• Advice

    1411466506
    jouster [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    There's no way a virus would do that. It's not possible. They can send emails, just not to a specific place, just your contacts on your computer.

    Well ... it's possible for a virus to install a back door that would let a remote attacker do whatever the hell they want with your computer, including browse Craigslist and send emails. I'm just not sure why any such attacker would want to. Far easier just to grab credit card and bank details and cash in.

    Actually, if you Google the name of the virus that was found it will tell you what it is capable of.

    Re-reading the original post, I see the email is timestamped when he is alone at home - so that's my theory of a friends prank blown.

    1411468321
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    jouster wrote:

    Young and fun95 wrote:

    There's no way a virus would do that. It's not possible. They can send emails, just not to a specific place, just your contacts on your computer.

    Well ... it's possible for a virus to install a back door that would let a remote attacker do whatever the hell they want with your computer, including browse Craigslist and send emails. I'm just not sure why any such attacker would want to. Far easier just to grab credit card and bank details and cash in.

    Actually, if you Google the name of the virus that was found it will tell you what it is capable of.

    Re-reading the original post, I see the email is timestamped when he is alone at home - so that's my theory of a friends prank blown.

    Yes true, but there has to be someone on the other end writing the message and finding an ad to reply to. The skills required to write a program that will search for an ad with a set theme and then reply with an appropriate message are possessed by a select few with much better things to be doing

    1411470371
    Lnrn86 [sign in to see picture]
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    I totally agree here. If it's on Craigslist he's obviously looking to do that with this woman and he's not being descreet or asking someone for advice. For all you know he could have already done it with someone else! Look but don't touch!!
    Sorry sweetie but he's stepped way out of line

    1411470951
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had a virus get into my emails before, they sent everyone in my address book a spam email telling them to click on a link.

    I don't understand why a virus would reply to a Craigslist advert, that's a pretty pointless virus.

    The crying and shaking is probably because he realised he's messed up and he is genuinely upset that you found out and he feels bad about it.

    1411471926
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Viruses don't so that. They spam everyone in your email. Not reply to specific emails.

    He's shaking and crying because he's been caught out and is panicking.

    1411500170
    MGW03 [sign in to see picture]
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    The email I found was a direct reply to a Craigslist ad, so it wasn't a reply to a specific email in his inbox. So I'm assuming when viewing Craigslist you can click reply to an advert and it connects to your email? (I don't know I've never used craigslist)
    He maintains he's happy, he's happy with our sex life and would he be wanting me to move in if he wanted to do this stuff because that would make it harder.
    He swore on his granny and sisters life he didn't send that email. I don't think he'd do that if he did.
    He's said he will do anything to prove it to me, but what can he do? He's said I can look at his emails whenever I want, I said I don't want to be doing that.

    1411508592
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    If you're happy to accept it then accept it. But I don't believe any virus scrolls through craigslist and sends emails to specific sexual ads

    1411508829
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    If you want to trust him that's up to you, but I wouldn't be moving in any time soon until you're 100%.

    Did he mention if that's the sort of stuff he's into? Like a sub/Dom relationship?

    1411511357
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    That's a damn good virus! Not only did it log into his email and send out just one reply to one message it found on Craigslist, but the virus even read his mind! It knew he was massively into ass play and pegging...so kindly let this random woman on Craigslist know!

    Viruses are getting damn good these days arn't they! :)

    Read: I don't believe it for a second. Sorry. I mean, it is impossible for me to know for sure what happened, but how on earth did his computer manage to, without a human behind it, send an email (that I am guessing contained no links that the recipient would click on and also get the virus) to just one person,

    a woman...

    just one mind you (coz viruses do that)....

    who just so happened to be a dominant woman too .....

    who just so happened to post things about sex in Craigslist....

    Who just so happens to be discussing the kind of sex things he is into.

    and all this happened, coincidentally, at a time when you were out the house and he was home alone....

