• im so confused

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    W41KER [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly hello, if indeed anyone reads or replies to this.... Lets see.

    I'm in a rut, I've been with my wife 6 years, we have a fantastic relationship and sex life, BUT its all one sided, I love spending time touching and kissing her, watching her reactions, I've introduced blindfolds light restraints just to make it more exciting, my problem is I don't last very long before. I climax. Because I'm into latex gloves etc she thinks I'm sick and twisted, and if she does do anything to me she asks me if its ok and what is she to do next! I feel I'm flogging q dead horse,

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    fantasia fairy [sign in to see picture]
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    HI!

    You have come to the right place! I'm sorry you are having trouble with your relationship. It sounds like she needs to try and understand what your needs and kinks are more.

    I'm sorry to say that i dont know much about this subject and i cannot help much. But i promise people will read this and help you out! This place is AMAZING everyone here has helped me so much!

    Good luck!

    1427519162
    B-B [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe you should use dirty talk while she is pleasuring you at give her a self esteem boost. Say things like, "I love it when you do that", "Keep going", "that feels amazing", "faster", "Do this...". It sounds like she may be insecure and maybe is worried about being considered "twisted". That way she getting a little direction while seeing that you enjoy what she is doing and it doesn't kill the mood for you. Another good thing would be to talk openly about what you bth disire in the bedroom. Talk about your fantasies, dislikes, and likes... The more open and truthful you both are the better it will be in the bedroom! Maybe she might like joining the Lovehoney forum with you.... Mr B and I are on here with eachother constantly. It's because of the forum that I was actually willing to give anal a try.... Good luck! :)

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication is key. Maybe talk about things while your not in the moment and introduce new things as and when she's comfortable with it, it's very important that neither of you feel forced to do something you don't want to do just to please the other. Discuss the things that turn you on, perhaps she's wondering why they turn you on? Ask her why she thinks it's sick/twisted? And try to understand each other. Regarding climaxing early, have you tried any delay techniques or products? Does it happen regular -if so, maybe mention to a medical professional, if not I think it happens at times for various reasons.

    1427522015
    W41KER [sign in to see picture]
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    Thankyou, alot of good advice, as I said we have a fantastic relationship and she knows what I'm into, even though I'm not sure what I like, and she loves anal, she's is very insecure, she uses to be size 10, but she complained about her body then and never got naked, now she is 14/16/18.... I don't care I'm a large guy anyway, I think getting her on here will help, thank you again x

    1427528675
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with the others- it sounds like you guys need to concentrate on communication, and maybe you could think about ways in which you could help to build her self esteem. Just subtle things like telling her you find her beautiful, encouraging her when she is doing things right (as someone else has already said) and maybe buying her something pretty (maybe not latex just yet!) to wear for you on here as a surprise- tell her you saw it and thought she'd look great in it.

    As for the kinky stuff- sounds like you need to do a bit of your own exploration, if you're not sure what you're in to. I recommend trying a few new things on here that catch your eye, reading the foums (perhaps together to help her see that these things don't make you sick and twisted) or maybe buying one of the many books on kink that are available. Education is also key!

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    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
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    Unfortunately, no matter how much you reassure her you don't care about the weight gain, she won't believe you. I was a size 8/10 when I got together with my hubby. And in the first three years I gained a shit load. Went right upto and 18/20. It affected our sex life because I was really ashamed of my body and couldn't stand to see my naked body.
    The reason she is insecure isn't really her worry about what you think of her, it's how she feels about herself. As women, we tend to be far more critical of ourselves than our partners are of us. Which, makes it difficult for us to take compliments from our part ers becahse if something disgusts us about our body we just cannot process the fact some ody else finds that part attractive x

    1427532175
    W41KER [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree totally, about the pvc latex, so I did buy more frilly, lacey teddies and corsets so she was comfortable, with hold up that I put on, but again its me leading and touching her, which I love doing and trust me I've done plenty of fetish testing on myself but I feel I'm not getting any benefit cause I'm not doing it with who I want to do it with, she has even offered to get. Someone in who is trained to satisfy me, but all I want is my. Wife!

    1427532538
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    Is there any way that you can slowly introduce her to it? There are some quite nice "wet look" dresses and things on here, although perhaps if she is worried about her figure these might be a bit skin-tight for her. I can see where she's coming from- I got introduced to a partner's fetish when I had no previous experience of it, and it kind of freaked me out to start with- until he explained his motivations and things very clearly. I then went off and looked into it myself (which I feel was important as it wasn't him pushing it on me), and I mean I did some pretty in-depth research to try and understand it, and once I did and it's effect on him, I found that actually I quite liked it too. So I think you need to be very honest with her and explain your motivation, and that the only one you want to share this with is her. Hope that helps a little bit!

    1427539579
    W41KER [sign in to see picture]
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    Its ironic really, I love the idea of the latex etc, but its difficult to actually do anything and its hot, nothing better than the touch of her skin against mine! As far as I'm concerned size and looks don't matter, confidence and inner beauty, so as this is more. First day, what else happens?

