• Unattractive and... even more unattractive - which option would you find more "acceptable"?

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    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    To put the long story short - I have lost more than 100lbs. I look quite "normal", even athletic between my shoulders and upper belly (I do perhaps have a little bit of loose skin on my upper arms but it really is a minor matter), I have very toned calves and even slightly toned outer thighs. My weight loss has, however, left me with a) a fairly annoying disproportion (thick thighs - whatever I do, I cannot loose much weight in the inner thighs) and b) loose skin with a little bit of "leftover" fat (my lower belly and inner thighs).

    I am really ashamed of these issues - and this always gets much worse still during warmer months of the year when most people wear less clothes (and seeing I don't want to be laughed at - which happens anyway from time to time - I always try to cover those less than pretty bits of my body and I would never, ever go to the beach or the pool). Moreover, I have been trying to find someone who would actually date me (I have been trying for a decade with no success whatsoever) - funnily enough, I have a relatively pretty face and hair but this is actually a rather unfortunate thing for me; most guys think that such face has to go with an attractive body. At present, I am size 14-16 but I have a relatively large body frame - if I had not been morbidly obese and had not wrecked my skin and develop dreadful inner thighs, I would look quite okay, I guess. Sometimes I get told that if I lost a bit of weight in the thigh area, I would look great. When I reply that I have already shed 100+ pounds and that I simply cannot do much more, I am usually told something like "meh, that means you must have effing ugly saggy skin, yuck, get stuffed, lazy fatso". Not great for my confidence and kind of sad. And particularly annoying to hear when you are a person who does at least 3 hours of vigorous excercise a day, can bike 100+ km or run a half marathon without getting particularly exhausted.

    The question is - should I stay the way I am and... erm... hope? (Not easy for a never-been-kissed girl who is nearly 28.) If I am honest with myself, I do have ugly saggy skin... Or should I brave a plastic surgery (tummy tuck and thigh lift)? What would you find less... unappealing? Saggy skin, or several large and long surgery scars (I should mention I am very pale which means that these are bound to stay very visible)? I would value any opionions - and I think this forum is an ideal place to get some. Thanks in advance, folks.

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    Those of us who follow the forum regularly know you to be a sweet and friendly young woman, and your increasingly desperate posts about your personal life are at odds with your general demeanour.
    I think you need to learn yourself, then the fondness of others will follow.
    It also sounds to me like you need to start mixing with gentlemen and not boys - people who will see the intellect wit and compassion regardless of what package it comes in.
    btw -100lbs 👍

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    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't stand the thought of surgery! I would just try and be proud of what you've already accomplished and try (I know it's hard) not to worry about the loose skin. I don't know, but shouldn't this tighten over time anyway? I am lucky that people normally think I'm pretty, but I have had people comment on my bum being too big, my eyebrows needing plucking, and my nose being too shiny among other things...there will always be people who feel the need to find something wrong with how you look and then tell you it. They are just rude and insecure themselves. I know it's not as simple as just forgetting about it and wish I had better advice for you, but I don't think you should get surgery x

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    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
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    Sum Sub wrote:

    Those of us who follow the forum regularly know you to be a sweet and friendly young woman, and your increasingly desperate posts about your personal life are at odds with your general demeanour.
    I think you need to learn yourself, then the fondness of others will follow.
    It also sounds to me like you need to start mixing with gentlemen and not boys - people who will see the intellect wit and compassion regardless of what package it comes in.
    btw -100lbs 👍

    +1 you are a lovely person and deserve someone who doesn't care about such things!
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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Honestly I think you need to love yourself for who you are and what you look like, If you love yourself and have confidence in yourself that portrays.

    I mean, are you wanting to lose the skin for yourself, or for your potential mate? As any potential mate if they have a problem with it just isn't worth it. I'm a huge beliver in 'what's inside that counts, and not what's on the outside'

    Also a huge congratulations on your weight loss, that's amazing! Well done! Don't let anyone make you feel any less than you deserve.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's a really difficult dilemma, on the whole people tend to attack when they feel they have the ability too, which makes me think your lack of self-esteem makes them think it's okay to judge you harshly. I think we have all been in this situation at some point. Once we love ourselves and refuse to let others get us down, it becomes a lot harder for idiots to do so, and we also start attracting a better quality of people.

    I'm not against surgery though, but I do think the only reason you should get it is for yourself, if it would make you feel better and happier in yourself.

    Personally if i was into someone I wouldn't have an either/or preference for the saggy skin or the scars. All I would care about was their happiness.

    I really do wish you the best of luck, as SumSub said you are sweet and friendly and you really do deserve every happiness x

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    Damnit I missed a word!!

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    [suspended user]

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    Hello :)

    Like others have said I really think you need to just learn to love yourself hun, I agree with SS you need to start talking to real men and not silly little boys.

