• Hi Looking for advice please.

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    Shy86 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi I am new to the community at LH. I am looking for some advice that I find a bit embarassing but were all like minded people so I'm sure you wouldn't mind me asking, please bear with me I'm not sure where to start.

    Im 28 female and I have never been able to orgasm whether alone or with a partner. I have only had 2 sexual partners both were supportive in this. The problem with my first partner was I would have to stop half way through sex as I felt like I needed to pee so would stop and run to the toilet. But now I am with my new partner it is very different. I feel much more and it feels much more intense even when he just uses his fingers. It doesn't feel like I need to pee, just really really intense and so I pull away and make him stop. It is really frustrating for me because I really want to orgasm and to be honest when it feels intense I don't know whether it's enjoyable or painful.

    Sme of the reviews I have read some say that the vibrations/ toys were too intense at first but soon got used to them. How did you get used to the intense feeling?

    I have toys that I enjoy but still can't seem to get there even on my own.

    any advice will be very much appreciated. Thank you for reading and sorry for the length.

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    What are you afraid of that makes you ask him to stop, why do you stop when doing solo?

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    Shy86 [sign in to see picture]
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    It just feels too intense so with him I pull away and make him stop and when I'm doing it solo I just stop

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    So what, like you physically can't take any more?

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    Lorah13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried fantasising about something whilst being stimulated, sometimes an orgasm is as much in the mind as it is in physical stimulation, they can both go hand in hand.

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    Shy86 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes I feel I cannot take it anymore and that's why I stop. No I haven't tried fantasizing whilst being stimulated, i will have to try that thanks.

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    #Dana [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello shy86.

    It's quite common infact you just need to relax and and let go more x.
    The pee sensation sounds like you maybe a squirter damn you :-)
    Once you get passed the first orgasm you won't stop but let it come naturally and don't force the issue you could try your fingers and when you feel something
    Have a pice of silk to hand to stroke over your clitours.
    X

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    dxslove [sign in to see picture]
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    I had something like that the first time I tried a vibrator, it felt really intense but too much and I just ended up squirting and then not getting anywhere, but I began to focus on building tension rather than the intensity, and fantasies really help that. Once I felt the tension, I could build an orgasm and then I stopped squirting, which was good cause it's messy as fuck and doesn't feel like any kind of climax at all

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you definitely need to relax a little more - easy said, right?
    Maybe when it gets to that point (or just before) you change and do something different; a different position, a different toy whatever.
    How about intimacy, would that help?

    One thing you should definitely do is just be open and honest and keep trying.

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    #Dana [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi.
    Totally agree with sum sub honestly and open is best.
    Never been able to squirt but I have had the feeling and I just stopped
    because it was to intense.
    We appreciate it could be messy but is one who is sexualy aroused
    With adrenalin pumping that worried if there mess.
    Dxslove! Any tips on squirting for me.

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    My ex had this problem. She loved sex, had had quite a few partners, but would always have to stop as it got too intense. She had become very embarrassed about it. Ours was the first loving relationship she'd had so she opened up about it.

    A big part of getting past it was relaxing, not worrying about it, and trust. We made a point of taking the focus off trying to orgasm and put it on enjoyment. If it got too intense we'd back off, slow things down and build it back up when she was ready or just stop if she'd had enough. It didn't take long before she just felt like keeping going one night after a lot of play and she had her first orgasm followed by a lot of tears, and things got easier after that.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    The clitoris is packed with nerve endings and stimulating it "wrong" does end up producing a sensation that feels more painful than pleasureable. For example, when I am highly aroused I can't bear having the tip of my clit stimulated directly. It makes me want to shoot through the bedboard and isnt very nice. It isn't just females who experience this. Males can also become "hyper sensitive" and find it too intense to have certain areas stimulated at certain times.

    I highly, highly recommend that you experiment with your own body. Most of us learn what feels good through masturbation and we pass that info to a partner. Although, even those of us who know how to please ourselves can struggle with a partner due to pressure, anxiety etc we put on ourselves. Reaching orgasm (esp for females) often requires that the mind is in the right place, as well as the body, so I really recommend playing with yourself when alone.

    It will be a slow process, but if you start touching yourself and figuring out what you like, from movements, to pressure, when to speed up or slow down, when to avoid touching certain areas etc, in a relaxed, non pressure environment, you may find you learn much more about what you need. Each of us gets off in different ways, in different positions, with different sensations.

    If you are stimulating your clitoris and it becomes almost painfully intense, back away a little. Many women actually prefer to rub the side of the clitoris than touching the tip directly. You could try this. You should also try lubricant. I am really serious about the lube...it completely changes the sensation, removing any friction or drag that can rub sensitive women up the wrong way. I highy recommend Yes oil based lube for female masturbation, as it has been designed to be used on women (Avoid oil based lubes that contain mineral oils, perfumes and such) This lube will keep slippery for a longgg time, unlike water based. You could also try silicone lube. Water based is good, but needs constant re-application unless you get quite wet (water reactivates water based lube). Seriously - I struggle not to go shooting through the headboard when he stimulates me without lube, but with lube, it is much more comfortable.

