Young, I have spoken to him about our sex life, my OH has a problem which i wont discuss but there is always a solution on any problem. i did not put pressure on him to have sex with me, in fact I was patience and encouraging. Did everyting in my side to spice up, I waited for him to decide when to have sex with me.But when things failed, it was my fault when clearly the problem was in his side. I lost weight, but not noticed or appreciated.
He said its because I stopped using contraceptive, why should I kept on having hormones which gave me migraine and mood swing when we do not have sex anyway. But regardless I restart contraceptive, but he did not do his part. No sex at all.
I joked once, that I am young and needs sex, he said its enough that he is loving and sweet. Its true he is loving, affectionate and sweet, but I need a proper release.
There are also aspect in our relationship that are not right.
Sex is only 40% of what is wrong.
But as I said, next year, I will need to break free.
I don't recommend cheating to anybody. what I did is wrong.
I feel you, that you need to stop being hard on your self, and begin the process of letting go of pulling your self down. Your obviously going through the motions of `is it me, is there something wrong with me` as you have lost weight. did you do this for you or for him. If this is the case then your not respecting or loving your self, even when you feel shit and going through anger pain and trauma etc, anger bitterness and resentment, its important for our own well being to have some time of base, where we know we are `ok` where we are doing what we can to the best of our ability.
There is hurt here on both sides, some of it its very deep rooted due to past experiences, Ever felt that your other hald simply does not know how to approach you, its not because men do no tknow how to handle emotions and women that are emtional, its because there needs to be some type of green light. Meaning `I am hurting right now, I am experiencing this, I apologise if you feel that this is your fault etc` I am NOT taking about the sex thing here but other insecurities you have experienced.
As soon as you show some honesty and sincerity no matter how painful it is, it starts the process of `oh hang about she does respect me and appreciate me` I mean just the other night me and my partner sat down and had a good chat, we truly talked and a lot of things came forward from the both of us that we did not know about one another, He felt that I was projecting him to be `incapable` certainly in regards to his ability to be a dad
We dont have kids ..yet (long stry) but my wn personal choices which I take full responsibility for. Then he came forward and said `oh I did not know you felt like this` but it went further than that we discussed how such feelings and defence mechanisms/attitudes had come about.
In a nut shell it was the beginning of smething huge being healed accepted and let go of.
Its not always easy to address that we may be the ones at fault, certainly when it comes to being angry, defensive or over reacting when a sore point gets tuched upon, that we can become cats on hot tin roves, when we feel under pressure or when we dont understand our own feelings.
Your OH is experiencing this too, look at it like this
You are BOTH relfecting one another on one or more levels, you said he has issues with intimacy, but so do you if your having an affair, and contemplating looking else where. You say you love him..well timing is the key.
If your going in there and talking about sex, in a manner that is remotly degrading or makes you and him feel inadequate in any way, then you can forget anything being remedied. Sex is not the end and be all of a relationship, if there is no intimacy, then you can gurantee there are other things than need to be worked on first.
Me and my partner have financial stuff going on at present and I my self have a lot of healing to do in regards to how I was brought up and how I have treat my self as a result, this certainly has a back lash. You say you need a release, yes it would be nice to have that with some one you love and care about, come on if you cant with them who can you have that release with...
No what I am talking about here is that, you do not need to have physical penetrative selx to have a `release` that can come about when having a down to earth open chat, realising that there are other factors going on within your self etc etc.
Change what is going on within your self, and the physical (the out side) will change. Most impotant, if your trying to make others happy, OH dear its an impossible task, focus on your self, the more you value love and appreicate your self, the more you acknowledge `oh oj i have made mistakes, I have done these things, but you know what I have learned from it, its made me stronger or I have learned to be more compassionate...` Well thats just priceless right there it truly is.
Ok sex is a where you can have a release, letting go of tensin and anger. Ever gave some thought about going to self defence classes and taing it out on some pillows etc. From there the `release will change` become more profound