    I also wanted to add I'm hugely against any sort of surgery for cosmetic reasons, so that's a big no no for me personally.

    Also we all have parts of our body that we don't like and they can make us feel very bad and down, I know my stretch marks have in the past. But you just have to learn to be comfortable in the skin your in.

    Good luck sweetie!

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I totally agree with all the above posts. You come cross as such a lovely, genuine person and you really do deserve to be with someone who loves you for you. Congratulations on loosing 100 lbs, I know that can't of been easy and you should really be proud of yourself! As for the surgery, it all depends on if you are doing it for yourself or if you are doing it for other people.

    I have had surgery recenty for a serious health issue and like you have pale skin, so I was very self-conscious about the scar. Luckily, Mr Scorpius loves me for me, and told me that when he looks at me he just sees my bravery badge. I know it's not quite the same, but what I'm trying to say is that when you find the right person who loves you for you, then any body issues will become invisible to them xxx

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    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, well done for losing the 100lb. I would echo everyone else, to learn to accept the way you are. Surgery comes with all sorts of risks, including the healing. xx

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am completely at a loss to understand why the people in your home area seem incapable of seeing the person inside. You come across as incredibly bright, articulate and funny and your command of written English is better than many native speakers. You have clearly worked exceptionally hard to shed the weight and achieve a level of fitness most of us would envy. What kind of idiots are they not to see how much you

    have to offer?

    Someone who really cares for you won't mind scars or a bit of excess skin so whatever you decide do it for yourself, whatever you feel will build your confidence. That seems to be the issue.

    Good luck with whatever you decide x

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    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with the others. I think one of the often neglected downsides of plastic surgery is the addictiveness of a quick fix. If you solve all your problem areas you will soon start finding more! Like how you mentioned your arms not being much of an issue, but if you changed your belly then you might feel the need to change your arms. Then you might think something else needs changing and so it goes on.

    there was a good show on 4od, hosted by katie piper meeting people who regret body modifications and try and put others off so they dont find out the hard way. One man on there was 24 and had spent over 100k on multiple procedures (something like 5 nose jobs included in that) and he only wanted a tummy tuck and lipo! He just go so addicted that now hes always having surgeries because hes convinced certain parts of his body are letting him down.

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    lustyjoy [sign in to see picture]
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    My friend lost a simolar amount of weight from size 28 to a 10 before averaging at 14... so stay as u r no more weight loss.

    She choose to maintain her weight for 2yrs and the nhs do surgery at no charge otherwise she said it would have cost her heaps im mean about £25000.
    Shes has surgery as has never looked back and still looks fab today 3 yrs later after surgery. It was such a personal thing for her after the effort to lose the weight she felt she didnt look her best. Its all down to personal choice. .... she was very bruised and sore and not up for a girls night for about 3/4 months so life goes on hold.

    Just make sure when u make a decision its your decision not for someone else. .. if your happy with whatever choice you make then you should have no regrets... if it is the knife nhs not private. .. if u are happy as u r embrace your new figure and enjoy. Xxxxxxxxxxx she based her choice on society to conform which is wrong but I totally understand., her otherhalf supported her regardless scars or no scars it wasn't about that it was about her confidence and happiness. Xxxxxx

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    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    First of all, thanks to all of you who have replied.

    Yeah, I know the risks of surgeries (having seen my dad going through several, ranging from "re-assembling" of his leg to skin transplant, after his infamous motorbike accident) but I admit that even though I am scared to death of any major medical procedure, I have been seriously considering them. I don't think I could ever get addicted to body modifications, though - reason 1 being I really NEED (sorry for the shouty capitals but I just want to emphasize it) to hop about and excercise, otherwise I go mental (and you always have to rest for a good bit after any surgery), reason 2 being that few people shake with fright each and every time they see their dentist (I get scared even when I meet him in the local Tesco, lol)... And I swear I would never want a nose job or a lip job, let alone five of them, seeing I am absolutely comfortable with those bits of myself ;-)

    I have been trying (for years) to put on some muscle and to tighten the skin through non-surgical means - but it is ever so frustrating to feel that despite years of running, biking, weight-lifting and whatever your belly slips over the waistband of your knickers... you just feel it is so bloody unfair - particularly when you know loads of slim people whose level of physical activity is a mere fraction of what you do.

    And when some women you know start chatting and talking about stuff like "those guys at the pool said I had the best looking flat tummy they have ever seen" I just want to sit down and cry...

