• Need advice on porn

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    macspants [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    I echo the above . It took me a little while as a new comer to appreciate your humour . And as a father to a son myself I can very relate to eveything you say. I can honestly say a couple of our "warm up" soft porn DVDs have gone missing . I guess I know where !!

    All joking aside it probably deserves a thread on its own. My upbringing was a world apart from the one I try to provide for my kids. My Dad was a libertine and I was watching classics like "Emmanuelle" and the "Devil In MIss Jones" as a young child. The only film that left me perturbed was called "Pussy Talks" about a woman with a talking vagina.

    That said I really don't want his opinion of sexual relations to be informed by a lot of the porn out there. I also have a 16 year old daughter, and I don't like to think that her first experience of sex could be with some ill educated youth who decides that popping out for the "money shot" is what constitutes as acceptable for burgeoning sexual relations.

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    MissE23 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you for all of your comments and advice....it is really appreciated x

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    Luscious Libby [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Miss E23

    I think where porn is concerned you need to decide where your own boundaries are, a lot of people have good relationshipswith porn but in many it is a negative presence. Statisics I have found surprisingly show that there is a high percentage of relationship breakdowns due to porn. I would suggest you do some research on all sides of the porn debate, before you reassess your own feelings on it. Then you could discuss it further with your other half.

    I have posted about porn in relationships previously so those posts will show in my profile page if you want to read them.

    Hope this helps :)

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    I can totally understand why you feel threatened. I remember asking my ex boyfriend loads of times whether he watched porn and he always denied it. Then I found LOADS of it on his computer and I was so hurt... probably more to do with the lie than anything!

    I know that my current boyfriend watches porn but he never really tells me how often or what he likes to watch. He's not very open about sex, he doesn't like to talk about it as much as I do.

    I would have a little look around yourself and see what the fuss is about. Personally, I love porn and I do watch it every now and then. For me it's just a quick fix, leads to a quick orgasm and I get to look at stuff that I wouldn't dream of doing in my personal life.

    I think some people have more difficulty focussing when masturbating. I find it really hard to use my imagination when I'm going solo unless I'm really turned on. My mind wonders to shopping lists and other non erotic things! So I use porn. Guys are known to be more visual, they like to see it all there in front of them.

    Don't be threatened by it xx

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    M-J [sign in to see picture]
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    I can totally understand where you are coming from, however, its completely normal for most people. The main thing is that he's admitted it. I would suggest you say to him about watching some together.

    My ex husband used to watch it, deny it completely & even when caught out he'd deny it. I initially felt so hurt and inadequate, however, a chat with a good friend made me realise it is normal. What wasn't normal was the lies.

    My current partner & I watch it together on the odd occasion to either get in the mood or if he wants me really turned on for a particular act he wants to do ;-) !

    Don't be hurt or worried hun x

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    [suspended user]

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    Wouldn't be worried. I watch a fair bit. With and without wife. We are looking at the detail, the bumping ugly's, not wishing the oh looked like him/her! (Althoug she has asked I work on building up my triceps lately, so maybe she has...?!) And most of all we enjoy watching people totally lose themselves in awesome sex.

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    [suspended user]

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    Having said that too much porn, obsessively, can be a very damaging thing to the relationship. So you wanna keep check of that. I do.

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    MissE23 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks again to all you lovely people for replying to me......i have looked at a little bit myself and have decided that its not really for me but thats fine.....the OH has been really open with me, told me what sort of stuff he watches and how often (only once a week....if that) I think it was just the initial hurt i felt, after hearing everyones comments i feel so much better :)

    Thanks again x

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    lj101 [sign in to see picture]
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    MissE23 wrote:

    Thank you all so much for taking the time to post....it is really appreciated. Feel a lot better hearing everyones thoughts :) I hadn't really thought about it but yeah he could have lied and said he didn't watch it but was very honest and open with me.......I really need to have a look myself and maybe watch with him one day x

    To me, it sounds like you have a very healthy relationship. He is open and honest (communication is so important in a relationship!), and you're giving yourself the opportunity to explore these things together. Sounds like you've really got a good thing going. A lot of people and couples struggle to get to that point. Some never do. Enjoy it :) x
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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Also don't forget if you don't like the hard core stuff ( my Mrs doesn't) then watch some of the softer of steamier films together . Nine and a Half Weeks is a good example and also 50 Shades of Grey when its released on DVD/Blue Ray . I am hoping that there will be a directors cut for this latter film .

    My best advice though from a guy who has been married 19 years and never strayed is to keep what you are doing by being honest and open with each other and no secrets . My rule here of which my wife agrees is that I can look but NOT touch when it come to other females. Its all about trust and making the relationship work by talking to each other . Often going out to dinner helps in this regard. But you come accross has having made a great start .

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    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Honesty is key. There used to be a time where we had sex almost daily when we were younger. Sometimes it helps mismatched sex drives. I know my wife still loves sex but she chooses to let work and other concerns have greater priority at times. So whilst she might be ok with 1-2 a month I get pretty frustrated if I'm not having some sort of orgasm once a week. This is where porn comes in for me.

    I'd rather have sex/make love with my wife anyday but the reality is that it won't happen as often as I'd like. The other side to it is that its selfish in a good way, you can check out stuff you might never try together etc ( say like group sex for example ).

    My wife was ok with it and we watch together sometimes now. Try not to feel threatened but if you feel he's pushing you to do stuff that feels degrading then just make sure its not creeping into his mind as normal. I find I have to look hard to see stuff that is not degrading online.

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