• Tinder man lied with his photo

    1422340637
    QB [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey,
    Just need to vent. I've been single for three years, relatively recently found LH and re connected with my own needs! I've branched out into sexy talking on Tinder and have had long chats with a sexually open man who I was planning to meet with a view to having fun times. He's just revealed the profile picture he's used isn't him. I feel very shallow but I just don't fancy his actual picture. But I really have been turned on by his words... I dunno what to do now. Anyone been in this situation? Thanks for listening

    1422344065
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven't been in this situation but I have a couple of thoughts. Firstly, I don't think it makes you shallow- that's the whole point of these websites, to judge people on whether or not you find them physically attractive, then you make the effort to get to know them if you do. I also think being physically attracted to someone is pretty important if you want a future with them. Don't let the fact that you've been single for a while and feel like sex cloud your judgement here- if you really don't find him attractive then once the thrill of having sex again wears off, it is likely to be doomed (in my opinion).

    Also- the fact that he lied about his appearance causes red flags for me. What was his reasoning behind that? Would you really want to be with someone who is dishonest?

    That being said, maybe it's just a bad picture, and you might find him attractive in the flesh. Or your physical attraction could grow with time if you get on well. I guess you'll never know unless you meet him. Might be worth a drink on neutral ground to found out?

    1422346105
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with you he shouldn't of used a picture that wasn't him. And why has it taken solong to come out. Maybe he's been watching to much cat fish.

    I suppose at lesst he had told you now. Can you imagine meeting him and then coming out with the bomb shell.

    Would you not at lease be able to be friends if anything else? I agree with sr36, being attracted to someone plays a huge part in a relationship, although it should matter about looks it's just what Happens.

    But....if you do decide to go please make sure you tell someone, where and when your going. You see these things happening all the time & then the reasons behind the fake id are to late. But I'm sure u will tell someone you trust.

    Keep us updates :) x

    1422348427
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    I would steer clear. What else has he lied about??
    Alarm bells should ring.

    1422348761
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    pinkanimal wrote:

    I would steer clear. What else has he lied about??
    Alarm bells should ring.

    I agree with this, a photo is a massive thing to lie about. I really wouldn't have much respect for him after that, and would have to break off contact with him.

    There are plenty of people out there who don't lie about their photo, or anything else :)

    1422351706
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Drop him like hot coal.

    It doesn't make you shallow BUT this man has lied about what he looks like, it would worry me about what else he has lied about

    1422351903
    Scubaman [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi QB

    Maybe he lied about his photo because he feels that he's unattractive, so he wanted to get past that first hurdle and have someone get to know him better first, I agree with what other opinions have been posted regarding red flags going up, is it the only thing he's lied about, is he married been the next thing, I'd think about it first and ask him why he lied about his picture, but that's only my opinion, good luck with it

    1422354051
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    Scubaman wrote:

    Hi QB

    Maybe he lied about his photo because he feels that he's unattractive, so he wanted to get past that first hurdle and have someone get to know him better first, I agree with what other opinions have been posted regarding red flags going up, is it the only thing he's lied about, is he married been the next thing, I'd think about it first and ask him why he lied about his picture, but that's only my opinion, good luck with it

    +1. It's far more common for people to use fake pictures online because they are insecure about their own appearance, or even because they are are scared someone they know will find their profile and laugh, as opposed to using a fake pic for malicious reasons. I mean your reaction has proven this thought process right; women won't be attracted to him if they saw him, but given another face they would. I wouldn't instantly condemn him just for using a fake picture without talking to him about it. At the end of the day though, if you aren't attracted to him you aren't attracted to him. No point having anything more to do with him as no matter what his words do to you, you'll never be as happy when it's him doing it. And that really isn't fair on him or fun for you! Maybe ask for some more real pics to see if there is any hope? And perhaps a facebook page or something to see if these ones are real :p
    1422354830
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    SR36 wrote:

    I also think being physically attracted to someone is pretty important if you want a future with them. Don't let the fact that you've been single for a while and feel like sex cloud your judgement here- if you really don't find him attractive then once the thrill of having sex again wears off, it is likely to be doomed (in my opinion).

    The prevalence of this attitude is why I've given up even trying to date. I don't photograph well and my face was never considered pretty enough, even when I was younger. I have an alright enough figure for my age, I used to be great in bed before tying people up became the going thing, and I have a lot of love to give. None of that's ever been enough though, especially since I'm disabled and can't work, so now I'm considering how I might doctor a photo or something to see if I can't just get laid. I know I'll feel like crap about it but maybe I'll get used to it? In terms of this question, yes it would be dishonest, but it would really be desperation on the off chance that someone might see something worthwhile in me as a person if he just gave me a chance long enough to get to know me.

    Does a person's appearance really make that much of a difference in how the sex is or how well you get along in a relationship?

    1422354921
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    move on, as others have said already.

    He's lied about that, what else has he lied about that you will doscover the hard way if you hang around.

    1422367420
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    To some degree I can understand why done this, it could be that he feels that he's unattractive and thought that if he put his real photo up the no one would give him the time of day but the fact still remains that there needs to be some level of physical attraction on both sides to make it work.

    It doesn't matter how good he is with words it's not going to be enough if you don't fancy him physically plus there's always the thought that he could be hiding other stuff too.

    1422370226
    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    wildflower wrote:

    To some degree I can understand why done this, it could be that he feels that he's unattractive and thought that if he put his real photo up the no one would give him the time of day but the fact still remains that there needs to be some level of physical attraction on both sides to make it work.

