• Sub or Dom?

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    Naturally take a Dom role however in recent days would be happy to swithc with the right person

    1428312045
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    It's interesting to see different peoples opinions on this :)

    I'm not sure if I'd class myself as a switch or a sub then, I suppose it doesn't really matter as long as we have fun! I love being restrained and spanked etc, I'm not as comfortable spanking my partner as he is me (Just in case I'm doing it wrong or hurting him too much), but do enjoy tying him up as well and being in control. I guess we'll just go with the flow! 😉

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, and I'll be sure to let you know how the crop & flogger works out for us!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    We are only into very very light BDSM as aprt of our role playing. Normally I am the top as she likes to be ordered about , restrained and spanked . Normally her costumes reflect this ie School girl , French Maid , Secretary etc.

    I will be buying her first "top" costume which is a police womans uniform and this will give her a chance to play the top for a change .If she finds it comfortable then maybe we can switch more often.I think with my OH its just a confidence thing .

    As regards the physical side of spanking etc the guy can normally take more . My OH was also frightned of hurting me. As long as both know your safewords you will be fine and don't forget the cuddle afterwards as this is a means of reassurance that all is fine :)

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    Lorah13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Sub! It comes more naturally to me, I enjoy not being in control during sex and not knowing what he might do to me! On occasion though he likes to switch it up but when I'm in control I never know what to do and my OH doesn't like being spanked so I can only really use blindfolds, cuffs and tickler on him.

    As for me being spanked I'm not sure I could chose what I enjoy most. We have a paddle, leather slapper, ruler and crop and I honestly like them all and love not knowing what one hes going to choose. Its taken him a while to realise I'm not going to break but hes slowly getting rougher with me and I love it!

    Anyway enjoy your discoveries together and I'm sure once you purchase your first spanking implement your collection will quickly grow! ;)

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    Kittyondrugz [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a 100% sub.I've tried being dominant and it's just not for me.Had fun while figuring it out,though.

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    Liquidsugar [sign in to see picture]
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    Neither, I'm a Sadomasochist. It's all about the pain

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Lorah13 wrote:

    Sub! It comes more naturally to me, I enjoy not being in control during sex and not knowing what he might do to me! On occasion though he likes to switch it up but when I'm in control I never know what to do and my OH doesn't like being spanked so I can only really use blindfolds, cuffs and tickler on him.

    As for me being spanked I'm not sure I could chose what I enjoy most. We have a paddle, leather slapper, ruler and crop and I honestly like them all and love not knowing what one hes going to choose. Its taken him a while to realise I'm not going to break but hes slowly getting rougher with me and I love it!

    Anyway enjoy your discoveries together and I'm sure once you purchase your first spanking implement your collection will quickly grow! ;)

    Haha, I think you're right about the last part!

    Sometimes I think my OH is worried about hurting me too much so he holds back a little, but I keep trying to tell him that's what safe words are for. If I wince or yelp, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm not enjoying it, but I think it puts him off a little bit. Then again we're fairly new to the sadomasochistic side of things so it will take getting used to

    So excited for my flogger and crop to arrive!!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    You could try a different safe word system to help him find your pain threshold.

    We use this system

    Red - stop ,something is wrong .

    Green plus a number ( on scale of 1-10) - try harder please ! Not good enough! :)

    Amber plus a number ( same scale as above)- nearing my limit ease off a little .

    We use this system when spanking is used ( we also use implements occasionally depending on the scenario) in our role playing .

    When implements are used it does cause complications hence the above safe word system. For example a flick of the wrist with a riding crop can give a severe sting ie an Amber 8 where as a hard wack with a furlined paddle may only give you a Green5. More variations can occur depending on the state of undress as well.

    I am not saying this system will definitley work for you but it works for us. You could easily modify this system for your own needs. However Its vitally important that both of you understand the system you adopt for it to work.

    Have fun asnd make sure your partner is having fun also :)

    1428406872
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks mysteron that's a really good idea! I'll chat with him and see what we feel works for us.

    He's definitely enjoying it so far, if he wasn't then I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing it. I was worried at first that he wouldn't be into it, but to my surprise he totally was ;)

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    AsYouWish! [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    You could try a different safe word system to help him find your pain threshold.

