• Sub or Dom?

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    chris1066 [sign in to see picture]
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    Her turn to dominate Boogaloo? Never happened. I've given up on wanting her to be ontop as it's just to much hard work, let alone pinning my wrists to the bed and taking me.

    Don't get me wrong though she's my absolute soul mate. Even if we had a totally sexless marriage I wouldn't look elsewhere. So giving BDSM fun a miss isn't such a problem.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh dear, that's such a shame Chris. :( Have you tried using any restraints so that she doesn't have to pin you down, or is she just uncomfortable being on top at all?

    As you said she's your soulmate, so that's the most important thing. As long as you're able to have a fulfilling sex life, or relationship without sex, BDSM isn't needed. I can understand that it must be frustrating for you though if you were keen to explore!

    1428704496
    chris1066 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think she's just uncomfortable letting go and acting more forcefully. We do have fluffy handcuffs so the lack of restraints aren't the problem. It's kind of like she's decided that sex should always be tender making love and can't just be fun and wild.

    I think part of my turn off with being dom is phsycological. She is extremely reluctant to discuss fantasies of her and denys having any fantasies at all. So if I try being dominant I don't really know what she wants or how far to go. I end up feeling really uncomfortable like you do in role play sessions on work training courses, and worrying about going to far, and whether she'll freekout at seeing a different side of me. None of which helps with the turning me on.

    I've said if there is something she wants to try go for it. I'm sure there is nothing she would want to do that I wouldn't be prepared to try. And all I get back is that I should be careful saying things like that and I might be surprised.

    Anyway derailing the thread. I'll just live vicariously through you guys.

    1428708801
    JB4EVAH [sign in to see picture]
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    All my life I wanted to be sub, then my partner came along and wanted to be sub, just about the same time I saw some really extreme video and was like AHHHHH never letting anyone dom me ever again! I'm now dom, I'm not that great at it because they don't really like pain or being tied up tight or a lot of the things, I think they just like the extra sensations that you get with it and that's totally cool.

    But now I've had the idea that I'm going to make them do stuff to me while under my command I guess so its like i'm still dom but I want a go to be tied up and stuff :)

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Chris it took me a long time to open up to my partner about my sexual fantasies, because he's made judgemental comments here and there about different kinks, so I was certain he'd think I was weird and not want to do it. But he really look me by surprise, he's embraced everything we've discussed and really loves BDSM now. It could be that your partner is genuinely worried you'll reject her fantasies, despite the fact you've reassured her a lot. It could just take some time, it took me 4 1/2 years!

    I have the same issue as you do with being a Dom. It's easier said than done, but maybe have a discussion beforehand about both of your limits and how far you want to go? Maybe if she sees you being open about what you want to do, it might encourage her as well? And hopefully that might ease some of your worries about going too far, especially if you agree to use a safe word. It is nerve wracking the first few times you try something, especially when you're not sure how your partner will react, but perhaps if you ease into it you might be able to build up slowly and get more comfortable.

    Sorry if I'm not much help, I'm not the most experienced in this area (at least not yet!). Hope you're able to find some kind of compromise with your partner though :)

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    chris1066 [sign in to see picture]
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    You've been lots of help Boogaloo. I'm taking it easy at the moment. I don't want to put any pressure on and make it an issue between us.

    1428878755
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    That's probably a good idea Chris, hopefully in time she'll feel more comfortable but it's wise to let her go at her own pace. Hope you manage to work something out soon though

    1428921429
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Chris. Just wondering if you have tried any of the sexy boardgames offered by Love Honey ?

    Monogamy may be a good one to get as there are many role playing situations in there that may help to beak the ice so to speak.

    Its a really really fiun game and but requires a little preperation and perhaps a whole evening . Just read the comments for the game in LH's games section and see what you think .We haven't had chance to play the game fully yet but hopefully fancy playing it on one of those hot stick summer nights when perhaps our son is away with friends etc. Some of the actions require a little bondage here and there but the cards have been designed so ithey don't shock and written on a role play basis .

    May be worth giving it a go :)

    1428922434
    macspants [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Hi Chris. Just wondering if you have tried any of the sexy boardgames offered by Love Honey ?

    Monogamy may be a good one to get as there are many role playing situations in there that may help to beak the ice so to speak.

    Its a really really fiun game and but requires a little preperation and perhaps a whole evening . Just read the comments for the game in LH's games section and see what you think .We haven't had chance to play the game fully yet but hopefully fancy playing it on one of those hot stick summer nights when perhaps our son is away with friends etc. Some of the actions require a little bondage here and there but the cards have been designed so ithey don't shock and written on a role play basis .

    May be worth giving it a go :)

    I agree that this can be a great introduction. I also found http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32305 to be a great help when we became more comfortable with restraints. I was quite surprised at the cards my wife picked.

    1428922561
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    macspants wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    Hi Chris. Just wondering if you have tried any of the sexy boardgames offered by Love Honey ?

    Monogamy may be a good one to get as there are many role playing situations in there that may help to beak the ice so to speak.

    Its a really really fiun game and but requires a little preperation and perhaps a whole evening . Just read the comments for the game in LH's games section and see what you think .We haven't had chance to play the game fully yet but hopefully fancy playing it on one of those hot stick summer nights when perhaps our son is away with friends etc. Some of the actions require a little bondage here and there but the cards have been designed so ithey don't shock and written on a role play basis .

