• safe words?? are they normal to have?

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    TheMeCrowd [sign in to see picture]
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    Im just curious if its normal for a couple to have safe words...? Ive been with my man for a short while now and have started exploring each other. ive descovered he is very strong and it makes me really uncomfortable that if I wanted to i couldnt escape his arms i physicly cant... Not that i want to :P It just plays on the back of my mind as im not your usual girl, as im used to being the one able to hold a guy down.

    The thought came to me last time we where intamite as he got a little carried away and pissed me off...

    any advice?

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    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Safe words are very normal, especially if you are into the BDSM scene. I have one with my Mr. Monkey, if things get too rough for me, I blurt it out and he calms down.

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    PeppermintPerfection [sign in to see picture]
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    Blueeyes82 wrote:

    Safe words are very normal, especially if you are into the BDSM scene. I have one with my Mr. Monkey, if things get too rough for me, I blurt it out and he calms down.

    +1

    Me and my BF have one, just incase it's getting too much for me! I think a lot of people have them and yes, they're perfectly normal!

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    MistressItaliana [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and the OH have a safe word for times during kinky play, where perhaps one of us is completely bound up and blindfolded, and if something happens that we don't enjoy or don't feel comfortable with, then we know that the safe word is available! It hasn't happened as of yet, but we both know what the safe word is and if one of us used it, whatever was happening, the one in control would stop immediately :)
    So to answer your question, I think it is normal to have a safe word!

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    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I dont use a safe word. We just communicate as necessary so if something feels uncomfortable then we would just say and then stop or slow down.

    personally for us we cant see the appeal of having sex and one person saying "stop" or "slow down" as part of the act and the other carrying on regardless.

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have to use safewords normally, as Mr Scorpius can read me very well, but we do have the the traffic light system in place if I feel I need to. GREEN to let my Mr Scorpius know that I am comfortable to continue - especially during a new activity or something that is more daring.

    AMBER means ‘slow down’ or ‘I’m close to my limit’ and RED means ‘all play stops immediately’. If I am wearing a gag, then I either bang my hand on the bed or click my fingers to alert him. You can also hold a squeaky toy or a bell too.

    Safe words don’t mean that you don’t trust your partner.  They are there to protect you both on a physical and emotional level.  The most important thing is that the sub feels safe.  Honest communication between the Dom and sub will help you to understand boundaries, fears & desires.  Know each other’s limits and always respect them :) xx

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    LittleSwitchBitch [sign in to see picture]
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    We do... Ive never needed to use mine as my OH knows my limits... Though we do have a two worded one and I say the first part to say I'm fairly close to my limit and the whole word to stop

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Never needed to use a safe word during normal play - my OH respects my limits and if I say anything is uncomfortable (and vice versa) we stop.

    Only during our BDSM sessions (so when we're restrained/spanking etc) do we have a safe word.

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Ah just spotted you've posted this thread twice, so have deleted the other one. I did reply to your other one, but I'll post it here instead :) 

    I think a safe word is a great idea for all sorts of sexual exploits... Not just BDSM based ones, but in most instances outside of the BDSM world, the word 'Stop' should be more than sufficient.

    I think discussing how you felt last time you got intimate with your partner would be the best way to go about things. Did you tell him you didn't like what he was doing last time? As much as it's his responsibility to listen to you if you stay stop, it's your responsibility to actually say stop, and not just expect him to 'know'. He's not a mind reader :) 

    As with everything, communication is key - so make sure you're talking to one another about your likes and dislikes. 

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    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

    Ah just spotted you've posted this thread twice, so have deleted the other one. I did reply to your other one, but I'll post it here instead :)

    I think a safe word is a great idea for all sorts of sexual exploits... Not just BDSM based ones, but in most instances outside of the BDSM world, the word 'Stop' should be more than sufficient.

    I think discussing how you felt last time you got intimate with your partner would be the best way to go about things. Did you tell him you didn't like what he was doing last time? As much as it's his responsibility to listen to you if you stay stop, it's your responsibility to actually say stop, and not just expect him to 'know'. He's not a mind reader :)

    As with everything, communication is key - so make sure you're talking to one another about your likes and dislikes.

