• anal..not confident enough :(

    stina [sign in to see picture]
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    My partner has wanted to been wanting to try anal. We've attempted it a few times but it always feels like I'm going to poo myself which would so embarressing. We've been together for nearly 2 years but known each other a lot longer and as far as he's concerned I don't poo. Lol I'd like to keep it that way. We've tried a small vibrating butt plug and pjour backdoor lube which is very helpful and I did start to enjoy it but that one thing gets in the way. Any tips? And is an anal douche useful?

    subbysam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    anal douching may help, and if you're really concerned a full on enema would solve the problem.

    Butt (see what I did there), I personally think the bigger issue is that if both of you want to try anal you have to accept that there is an (albeit small) risk of a little bit of mess unless you really want to go through enemas and douching every time anything is down there.

    Try and work out what it is thats making you feel like you want to poo, is it a stationary plug that your body is trying to remove 9in which case maybe you need something even smaller?)

    or Is it the moving in and out that is imitating the feeling of going to the toilet (so just a new sensation that takes time to adjust to).

    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you need to start slow on your own, sans vibrations. We are still building too anal with his penis, we have built up to him using toys on me by giving me time to get used to them on my own first.

    It took a while before I figured out how to relax so that the awkward sensations of anal went away.

    As far as vibrations, it is my personal preference not to have them in my bum. Maybe you will like them or not later, for now your comfort is key, and all that extra stuff going on might just be what is puttig you off.

    jen81 [sign in to see picture]
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    It's something I was never keen on but to try and get the sexual spark back in our marriage, amongst other things I bought the LH anal sex starter kit. It arrived and I still wasn't sure how I felt about it and had no idea how my husband would feel! He opened it and admitted he would love to try anal sex.
    I did use the anal douche and whilst isn't a pleasent nor unpleasant feeling I want it to be clean and mishap free. I do this about 45mins to a hour before. We are usually really turned on at the thought of all the things we are going to do and start off having light bondage foreplay and then when I'm feeling relaxed, turned on and ready I let my husband know. We choose a toy out of the kit and use the Tracey cox anal lube and plenty of it. We have started out with the smallest toy and will work with our way up to bigger until I feel ready for anal sex. The best thing to do is relax. If you are uptight about it then it may not be pleasent. Personally I didn't think I'd like it but was willing to try. I loved it and can't wait for bedtime tonight!

    stina [sign in to see picture]
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    Very helpful guys. I know my partner enjoys it and I really want to enjoy it more aswell. I'm going to give anal douching a try. The butt plug I have is one of the smallest so I'll just stick to that. I do think we went into it a little too fast but jen81 il take things slower for now and yes I wernt feeling the vibrations it just didn't do anything for me really. Thanks. anal douche on the wishlist for next buy

    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    The feeling of needing to 'go' is completely natural and is something you will learn more about as you engage in more play.

    It is a feeling that eventually you will realise is part of the play, and will learn to know when it is a real needing to go, or when it is just your body confusing the toy inside you.

    As mentioned, you need to relax over this, and that will also mean coming to terms with the fact that there will from time to time be a mishap - even if you douche beforhand.

    Forget what you and your partner have seen 'in the movies'. you will only be setting yourself an unrealistic and unneccesarily high expectation which will lead to anxiety and upset over the whole thing.

    One thing I have found to help take away the one sidedness is to both engage in anal play (really there is nothing wrong with a male playing this way too!). By him knowing what you are going through will also help him t understand how and when to start and stop play.

    This new adeventure should be enjoyable for you both. Relax, smile and go with the flow

    stina [sign in to see picture]
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    I guess in time I will be used to it. I know I'm being silly but I just can't help it and I know how ridiculous it is to think anal porn is in any way realistic but one can only dream. My partner is a bit old fashioned when it come to male anal play I've toyed with it a few times like wriggle my finger towards his bum but he gets quite defensive. I don't mind as such if he wouldn't allow me to do it to him. But it's plenty fun teasing him over it.

    missvox [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 11 Sep 2014

    My partner is anal obessed although it's not often I let him do it. I think personally the bottom line is that you need to be so turned on and in the moment (i would reccomend using a vibrator) that you don't concentrate on what his about to do/doing and you only concentrate on the pleasure. Once he has entered the worst bit is over, and as long as you keep pleasuring yourself/he keeps pleasuring you the experience should be 100% more enjoyable. :)

    good luck and relax!

    CuriousPurple [sign in to see picture]
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    I was a total newbie to anal until a few weeks ago and I understand totally the feeling of needing to go that you described.

    I found that taking it slow was the best way to get used to the idea and feeling. I like anal in the doggie position and found it helpful to have my chap massage the small of my back as he eased in. It helps the intamicy and lets me relax that bit more to enjoy the sensations.

    Hope this helps :)

    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
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    It's completely natural, anal is one of our favourites but it took time to get over the same concern you have. At first it was messy, not horrendous like you think so I got a douche which I found did help but it felt a little schedualized, because we do it so often, nothing comes out at all, of course you need to get used to it mentally & so does your bum! ^_^ It's something that needs to be slow working up to it, you relax more with practice and the thought goes away after a while. If it really bothers you you could try a PVC/Plastic sheet, I think there's some on LH or have wipes handy. I have never tried anal play on him as I don't think either of us would be comfortable with it so it purely just me & anal play, as long as you relax, take it slow and communicate, you shall be fine & wonder why you didn't try it sooner ^_^ Hope it works out for you x

    Spoonerism [sign in to see picture]
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    I really got into anal this year - it may sound weird but it feels like one of the cutest things we do together now!

    I found reading this book really helpful and reassuring http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1554 you may want to check it out.

    I'm pretty good at getting relaxed now. I know my body pretty well and listen to it so we've had very minimal mess. The worst time when we got to enthusiastic and went too deep which made me feel sick and convulse a bit which wasn't the best feeling, but even that wasn't that bad, just a bit of 'colour' :P but I do douche sometimes if I'm planning on making it a main event for the evening, just to be safe. Sometimes it is quite spontaneous but 9 times out of 10 it's still fine.

    I find clitoral stimulation before and during the action is really good for relaxing everything. Without the additional clit stim I do sometimes find the initial penetration far too intense. I also find it helpful to have him go 'in and out' slowly a few times to loosen up a bit (obviously warm up with fingers and toys first though or you're just asking for trouble). Good luck!

    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven't had anal in a looooong time. That feeling that you're going to poo is something you get over once you feel confident and, most importantly, enjoy it. I always found that me on top was the best position for anal because I had more control that way. If I started to feel uncomfortable, I'd just slow it down and we'd kiss for a bit then when I was ready I'd start moving again.

    Using a butt plug during sex really helps you get used to the sensation too.

    stina [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 19 Aug 2013

    Thanks everyone for all the helpful messages it's so reassuring to know it wasn't just me. I feel rude for not replying sooner but I had no idea you guys gave more advise. Anyway, I have just been bought all my Christmas presents so lots of vibrators and clit stims. I think that's a really good idea to get me into it and help distract me from any discomfort. I've also got another butt plug. This one is glass. Never tried glass before so has anyone got experience? I do hear they're very pleasurable. But I forgot to buy that anal douche (idiot). I was going to buy the love honey basic one but saw a review that said the nozzle is a little sharp and knowing my luck I'd order the one with the sharpest nozzle ever. So the last thing I want is to catch myself on it. What's douche does everyone own and its the love honey not so bad or is it worth spending a little extra on one with a softer end.??

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