• Confession: My FB fucked me real good..

    1419849107
    the mechanic [sign in to see picture]
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    Ive not had sex with my wife for 6 years and is tough. She is not interested and no amount of talking does any good.all other aspects of our relationship are good and we do have children. Ive always been against cheating but started to wonder if my resolve would weaken if i was offered sex. I know i would feel guilty . Good luck to you x

    1419850986
    Dirty-little-secret [sign in to see picture]
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    6 years?! omg.. wow.. speechless. your a saint!

    is she ill?

    1419856927
    the mechanic [sign in to see picture]
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    no she just doesnt seem interested. Ikeep saying about it and she changes the subject. I wont leave as i have children and keeping us together is important to me but at times i feel lonley and i really do miss being touched and desired .

    1419864643
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    no one deserves to be cheated on. if you think he's so indifferent to your behaviour ask him if you can have an open relationship, dont cheat on him, in the end, you're the bad guy, and no amount of " he hasnt been intimate with me in ages" will change that. money is no reason to stay with someone. you need to discuss your relationship with him not sex. if you're in debt i assume he's not too well offf either, perhaps hi libido has died of stress trying to get you your money back.

    you're playing with fire and you ill get burned. i hope you dont read this as nasty, its in concern, you are going to hurt everyone involved with your actions. sort out your relationship, discuss a open relationship, or leave, but dont continue an affair, i doubt your OH will be indifferent if he finds out you've cheated and if he throws you out you'll be even more ashamed to ring your family and say "he's left me because i slept with someone else, who i've also hurt because he fell for me when all i wanted was sex, now i have nothing so can i live with you?"

    hope everything works out, good luck x

    1419874976
    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Monogomy Vs Multiple partners /cheating.

    Will always ring about mixed results, some angry, some understanding, others a rflection of personal experience.

    Because there is so much hype, plus contracts about monogamy, being with one person only, list goes on and one really.

    The essentials is that if your needs is not being met, and if your truly happy with this, then all well and good. However if your not, and there is hurt/pain there, when communication is not working with all heart felt effort..then whats next?

    I have nothing to hide, problems arise when there is no communication, last night I spoke with my partner from the heart, literally in tears, saying I was worn out with no turn around after all the times I have expressed my feelings, the times I have come to him in attempt to resolve issues. The ammount of times I have mentioned what could possibly be done to improve things.

    If there is no team work, support or communication, how can anything happen in the bedroom?

    He ust turned his back on me and pushed me away, when I simply wanted a hug. Now thats painful. For me personallly I am not hooring my self by tolerating this. Does it mean I am going to cheat, why is it called cheating? I dont have the answers, at present, all I do know is that I want a lot more for my self, and there is only so much I can do.

    You can lead a horse to water but you can not make them drink. Thats my bf, he has depression, and finds it impossible to be responsible, so when I come forward and say things need to improve in regards to the relationship, he can not hanle it, either ignores me, gets angry, pushes me away,

    When is enough enough?

    Where do we draw the line? This is coming from a females ecperience, but there are men experiencing the same thing from heir partneers etc too. I know men are very physical, such comes from a dissconnection from the expression of emotions and not being frightened of expressing emotion. Men have been programmed over many many years to be a certain way, ad same goes for women,

    There s a huge ifference in loving some one and feeling sorry for them, or loving them but not being `in` love with them

    SF

    1419889213
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes, I meant a letter to your partner

    1419894462
    Dirty-little-secret [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you Young and SF, I really do appreciate your comments and opinion. I grew up with not a lot of guidance and I intend to get lost most of the time. So reading your comments meant a lot and they are all taking on board.

    I haven't spoken to my mom for at least 5 years and I lost a lot of friends because I choosed to be with my OH . My mom tried to call me earlier as well as my stepdad. They probably guess that there is something wrong. I have a very big pride. I do not want to ask help from them and I don't want them to tell me "I told you so". But I think now is the time to build bridges and ask for help.

    1419900967
    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Do what you feel is right. It should never be about going of another persons `advice` or `opinion` its your life, all you can do is be as responsible as you can be, certainly for anything that comes from your choices or the lack of them.

    I dont speak with my parents dont mean I do not love them, they just did not respect my choices/decisions and were so very controlling/strict. I needed to grow up and have my own life rather than living theirs. I let them in on my relationship issues before I cut cords with them, and I should not of done it

    Interrogation french inquisition all the time. Basically what I am attempting to put across here, is that your always going to have people have their opinions or trying to `but ` in, but its `your` choice if you wish to take any of what they say seriously, as well as who you want IN your life, it truly is none of our business what you do with your life and how you love it :)

    xxx SF

    1419955995
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    Dirty-little-secret wrote:

    6 years?! omg.. wow.. speechless. your a saint!

    I agree

    1419956674
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    It's probab;ly no coincidence that these sort of issues really come to a head at this time of the year. Christmas is supposed to a be a time of joy, reflecting on the past year, looking ahead to the future. It's not easy to do that if you're stuck in a miserable situation.

    Anyway, I am glad to see that people who were initially very critical of DLS are more understanding now that they have the full story. Wantonly deceitful cheating is not something to be condoned, but given the circumstances, I think any of us could be driven to infidelity, even it if was against our better judgement.

    It's good that you've taken the time and thought to arrange boundaries with your FB. Have you considered seeing a counsellor? They might be more even tempered and understanding than your own family.

    You might also consider seeing a Relate counsellor with your OH to see if you can break the deadlock there, it might help both of you.

