• quietly optimistic

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Everything going swimmingly well.

    1433151675
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Well this weekend has been quite eventful... Getting all the Kidd to meet up, and get on so well, has given up both real hope that moving on with our relationship can happen, and that we have chance of really combining our family units together.
    We went on a hike with my youngest yesterday, which was OK till his feet started to hurt( shoes too small!) And tbh...although I love my kids, I couldn't hand them back to my ex fast enijght, so I could be alone with my new man.
    I cooked dinner and we then settled on the sofa, where we couldn't contain ourselves any longer, and made passionate love ...twice๐Ÿ˜Š
    We had both missed each other all week, even though we saw eachother on Friday, we couldn't " be" together as we had all the kids! So we were somewhat dieing to be in each others arms again.
    Talk got back to future logistics, and how we might get all the kids a place to sleep at mine, and how we could go about staying at mine more permanently. The fact that he has even. Brought up the subject gives me such a warm, confident, and loving feeling. To have fallen totally in love, and have everything work so well feels strange, but in a wonderful way.
    He is caring, considerate, loving,sensuous, respectful, attentive,tactile,attractive, accepting, and I feel safe, loved, trusted. We both have so much in common, and any possible obstacle seems to be met head on, and worked through with ease.
    I might have been a little more cautious about the pace we are going if I was younger and single with no kids to worry about...but ironically, by me being older, and we are both divorced with kids, all this talk of planning a future, and including our kids in process and including them in on their parent getting together with a new person , is far more reasurring that I could have believed.
    We both have the view our kids views and trust in our getting together was very important than both of us.without it, we might have struggled.with our kids blessings, I think we have just moved totally into the mindset we are not only a couple, we are a loved up couple, who are grown up, and can see we have both stumbled into a dream relationship
    ๐Ÿ˜Š
    My year is just getting better and better every day๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Well it had to happen sometime... My ex now knows!๐Ÿ˜
    He has been all your life you can do what you like...but he's a stranger and I will protect my kids from strangers...
    He went I vein that haven't considered if the boys are ready for another person , and that I was acting irresponsibly for exchanging kisses with my new partner in font of the kids.... And state it sends the wrong message to how to treat a lady to my sons....!
    WHAT the H...,?!
    We have been thinking of how our kids will react to all of this from day one...kissing grownups is a good image for kids to see..as it shows caring and loving relationships,... Where my ex used to show them shouting / anger/ physical harm/ walls being punched by him/ and tirades of verbal abuse....
    Where on earth does that sort of behavior sound like he should be enduring is " how to treat a lady!!"
    Even if he has mellowed out...I still get comments from my kids that really make me question how he encouraging them to have a healthy relationship... Let alone lecture me that a few kisses in front of my kids is no no!!
    I would much rather snog morning noon and night I front of them, if it meant they got the message we are deeply into each other!!
    We probably kissed a couple of times, in the whole day...and few cuddles and held hands...is that really hortifying?!.
    He mentioned that my youngest(12) saw us kissing and felt it a bit awkward and weird.... But I had asked him several times before and after our meeting , if he liked him...and I got it he was very happy for me..as he really liked him, and he liked it I was " smooching" he thinks we are really good with each other.
    I guess my ex just can't get it in his head I'm actually moving on, and wants to flex his muscles that he thinks he knows his kids better, as they are with him more.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    MY GF has had a similar experience with her ex, he makes all kinds of snide comments about her new man because the new man is very respectful, nice and treats her so good she is finally happy. This following a very abusive marriage.

    It is probably from a place of jealousy and frankly him never wanting to see you THAT happy. You do need to listen if the youngest feels it is akward because he has probably never seen you THIS happy and affectionate towards a man before so it could be something he was taken aback by given now your sons may see you as a "sexual person" not just a mom.

    I would take it with a grain of salt given the source is your ex but communicate with the kiddos about it all and keep stock of PDA.

    I am sure the minute the kids get back he is quizzing them about it all, which makes me sad for your kids as your ex is probably making them unconfortable asking them for info about your relationship.

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Well..he is at least prepared to meet next week to discuss some behavior issues we have with my eldest.
    ..he has put it in such a way that makes what my youngest said to me was totally wrong...my youngest did say it was weird seeing me kissing.. But he added that he was very happy to see we were really into each other, and were very happy together. Tbh...my kids rarely saw my ex being affectionate to me, when I was with him...more like I was a cowering jibbering sobbing wreck after and abusive tirade after another.
    So seeing me actually happy and loving and having someone obviously happy and loving being with me may seem a bit strange.
    The only other mum mode they have had me is single.
    I have done everything I can to consider my kids first... A d my personal health and finances and career has all been affected by this drive to be the one doing this GS for my kids..I sacrificed my personal wellbring and happiness for them always.
    It is not wrong to actually want to do something to make me happy for once.. Even if I do still have to think about my kids as well in that equation.
    My ex is always full of contradiction and nice then nasty.. So I am prepared for him to a wobbly...he can stew if he wants..but it will not stop me from having a new lease of life, and a new man to do it with.

