• Should I tell her

    1420616405
    Cap54 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 197
    • Joined: 13 Dec 2009

    Hi guys
    For some time now I'am feeling left out, I would and have done anything for the OH in the bedroom but the favour is never returned
    Things seam to be a bit one sided
    Should I ask her to put more effort in or when she is wanting me to do things to her just not be so accommodating
    She loves massages, and oral and bum play (only fingers at the moment) I would gladly do theses things every day I see what pleasure it gives her but when its 'my turn' nothing it alway seams to much of an effort for her or she will make the excuse we don't have time..
    Any views please I know you guys out there won't let me down..

    1420619892
    m4nn13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 66
    • Joined: 21 Sep 2014

    It's never nice when it's a one sided thing but you definately need yo tell her how you feel otherwise things won't change. She might not realise its upset you but talk about it for definate.

    1420620980
    Don_Don [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 415
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2012

    Yep I'd agree, keeping it quiet and to yourself isn't going to help, if anything it could make it worse, best thing is be honest and calm and talk about it, it's the only way to find the root of the problem and maybe come to some sort of resolution or compramise.

    Myself and the OH have been together for about 16 years and I've always had a high sex drive and for years we were very active but hers dropped a good bit a few years ago, and then after baby No. 1 it vanished for a while (obviously), we sat down, talked about it, (got a few new toys) and things picked up, she got back into solos play as she found this was like exercise for her sex drive... we've even tried a lot of new things and some she suggests, but we decided that the best thing is to be open and talk about it...... but at all costs, avoid the discussion becoming a heated row.

    1420622628
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2748
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    Definitely need to tell her how you feel, but I wouldn't make it about how you do so much for her and she does so little for you. Just casually say, I love when you do so and so to me, could we do that tonight/ a little more. Or could you just go first?

    1420628001
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3095
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    Definitely speak to her about it.

    Do not accuse her of being lazy and uninterested, but try and find out what is wrong and what it is that is stopping her from doing these things.

    You may get an amazing breakthrogh from the conversation, or alternatively the breakthrough may be an entirely different can of worms, so prepare yourself for both outcomes of talking.

    Either way, speak up and be heard rather than bottling it all up

    1420628873
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 251
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    I agree talking to her will be the best advice i can give you,Ive been there and found out that she was nervous about starting anything new,She use to like me to take charge now its both of us thinking of things.

    Now we have both gone shopping for lingerie for me to wear and for her to wear,I would of never thought that some time ago,You just have to break the ice and take things slowly.

    Just remind her its all fun and you are with her all the way.

    1420629283
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1470
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    as others have said communication is best. she may not even realise she is doing it.

    1420640867
    The_Cuboner [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 91
    • Joined: 19 Nov 2014

    Definitely talk to her. I doubt the reasons are sheer laziness. With my bf, I had very little sexual confidence so it took me ages to be brave enough to start touching him properly and exploring new ways to please him because I was so scared of trying something and it not working. Another possible reason is she isn't feeling as close to you emotionally for some reason. Again this might just be me but I was really bad at telling my bf when I was upset (still not great at it) which confused our sex life a little. But yeah, talk to her in a non-confrontational way (Maybe like 'you don't seem as engaged in our sex life, is everything okay?') and find out what's going on

    1420646508
    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 912
    • Joined: 6 May 2013

    I agree with what people have said

    Talk to he. However do it in a way, thats none confrotatial. Us girlies can be ver sensitive when it comes to our sexual performance/bodies, (long story) Sit her down, give some eye contact, make sure your not there to, challenge her directly

    Basically be sincere, tell her you would try anything in the bedroom, I been on both sides of the fence, bf has no sex drive at all (depression) and one time over I did not have one either. (due to personal sotuation i was going through at the time)

    Partner and I have just started talking, openly and honestly. It truly works wonders, even if there is tears being spilled, she needs to know you support her, but at the same time, wand to see light at the end of the tunnel etc

    SF

    1420646876
    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 713
    • Joined: 16 Jul 2014

    I agree with everyone, you need to talk to her. Good luck :)

    1420646989
    GlamRockChick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 501
    • Joined: 24 May 2012

    Oh yes you must talk to her! Preferably not in bed though. Maybe explain how much you love touching her and you'd love to see how it feels if she does the same to you. Be aware that she might simply feel awkward about doing things to you, maybe she is scared she might do something wrong? If all else fails, why not try the sexy dice that give you options like kiss, lick then a body part,and see if that encourages her! Good luck!