    We use this system

    Red - stop ,something is wrong .

    Green plus a number ( on scale of 1-10) - try harder please ! Not good enough! :)

    Amber plus a number ( same scale as above)- nearing my limit ease off a little .

    We use this system when spanking is used ( we also use implements occasionally depending on the scenario) in our role playing .

    When implements are used it does cause complications hence the above safe word system. For example a flick of the wrist with a riding crop can give a severe sting ie an Amber 8 where as a hard wack with a furlined paddle may only give you a Green5. More variations can occur depending on the state of undress as well.

    I am not saying this system will definitley work for you but it works for us. You could easily modify this system for your own needs. However Its vitally important that both of you understand the system you adopt for it to work.

    Have fun asnd make sure your partner is having fun also :)

    That seems like a good score but if I said green 5 to my OH I think the next one would be red 10!
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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    AsYouWish! wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    You could try a different safe word system to help him find your pain threshold.

    We use this system

    Red - stop ,something is wrong .

    Green plus a number ( on scale of 1-10) - try harder please ! Not good enough! :)

    Amber plus a number ( same scale as above)- nearing my limit ease off a little .

    We use this system when spanking is used ( we also use implements occasionally depending on the scenario) in our role playing .

    When implements are used it does cause complications hence the above safe word system. For example a flick of the wrist with a riding crop can give a severe sting ie an Amber 8 where as a hard wack with a furlined paddle may only give you a Green5. More variations can occur depending on the state of undress as well.

    I am not saying this system will definitley work for you but it works for us. You could easily modify this system for your own needs. However Its vitally important that both of you understand the system you adopt for it to work.

    Have fun asnd make sure your partner is having fun also :)

    That seems like a good score but if I said green 5 to my OH I think the next one would be red 10!

    The trick is to make sure your dom isn't gettiing frustrated other wise the temptation is to go from one extreme to another.As mentioned sometimes changing the implement often works.

    I have read in a book that pain tolerances change over time as well. The more times the bottom is spanked over a period of time the less effective it can become. This is because the skin may get harder and therefore more resistant over time. Therefore a change of technique or implement may well be required at some stage .

    Thats what I like about roleplaying as anything can go depending on the scenario and does enable you to "visit " other forms of sex. However even in roleplaying boundaries will be needed. For example if you know your partner does not like to be spanked then don't expect any change in a scenario that involves spanking.

    Again its all about communication .

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    Liquidsugar [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    The trick is to make sure your dom isn't gettiing frustrated other wise the temptation is to go from one extreme to another.As mentioned sometimes changing the implement often works.

    I have read in a book that pain tolerances change over time as well. The more times the bottom is spanked over a period of time the less effective it can become. This is because the skin may get harder and therefore more resistant over time. Therefore a change of technique or implement may well be required at some stage .

    Thats what I like about roleplaying as anything can go depending on the scenario and does enable you to "visit " other forms of sex. However even in roleplaying boundaries will be needed. For example if you know your partner does not like to be spanked then don't expect any change in a scenario that involves spanking.

    Again its all about communication .

    Pain thresholds change day-to-day too. So it's worth bearing in mind that if you took 20 spanks quite happily yesterday, it doesn't mean you'll manage the same in a week, for example.

    This is due to a number of things, emotion and mood being two important factors. Also, for women, you'll often find that you're more sensitive to pain around your time of the month.

    For me, what's more important than intricate safe words is the fact that your partner is watching you, and your reactions. I find that if the person topping is just listening out for a certain set of words, they stop paying as much attention to your body reactions. I'm not saying safe words aren't important, they are, but I would suggest that you first and fore most know each other, your bodies, and your experiences.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree Liquidsugar, body language is extremely important when engaging in any kind of sexual play. It's a subtle art, but can help you understand what kind of experience your partner is having and how best to please them next. What's also great is that it doesn't break the immersion as much as safe word systems do, although I do think it's important to use those as well.

    There's so many different ways to experience BDSM, I'm excited to try some new things with my partner (as long as he's still up for it) and I appreciate all of the advice people have given me so far

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    FlirtyFairy [sign in to see picture]
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    Sub.

