• How to boost libido?

    1411498561
    Holdupgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    my libido is always through the roof yet my partners is so low I am lucky if we get it on once a month.

    I have tried lingerie and initiating but to no avail. I could walk round the house naked and not get a second glance

    he is very very shy.

    but I am worried that maybe I am just very unnatractive (I do have smmall bust)

    1411498997
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    Small bust doesn't make you unattractive, in fact that happens to be my preference in women and I know loads of guys who like small busted ladies. It is far more likely to be an issue to do with him (naturally low libido, stress affecting him, he feels unattractive himself etc etc) than him finding you unattractive.


    Have you tried talking to him about it? Great idea with the lingerie and initiating, he maybe just doesn't quite get the hint and thinks you only want it right then, not more often in general.

    1411499146
    Holdupgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    I have talked and he just has a naturally low libido and is super shy it seems. just makes me feel a bit unwanted.

    1411500457
    Kittyondrugz [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe some of those pheromone perfumes or pills,that enhance the libido?Never tried them,but I guess they might do the trick.

    1411503153
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    things it might be

    + stress

    + confidence - you might be able to work out a way to help him there. I know it can be nervewracking when you're lacking confidence (ah back in my nervous non sex pest youth!) when you're struggling to work out whether the girl is interested or is just eventually giving in......while that's largely his issue (if that's it) you can help by finding ways to help him tell by being clear and expressive with your responses.

    + literally just not thinking about sex or getting horny - might be rather more difficult but often you can trigger a more horny outlook or response. You see a lot of talk on here advising guys to spend a long time on massages, baths, cooking a nice meal, cuddling, and eventually it leading to great sex because women tend to 'warm up' slower than men. While men TEND to be simpler, it might be he requires some more sensual attention to get him started. Or he might be the opposite and to get past the possiblity of him being unsure you need to shock him with really obvious initiation of sex (like walking in the room in lingerie and kneeling in front of him).

    with abit of luck once you can start getting a response he'll open up quick and it will get easier.

    wish you luck!

    1411503432
    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
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    I know what you're saying. I have a higher sex drive than my wife and it sometimes does make me feel unattractive even though, to be perfectly honest, I know I'm not.

    Is he actually refusing? Or just not picking up on your 'hints'?

    1411504283
    Holdupgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    He has refused a couple of times saying he was either too tired , got a headache or not in the mood.

    But when we do get going its as if its the last day on earth and afterwoods he does mention how much he missed being intimate and seems less stressed in general.

    He mentioned before he is worried about being rejected (despite the fact I have never once said no!)

    he also seemed surprised the other day how I was practicaly salivating at the sight of him just in a towel (after he got showered) and I practically jumped on him so could be a confidence issue....

    1411505023
    Lnrn86 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have the same problem with my husband. I actually said to him the other day "I'm not wearing underwear that's stuck up my arse for the good of my health" thinking he was not taking the hint. His response was that I looked very sexy and he loves me in underwear or naked but he doesn't wanna have sex everyday. I really felt like he was no longer attracted to me but after we had that chat I realised that it's important to remember we're not all the same.
    Try taking a fresh approach. Since our chat I've started talking a lot more about sex; what he likes, what I like, our fantasies etc. I've bought tools I wouldn't usually buy, which is how I ended up on love honey in the first place, and we now have sex at least 4 times a week! It's amazing what a fresh outlook can do. It's like having the honeymoon period all over again.
    I've learned a lot from the love honey forums. The users are very nice, understanding, and informative. Have a look at some other threads that may be similar to yours.
    Good luck sweet x

    1411508313
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    You can't force someone to have a higher libido, it's just who he he is. It has nothing to do with whether you have small boobs or are unattractive. He does have sex with you just not as often as you'd like, sorry

    1411512959
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    About a year ago, I was posting the same message. In fact, I know many people here who have also gone through a similar experience. This is an EXTREMELY common issue in relationships, where one person has the higher drive and the other is lower. Often the lower drive person feels pestered for sex and the higher drive person feels unwanted and no longer desired.

    Of course, many of don't find out about this issue until we are well on the way to being deeply in love. It is only after the honeymoon period wears off that we begin to find out which one of us is which and of course, despite wanting more (or less) sex, you are generally happy and in love.

