. :)

    Magic thats what is it between you and your other half Innocent xxx

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    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
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    It's very important to me, it's been just over a week since we last did & I'm starting to go through withdrawl but we've been so busy with university deadlines sex is the last thing on my mind plus I've been feeling down & just not in the mood. As we've been together for over a year now I see that sex isn't everything but when it's right, it's really right, everything just seems to click and that's the best sex ^_^

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah, communication is so important. It leads to more intimacy. You should definitely get back to doing that, it sounds fab.
    Our relationship isn't always a walk in the park, sometimes I would happily murder him, and him me, but we get through it.

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