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    luvhuni07 [sign in to see picture]
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    I completely agree with sarahgee it's not what she thinks you think of her it's what she thinks of her self, I'm a size 16 use to be size 10 I felt very insecure after having my child, but now I've learnt to embrace it I find this site has been brill, and I find when having sex if I were sexy clothes that covers my belly which I don't like and uses my assets like my books and legs it makes me so much more confident, my OH finds a big difference in sex when I'm confident because I feel sexy I'm far more willing to do and try different stuff hope this helps as to trying to build ur wife's confidence and she will be maybe be more Willington explore ur side

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    luvhuni07 [sign in to see picture]
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    I completely agree with sarahgee it's not what she thinks you think of her it's what she thinks of her self, I'm a size 16 use to be size 10 I felt very insecure after having my child, but now I've learnt to embrace it I find this site has been brill, and I find when having sex if I were sexy clothes that covers my belly which I don't like and uses my assets like my boobs and legs it makes me so much more confident, my OH finds a big difference in sex when I'm confident because I feel sexy I'm far more willing to do and try different stuff hope this helps as to trying to build ur wife's confidence and she will be maybe be more Willing to explore ur side

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    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    Luvhuni - Can I ask what was it that triggered you to learn to embrace your new body?

    I was always a size 6/8, but after having twins I gained 3st and went up to size 12/14. It really affected my confidence. I could no longer go into a shop and just buy something, always had to try it on because my shape had completely changed. People told me that's what happens after you have children and I just accepted it until I decided to make the change to be more active and 'tone up'. I got back down to a size 8 (yay!) then we decided to have another baby. I'm pregnant at the minute, but I am more determined after the birth to shift the extra baby weight and know I can do it. For me, I love exercising now, it's my time out from being mummy and it gives me my confidence.

    Please don't think I am criticising anyone for being larger, that is most definitely not the case and I sincerely apologise if it comes over that way. All I am saying is people have options - you can either embrace your new size/shape or work your ass off to change it. You can be beautiful and confident either way.

    1427544325
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    innocent-fun wrote:

    Please don't think I am criticising anyone for being larger, that is most definitely not the case and I sincerely apologise if it comes over that way. All I am saying is people have options - you can either embrace your new size/shape or work your ass off to change it. You can be beautiful and confident either way.

    + 1. I totally agree- and I think it isn't necessarily about what size you are- it's confidence that is key. I've lost quite a lot of weight over the last year, and I feel so much happier- because I'm more confident. Like you, exercise is my "time out" from my life. I've recently been away and slipped slightly- and I put on a small amount of weight. I got told I was silly to complain about it as I can still fit into my size 8 jeans, but I can feel the difference- I feel less confident and I don't like it. So as of today I will be literally working my ass off to get back down to where I wanna be.

    A lot of people jump on the bandwagon and assume by writing things like this you are insulting larger people, but I think what you say is spot on- it's ultimately down to confidence and what you yourself are happy with.

    1427545006
    innocent-fun [sign in to see picture]
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    SR36 wrote:

    innocent-fun wrote:

    Please don't think I am criticising anyone for being larger, that is most definitely not the case and I sincerely apologise if it comes over that way. All I am saying is people have options - you can either embrace your new size/shape or work your ass off to change it. You can be beautiful and confident either way.

    + 1. I totally agree- and I think it isn't necessarily about what size you are- it's confidence that is key. I've lost quite a lot of weight over the last year, and I feel so much happier- because I'm more confident. Like you, exercise is my "time out" from my life. I've recently been away and slipped slightly- and I put on a small amount of weight. I got told I was silly to complain about it as I can still fit into my size 8 jeans, but I can feel the difference- I feel less confident and I don't like it. So as of today I will be literally working my ass off to get back down to where I wanna be.

    A lot of people jump on the bandwagon and assume by writing things like this you are insulting larger people, but I think what you say is spot on- it's ultimately down to confidence and what you yourself are happy with.

    Glad you understand where I'm coming. Hopefully people don't think I'm insulting larger people, that was (& is) not my intention.

    1427546889
    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think anyones come across as insulting larger girls here at all. I'm not back to a 8/10 yet, but I'm just glad to be out of the 18/20 because it made me feel too incomfortable, and the clothes I like to wear just didn't look very flattering. I find shape has a lot to do with it. Ive seen some girls at 18/20/22 who have a great shape. Everything in proportion. But when I'm that size, everything looks wrong. My bum looks big flat and square, my boobs sag, my legs stay skinny and it all goes on my belly. But when I am skinnier i look nice and hour glass shaped. Its strange how different sizes look completely different on each person! X

    Anyway, it's all about whatever size feels comfortable for you and makes you confident and happy x

    1427547206
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    Totally agree Sarahgee - I'm pretty short and have an hour-glass figure (which I really like), but when I put weight on it just looks bad and goes to all the wrong places! But I have seen some larger girls that just look fantastically feminine, and like you say, in proportion. Unfortunately when I've been a bit bigger I haven't managed to pull that off!

    Sorry to hijack the thread a bit WA1ker- as you can see, these issues are fairly common!

    1427715481
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry to be a late comer. Communication is the key as the other have said.

    I will give you an example ( my wife will kill me if she sees this) .

    When we first started to get more adventurous I wanted to go down on her and giver her good oral . She kept pulling me back up as clearly she wasn't confident/relaxed enough. I kept saying to her "you are beautiful down there and you scent is very sweet. "I just wanted to taste you" .When I went down on her again shew was far more relaxed and told her that she tastes very sweet and after gently rubbing some LH strawberry lube I said she tasted like "strawberries and cream." . She now really enjoys me going down on her . That is a result of just comminication .

    Having spoken openly to each other about our preserences etc. It appears her reservations were that she thought she smelled down there which clearly wasn't the case.

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