    Some people are fantastic manipulators. I've known people prepared to swear on family members life and break down sobbing and begging. Still liars. The only difference is now they are caught liars and they are trying everything in their mind to get away with it. If they know that crying will rock you, then crying will be one of the first. Of course these people will tell you to please, please read all their emails from now on, because they know you would feel uncomfortable saying "okay I bloody well will" He was probably hedging his bets on you feeling that way and saying "no I trust you". I imagine if you had said different, at some point you would be asked "What, don't you trust me". Plus, what's to stop him setting up a secret account anyway. (Been here, got the t-shirt. I was young and naive, but still, he taught me a lot of hard lessons).

    Anyway, despite all of that (and despite personally thinking that this does not add up) there is a chance something random did happen and he is innocent (like if a friend sent it or something) it is entirely your choice how you handle the situation. Its okay for us to say we think he is lying, but its entirely different when you are the one in love with this person. I also suspect that on the cheating scale, sending an email to tell someone he likes certain sex acts is not as hurtful as going the next step and the next step...but I would say be careful not to get blinded by love and become used by someone. I don't think i'd break up with someone I loved over something like this, but I would be gutted and mistrusting for quite some time and when you can't trust someone, its hard work.

    1411513245
    MGW03 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks all for the responses.
    I'm not sure if he is into that stuff. I know he's been keen to play with my assignment but I don't know if he'd want me playing with his or using a strap on! He's never asked me to and I planned on finding out when I introduced the new toys!
    Like I said this isn't an ideal week for this all to come out because I'm working nights so we literally get a couple of hours together where we have to eat and I have to get ready for work.
    He really doesn't seem like the lying type. Yes I know many people have probably said that when their partner has been lying and cheating on them.
    He would do anything for me and I constantly feel spoiled by him.
    He says he wants to be with me, which I actually don't question. What I question is did he send that email and would he have sex with someone else.
    I haven't fully made up my mind. I do wonder about the whole virus thing. But I also feel I don't want to throw away the relationship over 1 email because it's been bloody good. I guess time will tell over the next few weeks.

    1411513457
    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    That's a damn good virus! Not only did it log into his email and send out just one reply to one message it found on Craigslist, but the virus even read his mind! It knew he was massively into ass play and pegging...so kindly let this random woman on Craigslist know!

    Viruses are getting damn good these days arn't they! :)

    Read: I don't believe it for a second. Sorry. I mean, it is impossible for me to know for sure what happened, but how on earth did his computer manage to, without a human behind it, send an email (that I am guessing contained no links that the recipient would click on and also get the virus) to just one person,

    a woman...

    just one mind you (coz viruses do that)....

    who just so happened to be a dominant woman too .....

    who just so happened to post things about sex in Craigslist....

    Who just so happens to be discussing the kind of sex things he is into.

    and all this happened, coincidentally, at a time when you were out the house and he was home alone....

    Some people are fantastic manipulators. I've known people prepared to swear on family members life and break down sobbing and begging. Still liars. The only difference is now they are caught liars and they are trying everything in their mind to get away with it. If they know that crying will rock you, then crying will be one of the first. Of course these people will tell you to please, please read all their emails from now on, because they know you would feel uncomfortable saying "okay I bloody well will" He was probably hedging his bets on you feeling that way and saying "no I trust you". I imagine if you had said different, at some point you would be asked "What, don't you trust me". Plus, what's to stop him setting up a secret account anyway. (Been here, got the t-shirt. I was young and naive, but still, he taught me a lot of hard lessons).

    Anyway, despite all of that (and despite personally thinking that this does not add up) there is a chance something random did happen and he is innocent (like if a friend sent it or something) it is entirely your choice how you handle the situation. Its okay for us to say we think he is lying, but its entirely different when you are the one in love with this person. I also suspect that on the cheating scale, sending an email to tell someone he likes certain sex acts is not as hurtful as going the next step and the next step...but I would say be careful not to get blinded by love and become used by someone. I don't think i'd break up with someone I loved over something like this, but I would be gutted and mistrusting for quite some time and when you can't trust someone, its hard work.

    What Fluffbags has said above, has just summed it up all in one for me.

    I mean I literally sat here shaking my head at his reasoning for that email.. just wow really?