    It doesn't matter how good he is with words it's not going to be enough if you don't fancy him physically plus there's always the thought that he could be hiding other stuff too.

    Good point, but surely by putting a fake photo up he knew he would be caught out at some point? Getting rejected because the person doesnt find you attractive after initially being attracted to the fake photo will just hurt his confidence. If anything it will reinforce what he believes that he is ugly and needs to use someone elses photo to get attention.

    The thing is though he probably is ok looking and would get attention. The trouble is when someone believes your pic they get that image in their head when they think of you. When they find out you look different, of course they will be disappointed. To the person viewing the profile, both pictures could be equally appealing to them, but its the disappointment of the image in your head not matching the reality.

    1422378098
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    Regardless of his actual looks,he LIED,what basis is that to start any relationship especially with a stranger? Drop him,maybe the next time he`ll be honest.

    1422381248
    QB [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks so much everyone for your replies, it's really helped to get a range of opinions on this as I'm feeling completely confused. I really want to be able to accept the picture of who he actually is and get on with planning sexy fun times, however just feel so deflated at the moment I can't go back to flirting... I'll think I'll see how I feel in a few days and maybe still meet him for a drink, he's the most interest I've had in a long while and we seemed compatible of what we wanted.

    I'm going to attempt to answer some of your posts individually!

    1422381529
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
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    rose hip wrote:

    SR36 wrote:

    I also think being physically attracted to someone is pretty important if you want a future with them. Don't let the fact that you've been single for a while and feel like sex cloud your judgement here- if you really don't find him attractive then once the thrill of having sex again wears off, it is likely to be doomed (in my opinion).

    The prevalence of this attitude is why I've given up even trying to date. I don't photograph well and my face was never considered pretty enough, even when I was younger. I have an alright enough figure for my age, I used to be great in bed before tying people up became the going thing, and I have a lot of love to give. None of that's ever been enough though, especially since I'm disabled and can't work, so now I'm considering how I might doctor a photo or something to see if I can't just get laid. I know I'll feel like crap about it but maybe I'll get used to it? In terms of this question, yes it would be dishonest, but it would really be desperation on the off chance that someone might see something worthwhile in me as a person if he just gave me a chance long enough to get to know me.

    Does a person's appearance really make that much of a difference in how the sex is or how well you get along in a relationship?

    I just want to be clear here- firstly, I didn't and don't mean to be offensive - and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm not saying that anything in particular is attractive- I'm sure everyone is attractive to certain people. I also said that physical attraction can grow once you get to know someone- as in the millions of instances of people becoming friends first and then falling for one-another.

    I think there is a huge distinction between physical appearance and finding someone attractive- hence the term "sex appeal" which, correct me if I'm wrong, people often use to describe people they are attracted to but don't necessarily think are conventionally "good-looking".

    But I still hold to my original argument that yes, I think (for myself at least) you need to be physically attracted to someone to have a good physical relationship with them.

    1422381734
    jimbogemini [sign in to see picture]
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    Using the wrong photo is also disrespectful. Someone who does that must have a hidden agenda. Best give it a bodyswerve.

    1422382097
    QB [sign in to see picture]
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    SR36,

    I've kind of given up on finding someone to have a future with, it'll happen when it happens. Certainly all my attempts at dating haven't worked (where are all the nice men, but that's another discussion.) I was hoping to just have some fun with him! I'm fed up of playing solo! He said he didn't put his real picture in case someone from work saw it. Which I think is a rubbish reason. His actual picture is reasonable (geeky cute) but is just so different from the rugby stud false picture that he used!

    1422382214
    QB [sign in to see picture]
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    Delboy1991 I definitely tell someone where I'm going if I have a date, and have a friend ring me at intervals! I am paranoid with personal safety!

    1422382791
    QB [sign in to see picture]
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    Rose hip,

    I haven't got anything particularly useful to say, just how pants that the dating scene's reliance on looks has made you give up. I think there is someone for everyone, and that somewhere out there is the man (woman) to find each of us attractive for who we are and not the body we are in. I don't think dating sites are the way to find them though. Sadly I dont know how to find them!

    based on my experience, don't use a fake picture! As many have said, it's a rocky start to a relationship. I've seen lots of people use pictures of something else, or of a specific body part, rather than a picture of their face, would that work for you?

    1422382971
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    QB wrote:

    SR36,

    I've kind of given up on finding someone to have a future with, it'll happen when it happens. Certainly all my attempts at dating haven't worked (where are all the nice men, but that's another discussion.) I was hoping to just have some fun with him! I'm fed up of playing solo! He said he didn't put his real picture in case someone from work saw it. Which I think is a rubbish reason. His actual picture is reasonable (geeky cute) but is just so different from the rugby stud false picture that he used!

    Actually that is a perfectly legit reason...some people don't want people in their work life to know what is going on in their private life. Some people actually can't put that sort of information online, I have a relative who isn't allowed to use dating sites etc for security reasons. They even have rules for what can go on their private Facebook and such. It happens.

    He was probably waiting to make sure you were someone he definitely didn't know and that you were actually serious about meeting him (and indeed that you had used a real photo-lots of people don't) before he took the risk of putting his real photo out there. Granted, he could have used no photo at all. Or told you sooner. But it's entirely possible he thought (like 99.9% of other women on those sites) you would never want to really meet anyway.

    I think it's a bit harsh to throw him under the bus for wanting to be careful himself when using online dating services!

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