    If I had an answer for you, then this problem would not be as common as it is. There is really no way to completely fix this issue and still have both partners 100% happy. You can compromise, but compromise means both changing views/ways to make it work and that means often doing something at sometime that you don't really feel like doing (eg having sex or going without sex). This is why it is such a common problem....because there is not really a complete fix (Unless you both change over time and fall into sync naturally).

    I've always been the one with the higher drive, throughout all my relationships. When I was younger, it really hurt. We are taught as women that men "always" want sex and this myth has causes many women to feel insecure when her man doesn't. Men are not machines though. They have ups and downs and highs and lows in their libido just like we do.

    Sorry I don't have the answers, but know you are not alone and this is surprisingly common!

    1411513780
    duckandbunny79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    About a year ago, I was posting the same message. In fact, I know many people here who have also gone through a similar experience. This is an EXTREMELY common issue in relationships, where one person has the higher drive and the other is lower. Often the lower drive person feels pestered for sex and the higher drive person feels unwanted and no longer desired.

    Of course, many of don't find out about this issue until we are well on the way to being deeply in love. It is only after the honeymoon period wears off that we begin to find out which one of us is which and of course, despite wanting more (or less) sex, you are generally happy and in love.

    If I had an answer for you, then this problem would not be as common as it is. There is really no way to completely fix this issue and still have both partners 100% happy. You can compromise, but compromise means both changing views/ways to make it work and that means often doing something at sometime that you don't really feel like doing (eg having sex or going without sex). This is why it is such a common problem....because there is not really a complete fix (Unless you both change over time and fall into sync naturally).

    I've always been the one with the higher drive, throughout all my relationships. When I was younger, it really hurt. We are taught as women that men "always" want sex and this myth has causes many women to feel insecure when her man doesn't. Men are not machines though. They have ups and downs and highs and lows in their libido just like we do.

    Sorry I don't have the answers, but know you are not alone and this is surprisingly common!

    That's pretty much the perfect answer to this problem.

    Can't really add much more, other than just keep communicating. The worst scenario would be to internalize this and get frustrated by it. That can lead to you discussing these things internally in your own head. But when you do that you make up both sides of the conversation and start telling yourself mad stuff like I'm no longer attractive, etc.

    There is no easy answer, but so long as you can talk about it without causing more agro, it will only be a good thing.

    1411557971
    Holdupgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all the advice guys but seems like I asked too late

    The relationship has now ended. He just didnt "want" me anymore. he said he loves me but no longer found me sexually attractive.

    I feel like utter shit at the moment but least I know

    wish I didnt spend all that money on new lingerie now :/

    1411589465
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh no, Holdupgirl. It's always horrible when a relationship comes to an end... for what it's worth, from the sounds of it from your description, it really seems to be an issue with him, in particular his confidence, rather than you not being attractive.

    He obviously needs a more shy, lower-libido girl whereas you also need someone different to meet your own wants and needs. Everyone is different as others said and it's difficult for two people to find a nice rhythm where you can sync together and be happy and satisfied.

    I know nothing can really help your downer at the moment with the break so fresh, but please know that it'll pass, and soon you can focus on getting back out there and meeting other people - and finding a man who will enjoy your new lingerie! Exciting!

    1411592273
    Strange Days [sign in to see picture]
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    Holdupgirl wrote:

    wish I didnt spend all that money on new lingerie now :/

    If only it came from LoveHoney, you could at least return some of it..... :-(((

    1411596108
    duckandbunny79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Is this not exactly the time to buy that new underwear?

    Unless it was the panties with spikes.....

    Sorry to hear it has come to an end.

    1411604508
    rogerthechorister [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't blame yourself. He sounds a bit of a silly-billy to me. For most of my life I bitterly resented having to do all the sexual chasing and getting rejected. My last and my current relationships have been most beneficial for my self-image in that respect, so keep playing the game and I'm sure you will find a good use for the underwear. Do not hide away. If you have a G/F you trust, with her as ground-man you could try some of the kink sites. Am I allowed to name a site? I don't know.

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