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    M-J [sign in to see picture]
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    Your ex has traces of mine (perhaps they fell out of the same tree?!) When my ex found out about my new partner he went from being extremely nasty to extremely suffocating. Then back to nasty when my solicitor told his solicitor to tell him to back off or he'd be up on stalking charges!

    Just be prepared for the "I want you back" play, followed by the "I want mum back but she won't come back because the new man" play. Immediately followed by the children getting confused and upset.

    Am pleased that things are going well for you, its always hard with logistics when there are children involved. My Oh has 3 boys who live with him & I have my son when we started wanting to do sleepovers we used to do a weekend at his and then a weekend at mine (a lot harder as my place was smaller). We now all live together in his/our place. The boys have their moments but on the whole its just like a normal family.

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Tbh...that has already been discussed. To others that might sound too much too soon..but to me, that is prudent,considerate, concerned about how any of our kids will be to us dating and getting together. My new man was the first to mention he wanted to tell his kids about us...and he was the first to actually do it..and this speaks volumes to me. This is a family man that would do anything to ensure his kids were happy with someone. He has met. ..and this same man is declaring ad clear as day that he is committed to making this relationship work, so it isn't a flash in the pan, I'm gone in the morning type of relationship. He is here...because the wants to! He is here with me baause he loves this ol ' lass with 2 kids..with all her bumps. Etc...because he is unconditionally putting himself and his kids on the line to make a relationship work.
    We both were very clear we have kids from the start, and we both felt messing with their heads with partner after partner is a total no no...but yet he made the first move๐Ÿ˜Š
    My confidence in ME went through the roof when he did involve his Kids. It was also a bit scary, as I knew that this man was seriously into me.
    I know my ex, and he has always been controlling, and he has tried to control my life even after I left...this is one time I'm not going to let him get the upper hand.this is why I told my kids, and they met my new man and his kids, and I left my ex out of the loop. I did not want him interfering. He will try , I'm sure..but I know that my boys would benefit so much from seeing how a good relationship should be.
    If that means a few affectionate kisses and a cuddle or two I think that is something healing not harming. Both my boys know I will never go back to my ex.I am now divorced, and it has been 4 years apart. They have got used to seeing me separate to their dad..I have my own house I rent.my kids are more OK with this then my ex..that is the real issue.
    Tough! 20 years I spent with him...totally faithful, even through him playing the field, and most of my relationship plagued with pretty much every abuse, which got worse year on year.. I deserve some happiness with another...and I think my kids deserve to see how a true man treats a woman

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    M-J [sign in to see picture]
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    Exactly, kids need to see a loving, healthy relationship & that sounds like what you've got now. My oh and I were together 6 months before we moved in & some of my friends said it was too quick and I wasnt protecting either me or my child but 4 years on we are still together, still strong & things are still good.

    Your new man sounds like one of the good guys ๐Ÿ˜

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree. I have never felt something being so right than what I feel ATM with my new man. He awakens things in me that I never thought I would see again...or experience ever! We both have a few things that might make things awkward to a potential new partner..me...I have still some weight to shift, and in my mind I haven't felt as a desirable woman for many years...he makes me feel sexy and loved. He has a dental issues that I get the impression he was very conscious about...which I actually find endering๐Ÿ˜Š
    Having kids we both have " baggage" as it can be called..plus an ex.. Neither of us can have more kids, which would be a problem to some...yet despite these things..we are both so into eachother...these things don't matter at all.
    He is not shy to show he loves being with me and the sex life is very active๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š
    We have totally fallen for each other and despite our exes, we do have kids to add to the mix.having them involved and OK has been the best part, as it has made our relationship even stronger, as we can see things working, and both of us have taken that leap of faith so to speak.it is a bit like falling on your own sword to prove your devotion of old..but less bloody or painful!
    ๐Ÿ˜„
    My ex can getvshitty if he wants, I don't think it will rock this relationship one bit

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    Binxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't let him get to you NM it's not for him to decide or control you any more. You have your new man, find strength in him and his love and adoration for you and your wee ones. It's a new start and you look after you! Best of luck! x

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    OH NM, 100% this is a very positive thing for your kids to see you in a healthy and loving relationship. I was just trying to point out that the boys may have never seen you this happy and affectionate before so that may be part of the reaction.

    I am pleased it is going so well with the new man and the kids all meeting. Don't let your ex rain on your parade.

