• each person post one tip/advise to being a good dom

    1414605589
    grimejc [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2012

    Hi everyone I am new to to the forum. I have to admit I love how comfortable everyone is here it makes it easier to communicate with people with the same interests.

    anyways I've heard the saying. " a good sub is a reflection of their dominant partner. "

    I want to start a thread where each person adds one bit of advice/tip/secret to being a good dom. Try keeping it short and sweet and then hopefully we can add all these to our own to do lists to get the best experiences.

    ill start by saying; always listen to your submissive and their body when starting new, to prevent serious injury and understand what your sub enjoys.

    1414605802
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2748
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    Be confident in what you do, even if you've never done it before

    1414606376
    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1063
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2009

    Understand their limits

    1414606583
    OUCH! Thank you ;) [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1244
    • Joined: 17 Jun 2010

    Get to know the intensity of each of your impact toys and never forget which one you have in your hand...

    1414606683
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1470
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Always insist on a safe word

    1414607196
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 220
    • Joined: 1 May 2012

    Being a Dom doesn't mean being mean. Its control. Pain and punishment is optional

    1414609678
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3095
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    Never expect of a sub what you wouldn't be prepared to have done to yourself

    1414616372
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2219
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Improve your communication skills. Not just in what you say, but in understanding what they are saying too, whether in actual words, reading between the lines or through body language.

    1414621526
    Tiberius [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 162
    • Joined: 23 Aug 2008

    Mutual trust before anything.

    1414635734
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 890
    • Joined: 1 Mar 2014

    Be prepared to stop if something is going too far, even if it means breaking "role" safety always comes first.

    1414637498
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3175
    • Joined: 11 Jun 2012

    Learn to read body language of your sub

    1414655387
    grimejc [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2012

    Make sure that you reward your sub as much as you punish them. This will make them more willing to submit to you mentally and also crave to please the dom even more, knowing that they will be rewarded. Witness how much more your sub will get into it and how much sluttier they become when you punish and reward appropriately.

    1414655949
    grimejc [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2012

    Let your sub know that you are the boss, using your body language, vocabulary and eye contact. Use all of them, to show confidence and that you own the room. Make it seem like you know what you want and what your doing at all times, at a comfortable pace for both of you. A confused dom with no confidence is not sexy and will not be taken as seriously.

    1414694319
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 118
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    Don't blindly follow advice on the Internet: read, consider, decide if it works for you and your sub. Not all advice will work for every dynamic

    1414703421
    HappilyExperimenting [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1961
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2012

    Set limits for your sub and always know how far they are willing to go into kinkier territory e.g. whipping, pony play, watersports etc. Don't take advantage of their submission. Both of you need pleasure from your play :)

    1414706811
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 890
    • Joined: 1 Mar 2014

    Actually wish i could edit mine to be worded better to how i meant it as reading back its not very clear. I meant there's a fine line between dominating and abuse, a sub might not speak out or be too in the moment to realise something might be dangerous (should they partake in being sat on, choked etc that if done for too long or taken too extreme could endanger their health) I meant keep vigilant, and be prepared to stop if something is risking endangering their health, or yours, even if it means you break role and instead of being a dom, you're just being a person looking out for another person, even if it spoils the mood/flow, safety and health first.

    1414707154
    kinky-for-you [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 23 May 2011

    Simplicity. I love when my dom requests a simple instruction like to undress slowly in the middle of the room. What is normally a thoughtless process becomes a highly sexual vulnerable moment.

    1414716510
    El terriblo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 54
    • Joined: 16 Apr 2013

    Communicate at all times, use the traffic light system if it calls for it, always reward your sub when they have been good, and always show them when they have been bad, dependgin on what level of sub and dom we are talking about here, depends on how far the control factor really goes.

    Make sure to keep some thigns a mystery such as not telling the sub what the daily task is until last minute( unless this is something that causes problems) but either way it gives you the element of surprise.

    Always remember when they say stop they mean it, so dont carry on a bit and be like aww its ok just a little longer or oh but I didnt cum, no that is abusive and in no way honours what the sub/dom relationship is truly about.

    There is and should always be mutual respect for one another, remember also that the dom's true purpose is to push and stretch the sub's abilities to their liimit while always aiming to fulfill their desires,even if it appears they are fulfilling yours, its technically reverse both ways.

    Last but not least, should anythign go wrong, stop immediately and reassure your sub, do not under any circumstances try to carry on where you left off, you have to make them your everything and to ensure the trust is never broken, like all relationships this is no different, should the trust ever be damaged or broken then there is no relationship full stop.

    1414748473
    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2261
    • Joined: 16 May 2010

    Ask if the submissive has any health contiditions which may interfer with play (diabetes, heart conditions, epilespy, etc), so you are able to add the right safety measures needed and can avoid harmful equipment.

    1414753771
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6239
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Have safe words or signals in place - safe words don’t mean that you don’t trust your partner. They are there to protect you both on a physical and emotional level. We personally use the traffic light system. GREEN to let Mr Scorpius know that I am comfortable to continue - especially during a new activity or something that is more daring.

    AMBER means ‘slow down’ or ‘I’m close to my limit’ and RED means ‘all play stops immediately’.

    The most important thing is that the sub feels safe. Honest communication between the Dom and sub will help you to understand boundaries, fears & desires. Know each other’s limits and always respect them.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.