• Sex and disability

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    sarahincos [sign in to see picture]
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    SO! Seeing as the last post I found on this was from 2013, I think it's about time that someone started a new one.

    So, who out there is in a relationship with someone who is disabled? I hate using that term, but broadly speaking, I'm using it to classify anyone who has a physical problem that interferes somehow in their daily life and sex life. In my situation, I am a 28 year old American girl, considered BBW, not disabled but I am married to a 29 year old (hot! lol) British guy who has cerebral palsy (among other things, but that's the primary one that impacts our sex life).

    We have figured out ways of getting around the lower muscle tone (specifically, we're restricted to girl on top for penetrative sex), and we've found general and relative fulfillment with oral (me giving, even though he would LOVE to) and toy play (me receiving). However, as with most girls, I have trouble with the girl on top position. Every girl who's done it knows the *pain* associated with 20 minutes of that position, and that on top of the fact that Hubs can't help lift or thrust. I've also really knackered my knees this past year (I'm sure due in no small part to the uptick in my sex life, YAY...oh, wait...lol).

    So I'm here, at your mercy! Help us fuck better! What have you guys tried or sex aides/equipment (such a technical term!) have you found? Leave your ideas below and hopefully we can help grow and expand this into a more widely recognized and accepted area of sexuality!

    , Sarah

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Sarah, I haven't tried this product myself, but I have heard great things about this position enhancer, which may be useful to you :) x

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30776

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    fantasia fairy [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe try a sex swing? Then you can swing into it? ill have a look for you! but position enhacers would be good too :)

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    fantasia fairy [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe a sex swing you can tie above your head? Then you can hold yourself up on it? It wil take the pressure off of your legs and tone your arms at the same time so its a bonus!

    I did try to copy and paste you a link but its not working :S they are however on the lovehoney site, there are two that i saw on the bondage page under sex machines

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    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    how about a vibrating cock cage/sleeve for him?

    1425545916
    B-B [sign in to see picture]
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    I myself am disabled with a nerve disesase and am currently healing from a spinal cord surgery 6 weeks ago. The postion seat booster mention above really helps. We have used it many times! We also have a sex swing and wedges. Another good one for me is when Mr. B lays on top of me and penetrates me then doesn't move. I move my hips and gring and thrust below him. It is one of my favorites.

    Also, there is a new male masterbation toy out. He wears it and it vibrates around his cock and the female can sit on that and it has vibrations for her as well. It actually looks quite fun.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi. I too suffer from a fairly rare condition that can affect our sex life but it is kept under control most of the time by high doses of drugs. I have lots of different symptoms but the 2 that cause issues with sex are lower back pain and mouth and gential ulcers.

    I can't really offer any advice as such, and the suggestions offered on here look as though they could be really helpful. . . . .but just wanted you to know that you have my sympathies and you're not alone.

    I also think it's admirable that you and your husband have such a positive outlook and are looking for ways to improve your sex life - really hope you find something that can help xx

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    Petrichor [sign in to see picture]
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    While sex swings etc that are designed for the purpose will obviously be better, being able to use my arms to help is really useful when I'm on top. Best position for me is he is sitting up and leaning against something (my favourite was a ladder) that I can hold onto a pull myself up with. Something like the back of a sofa or a high hedboard is also good, even if not as much.

    I kind of have a slight fantasy of having wrist restraints hanging from the ceiling that I can use.

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    You might find this book helpful

    http://corysilverberg.com/ultimate-guide-to-sex-and-disability/

    also, some sex educators / coaches can help individuals with disabilities when it comes to finding comfortable positions, excitiment, and more. I've worked with a few people before regarding different conditions, as well as a few sex toy companies. I think really the best thing is imagination when it comes to products, although sadly LH are limited on position aids, but then again you can find many in places like argos which are designed for exercise etc, and as they aren't advertised as sex aids they end up cheaper. I too agree that the word disability is a bit negative seeming as so many people lak understanding on what a disability is, although I like to tell my clients that most people will suffer from some health condition within their lifetime that may effect their sex life, and that often actually helps in one way or another.

    I can't really give many suggestions here really, but you may find a triangle pillow wedge will help when you're ontop by raising your partners bum up a bit, making it slightly more comfortable to thrust etc (sometimes a little added hieght can really help), if you want help with thrusting you could add handle straps to the side of the pillow, to grab and lift your partner up and down a bit when your legs are tired. Really it's a £10 project, if you get a pillow from argos in the maternity section, unlike the sex possition wedges with are a lot more! (the pillow is cheaper when purchased in a V-pillow set).

    1425582380
    sarahincos [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi again everyone!