    May be worth giving it a go :)

    I agree that this can be a great introduction. I also found http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32305 to be a great help when we became more comfortable with restraints. I was quite surprised at the cards my wife picked.

    Great suggestions :)

    I haven't tried these myself but they look like fun!

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    For those who asked me to let them know (and everyone else!), here's my review of the silicone butterfly riding crop:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=29430&reviewid=111777#customer_reviews

    We had a lot of fun with this crop, it packs more of a punch than I expected but I still think it would make a great beginners toy. It's definitely given my OH the confidence to be more dominant, he really went to town on me with this, it was amazing!

    1429008783
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Great review Boogaloo . My gawd was that steamy as well ! That was really saucy

    According to my sources the riding crop should be used with more wrist action .The wrist action is the bit that give you the sting . I bet your OH found this out as well! I have kept our riding crop hidden away at the moment out of my OH's reach as I need to show her how to use it yet before she tries it on me. They are not an instrument to be wacked with .

    In fact I will order this type you used on my next order and get her using this before the more intermediate one I bought perviously.

    Great stuff my friend .

    1429009098
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Great review Boogaloo . My gawd was that steamy as well ! That was really saucy

    According to my sources the riding crop should be used with more wrist action .The wrist action is the bit that give you the sting . I bet your OH found this out as well! I have kept our riding crop hidden away at the moment out of my OH's reach as I need to show her how to use it yet before she tries it on me. They are not an instrument to be wacked with .

    In fact I will order this type you used on my next order and get her using this before the more intermediate one I bought perviously.

    Great stuff my friend .

    Thanks mysteron, glad you liked it

    Yeah it really is all in the wrist, however as I said this crop is shorter than some so it won't sting as much as others, but does deliver a good amount of pain. It leaves red butterflies on the skin too, which is nice!

    1429032836
    chris1066 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for those suggestions folks. We haven't tried any of these games or cards. To be honest I'd always discounted them as probably a bit cheesy and naff, but if people are recommending them, it might be worth giving them a try. :-)

    1429057823
    hunky93 [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my partner have just got in to BDSM we have decided that im going 2 be the dominant n she is the submissive we have just brought some bondage things that are coming on friday we got some cuffs, a coller n a spanking paddle we cant wait 2 try them out.

    We r thinking about doing a contract wat are peoples thoughts has any one ever made a contract for it?

    1429085346
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    In my opinion that is a big call. I don't wish to come accross as being a spoiler but if you are new to BDSM , I would just play at it for now until you are absolutlely 100% happy with it .

    Some guys on here recommend Fetlife if you are looking at getting further into BDSM and maybe after a time , if a BDSM lifestyle is what you both want , then I am sure that there will be guys on this site offering such advice.

    Good luck

    1429087438
    hunky93 [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for the advise we are not thinking about doing it straight away as you saidwe are going to play around and see how things go the contract thing is just us throwing ideas out there for now.

    1429088892
    Subdom27 [sign in to see picture]
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    hunky93 wrote:

    thanks for the advise we are not thinking about doing it straight away as you saidwe are going to play around and see how things go the contract thing is just us throwing ideas out there for now.

    You should definitely get a feel for it before making any form of contract. Also, remember to have safe words before you start. As the Dom in a D/s relationship, my main advice would be that you have a duty of care to your submissive. By all means, push some boundaries. However, always make sure that your play is safe, sane and consensual. Best of luck with it all!
    1431034526
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry to revive an old thread, but I didn't want to start a new one.

    So as you can gather, my partner and I have been dabbling in light BDSM for a while. We've both discovered that we enjoy the sadomasochistic side of it - I love the pain and he loves inflicting it, with all sorts of different hitty things. He also enjoys tying me up and teasing me, and we love experimenting with sensory deprivation.

    My question this time is - how do you go about introducing psychological D/s play in the bedroom?

    I'm becoming increasingly interested in taking it to the next level, but of course I want this to be a mutual decision and consensual. My partner is generally a very tender and considerate person, and while he likes spanking me, I'm worried he'll feel uncomfortable and think I'm a freak for wanting him to mentally dominate and humilate me.

    I'm not talking about anything 'extreme' here, but at the moment when the spanking is done he reverts to his normal tender self, which I love, but sometimes I want him to carry on dominating me for the whole session. Ordering me around, depriving me of pleasure, making me do anything he says etc. This is very against his nature, because as I mentioned he's a very considerate and kind person, although his love for spanking did surprise me! ;)

    I don't want to just spring it on him and overwhelm him, has anyone got any suggestions?

    Thanks :)

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    PetiteJess [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a sub 90% of the time but like to switch at times. I enjoy being a sub and luckily my partner is naturally dom but I think I like switching sometimes is because 1) I am naturally experimental and enjoy shaking things up but 2) because it depends on my mood.
    I think the best thing to do is take it slowly, bdsm can be very overwhelming at first.
    Maybe you could both read Bdsm novels? Or join Bdsm sites to help you both get comfortable in the roles and to see what you both like.
    I have been into bdsm now for 5 years and have just this year gone to bdsm clubs, which overwhelmed me but it helped me learn who I am and me and my partner didnt have to get involved in anything but just socialised instead.

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