• Venturing into Open Relationship territory!

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    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I echo what a lot of others have said, though i have no experience whatsoever!

    i would say though that its good youre setting up rules, but remember at the minute they are hypothetical rules so dont really mean a lot. Its ok to say rule one is that its just physical and no emotional attachments are to be made, but in reality its almost impossible to stop yourself forming attachments if you are being intimate with someone.

    Saying that if one partner says no then both immediately stop sounds reasonable, but again would it work in reality?

    I thinkthe major thing though is the people you sleep with for sex will be exciting. If you and your partner have an argument over something trivial, these extra people might seem more appealing because they dont have any baggage. I imagine it would be quite easy to break a relationship if the grass seems greener on the other side!

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    Crazykat [sign in to see picture]
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    ShinySparkle - yes I also think that communication is the key and tbh this is all we have talked about.

    LadyS - I'm not sure about swinging! I'm happy to know when my BF has arranged to meet someone but not sure I want the details - I suppose I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.

    grace1ess - thanks for your comment, it's good to see that an open relationship can work and agree that we both have to be totally honest and up front with each other.

    It's interesting to see that people also making swinging work for them - this is not something we have considered, but may do in the future.

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    Crazykat [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Virgin Angel, you have a valid point about what we tell the other person. I've been doing research and all the websites advise that you do not tell them you are in an open relationship for fear of revenge attack and that you should lead them to believe you are having an affair. I personally don't like the idea of being seen as an adulterous and feel that stating I'm in an open relationship would be more up front and honest. I'm not sure what the general view on this is?!

    We have a strong relationship and trust one another to be honest with each other but of course you can't foresee the future.

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    Crazykat [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi JM88,

    Thank you for your post, it's given us something to think about, at the end of the day we can only be honest with one another and hope we make it works. If it doesn't, we'll put a stop to it.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Crazykat wrote:

    all the websites advise that you do not tell them you are in an open relationship for fear of revenge attack and that you should lead them to believe you are having an affair.

    I wouldn't trust anything those sites say then. That's absolutely dreadful advice. It builds in lies and deception from the beginning and limits your choice of partners to those who are willing to help you 'cheat' on your OH. You'll save yourself a world of trouble if you start with people who are on board with polyamory.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Crazykat wrote:

    Hi Virgin Angel, you have a valid point about what we tell the other person. I've been doing research and all the websites advise that you do not tell them you are in an open relationship for fear of revenge attack and that you should lead them to believe you are having an affair. I personally don't like the idea of being seen as an adulterous and feel that stating I'm in an open relationship would be more up front and honest. I'm not sure what the general view on this is?!

    We have a strong relationship and trust one another to be honest with each other but of course you can't foresee the future.

    Oh I cannot imagine not being up front would at all well. Perhaps if it was a pure one off sexual encouter, with someone you could gurantee you;d never see again. But if you are consdering seeing someone more than once, then they need to know, otherwise they will likely assume you/your boyfreind are single and available and will proceed accordingly. Which will likely lead to a lot of hurt feelings when they finally found out why you don't have the kind of free time a single person would, for example.

    Eveything I have ever read, regarding open relationships or poly relationships says being upfront is by far the best approach. People should have the option as to whether or not they are happy to being involved in your set-up.

    x

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    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I think those websites suggesting pretending it's an affair are giving horrible advice! Aside from the already made point that less people may be willing to be an accessory to "cheating" there is another issue. Pretending it's a secret affair rather than telling the truth about being in an open relationship will give the impression you're not comitted to your current relationship, and that you're looking for something better/stable to "move on" to before ending it. Any third party may get involved with the unfair belief that it may develop into something serious that has you/your boyfriend end your relationship to start a new one with them. That's the complete opposite of the truth, and it could end in a third party getting incredibly hurt. They deserve to know from the outset that they're a third party, and that it won't go beyond that, so they don't run the risk of getting attached and hoping/expecting more and getting their heart broken. Even if they don't fall for you and see it as a bit of exciting fun, they're likely to find out the truth at some point and be hurt/offended about being lied to, nobody likes being decieved.

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