• Dom questioning himself?

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all,

    I hope noone minds but i could do with a little help.

    I have always known i enjoy being sub and knew when i met my husband his leanings were dom. We have slowly been experincing this side of our relationship and have amazing times.

    Last night we went beyond where we have ever gone before and it was truly amazing. The issue is my husband seemed a little freaked almost straight afterwards. We discussed this and my husband explained he worries in case he goes to far.... In fact he reads me incredibly well and knows exactly how i am feeling and does the perfect thing at the right time every time.

    I was wondering if other people experince these feelings and any ideas the best way to let him see how amazing it is when he is Sir.

    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    He said he worries in case he goes too far...has it been brought up that it may simply have been too far for him? A lot of doms find it hard to admit that they have limits too, they can get so caught up in being the strong, protective one and worrying about keeping it within the sub's limits that they can be not quite able to admit that a scene got too intense for them. Could be he freaked out because something was too intense for him, but flipped it in his mind (conciously or subconciously) to make it more about your needs than his, and so rather than say 'it was too far for me and it scared me' it came out as 'I'm scared it will go too far for you'. Or another, simpler way of putting it; he is scared things will go too far for you because they already did for him.

    Just a thought!

    If you're telling him how well you believe he reads you and showing your enjoyment, I'm not really sure what else you can do to show him how great you feel things are. I guess just keep up the talking!

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi lovebirds..

    That makes very good sense and defiantly worth exploring.

    I am concerned he is aware i had a pretty nasty 1st marriage but everything we have and do is so far removed from tyhat. I do wonder if he has concerns i may draw similalties.

    We will keep talking and see where it takes us.

    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
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    Just talk to him to establish what he means by thinking he may go too far? Is he talking about the bondage/rough side of your sex life as dom and sub? Are you living a full dom sub life where you let him control everything sexually and non sexually? If he opens up to you about what he thinks is too far you can reassure him if its not too far for you, that will make him feel better. I think with couples who are into the more extreme side of a dom sub relationship are affraid that someone may become perminantly damaged! I am the sub in my relationship, and we take it too far to the extreme! But luckily i get rewarded afterwards with affection . And thank god! I really do love our relationship and sexual kinks but i think if i wasnt rewarded with that affection it would mentally break me eventually. We have been doing this for six years. There have been many injuries in that time lol 😂

    Grace1ess [sign in to see picture]
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    Having been a Dom for many years this is not unusual for him or any other Doms. A lot of the time when people think of BDSM they see the mental strength of the sub for being able to endure what is being acted upon them but don't see the mental strength required of the Dom to do the acting. Doms are the worst for forgetting this.

    Take a scenario of the sub being bound with a wand attached to them with the instruction that the sub is not allowed to orgasm while the Dom will take time and effort to make it happen through manipulating the intensity of the sensations. It's a game the sub is not supposed to win but will make every effort to try and that takes a lot of mental and physical control. From the Doms perspective they are controlling this, watching you struggle, denying you what they know you want and that relief.

    At the end of the game the sub gets the orgasm they need and the Dom gets the satisfaction of winning but he also gets relief, they no longer have to see you struggle or in need etc. It can Shock a sub how far they can go in just that simple scenario and it can shock the Dom just how much of that they are prepared to see in order to achieve the outcome of the game.

    Talk openly with him about it, it isn't a sign of weakness for him to share when he has hit a limit or that something may be playing on his mind that is preventing him from taking full enjoyment out of what is happening or could potentially happen. As Doms we can have a tendancy to want to portray that strength of will and authority because we are Doms and therefore thats what we "should" be able to do. It's obviously not the case but that in itself can be a hard lesson for any Dom, but it's a good lesson to learn.

    Happy playing!

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all....incredible help and reading this has helped Sir to as it opended lots to discuss.


    slinkykinky [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you got a safe word/signal in place? If not, he might feel more comfortable in the situation if you establish something - he will know he isn't going too far and you don't really want it to stop if you haven't used 'the' word.

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