    If you are highly sensitive, try stimulating yourself reeeeally slow and gentle. Let yourself build up over a long period of time. Set an hour aside to have a nice bath for example. Try touching different areas of your clitoris, to find a place where you are still building up, but its not so intense that you can't stand it. As soon as that sensation rises, move your fingers/vibrator to a less sensitive spot, like the shaft of your clitoris. You could even try keeping your legs closed and using a flat, lubed hand, slide back and forth over your labia and vagnial entrance. Your clitoris will be covered by your lips and so won't suffer any intense shocks if it gets touched the wrong way. I can orgasm from this alone. I am also very sensitive.

    Also try having your partner/yourself touching you with a barrier between fingers and clit. A good way to do this is to leave your pants on and rub over the top.

    It sounds to me like you are highly sensitive and stimulation is almost too much for you. As you approach orgasm, it should feel intense but not painfully intense. You know, as a sensitive female myself, I can tell you something else no one really tells you: Your mind plays a HUGE part in it. For example, if I am TOTALLY in the mood and not worrying or niggling about anything, direct stimulation feels good, but within minutes of my mind wandering and me starting to worry or force it, it begins to feel almost painful and I have to stop. I can't stress enough how important it is to really BE in the right frame of mind and this is one reason I highly suggest masturbating alone as often as you can/feel like it. When you are not worrying about pleasuring another person, you can truly relax and focus just on you. It doesn't matter how long it takes and if it doesn't happen, you don't feel like you are letting a partner down.

    1) Buy some lubricant

    2) Experiment as much as possible alone

    3) Try many different techniques and back off if it starts becoming painfully intense

    4) Get in the right mindset (One where you have NO worries or pressure

    5) Play with yourself without trying to orgasm (remove that pressure. Focusing on "Am I Close" or "Should I have climaxed by now" etc will put a block between your mind and body)

    6) Once you have a better idea what feels truly good, rather than almost painful, show him. It can even vary day to day. Don't be afraid to speak up and say "slower" "Left a bit" etc.

    It could take months to learn, maybe longer so please do not stress yourself and try and see the positive in every session (I felt like I got closer today!) and push the negative thoughts out. If nothing happens you can go see a doctor, but please note that your issue is surprisingly common and I highly doubt anything is physically wrong with you. For most of us women, it is psychological. Many of us (even the ones who orgasmed before) can have days or weeks where we struggle. Google anorgasmia and learn all you can about it and how common it is and understand you are most likely completely normal and just haven't figured out what works for you yet and haven't learned to relax enough yet.

    Good luck!

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had this problem for a long time, I found tensing my pelvic floor muscles makes it much easier, but it was all about relaxing and letting it come, now I porpsely try and keep those muscles relaxed to make it more intense. Once you've done it once you'll be fine, it's just that first time that's the problem. Relax, try different types of stimulation, when you feel like it's too intense try tensing your muscles like you're stopping yourself from peeing.

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    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    I too find orgasms very overwhelming. sometimes ive been known to cry!

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    kc. [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you considered that maybe the pee sensation is actually that you want to squirt? My wife is a big squirter and I love it. Too be fair I am into her peeing as well and it can be difficult at times to tell which is which, either one is great for me and her. She also says that when she is having a pee normally in the bathroom it also turns her on. I guess we have enginered our sex life around to the pleasures of water sports.

    Let go, it is amazing for both of you.

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    mrbigpackage [sign in to see picture]
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    try abit of bondage have him tie u up so u cant get him 2 stop maybe you are a squirter my OH was like that having 2 stop to go pee

    just come up with a safeword 2 get him to stop anything other than stop lol

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    luvhuni07 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would try it solo for sure and no how r like it keep trying you'll get there try one or two fingers over your clit or a vibrator on a low speed and work out wat feels best for u, most of the time I can only get an orgasm by fantasising or really being in the right mind set, I could try to have an orgasm for hours and nothing if my mind wasn't on, try loads of foreplay, I find it hard to come through sex alone so try everything, you'll get there hope this helps

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    luvhuni07 [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    I had this problem for a long time, I found tensing my pelvic floor muscles makes it much easier, but it was all about relaxing and letting it come, now I porpsely try and keep those muscles relaxed to make it more intense. Once you've done it once you'll be fine, it's just that first time that's the problem. Relax, try different types of stimulation, when you feel like it's too intense try tensing your muscles like you're stopping yourself from peeing.

    I agree with this the pelvic floor muscles are the key to how intense your orgasm is, I use my pelvic floor muscles along with my breathing to have a really really intense orgasm some times two or three in a row, I love it but I can't move or talk for a little bit after it bes so intense but it is amazing :)
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    Shy86 [sign in to see picture]
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    Some really good advice I'll try and update you. Thanks guys :)

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