    1419956966
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    Dirty-little-secret wrote:

    Dream, I did not say I don't want other people's opinion. In fact I would like to read what other people think. And I respect every opinion, even yours. I'm only quite concern because it seems that my post is affecting you so much.

    Just to reiterate, DLS has said that she is open to any thoughts and opinions. Let's give advice by all means, but let's not stray into making personal attacks.

    1419966831
    Dirty-little-secret [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you Post, I had a very traumatic experiences in my past especially during my childhood but I wasn't able to get help simply because where I grew up, this wasn't offered or known. But now I am starting to think that yes I need professional help. I have a workmate who also practice counselling and I started talking to her. The truth is I know the answer to my problem. I probably need confirmation.

    My plan would be to break free, but not until I know we are both going to be ok. I will build bridges with my family and ensure my OH will be ok. I have spoken to my FB who also happened to become my friends now. He is willing to help and respects any decision I make.

    My 2015 will be challenging and scary. I am so so so so scared. I don't want to regret it. I don't want to be alone and be lonely. But I need to do it. Got to step up, stand on my own and grow up! I can't do it in one go or today or tommorrow but I will gradually break free.

    Thank you everyone for your comments and opinion! never thought I get something like this from Love honey..

    1419979834
    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    There are some very professinal/supportive groups out there, you just need to know where to look and have the confidence to follow it through. Your the one in control, remember this, I can not speak for the people on here, but there have been soe great responses to your thread DLS.

    I personally wish you luck, certainly for 2015.

    1419981365
    Dirty-little-secret [sign in to see picture]
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    SensualFire wrote:

    There are some very professinal/supportive groups out there, you just need to know where to look and have the confidence to follow it through. Your the one in control, remember this, I can not speak for the people on here, but there have been soe great responses to your thread DLS.

    I personally wish you luck, certainly for 2015.

    Thank you SF, I wish you all the best for 2015 as well, and thank you for your helpful comments!

    1419997892
    SensualFire [sign in to see picture]
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    Any time, simply me being me, to the best of my ability :)

    1420028826
    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd like to know if the letter idea works for any of you. I think it's a good one. It's difficult to make people hear ANYTHING in an emotionally charged environment and that kind of side-steps that a little as well as allowing people the time to read, reread and digest what you're actually saying to them

    Good luck.

    1420035766
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    Dirty-little-secret wrote:

    Thank you Post, I had a very traumatic experiences in my past especially during my childhood but I wasn't able to get help simply because where I grew up, this wasn't offered or known. But now I am starting to think that yes I need professional help. I have a workmate who also practice counselling and I started talking to her. The truth is I know the answer to my problem. I probably need confirmation.

    My plan would be to break free, but not until I know we are both going to be ok. I will build bridges with my family and ensure my OH will be ok. I have spoken to my FB who also happened to become my friends now. He is willing to help and respects any decision I make.

    My 2015 will be challenging and scary. I am so so so so scared. I don't want to regret it. I don't want to be alone and be lonely. But I need to do it. Got to step up, stand on my own and grow up! I can't do it in one go or today or tommorrow but I will gradually break free.

    Thank you everyone for your comments and opinion! never thought I get something like this from Love honey..

    It's good that you're going to build bridges with your family, and you clearly care about your partner too. Friendships are also very valuable (and yes, it's fine for your FB to become a friend) and I'm sure your counsellor colleague is supportive. However, I would still recommend having sessions with a qualified counsellor or therapist on a formal professional basis. I know it seems dauniting to open up to a complete stranger, but once you get started you will actually find it much easier and you will get a lot more out of it.

    It is quite normal to feel apprehensive and fearful aout this sort of thing, but that will improve dramatically once you begin the process. I hope you have some positive feelings about the future, I think you're defintiely going in the right direction.

    Best wishes for 2015

    1420035908
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    PS Your GP should be able to arrange counselling for you, it may even be free!

    1420038201
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    have you discussed with your OH how HE feels at the moment? its likely you're both feeling as crap as each other, both having money issues, both feeling unloved, have you suggested couples councelling or that he go to the doctors himself?

    the more you push what you want, youve said youve begged for sex aafter 6 month of not gttting any, the other partner begins to resent giving it. imagin you were working your ass all day and your OH didnt cuddle, or talk about your day but just asked for sex, you'd refuse him sex after a while even if you wanted it out of spite. its ussually perceived to be a womans problem, that men dont show any intimacy and yet expect sex, but it can be the other way round, very often.

    do you intend to leave your OH? if so, you need to tell him what you've done, without making it his fault, becuase it doesnt seem to be his fault at all, just so he can have closure. if you intend to stay, you ned to te him what you've done, cut al ties with FB and try and help your OH, you said he locks himself in his office all day, my OH is like this when he's having serious problems with the company, if he doesnt think you care or understand what stress he's under then he wont care what stress you're under, as far as he's concerned, his money troubles are more important than your horniness.

    this is all what i've taken from the little snipets you've mentioned of your home life, correct me if I'm wrong. i understand you need support for other issues that you've mentioned but within your realtionship perhaps it would be better to discuss where you have both fallen short and ask what the other wants from the relationship, ussually by putting the other first and and making life easier for them, they are more inclied and able to make life easier for you. its just an idea, you said he was the greatest man you've ever met, but you're falling out of love becuase of lack of sex, so i thought I'd suggest an alternative to throwing away the best man you've ever met.

    1420040310
    KinkyMinxMoo [sign in to see picture]
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    nodrog wrote:

    mayby you should of giving the whole story from the off and this guy deserves you to be cheating on him

    good luck with it

    Please please say that you meant "this guy does not deserve you to be cheating on him"

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