• Dom/Sub help!

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    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    This is a long one, sorry. I have two friends (both women) who are in a dom/sub relationship and me and the sub are best friends and have been for a long time. I am also friends with the dom but not as much. Basically my sub friend had been acting really unhappy recently and I asked her if she was alright and she told me her dom is asking her to do things she's not really comfortable with even though they spoke about limits before they started the relationship and everything was fine.

    I asked if she wanted me to talk to her dom (Dom was fine about me discussing their relationship as was sub) and she said yes. I discussed the problems with her dom and the dom seemed to understand where her sub was coming from and she said she would talk to her sub to clear things up. Things seemed fine but my sub friend turned up at my house in tears last week saying that her dom stopped the relationship. I've spoken to my sub friend and she really wants to go back to her dom and try and make things work but I'm worried because she was doing things she wasn't comfortable with before. She hasn't gone back to her dom which I think was for the best. Her dom called me a few days ago and asked if I would want to be her new sub, she had never shown interest before and I never showed interest in her. I've told her no of course but I don't know if I should tell my sub friend that her old dom asked me to be her new sub because I'm worried it'll really upset her. They had been in a relationship for 5 years.

    What do you guys think? should I tell her?

    All help will be greatly appreciated.

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Stay well clear you willl get hurt and your destroy your friendship with your sub friend

    1412631132
    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    KinkyFuckery wrote:

    Stay well clear you willl get hurt and your destroy your friendship with your sub friend

    Oh yeah I am staying clear of the dom, I don't want anything to do with her but should I tell my sub friend about the dom asking me to be her sub because I'm not sure if honesty is the best policy if it will really upset her? I'm really stuck with this one.

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    M-J [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I wouldn't mention it. Especially if your friend is still very upset about it.
    I would just perhaps encourage her to move forward and not go back to the Dom.

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    El terriblo [sign in to see picture]
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    I would be there for your female friend but without getting yourself involved because clearly the Dom has over stepped boundaries and the Sub is having withdrawel symptoms very much like some horrible relationships can have, i.e. after effects, should she start to present herself with bruises and broken bones I suggest reporting thigns to the authorities as some people really should not ever get involved in the BDSM world, because they lack the mental stability to know when and ahwere to draw the line, my best wishes to you, if you seek any more advice I'm here

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    Cuddlekins [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I would consider telling your friend, If your friends old Dom decides to tell her that she asked you to be her Sub then your friend might feel hurt that you hadn't mentioned it.

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    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would just like to let you all know that my sub friend was never hurt (like broken bones or bruising), trust me if she had been the Dom would have had me and the authorities to deal with. She just wasn't comfortable with some of the things the Dom wanted to do (name calling, denial etc).

    I've told my sub friend what the Dom had said to me and she is quite upset but she understands how the Dom was trying to manipulate the situation and put me in a difficult position. We are still friends and I'm helping her deal with it.

    Thank you to everyone who helped. It was much appreciated 😃

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    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Hope things settle down soon!

    Relationship withdrawals/after egfects can be horrible! She's lucky to have a friend watching out for her

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    rogerthechorister [sign in to see picture]
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    1. Safeword.

    2. Safeword.

    3. Safeword.

    Subject to that, part of the game is being taken not entirely willingly to places you have never been.

    The BEST protection against that (IMHO) is to base teh relationship on switching. A wholly or partly random event determines who is the domme, and who is the sub, that night.

    The worst scars are mental. ANd the greatest sexuial excitement is mental.

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    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    Continue to be there for your friend. I think it's best she is out of that relationship if she wasn't happy. Not sure whether you should share with her that the Domme contacted you. It may upset her that the Domme wanted to move on so quickly, even more so with you. Good luck xx

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    As a lifestyle Dom and Pro Domme, I see that this is a tricky situation, as it seems they would've had a more personal relationship than if I were taking a sub on via Pro Domming. There will be the normal relationship emotions she'll have to go through as well as a big change in her life lifestyle. For now, she is without anyone to Dom her, as well as a partner. While a lot of my Pro Domme sub's get very upset if I let them go, they also have another life that they are involved in and can help them focus on to move on. Whereas in this situation, your friend and her Dom, we more than that.

    Due to the attitude of the Dom, and asking so soon about you being their sub, I'd avoid them. Something doesn't feel right. There's a whole form of protocolce to follow wehen choosingt a personal (sub / slave), which seems to be what they want, and their method wasn't it, particularly after asking you who is a goo friend of their ex-submissive.

    Sadly these forms of relationships ending can cause a lot of drama, unlike when I take on Pro Domme Clients, which is a professional contract (sure there's some emotions when you let one go, but as the Pro Domme I have to think more of my career).

    In this situation I wouldn't inform your friend, as she has a lot more to go through when compared to a part time sub. Also there's other factors to consider, the Dom maybe actually trying to cause drama to show their control (sadly I've seen this too often, but once you let a sub go you have let them go, and personally baggering their friends and them just shows attention seeking behaviour and a weak Dom when looking at it within a professional light).

    I;ve only let one personal submissive go (and we didn't have a partner relationship just a friendship on top of it). Sadly I had due to them gossiping too much and not understanding the agree protocal when playing with others. This left them heart broken but after a few weeks they found their feet.

    Basically just be there for them, and try not to bring up the Dom. If they had parted in a different way, I might of offered different advice, but this is a Dom you really don't want ot be playing with by the sounds of it and telling your friend would be just that.

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    rogerthechorister wrote:

    1. Safeword.

    2. Safeword.

    3. Safeword.

    Subject to that, part of the game is being taken not entirely willingly to places you have never been.

    The BEST protection against that (IMHO) is to base teh relationship on switching. A wholly or partly random event determines who is the domme, and who is the sub, that night.

    The worst scars are mental. ANd the greatest sexuial excitement is mental.

    In regards to safewords, not every Dom who has personal slaves uses them. For one of mine I don't, but that is only one and I own that submissive 24/ 7. I feel you have to be very good at reading your submissive before going to this level though, acommunicate and listen a lot to your submissive. (we also do a lot of things were safewords can't be used, and for use Dom / sub lifestyle is not a game it's constantly going on 24 / 7).

    In Pro Domming a safe word is offered, although there are some sessions where it is really not needed for many as they are using different methods (sissy games butler training, etc). But it's protocol to take a full history of the submissive prior to the session if possible, often via written and a chat.

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    MeghanNymphotic [sign in to see picture]
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    I know I don't know you but this is a two way street inbetween a rock and a hard place. If you don't tell her and she finds out? That comes off as untrustworthy. I'm an advocate for honesty no matter what that means and I think you should definitely tell her but don't be insensitive. Let her know that what you have to say may hurt and you're only telling her for her best interest. Tell the truth and that you never even thought about it and that you've said no. Tell her you want to steer clear. But she should know even if it hurts because you didn't do anything wrong and because if it comes up later you will be the one who's done wrong.

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    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't mix up being a domme and plainly being controlling.

    s/d relationships work on the basis of respect and trust. if never have any of that for each other, then it shall not work.

    I think there are some people out there that read things like 50 shades of grey and expect a d/s relationship to be like that but it isn't.

    I would steer well clear of this and don't be the inbetweener

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