Foreplay for the tired

Hi all,

Does anybody have any favourite foreplay tips that are not super-energetic?  I really enjoy sex with my OH but suffer from chronic fatigue . So I often struggle to motivate myself initially as I don't feel I have the energy. (I'm usually alright once I get going ).

Thanks,

Ms Peachy

Basic stroking seems to work well, or a handjob depending on how energetic you're feeling. Stroking is a nice starter. It'll get your man in the mood to turn his attention to you!

Hiya Ms Peachy. I would defo also say stroking or using oil/lube so it's more effortless. Oral in the 69 position laying on your sides is quite relaxing and not too tiring!

SG69 x

Hiya Ms P!

Sorry to hear about your chronic fatigue, I have insomnia so I can sympathise with conflicting feelings of horniness and utter exhaustion!

I have a few ideas that I enjoy:

- Reading erotic stroies and/or sharing fantasies together might help to heat things up and requires virtually no effort on your part!

- Watching a sexy film or harcore porn (whatever tickles your fancy)!

- Wearing naughty undies all day makes sure I'm in the mood later!

- Spooning in bed and feeling my partner's body pressed against me, his breath on my neck and hands running all over me is a lovely prelude to slow, sensous sex

- Oral sex, him on me. Need I say more!

- Could try asking him to strip and/or masturbate for you if you think you'd find that visually stimulating .... you might also learn a little something new about how he likes to be touched into the bargin!

- Foot massage: I find having my feet rubbed incredibly erotic, probably because of all the lovely tingly nerve endings!

Hope these help

xxKPxx

Seeing as my OH has been 'lost' on the LH system she cannot reply on her account but heres AdnaW on mine:

Hi Ms Peachy. I have something similar to chronice fatigue syndrome....well actually it's a chronic pain syndrome I suffer from but it leads to symptoms of fatigue so I can really relate to how you feel! I'm exactly the same in that I tend to need building up before hand because of the tiredness, I sometimes feel like I can't be bothered with sex and that then makes me feel guilty...it's all a mixture of silly feelings that tend to make me want to avoid trying to solve the problem so congratulations on tackling the issue by asking for advice on here!! It took me a long time to get to that stage!

Obviously you know your own situation better and I advise being experimental and find what works for you! But here are a few things I've found helps...

1. Lying down in bed, using pillows to prop you both up then slow and sensual kissing and touching is a really easy way for me to get horny, although my partner has to really be "in the mood" for kissing in this way. It definately does not require too much energy and is really intimate.
2. Him kissing, touching and teasing me whilst I lay there and relax (propped up so I don't fall asleep due to too much relaxation!) whilst talking to me about what he is doing and what he's going to do helps me to focus on sexy thoughts and enjoy getting turned on. It helps that heLOVES doing this so I don't feel too guilty about just lying there.
3. Obviously receiving oral from him is a great way to get turned on without the effort! Try sitting on the edge of the bed then lying back so he (or she of course?) can sit on the floor in front of you to prevent neck cramp!
4. In order to give head without too much effort, I scoot down the bed and place a pillow just in front of him, then he lies on his side so I can suck without any effort!
5. I make sex on top less energetic by propping him up slightly and leaning down onto him, then he does the thrusting.

Just to point out, as I'm sure you understand (but for the other readers!) I'm not a lazy girlfriend, there are times when I have more energy and more effort goes into the sex (and I make up for all those "lazy" blowjobs) but in order to keep sex frequent sometimes we have to adapt to our own personal conditions! And in my opinion it's better to make those adaptations than to miss out on a good thing alltogether so I admire you for asking about this on here Ms Peachy!

Hope it goes well!!

AdnaW

heya MS peachy. i have dyspraxia which carries the same fatigue rate as ME so i know where you coming from

i agree with the other posters that things like massage are brilliant so long as you make sure youre not going to fall asleep! how about starting out in the shower if you can rubbing you and your partners body ect

remember foreplay isnt just physical things, you could always try sending naughty texts/ e mails to each other through the day if you dont allready do so.

and experementing with the way sexy/romantic lingerie makes you feel can always help. knowing your wearing something that makes you feel and look sexy always helps me get into the mood

Hi MsPeachy and welcome to the OA

I too have ME/ chronic fatigue plus fibromyalgia so I'm with you on the tiredness v. motivation schtick.