    On a different note - the bizzare thing is that I am thought to be good-looking by older people, particularly older ladies who would be absolutely happy to see me as their (grand)sons partner; but the actual young(ish) men always (!) go for slim girls, thinking me as unattractive as could be. *sighs*

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    Classy-L [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Briona87

    lI would like to say a huge congratulations on loosing your weight . I myself have also lost 8 stone . I'm a size 16 to 18 ... I've always been over weight from the age of 26 ..l I'm now 51

    I do understand where you are coming from. I have not been able to loose anymore weight in the last year... I'm 5 11 and weight in 13.6 to 14 and have done for the last year . I am giving myself another six months and if I cannot loose any more then I am calling it target and will have to learn to love my body ...

    i was very lucky and was able to have surgery ..... It was not done through NHS ... Nowadays you have to have a medical reason .

    friends were always trying to put me off .. I wanted the surgery for me ... No one else !!! Not even a fella !!!

    i didn't like my body ... I still don't like my body

    But if you decide to have the surgery you need to be 100% ... The scar is big but a year down the line mine is slowly fading ... A normal tummy tuck does not take long to heal and your not in to much pain ... Though the first two weeks for me was a KILLER. ... Thank god for my friends ...I live on my own ... There were there for me .

    i also had my stomach muscles tightened ... Now that did hurt when healing :(

    They took 5lb of skin away ... So yes my tummy is flatter ... But I'm still no slim Jim ... I am big boned ... I could still do with loosing another 2 stone ... I still feel fat !!!

    I still sit down and have thows extra tyres ...

    Only you can decided on what you want to do ... And if a man cannot accept who you are then he's not worth it ... And as for thoughs who laugh ... Your better than them !!!

    Sounds realy silly ... But I sometimes have an all over spray tan if I'm not feeling confident with my body ..l it just gives me that boost :)

    what I also found helped me was having a boudoir photo shoot ... Had this done befor the tummy tuck ... Now I love dressing up ... Just need to get some pennies together to buy from LH .

    i was told that when a person looses a vast amount off weight it can take at least 2 years for them to accept there body ... How true this is I don't know ... Will let you know in another year lol

    good luck on what ever path you choose to take ... And just remember you are who you are a loving caring person and your knight in shinning armour will turn up when you least expect it xxx

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Briona,

    Firstly you have achieved something amazing by having a goal and sticking to it - so well done.

    In terms of surgery etc - I cant comment but for me it would be last resort. I recently had to have surgery on my eye lid and have to go back for another round of surgery to remove some swelling and just doing that scares the life out of me.

    However in terms of body acceptance, just keep in mind who you are doing this for - you or to make others happy?

    You mentioned Summer is the worst time where people tend to wear less clothing etc and how you would never ever go to a beach or pool. This is the saddest part to read and this may sound like totally outrageous but my advic, based on my very own experiences, is to go to a naturist club and enjoy the pool. Or go abroad on holiday to a genuine naturist resort and enjoy the pool and beach.

    When you are around genuiine naturist, you see people of all shapes and sizes and colours, people with bits chopped off and body scars from accidents and surgery and whatever, and really it all pales into insignificance.

    I seriously recommend looking into this. If you wan to know more then find me on Twitter (see my profile page) and I can point you in the right direction.

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Briona, if that is you in your new avatar then you have a cleavage to die for. It is a gorgeous pic, very sensuous.

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    I agree Capricorn and lovely lip shape.

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    HappilyExperimenting [sign in to see picture]
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    First off well done for losing 100lbs and having so much dedication to keeping fit and healthy! I wish I had half the motivation that you do!

    My heart goes out to you Briona, I thought I would never find love either and at 21 and never been kissed properly I thought I would be alone forever :( I've since met a really nice, funny guy who makes my heart melt and I really love spending time with him too. The thing is I wasn't even looking!

    Have you ever watched some of the body confidence videos on youtube - loeylane is a particularly good youtuber who helped me find inner confidence on her video "Body Confidence and Being Fat". She is a plus-size woman who promotes body confidence no matter what your size, weight, appearance and she really helped me love myself after a while when i watched a couple of her videos.
    You need to start loving you for you. Everytime you think of something you don't like about yourself, replace it with a positive thought. For example, I hate my wobbly flabby tummy but I have good waist definition. My boobs are saggyish already but they are big and I like my nipples. Lol you see?

    It sounds silly but it isn't, really, honestly. Gok Wan's mantra "fake it till you make it" is also a lifesaver for me, I was never confident in anything but since I've started wearing different things I've felt so much better in myself. I've gone from "I can't wear that!" To "Yes I can wear skinny jeans even though I'm a size 16 - they make my bum look good even if it is big! Try to have more confidence in yourself and ignore the haters who may be put off by flabby skin. If they let it bother them they're not worth it!

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    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    up the exercise, cardio, cross training machines, rowing machine. That will help with the leg and tum issue.

    As others have said, learn to love yourself and then others will love you.

    you seem like a genuine lovely lady x

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