• Unattractive and... even more unattractive - which option would you find more "acceptable"?

    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Briona,

    I agree with everyone else- I think the most important thing is to work on your self-esteem and confidence. I would say forget about men and focus on yourself for a while.

    As for surgery- that's completely your choice. If you feel it will make you happier then I say go for it. If you're doing it for anyone other than yourself, then you should seriously consider why that is.

    And I know it's hard but when you talk about yourself you're so harsh- this should stop! You've lost more than 100 ibs and you sound very athletic- that's amazing! You should be proud of yourself and who you are.

    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Surgery is never 100% safe. There are all sorts of risk, from minor things like excessive/abnormal scarring, infections that can range anywhere from minor to life threatening, to potential fatality mid operation.

    At the end of the day, looks don't last, personality is what is really important. You have always seemed incredibly lovely and i have no doubt would make someone incredibly lucky to be with.

    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    SR36 wrote:

    Hi Briona,

    I agree with everyone else- I think the most important thing is to work on your self-esteem and confidence. I would say forget about men and focus on yourself for a while.

    As for surgery- that's completely your choice. If you feel it will make you happier then I say go for it. If you're doing it for anyone other than yourself, then you should seriously consider why that is.

    And I know it's hard but when you talk about yourself you're so harsh- this should stop! You've lost more than 100 ibs and you sound very athletic- that's amazing! You should be proud of yourself and who you are.


    People on here are so kind and none judgemental and have given you so much fantastic advice.

    Whatever you decide to do I wish you every success - you really do deserve to be happy xx

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    Capricorn and Lollipop: Thanks, but I suppose that the praise should go to a simple M&S push-up bra, lol ;-)

    Jenson: Yeah, I think surgery is a last resort matter, too (one I am scared of, as I have already said). I have been trying for many long years, though, and nothing else seems to be working. When it comes to body acceptance, I suppose that I am never going to do well in that; I think that absolutely every young(ish) woman looks much better than I do... *sighs*

    Blueeyes: I am a bit afraid that this cannot be done (unless someone finds a way to stretch a day to 30 hours); I do 3 hours of biking/stationary biking (when I have loads of work to do, I put a laptop on a shelf in front of me and carry on turning the pedals) every day (I mean EVERY day, save for a few days a year when I was on antibiotics and another few when I suffered a injury), 20km on a cross training machine 3 times a week (or running when weather permits), 30 minutes of weight training/cable machine 3 times a week and walk 15,000+ steps a day (whatever the weather). However stupid that may be when you are a woman, I am one of those people who are more likely to put on muscle (not in the sculpted body-building way, obviously - I would not even want to do that) than lose fat of certain troubled ideas. I have a low(ish) blood pressure and the resting heart rate of 46-48 bpm. And noone has found me to have any metabolic issues, it is just bloody unfair. Had I never been morbidly obese, I would most likely look like an athletic girl who does both biking and javelin throw or something.

    I had been about 30 pounds lighter at one point a few years back (I hardly ate anything) but I still had thick thighs and loads of saggy skin. And erm, I lost my periods, did not have them for almost a year. Even though I weighed in at about 160lbs while being just 5'6 1/2" (borderline overwweight), I had the body fat percentage of about 15% (EVERYTHING stayed in my things) while being too skinny anywhere else and I was told to put weight on. Naturally, I got depressed and overshot it, went to 230 again and I have been trying to shed bits of weight while staying very active and eating healthy ever since. Trust me, it is as frustrating as can be.

    HappilyExperimenting: Thanks, you are really sweet.

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    SR 36: Thanks, it is tough to do so, though. And it is hardly getting any easier, seeing everyone I know who is roughly my age is in a relationship, getting married, or starting a family. And kids who are in their mid-teens try to lecture me on relationships, emphasizing that they are the experienced ones while I am the baby. *sighs*

    VirginAngel: I know that full well. Frankly, dying mid-surgery wouldn't be too dreadful, and, after all, there are probably only three people in the whole wide world who would really miss me... (Kind of sad, isn't it? But I am simply one of those people who are only needed when someone needs this or that bit of information - it makes me feel like a bloody dictionary that you simply put back on the shelf when you don't need it.) The infections can be tricky, though, we are pretty sure that it was the surgeries that brough on my dad's recurring erysipel, and that is definitely nothing pleasant.