I sometimes find that being spontaneous and unplanned works well i.e. going for it when you are in the mood and not waiting til you go to bed/ have time/ later etc. etc. Like you say, if your libido takes the lead, then your tired wee body will often follow.

But don't think too much - I find that because my physical self is often weak, my mind races ahead and I overthink, then end up frustrated and scunnered. Does anyone else find that?

oh, and great tips folks - thanks

hmm another tip would could sex be possible earlier in the day/ when you feel less tired? could you make slight alterations to your day ( not so its too noticable to anoyone else) to take it easy if you know youre getting in the mood.  sometimes i have to be careful to take it a little easier so i have the energy for the rest of the day ect.

Start earlier!

Or I enjoy turning them on slowly over the course of the day. A note by the bed when they wake up. Texts and/or e-mails through the day, maybe a sexy phonecall at lunch. By the time you/they get home you're both already revved up.

Wow, thanks for all the responses already - keep them coming.  My OH has been away for a week so I'm donning my sexy undies this morning and starting the sexy texts to him in preparation.  Stroking sounds imminently do-able (and pleasurable) and I think the points on timing are really relevant - we've got out of the habit of morning sex but I think I'll reinstate a bit more of that!

It's also been such a comfort to hear from those of you in a similar situation - you're right, there are a whole load of emotions that go along with feeling too tired for sex, not least feeling guilty or lazy, and it's made me feel much better about the situation knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Such a big fan of the OA!

i've posted it before... but foreplay starts with a cup of tea in bed in the morning!! :)    (shame im never up early enough!!)

My suggestions are: caressing/stroking (as already suggested), some sexy/dirty talk while he pleasures himself then maybe you could join in at the crucial moment, using more caressing or some oral, and if you are really feeling lousy perhaps you could just cuddle up to hi whie he uses his hand and whisper in his ear. Hope these suggestions are useful to you - and I hope you're feeling much better really soon x

Was just talking to a friend of mine and HAD to report it back to this thread.

The sex was slowing down a little so she'd gotten into the habit of a lunchtime masterbation sesh on the days when he was at work and she was at home. One day he calls home while she's in the middle of it, and when she sees his caller ID she just keeps going. When she comes, he realises it! She spends the rest of the day worrying how he'd react when he gets home but when he walks in the door he picks her up and hauls her off to the bedroom!

Turns out he'd spent half the day at least half aroused and trying to hide it from his workplace.

Now, anytime she feels the sex is slowing down she just gives him a lunchtime call while she's enjoying herself. :D

 I too have a thing which results in symptoms of fatigue.  I find that being brung a cup of coffee or an iced glass of a sugary caffeinated beverage in bed gives me a real energy boost.  For coffee, I find that fresh made from real grounds works best, and for iced drinks I find that Dr Pepper has just the right amount of caffeine for me.

If you like chocolate, I recommend investing in some chocolate covered coffee beans, amusingly called "shock-o-lots", because they really do give a caffeine rush which can be such a help!  I recommend limiting your intake to 4 or 5 beans at a time, they really are strong.  This is the sort of thing I mean:

http://www.pumphreys-coffee.co.uk/ProductList.aspx?CatID=59

I know how tiring being tired can be (as weird as that sounds), I wish you every good thing.  :)

- Spooning in bed and feeling my partner's body pressed against me, his breath on my neck and hands running all over me is a lovely prelude to slow, sensous sex

I sooo agree with this KittyPurry, sometimes i just feel so tired as i've hardly slept all week, im really not in the mood, but when we get into bed, and we're spooning, i always, gauranteed end up uber horny as a result, im the same, cant resist the feeling of his body pressed against mine,heaven ^_^

Not me again! But the OH, AdnaW who can't get on her account:

Hello again,

people seem to have come up with some fab ideas and I am reading this avidly for some advice myself so keep 'em coming!

