• Sub or Dom?

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello! This is a bit of a random thread, but for those who are into BDSM, do you prefer being the sub or the Dom, and why? Do you ever take it in turns, or are you always one or the other?

    My partner and I have recently got a bit more serious about BDSM and been experimenting with the Tracey Cox soft bondage kit, alongside spanking and minor sadomasochism. We're really enjoying it so far, and keen to continue exploring BDSM, but we haven't really found our 'roles' yet.

    Personally, I much preferred the role of the sub, even though I did love having total control of my partner when the roles were reversed. Something about being tied up and used really turns me on, and I absolutely love waking up the next morning with a red bottom 😉 he really surprised me with how dominant he could be, but when I was the Dom I didn't really know what to do! He enjoyed it both ways, and I think he'd like to continue taking turns (although he doesn't enjoy being spanked as much as I do).

    I'd love to invest in a riding crop or flogger of some kind, for him to use on me. Would you recommend starting out with one of the silicone ones?

    Sorry for so many questions ha! Just interested in hearing other people's experiences, as I know there are a lot of BDSM lovers on lovehoney 😊

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    paulsballs [sign in to see picture]
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    best of both worlds please

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha fair dos ;)

    I guess there's nothing wrong with changing it up, the two experiences are totally unique and pleasurable in different ways.

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Even though I am a strog minded woman, I do like playing the role of Sub

    I like being blind folded, hands tied, spanked, and told to wait...It really adds a whole new level to arousal and desire.

    Mind you I am not into anything heavy, just experimenting and exploring my kinks etc at present

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    BDSM-curious [sign in to see picture]
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    Boogaloo wrote:

    I'd love to invest in a riding crop or flogger of some kind, for him to use on me. Would you recommend starting out with one of the silicone ones?

    I have http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31781 only get it if you want to feel a lot of pain. I'd suggest some of the other items for beginners.

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    bxmbi [sign in to see picture]
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    Sub! Although I do occasionally dabble in being a mistress, I've found that being submissive just works the best for me. :)

    If you're looking for a flogger/crop, I'd recommend this one: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15824 - and even better, it's on the 3 bondage items for £30 deal so you can splash and get some more items.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    SensualFire I'm the same as you, we're not into hardcore BDSM or inflicting major pain on each other, but it is a lot of fun exploring our kinks.

    There was something so erotic for me about being tied up spread eagle, and blindfolded, then having my partner tease and control me. IRL he's a very gentle and romantic person, so it was surprising how dominant he was and added a whole new level like you said.

    What I love most is that I trust him completely, so I know I'm in safe hands and in that sense I'm willing to let him go a lot further with our BDSM play. Hence wanting to experiment with crops etc, as the spanking is great so I can only imagine how good that feels 😉 and to use one for sensory play while either of us is restrained and blindfolded, not knowing when a gentle stroke is going to turn into a satisfying smack - it's become somewhat of a fantasy lately! :P

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never played with crops or floggers so can't help with that, but it sounds like you're in a really exciting place trying new roles with your partner :)

    I've always been the sub in my relationship - I'd never be able to be dominant with my partner. He's very much a Dom and would never be able to seriously relinquish control to me. I'm sure we'd both feel thoroughly silly switching roles and I'd have no idea what to do :P I'm a submissive through and through, sexually and in our every day life. I'm thankful that me and my partner are both so keen on our respective roles though because at least then there's no power struggle and it's nice to know that we're so compatible. I'd be a bit lost if I was with someone who wanted me to be dominant I think :)

    Have fun x

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the advice on spankers/crops, I'll discuss them with my OH and see what we feel the best option is. :)

    Out of curiosity, do you find floggers, paddles or crops more painful?

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Skitty I'm the same! I'm a total submissive in day to day life, and find it really hard to be dominant and assertive in a lot of everyday situations. When it comes to my relationship though, we're both equal I'd say as my partner isn't an overly dominant person either (except in the bedroom it seems!).

    I'd happily try to be a better Dom for him if he wanted to keep switching roles, but I feel like I'm not very good at it. To be fair, I think he enjoys being tied up and teased, but isn't as bothered about the sadomasochism side of as I am. So at least I don't have to learn how to spank properly!

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's a real challenge for people like us who tend to be submissive in every day situations to try and be dominant in the bedroom, so I have super much respect for you for trying out being a Dom for your partner :)

    I'm really glad that I don't have to be put out of my comfort zone like that, I don't know how I'd cope! My partner has ended up being even more dominant than I think he would have otherwise been because of me liking dominant bedroom stuff, but also because we have a pretty much 24/7 dynamic now where he makes pretty much all my decisions. I get to live like a pet, it's fantastic :P

    It's nice that your partner sounds easygoing about it though, it must take the pressure off a bit to know that he's having fun with what you're doing together and it doesn't have to be lots of pain and spanking!

    (Totally unrelated to this thread, but just want to thank you for posting on one of my threads earlier. Some of the replies had me feeling a little bit down, defeated and slightly upset, which maybe is a bit silly but I've been in a bit of an unconfident place lately. But it really helped that you commented. Thank you x )

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a beginners flogger and cane, neither seem to be stocked now, and the LH double sided paddle. We don't use any of them very often as I am a bigger fan of receiving than my oh is of delivering, but they all have their pros and cons. I love that the flogger can be used to tease by being dragged lightly over the skin as well as deliver a sting. The butterfly cane leaves pretty marks on the behind for a while. The paddle is pretty versatile too. Can't decide which is the favourite; possibly the one we will use next!

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you for the advice everyone :) it looks like there's some good beginners floggers/crops in the 3 for £15 deal so I might grab a few of them, as I recently returned an item to LH which will give me a £15 refund! Score! :D

    Skitty, I feel you there! But like you said, he's pretty easygoing and just enjoys anything we do sexually, so he certainly doesn't put any pressure on me to be a good Dom. :) and don't worry about that thread earlier - I felt I had to say something because some of the replies felt a little bit judgemental and I figured I'd feel pretty bad reading that if it were my thread! But I don't think you're doing anything wrong, if anything you're doing the right thing coming to us for advice, and I respect you for that :)

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hooray! Took the plunge and got some things in the 3 for £15 offer, saved over £16 so it was over half price! Amazing value!

    I got the faux leather flogger:
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30775

    Silicone butterfly riding crop:
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=29430

    And a feather tickler (mostly because I needed a 3rd item, I'm too ticklish as it is! But hoping my partner will like it):
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22653

    The flogger and crop have been on my wish list for a while now, I never realised they were in the offer! So I'm glad to have finally ordered them, can't wait to try them out! :)

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    BDSM-curious [sign in to see picture]
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    That's a nice selection. Have fun.

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks :) the ones in the 3 for £30 looked a lot more tempting, but as silly as it sounds it's a little out of my price range right now.

    I'll try these first and see how we get on :)

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    M-J [sign in to see picture]
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    I am the submissive in our relationship & will defer a lot of non sexual decisions to him too. I like that I am looked after. We have the odd moment where he will give control to me but he soon takes that back!

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    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    I soo need a blind fold and some rope.

    My partner is the same in regards to loving and gentle, however he finds being dom very hard..I won tlie its a little frustrating. I want to let go, but when your lover is fumbling etc its not easy to

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    mrs.hiskett [sign in to see picture]
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    Naterally a dom in the bedroom .mybhusband is sub but recently he been exploring being dom so refreshing as i get turn on more. Boogaloo let us all know how the crop works for u

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    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a switch.

    Although I have been a total submissive as well as a total dominant.

    I don't know why been a switch works best for me, but I get off been in charge but also pleasing OH.

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