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    [suspended user]

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    This is a fantastic thread NM. It sounds like you've had it tough in the past, everyone deserves to find their soulmate and you're story sounds extremely positive, so aye, wishing you're you all the best for the future with your new bf :)

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    We my ex was likely to flex his muscles on this...I guess he thinks I should be checking everything via him in my life... Even after 4 years of being separated and then divorced.
    I do think this is a case of sour grapes...as he has not managed to find someone...he is overweight, and his style of charm is not likely to win himself a catch...besides he also locks himself in PC games...so he is looking to have a lonely existence.

    I am soooo glad I found my new man...who loves nothing more than getting out and about to hike..and enjoy the outdoors..and this is so in line with what I want in the future too.he is loving, affectionate, caring, respectful, and quite a romantic...
    He is also such a calm, centred soul who loves me for who I am...even after he has heard most of my past with my ex..he is still committing to an" us"...
    I see a future where before him..I have to say I was getting resolved that I might stay single...with a cat!
    I know my kids, and I know my ex has a way to twist things that get mentioned to make it sound as if everything I'm doing with them as wrong.
    He even picked a hole in me saying I need to be more attentive to what they eat, as they had a sore tummy...they refuse to eat fruit at mine..and the did scoff all of a cake I made.. Which considering he apparently has them on a no sweet/ crisps/ choc/ biscuit at his...the od on them if they find them here!! Besides they have had far more tummy gripes at his than mine
    Besides they are 12+14. Which means they need to be a bit proactive themselves. Any overweight issues can be left on his doorstep as he has had them mostly for last 3 years..

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    I so love my kids...they have told me not to listen to my ex...he just is sore that I'm seeing someone, and is getting all shirty. They definitely have no issues about my new partner in my life..or his kids, and are taking a very grown up view that I should be happy, and their dad isn't. They have said its his problem...not theirs!
    I love them... Even the usually stroppy 14 teen, suddenly spouts his dad is over reacting a d I should not listen to him..my life..not his... ( but not to tell his dad!)

    I have no reason to allow my ex to push my buttons..but he still does... Cause he still wants to control my life via the boys..
    Plans for my birthday next thursday are coming on too... My new man is Taking me out for a meal( I haven't had a partner do that..period!)
    We also had a sort of truth or dare the other night...and I have discovered quite a bit about his kinks / would like to try etc...sounds like some of my basic bondage kit is going to get a proper try out after all!!๐Ÿ˜œ
    Took a bit of digging though.. He is quite shy on that!
    Might have to get a few saucy outfits too..apparently French .maid was a hit with him!

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, awesome update NM. It stinks when an ex tries to put the kids in the middle but it seems your boys "get it".

    Do you best to block out the BS from your ex!

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Well I have a face to face meeting with him at Starbucks to discuss my oldests sons behavior. So we can get some sort of joined up parenting( I am not holding my breath tbh).
    I suspect the issue about extra relationship is going to be brought up by my ex... I am going to remind him he is not married to me, he doesntvown or control my life any more, and the boys are more than mature enough to cope with my having a bf.
    If he starts going into issues about sex/ kissing/ sleeping together around kids etc, I will again remind him I am no longer living g in his house, and the boys are grown up enough to recognize a healthy loving relationship when they see it.
    If he goes into a sex before marriage crap, I will remind him that he can't preach what he didn't practice himself as we were living together for 5 years before we married.

    I will do my best not to bite, and if he starts I will just decide to have to go, to make a meeting. My new man is not going to be scared off ...neither am I.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Honestly you do not need to defend yourself like that NM, frankly shut him down cold on the entire subject and don't even go there with him so he knows it is off limits.

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Meeting with ex done...4 hours! Turned out he just got a job offer while we were there, so was in a v good mood! We ended up ha ing a far more sivil talk about things.i managed to get a few housekeeping like rules at both houses to follow. He seems to quantify he has no issue with me seeing someone new, but he will not be doing so...he enjoy s being single too much! As long as I am not full on snogging in front of kids he is fine( as if we would be going all out ffs!) Issues with me sleeping with this new man, is not his consent( I reiterated that. My life...not his any more)
    All in all...he is mellowed somewhat, and with him working/ earning he might finally get a bit more flexible on things. A far better meeting than expected... He still is egotistical and still believes he is the only one who is right/ knows best ..but tbh..I wasnt going to be tempted into any argument over it. I am not going to change him...so why try?.
    .looking forward to Thursday though...as my new man is taking me out for a meal for my birthday๐Ÿ˜Š

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    SK1966 [sign in to see picture]
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    Cool. Sounds like you were honest and forthright. Good for you. Enjoy Thursday and early Birthday wishes.

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    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    Have fun on Thursday ๐Ÿ˜‰

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