    I know its hard to take in, you are obviously very scared right now and as you previously mentioned quite afraid of being alone but this behaviour is not on! I also wouldnt go as far as saying you need to leave him right now and only you know what your relationship is like with this person. I mean I personally wouldnt leave someone for something like this. But still I'd like to be told the truth instead of some ridiculous "It was a virus" lie as it genuinely seems like you are making an effort in the bedroom with these things.

    Also something I'd like to echo, If what he has actually said is that a virus has some how responded to a Craigslist Ad with quite specific needs.. and with his log in details.. hence the email.

    From someone who has quite a bit of knowlege in IT and with a partner who works in it, I hate to say this but there is no virus that could manage what he is claiming.

    1411514111
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    The worst thing you could do right now is move in with this guy any time soon!!

    I'm not saying he's lying, but I've been in a relationship with a compulsive liar, and it turned out he actually seemed to enjoy telling these lies again and again, like it was making the relationship more fun to constantly fill me with lies. He was SO nice! But at the time I thought he was just a really lovely person who would do anything for me, he used to constantly buy me things, but it turned out in the end that when he was buying me all these really nice things it was after he had been lying to me (and sleeping with his ex girlfriend).

    Just have your wits about you.

    1411514133
    duckandbunny79 [sign in to see picture]
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    MGW03 wrote:

    Hi all,

    First time posting on the lovehoney forum but I could do with some advice.

    This mornig I found an email my OH had sent in response to a craigslist advert. He sent it yesterday evening whilst I was at work. The craigslist advert obviously had a list of things this woman wanted to do/have done. His email is along the lines of he likes seeing a woman cum over and over again, likes dominating her and then being dominated and having his ass taken with the woman doing to him what he's just done to her. The subject line of the email was sub/dom.

    I'm obviously very hurt he's sent his email. We've been together 8 months and I thought everything, including our sex life was good.
    The thing is I'd be happy to do all this stuff if he just asked me! He never really has!!

    I know he's into ass play which I've never really done before but am trying for him. Fingers are fine at the moment but I know he wants more. So I did recently buy some beads and a plug from lovehoney, but we've not had chance to use it yet and he doesn't know I've bought them. I kinda feel I want to try them on my own first!

    So what do I do?
    Do I just ask him one night what his fantasies are? Anything he wants to do in the bedroom? Show him my new toys and say lets play?!

    I actually thought it was me that was more frustrated than him because he doesn't seem to want sex in the week due to wantig to go to sleep for work, if ever I try anything in the week he pushes me away so I've given up. But when we have sex at the weekends it's good.

    Any advice about what you would do, what I should do would be great! And how to bring this things into conversation, because I like trying things but am not so good at talking about them!

    I'm sorry, this is stepping across the line for me. He has responded to an advert. Regardless of whether you would do all those things for him and too him. For mine he has crossed a line on the way to cheating that I would find hard to just pass off as what can I do to make it all better.

    If you want it to last, he needs to sit down and explain why he is considering cheating, whether he has cheated before, whether he feels something for you that you feel for him and if so why he would risk that with a response to an advert.

    But I think some would call it quits at this point, he is not just watching porn or writing a sex story, he's responding to an advert (probably written by a man) but hoping it's a woman.

    1411514405
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    Skeptical Matt is skeptical.

    1411544963
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    When you read the email it it sound like his way of speaking? Usually viruses are in broken English and always with a link that you click on to transfer the virus, otherwise you can't catch the virus in the first place.

    I'm really sorry but his story doesn't hold up, and the fact he's used such a rediculous excuse and made such a dramatic performance shows what he thinks, he knew you'd believe him. Rather than having a bit of respect and admitting it and apologising he's played you on.

    i know nothing we say will convince you otherwise, you trust and love him, just have your wits about you, think for yourself, don't just take his word for it, we've all been in your situation at one point in our life, it's a valuable lesson that has to be learnt. I honestly hope he's telling the truth and were all just too bitter and twisted from our own experiences to see that. Good luck x

    1411578129
    Bornagainvirgin79 [sign in to see picture]
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    I remain skeptical, as do some of the others, but ultimately it is entirely yr judgement and decision that matters here. I would be extremely wary of moving in together for another number of months, just to see if there are any other potentially hidden issues. If you really love each other enough to live together, there's no rush, you should be able to stand the test of time (or another few months)

    good luck!

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