    I suppose it would be easier for to learn being happy while alone and partnerless, there are, after all, people who really don't want a relationship (for example, my grandmother was an asexual who did not even crave any form of companionship - she got married because it was expected of her, got pregnant, separated from her husband, got a divorce and after all that, never wanted anyone, preferring to spend her evenings reading her pupils' grammar and history tests over and over again). But the awful thing is that I seem to be one of those people who are profoundly unhappy when they don't have anyone to share their lives with, to share experiences, hopes for the future, and at least the slightest bit of intimacy... Seeing that I am always rejected because of my figure and appearance ("if you weighed xy pounds less...", "just realise you don't look good enough...", "you may be nice and intelligent but sorry, I am not into fat girls...."), I do naturally try to find a way to change these - I would do absolutely anything to do so; nothing I have already tried seems to be working...

    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you been to a gym? You sound incredibly fit and muscular and im wondering whether maybe you are doing the "wrong" kind of excersise? I havent been to a gym in years but when i did my induction we picked what was important to us, i think i picked toning, cardiac workout and something else (i was at the time at the lower end of the fat % and middle of the perfect bmi) so they tailored workouts specifically for that whereas others who wanted to build muscle, body build or lose weight had a complete different workout schedule.

    I did have someone tell me recently that my bike workout wasnt doing much because i would just sit on the excersise bike and mindlessly pedal while watching tv. Its only since ive started doing hiit that i can feel the difference!

    i think though thag reading through this thread you are pretty much mind made up that you want surgery and i think if thats the case then we would all support you and offer what advice we can. Do your research and get a few opinions first about what you can realistically expect and then see if that would be enough to satisfy you. It would be awful if you went under expecting one thing that turned out to be unrealistic or didnt compliment the rest of your body.

    Btw who are these people who have told you that you would look lovely if you lost x amount of weight? I honestly cant think of anyone decent who would think thats an appropriate thing to say to someone!

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    JM88> Actually, I really don't know, my mind has hardly been made up (actually, when I consider each and every potential gain/trouble - I keep on changing my mind all the time). I have also been considering some of those newfangled non-invasive methods ( that supposedly tighten the skin a bit - obviously, I would still have some of the skin sag but if (and it is a bit "if") they worked, it might make me look at least slightly better...

    I have been to the gym and have consulted a sports and orthopedics doctor who thought my excercise was pretty good for me - the only thing everyone suggests is that I add, erm, swimming to my routine. The last time I went to the pool (some years ago) I got called a "beached whale" (and some other names I wouldn't even like to translate) by some guys and I admit I have been avoiding all the places that involve swimming costumes ever since. Guess I am a bit of a coward in that respect.

    Who are those people? Some people I have known for a long time and loads of people on various dating sites. I am not happy with the fact people act like that and I definitely don't think it is right to say stuff like that to anyone - but I can hardly change the minds of people who think this is okay...

    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ah yeah i see your point about swimming! Im not a big fan either. Have you considered looking into swimming where they do classes or women only? I avoid the pool at weekends because its full of kids and teenagers messing about, but during the week they have set times for serious swimmers of all ages and abilities who just want to swim for excersise without interuptions. Something like that might be good?

    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't ever let ANYBODY make you feel like crap about your body. Those who do are completely shallow and not worth your time. If somebody doesn't find you attractive or bice versa, there are tactful and much nicer ways of saying you are not interested than calling out on exactly what parts you think are flawed. People are so rude.

    Congratulations on losig 100lbs! I totally understand it os not easy. When I was pregnant 10 uears ago I made the horrific mistake of thinking 'I can eat whateer I like, I'm going to gain weight anyway I'm pregnant'. Massive mistake. I got massive everywhere, not just my bump. Then after having my daughter I just kept gaining because I was depressed about my size I sort of thought ah well its too late now. But when she was two I finally had enough and managed to shift 9stone in 6months. I did this in a very unhealthy way though, I stopped eating and only drank coffee. Probably about 11 cups a day each with four sugars. So all my energy was entirely from caffiene and the sugars in my coffee. The odd lucozade too. 8 hours a day of shaun t's hip hop abs thrown in too. I only managed tht because i made it into a fun game with my daughter where she thought We were jist having fun dancing. Lol.