    I have been since I was 18/19 and I had desires before that but didn't know what they really meant.

    I suppose the way my relationship works is what some peope would call extreme or hardcore. My relationship is based on D/s and it's a 24/7 thing, no down time and no time out from it. It works perfectly for me and it's definitely the only kind of relationship I feel happy in.

    He makes the decisions in and out of bedroom, I get my say and sometimes there's negotiation and he always considers my opinion but ultimately the final decision is his.

    I love the absolute trust and commitment in it and the open communication. I can trust him implcitly with everything. I want for nothing in my relationship, emotionally, physically or otherwise and in all honesty, the sex is just a small part of it. A fun small part it has to be said .

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree very much with what Liquidsugar says . However body language can also be a little deceptive at times. For example after a spanking some women do actually cry and sob which for a new dom/partner can be a little off putting or even think they have done something wrong . Not being a woman myself, but I beleive its do with the emmotional experience and the endorphin high that a spanking can give but these type of things perhaps need to be covered fully in communication .

    Often a cuddle which gives the woman reassurance is often all is rerquired and an experinced Dom will know this.

    Again I am not an expert in spanking or BDSM, as in roleplaying we just play at it in a single session.I would recommend if spanking is going to be a key element is to get a couple of books on the subject as well as other general BDSM books.

    On saying all of this the more experienced you get the better you will both become.

    The only further thing I think I need to add is to make sure you can walk before you run. Ie take it slowly and don't jump in with feet first.

    Good luck and I am sure you will enjoy yourselves:)

    1428411953
    Liquidsugar [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    I agree very much with what Liquidsugar says . However body language can also be a little deceptive at times. For example after a spanking some women do actually cry and sob which for a new dom/partner can be a little off putting or even think they have done something wrong . Not being a woman myself, but I beleive its do with the emmotional experience and the endorphin high that a spanking can give but these type of things perhaps need to be covered fully in communication .

    Often a cuddle which gives the woman reassurance is often all is rerquired and an experinced Dom will know this.

    Again I am not an expert in spanking or BDSM, as in roleplaying we just play at it in a single session.I would recommend if spanking is going to be a key element is to get a couple of books on the subject as well as other general BDSM books.

    On saying all of this the more experienced you get the better you will both become.

    The only further thing I think I need to add is to make sure you can walk before you run. Ie take it slowly and don't jump in with feet first.

    Good luck and I am sure you will enjoy yourselves:)

    Yes, both women and men may cry, etc. after a scene, it's communication beforehand that will prevent/accustom the Top to the kind of reaction s/he can expect from their bottom (and vice versa). It's prior communication that will also let everyone involved know the kind of aftercare they like (you mentioned cuddles, etc.).

    The point I was trying to make is that personally, I like to get all the talking and planning done before a scene, then I can just enjoy the dynamic of the play, not having to worry about a safe word system, etc. But to each their own!

    I would also suggest if you're getting into BDSM that although books are good, you'll find talking to people with experience will give you better information. Something like Fetlife will be a good channel for this.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you Mysteron, that's good advice :)

    I've had a look at the LH beginners BDSM guides, but will probably invest in a book or something more involved, depending how far my partner is willing to take it. Although I think he'd make a fantastic Dom, I don't want to overwhelm or force him, so at the moment I'm just testing the waters.

    I think as long as we regularly have vanilla sex he's happy, because that's his favourite thing of all, despite enjoying bondage too. And to be honest, I view BDSM as more of an exciting treat than a part of our daily sex lives. :)

    Are there any good BDSM books in particular that you'd recommend?

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    FlirtyFairy [sign in to see picture]
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    Boogaloo wrote:

    Are there any good BDSM books in particular that you'd recommend?

    SM 101 and Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns.

    Really good informative guides if you are looking in to BDSM.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    FlirtyFairy wrote:

    Boogaloo wrote:

    Are there any good BDSM books in particular that you'd recommend?

    SM 101 and Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns.

    Really good informative guides if you are looking in to BDSM.

    Thank you, I'll look those up :)

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