    1420657154
    Cap54 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 197
    • Joined: 13 Dec 2009

    Hi guys
    As usual you response and advise has been awesome
    This is only a resent thing, we are in our fiftys and we often talk about upping the anti in the bedroom but that's how it stays
    I've bought toys and stuff of LH ( with her approval) but when it comes down to it thay just stay in the box
    I will take you advice and talk to her , I didn't want it to come across to her that I am being selfish.

    1420753078
    alienpenguin [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 52
    • Joined: 9 Sep 2014

    Its not selfish to want to get your own pleasure sex is only really good when both partners are satisfied. This could be a probelm for your relationship if it starts to bring out resentment however unitentionalI think you should talk to her but you should do it delicately. It also depends on whether this stuff she used to do and has stopped in which case you should look a why. If the things you want her to do for "your turn" are things she has never done maybe its a confidence issue.

    1420756074
    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 731
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2014

    There is definately a conversation to be had between the two of you. Me and my hubby started off hard fast and kinky with everything then eventually we stopped having as much sex and when we did niether of us made much effort! But all it took was some communication and we are back on track with eachother x

    1420788057
    Cap54 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 197
    • Joined: 13 Dec 2009

    Thanks guys
    Your all spot on as usual, my requests arn't in the exstream its 'the basic stuff' like as I said I could give her oral every day but when I think I am going to get mine she ll want sex stright away at this point I'am not going to last long any way then that's it, she ll turn over and go to sleep leaving me wanting more..

    1420791026
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1016
    • Joined: 28 Nov 2013

    Maybe try being specific with her about what it is you're desiring at the time. If she wants sex, then that is a good sign. Maybe she thinks that's just what you want?

    i was going to ask whether she is menopausal as that can affect libido and desire. Hope that's not too personal a question, and maybe you're not aware of this if she's not told you... Just something else to perhaps consider.

    Good luck :)

    1420796136
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1490
    • Joined: 19 Sep 2010

    Could it boil down to your lady having a lack of confidence in what she does?

    Communication is the key, don't make it sound like you're miffed off though.

    I receive a lot of emails via my blog, from women (and some men), who lack the confidence to do oral sex and they seem to act like you are describing your partner in doing.

    1420797499
    john69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 436
    • Joined: 2 Dec 2014

    I fully agree with all of you, communicate, communicate, communicate. How should we otherwise be able to know what our partner wants?

    Two more suggestions,

    When my wife and I started our relation she thought, which many women obviously do, that for a man it's just fine to come, that we are happy with just that. We talked about it a lot and step by step she developed her skills and found it amazing to see how I enjoyed it.

    Secondly, many men and women become tired after an orgasm (mostly men, who then just want to go to sleep, but also women). Why not turn it around? Ask her to start the treatment on you and then you can serve her.

    Good luck!

    1420799321
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1490
    • Joined: 19 Sep 2010

    Maybe get her to use a ex toy on your privates? Like a bullet or flavoured lube, might make it more interesting for her too

    1420832500
    Cap54 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 197
    • Joined: 13 Dec 2009

    Luv bunny wrote:

    Maybe try being specific with her about what it is you're desiring at the time. If she wants sex, then that is a good sign. Maybe she thinks that's just what you want?

    i was going to ask whether she is menopausal as that can affect libido and desire. Hope that's not too personal a question, and maybe you're not aware of this if she's not told you... Just something else to perhaps consider.

    Good luck :)

    I think that might be part of it as her menopause has been a it hit and miss

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.