• Not much effort

    1413391802
    MrsMuffin [sign in to see picture]
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    pinkanimal wrote:

    I'm guilty of this.

    I don't make much of an effort. And when I do he moans he doesn't see it for long. In not going to walk around the house in underwear! What if the kids come down?!

    But yes I do feel like I should make more of an effort. But I'm always so tired lol

    I'm the same. I go through phases of having the energy to have a good time but more often than not, by the time tea's been made and eaten, the battle to gets kids asleep has been won and I've finally relaxed from my day, I just want to get comfy in bed and sleep before it all starts again.

    With no chance of lay ins at weekend and quiet time it does not get any easier to try and "make an effort" as you put it. (I have to say that I'd be very hurt if my husband used such words)

    1413395204
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Other than the lack of lingerie and mismatched drives are you happy with the sex? Maybe she's putting her 'effort' and energy into making love rather than the superficial things?

    1413449937
    Fitnessfreak [sign in to see picture]
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    . (I have to say that I'd be very hurt if my husband used such words)

    I didnt word it that when talking to her or least I dont think so :/
    1413449998
    Fitnessfreak [sign in to see picture]
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    Black_Magic wrote:

    One of the mainly reasons why we have chosen not to have children. We still enjoy our sex even after five years together.

    Some people may say when you have kids, you can be creative and either keep the noise down or arrange for the kids to be elsewhere and have a dirty session, but you just have to hope the babysitter does not let you down or the kids don't burst in asking one of their many questions! LOL

    I understand, I wouldnt change the kids for the world though but it can take the pasion away at times but there is always the odd evenings.

    1413450471
    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
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    Black_Magic wrote:

    One of the mainly reasons why we have chosen not to have children. We still enjoy our sex even after five years together.

    Some people may say when you have kids, you can be creative and either keep the noise down or arrange for the kids to be elsewhere and have a dirty session, but you just have to hope the babysitter does not let you down or the kids don't burst in asking one of their many questions! LOL

    Don't let that stop you. We still enjoy our sex after ten years together and with a five year old in the house! Our sex life has never been better, more varied or more fun.

    People have sex after they have children. That's why most parents have more than one child. :p

    1413451295
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wine and dine her. Maybe bring her home some flowers, ( If you don't already ) treat her like a princess, maybe she might feel like one a bit. Always works for me. Have u tried buying her someone nice to wear? Always better when a man picks it I think as I wouldn't go out to buy one for myself.
    Also I find it weird going up and just getting dressed into something nice. Could try leaving something out on the bed with a little note ( that way you don't have to do it face to face)
    If you think she had confidence issues maybe buy her something more covered. Maybe a baby doll? X

    1413453299
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Age could also be playing a part. Sex drive naturally declines as we age and our hormone levels drop, is it possible she may be in the beginning stages of the menopause? Has she been ill, or more stressed of late with work, a family illness, or is she on a new medication? It can take just the smallest thing to dent the confidence or sex drive which can have a major domino effect. It could even have been something as "small" as gaining a pound or two, noticing a few fine lines, or a little cellulite, things that are a natural part of aging that don't make her less attractive but that she's only just noticed and has really hit her hard.

    May be after having children she felt she had to prove she was still a sexual being and not just a mother, and now she's finally becoming more comfortable and relaxed in her own skin she doesn't feel the pressure to go all out to prove hersaelf. Or even the opposite, she doesn't want to be seen as just a sexual being, because she is a mother now. I have a few friends that go either way, some felt they had to make a big effort to show they were still a sexual person, others felt lingerie and beuing kinky became inappropriate either as soon as they became a mum, or when the children were old enough they could accidentally walk in and see what they didn't want them to.

    All you can really do is talk to her and explain your fears that you feel less desireable to her, and ask her for some reassurance that it isn't the case. You may be surprised by her reaction, I'd put money on it she had no idea you were feeling insecure. It's not that we don't care or don't consider your feelings, sometimes we just honestly miss the more subtle signs guys give off that something is bothering them.

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