    Excellent advise... I personally have got any word we say other than. hang on, not like that, stop, otherwise we just tell eachother in best way how we want something .. communication during is really important he might not of realised he hurt u .... ive scratched my bf didnt realise til he told me

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

    I think a safe word is a great idea for all sorts of sexual exploits... Not just BDSM based ones, but in most instances outside of the BDSM world, the word 'Stop' should be more than sufficient.

    I think discussing how you felt last time you got intimate with your partner would be the best way to go about things. Did you tell him you didn't like what he was doing last time? As much as it's his responsibility to listen to you if you stay stop, it's your responsibility to actually say stop, and not just expect him to 'know'. He's not a mind reader :)

    As with everything, communication is key - so make sure you're talking to one another about your likes and dislikes.

    This is really excellent advice. The important thing is communication and respect.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    I can why in certain situations/relationships a safe word is an excellent idea and it seems to be very normal for a lot of couples to have one.

    The relationship that my hubby and I have dosent (I feel) warrant us needing one. Stop, slow down, oooh that's too hard (dont very often say that) ! etc is enough for us to let each other know if something's uncomfortable or going too fast/far etc . Please bear in mind though, that we've been married for almost 25 years so we both know what each of us likes and can handle sexually.

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    Dumpertruck [sign in to see picture]
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    A safe word is a must i think in BDSM play. I can understand people saying that "stop" should be enough but sometimes we like to play that she's reluctant and so uses the word stop a lot so that's why we use the traffic light system. We also have a safe "sound" for times when we are using a gag and words aren't possible

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it is normal for couples to have safe words and it is also normal not to. It depends on the couple and what they get up to.

    Lovehoney -Jess's advice is great. Communication is key. That is true whether you are doing kinky or vanilla stuff.

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    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with what everyone else has said, it's not the fact you have a safe word, yeah, it's there in case you need it but the main component is communication. For us a safe word is always there, as is a safe siganl if I'm gagged or want to be choked. It's pretty normal anyways.

    From very early on, we both knew I wanted to do and it was his idea to have a safe word in case either of us wanted to stop or felt uncomfortable, saying that, if either says 'stop'or 'no' then things should be stopped and it is exactly the same with a safe word. My boyfriend is much stronger than me, I'd have no chance if we were in a boxing ring heh, but he knows the minute the safe word is used, everything is finished, he'll help me up or leave me to do what I need to do and then we talk about why the safe word was used, mostly it is because a limit has been reached. Hope this answers your curiousity! ^_^

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    lustyjoy [sign in to see picture]
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    Ouch !

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    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
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    We don't have any safe words as no/stop etc mean just that, but I think it's normal to have one if needed!

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    Never know [sign in to see picture]
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    We will be sure to agree on a safe word before we engage in any sort of bondage play as my OH does like to get a bit carried away so think it would be good to be safe although I feel very comfortable with my OH being able to read how I am feeling.

    Its certainly not uncommon to have a safe word. I would be so interested to know what other people's were. My OH wants something random like potato. I just laughed

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    TheMeCrowd [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

    I think a safe word is a great idea for all sorts of sexual exploits... Not just BDSM based ones, but in most instances outside of the BDSM world, the word 'Stop' should be more than sufficient.

    I think discussing how you felt last time you got intimate with your partner would be the best way to go about things. Did you tell him you didn't like what he was doing last time? As much as it's his responsibility to listen to you if you stay stop, it's your responsibility to actually say stop, and not just expect him to 'know'. He's not a mind reader :)

    As with everything, communication is key - so make sure you're talking to one another about your likes and dislikes.

    I told him at the time he had gone a bit far and he did stop. After reading all these coments I do thinks a good idea for us if we have a safeword, as there are new things we'd both like to try ;D

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    GeekyEleanor [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH and actually don't have it. Not anymore at least. We used to, but after nearly eight years together, he knows my limits and he's very careful not to surpass them. It took us some years though to reach this point, we had a green-yellow-red system a while back, but we kind of stopped using it.

    To be honest, the last time I had to use a safeword wasn't due to my OH hurting me or making me feel uncomfortable, but because I had a muscle cramp.

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