I have researched CFS, fibromyalgia and BJHMS (the condition I have) quite thoroughly as they are all very similar (and there is a family link to all 3 conditions in my family). I would just like to say I strongly advise you not to try drinking more caffeine!! The condition includes difficulty having a refreshing nights sleep and caffeine can majorly affect this, also a symptom of CFS is prolonged headaches....again caffeine will not help this!

Of course it is up to you! But I really think it will cause more trouble than good!

I will have loads more to say when I can finally get on my account but in the meantime, have fun testing the new ideas and good luck!

AdnaW

AdnaW wrote:

I have researched CFS, fibromyalgia and BJHMS (the condition I have) quite thoroughly as they are all very similar (and there is a family link to all 3 conditions in my family). I would just like to say I strongly advise you not to try drinking more caffeine!! The condition includes difficulty having a refreshing nights sleep and caffeine can majorly affect this, also a symptom of CFS is prolonged headaches....again caffeine will not help this!

I didn't know about any of that, so I really appreciate you bring that to our attention.  Thank you very much, I've filed it all away for future reference.  :)

Lubyanka wrote:

 

AdnaW wrote:

I have researched CFS, fibromyalgia and BJHMS (the condition I have) quite thoroughly as they are all very similar (and there is a family link to all 3 conditions in my family). I would just like to say I strongly advise you not to try drinking more caffeine!! The condition includes difficulty having a refreshing nights sleep and caffeine can majorly affect this, also a symptom of CFS is prolonged headaches....again caffeine will not help this!

I didn't know about any of that, so I really appreciate you bring that to our attention.  Thank you very much, I've filed it all away for future reference.  :)

Shes gone to work now... But I'll let her know later and get her to leave more info if you're interested!

Shes been really proactive recently about working through her own conditions and talking with her mum and stuff so shes becoming a bit of an expert.

All I really know is to use the 'special' decaff teabags after 4pm!

I'm sure she will be grateful for the thanks Lubyanka!

i find, wearing the phone vibe they sell on LH keeps my horny all day, and by the evening i cant wait to rip his clothes off, it brings you close, but never over so its good foreplay, and if he knows he can get you going with just a phone call!!!!

Belle

strangley I have also spent 5 years researching CF, ME, fibromyalgia and POTS (there are 6 kinds of POTS).  My ex suffered very badly from it.  So sympathise.  I understand how bad it is and also understand how crap the NHS are at dealing with it.  They normally fob you off with anti - depressents, and don't address the root cause.  There are lots of different causes, but my first question would be do you have back or neck problems?  In my ex's case is was neurological, the nerves in the spine were being irritated, she had quite a straight back.  so my advice would be to see a Chiropractor straight away, but  definitely a Specialist Neurologist.  Unfortunately, the UK is about 10 years behind the USA and Germany.  I had to fight through the NHS system to see the one guy in London who knew about it.  and I mean fight!

I would also check your blood pressure reguarly (buy a BP monitor from Chemist), exp if you feel faint standing up or getting out of Bath or in a warm room.  There are mild forms of epilepsy drugs available on trail now, that worked wonders..  They basically raise your BP.

It is possible to narrow the specific condition down, because there are subtle differences in the symptoms.  Unfortunately, most GP's in England think the titles ME, FS are so called "trash can" titles.  Basically they don't have a clue..  and hate people like me telling them that.

Lubyanka wrote:

 

AdnaW wrote:

I have researched CFS, fibromyalgia and BJHMS (the condition I have) quite thoroughly as they are all very similar (and there is a family link to all 3 conditions in my family). I would just like to say I strongly advise you not to try drinking more caffeine!! The condition includes difficulty having a refreshing nights sleep and caffeine can majorly affect this, also a symptom of CFS is prolonged headaches....again caffeine will not help this!

I didn't know about any of that, so I really appreciate you bring that to our attention.  Thank you very much, I've filed it all away for future reference.  :)