    Anyway, the point i'm trying to get to .. You should really try the hip hop abs and up your time. Maybe not as extreme as 8 hours but even an extra hour a day ontop of your three.
    I managed to escape the loose skin and i am convinced it was that work out thag did it for me. I have gained a couple stone back , but I had to cause I got too thin.

    Try it but instead of making my horrific nutrtition mistake, just eat nice healthy foods. Nothing processed and eat clean.drink plenty of water , it helps restore your skins elasticity. Drink more than the recommended daily intake if you are excersising as much as you are Xx

    BrumGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    Briona87 I also think you have a lot going for you, capricorn13 and Lolipop ;) that neck jawline and sensual lip line. Who wouldn't want to nibble them.

    100 pound weight loss! well done you.

    Just think about that for a while, It's like carrying two sacks of potatoes aroung for years!! How many sportsmen could do that without putting on some muscle mass on the thighs and calfs. This will shrink over time and I dont mean a few weeks it probably took years to develope this mass and will take time. The same with your excess skin, it will shrink.

    I think yoga to tone your core and sort your posture it'll also tone your butt.

    I think you need to engage with some more mature friends.

    wish you well. x

    HornyGeekGirl [sign in to see picture]
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    First of all congrats on the fat loss you've done fantastically. Secondly, you are obviously doing things right as far as fitness goes, I think three hours a day is a little excessive (unless you're a professional athlete) but as long as you're happy and healthy with it that's great, just please don't increase that any more.

    No amount of exercise will reduce or get rid of the excess skin, and target exercises don't really work. As for your thighs I am one of those people that has chunky thighs, even when I am a size 12 my thighs are chunky, but you know what it just means I have strong legs that support me.

    If the skin is really upsetting you and making you unhappy I say go for the surgery, it's pretty much the only way to get rid of it at this stage, but make sure you are doing it for YOU. Not for some potential guy, not for the skinny girls who make comments, but for YOU. You are the only person whose opinion matters here.

    And whatever you decide, please learn to love yourself a little better. You sound like a very smart, caring and considerate person, who deserves to be loved for who she is, especially by you.

    *sending hugs and strength your way* xx

    The_Cuboner [sign in to see picture]
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    As someone who didn't get their first kiss until last year (I'm 20 now) I know how awful it can make you feel. I'm not attractive and am probably slightly below average but what harmed me most is my lack of confidence. It was sort of a self-perpetuating cycle. The most important thing now is that you do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. This might be surgery but I would suggest maybe some therapy first and definitely do a lot of research before you plunge in. However, do not under any circumstances get surgery purely because you think it will improve other people's opinions of you. Firstly, if the people saying these awful things to you are people you know then you definitely need some better friends. Secondly, do you really want to date someone who wouldn't date you the way you look now but would if all you changed was your appearance?

    Right now you need to focus on getting your self-esteem up and realising that actually, you have a lot of wonderful qualities to offer someone as a romantic partner. I never received any male attention until after my first kiss and after that, because of the confidence boost it gave me, I got asked out by two other guys in a very short space of time. Now I get flirted with a fair bit (not as much as other people but far more than I did) and I honestly believe it's because I stopped hating the way I look and realised that personality is far more important. I don't know you but given what other people have said, you seem to be a lovely person so you need to give yourself some credit. You deserve a romantic partner who loves you, not someone who judges you based on how you look. It will happen I promise. Having said that, if you feel you won't be happy until you have the surgery then do it. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    JM88> I have looked into this but the only women only thing I have discovered (at any pool in my hometown/in Prague I could easily reach) was swimming for older ladies - and something tells me I would not be allowed in... *Wonders which activity would be the best substitute for swimming*

    Sarah> Thanks, I will try to find some more time, even though this is not going to be easy (think 3 hours of biking (sometimes more, particularly on weekends) PLUS 2 hours of walking PLUS either 1 1/2 hour of running/cross training machine, or 1/2 of weight training; that means roughly 6 hours a day already).