    For those of you that have mentioned the position seat booster (which LH oddly calls the bondage chair, lol)...How awkward is it to use? I look at that and think that it wouldn't do very much, or if he happens to slip out (which, my gosh, happens WAY more than I'd like--advice on helping that is appreciated as well!) it causes more frustration than it's worth to try and slip him back in. I think a big part of the psychology (on my part) is that I'm so aware of *trying not to hurt him* that I'm hyper focused on it. He has scoliosis as well so I'm aware that the pressure from me bouncing up and down isn't the most pleasant thing, but he's said it's a give and take sort of thing as far as pleasure/pain goes on his part.

    I've looked at liberator wedges (expensive much!), and I'd love to try raising his hips more using one, but he finds an upright sitting position most convienient (which isn't always the best for having girl on top sex and can make for some awkward angles, lol). Another thought I've had is a nice, comfy, armless chair that isn't so wide that it can't be comfortably straddled. Seeing as we have nurses coming around during every week and no prior hoist installed above the bed, I'm thinking a swing might be really obvious. I'm not wanting to entirely display our sex life to everyone all the time, lol!

    Oh, and as I've just thought of it, I've seen hanging chairs (the one I seem to remember was from ikea) which might be a good secondary idea to the sex swing. Does anyone have any real experience using a sex swing, anyway? How easy/difficult are they to put up/take down? I think it would be nice if one day we could have one where I could sit in it across from him on a chair or something and he could pull/push me. How useful are they for other positions other than missionary?

    The last thing I've looked into is the incredibly expensive Intimate Rider. It's basically a glorified armless glider rocker and glider footstool/bench combo. The only thing tha treally bothers me about it is that it doesn't look height adjustable, and Hubs really needs something average chair height.

    LadyNess: I'll definitely look into that book. I would love to get in touch with a legit sex therapist, but I'm quite unsure how. I would love to work with companies to help them come up with sex toy and sex aid equipment ideas. It's such an underdeveloped area and it's a shame!

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    sarahincos [sign in to see picture]
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    Just bumping this back up to see if anyone else has anything more to say! :)

    I've just ordered the position enhancer chair, and totally excited to try! I hope it isn't too difficult to assemble as it'll just be myself to do it. I also hope it's pretty discreetly packaged!

    , Sarah

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    MrPink [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the thing is to be absolutely open with each other; be prepared to try things several times before you decide they don't work (first time with any sex toy always feels really strange to me); use whatever you think of regardless of whether it's labelled as a sex aid; and enjoy the journey, failures and all.

    I guess sometimes you'll do things that work so badly you'll end up on the floor in gales of laughter and other times you'll suddenly get into a new postion or accessory that really rings all your collective bells. If you can share all that, I expect you'll get what you need in the end (And hafe a few bizarre stories you could tell if only ...).

    Best of luck - I"ve been unable to perform normally for a while, but just because it isn't up, doesn't mean I'm down!

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    girlalive [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm disabled myself. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which causes pain, fragile skin and frequent joint dislocations. Sex is a challenge. My husband is always afraid of hurting me, and I always want to push myself more than I really should.

    I agree with what MrPink said. Just keep trying new things. There will be more failures than successes sometimes, but just try to have fun and view the "failures" more as learning experiences.

    I'm having to re-frame my ideas of what counts as "sex" somewhat. Before my symptoms got bad I always wanted penetrative sex and to be honest, that's still pretty much my favorite. But that has become very difficult, so I'm learning to be happy with oral and masturbating each other and other stuff.

    We've bought books and we're trying to save up for one of those position enhancer chairs. The most important thing has been just talking and communicating about what we want and what works for us.

    It's not easy, but the worst thing you can do is give up or just stop talking about it.

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    alienpenguin [sign in to see picture]
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    I have rheumatoid arthiritis and I tend to find partners are scared of hurting me as my knees and hips are generally painful what I find frustrating is that i am capable of having ordinary sex (missionary position on my back) or doggy if I'm propped up on pillows without pain but it does tend to mean the guy has to do all of the work and that makes me feel guilty I can't get on my kness means I can't do a lot of positions.

    On the plus side I've ended up introducing fleshlight, tenga etc to several partners who think sex toys are limited to butt plugs and dildos.

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    sarahincos [sign in to see picture]
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    We are really open about what we're willing to try, but the biggest problem we face is actually finding things of some use to us! I'm sure once we get more settled than we presently are, we will be better able to work out things that suit us best. Before we got together, I think the hubs was definitely very limited in his ideas, but my openness has rubbed off on him for sure and I am so happy he's let his kink out! :)

    I ordered the sex position enhancer on Saturday night and it was at my door this morning (Monday). I was totally surprised by the quickness! Anyway, I happily discovered that it was mostly assembled and completely discreetly packaged. BUT, oh my gosh that sucker required some serious strength to finish putting together. I think it will help, but he may find that it props me up quite a bit higher than we're used to. We will just have to try it out and see...I'll post a review after we have that opportunity.

    Girlalive, I completely agree with the whole "changing what counts as sex" idea. Sometime's it's hard to accept that as well...we are learning, and I suspect will continute to keep learning.

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