    BrumGuy> Thanks, though I think you are being more kind than I deserve ;-) And I will definitely consider yoga.

    HornyGeekGirl> Thanks for the hugs!

    TheCuboner> That is a difficult question; I guess that I have assumed some of the guys who have said they would find me attractive if I were thinner are not THAT unkind or shallow, but forced to act like that because of the pressure society puts on them ("you just have to have a slim girlfriend", else all your colleagues and acquaintances put you down).

    ShinySparkle> Your OH is apparently a great guy, sadly enough for me, such men are very difficult to find. On some level, I know I am being a bit silly with being ashamed of the way I look, but each and every time I hear a nasty comment, my confidence goes back to zero... Huge thanks for the kind words!

    The_Cuboner [sign in to see picture]
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    Anyone who says 'I'd be with you if you were thinner' is definitely not worth your time. I wouldn't even speak to someone again who said that to me! Simply put, they're saying you're not good enough the way you are which is ridiculous. Personal tastes are another matter but if the only thing holding them back is your appearance then they're putting way too much weight on it (no pun intended). What happens if you get thinner, you start dating and then you decide to change something about the way you look? Are they not going to love you anymore with a different haircut? No because that's ridiculous. Just like it's ridiculous that they would like you at one weight but not another. It's difficult because I get that they can't help what they're attracted to but at the same time, they're either attracted to your personality or not. If they are, your weight should not matter that much.

    Do me a favour-next time someone says something like that to you, ask them why. If it because they're scared what their friends will think then they need to man up and make their own decisions. Again, someone who puts their friends' concerns above their own is not someone you want to date. You deserve someone more mature than that

    Curly Wurly [sign in to see picture]
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    Holy moly, round of applause on the weight loss!

    And your fitness regimen sounds daunting... (I cycle to and from work, go to dance and yoga classes and go rock climbing)

    If you think the surgery will make you happier, then go for it. You have to remember though that the grass might not be so green on that side. I can't tell you what I would do in your position, as I can't imagine how I would feel. Sure I have bits of my body I don't like but I've accepted them and now I don't think about them anymore.

    Good luck with your decision whichever way it turns out.

    macspants [sign in to see picture]
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    I will second that... Photo looks great. I am not going to add any more a lot of folks have done that in a far better way than I could ever manage.

    I do however have a question. I noticed that you are from Prague, is the guy from the KGB museum a loony?

    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Briona...massive grats on the weight loss!!! Do NOT be disheartened.
    Muscle weighs more than body fat..so someone that has say been muscle building would be classed as " overweight" when in fact they are a peak athleticism.. And have v little fat!

    It sounds like you have a punishing regime...but it could simply be they need tweaking. Cycling tend to put on bulk on the legs.. Espec the thighs... Maybe a switch out to a different activity is needed.
    You mention you don't swim....DO!!! Get an app called zero to a mile in 6 weeks....which breaks laps into easy to count chunks...in small amounts and build up from 700m to the mile.( I ended up still doing a mile from the start.. Just tacked the extra on the end of the allotted pattern)
    When you are in the water...ppl don't really see your size...cause you are in the water!..
    If you are embarrassed..you could always get one of those swim suits that are like a top and leggings... Or simply wear a towel to the poolside.
    Swimming does wonders for toning and overall up and .wellbeing. You also could try hiking.I found pounds would drop off and I slimed down with doing a good bout of hill hiking.get a nice steep hill and work it into a get fit pattern to ring the changes.
    It could be that you are currently stopped...simply because your body is too used to the things you are doing to exercise.
    And take it from me....work those bits you are proud of in sexy outfits and don't worry about the rest.I have in my opinion, a v saggy tum... After loosing loads of weight..and need more still...but I love my bum and boobs...and I am getting a waist again!.., I swim, hike, do the gym, bike and kayak.. My tum will look better again I know that...and my skin might take a bit of time to bounce back.

    BTW..rub bio oil into the bits you want firming up...it helps with improving the elacictiy of your skin, and firm it up..
    Keep up your fab work..
    PS. Taking sexy photos for avatars here did masses for my confidence....I highly recommend trying that as well...you feel great when you feel happier that others see you as sexy..your current avatar looks fab ...experiment.. And put it out there.

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