• How to help him speed up....

    1410198110
    Tikilou [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 37
    • Joined: 26 Mar 2014

    Afternoon all.

    I have a male friend, who as admitted to me he has a crush on me but as im married he knows (and ive told him point blank) that nothing will happen between us sexually. He is fine with this and has told me he respects me more for beng honest.

    We know each other through work alothough we dont work directly together, when we see each other we flirt just to wind his work collegues up a bit (my husband know this and is ok as long as its just flirting no more then kissing) so there is a bit of sexual tension between us but its only for fun. we have be shouting across the factory if the other has pants on or not.

    We chat on FB a bit and the other night he admitted to trying to have a wank but 3 hours later he still couldnt got done - so my question to you is........ how can he speed it up?

    I tried to be extra flirty to help out but was that the wrong thing to do?

    I will not webcam so thats not an option, but i am worried that he isnt sleeping at night and going to work tired.

    1410198322
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1976
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    Him not sleeping at night is not your problem. Personally, I would step away before you get too involved with him. It already sounds like to me, you're overstepping the boundaries by talking about stuff in such a sexual nature. I wouldn't be talking about stuff like that with anyone other than my husband.

    1410198402
    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2231
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2009

    I'm really quite unsure how to really respond to this.

    I guess this is cynic in me coming out, but it sounds like he is hoping that you 'friendship' or whatever it is that you have - develops into something more. Personally, I think you need to rethink how you see this friendship - you say that nothing sexual will happen between you as you are married (and he respects that..) but here you are flirting suggestively to help him whilst he was... you know.

    I don't know why you would have even brought up the webcam, and it's also not your problem if he's not sleeping. It feels like he was hoping that you would 'offer' to provide assistance, and thus take things further.

    If he is really having problems, then he needs to see his Dr. I think you need to think about boundaries as this sounds like it's dancing over the line of being inappropriate.

    That's my opinion anyway...

    1410199411
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    I think you really need to look at what you're saying. I feel like you're asking us for ideas on how to technically not cheat but have a sexual relationship with this man. You shouldn't even know that he's wanking, never mind encouraging him, if a male friend told me he was struggling wanking he'd get an "sucks to be you" and that's it!

    Me and the OH have very clear boundaries, that boundary is before flirting, you shouldn't even take a second look at him.

    you need to step away from eachother, wouldn't you be heartbroken if this was your OH saying this? I'd feel sick if my OH had encouraged a girl to finger herself while talking to him!

    1410200240
    FillMeUpButtercup [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 163
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2013

    I would absolutely stay away from him but I feel like this has to be pointed out:

    I fully believe he did not actually ask for advice to speed things up. He asked you for help with the intention to get you to "help" him by talking dirty or even showing him your tits or something. It's not an uncommon manipulation technique.

    If you're smart you cut contact with him because he clearly does not respect boundaries and is likely to keep escalating things of you do not intervene in a very clear manner. And even then it's not a guarantee.

    1410201230

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3042
    • Joined: 25 Apr 2013

    I agree with what everyone else has said.

    you really need to step away before this becomes something more then just friends. Witch to be honest it sounds like it already is, I would be very hurt and upset if my partner was talking to another women in that way.

    1410201479
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3811
    • Joined: 17 Jul 2013

    Personally I don't think you should be encouraging him at all. You say your husband is okay with the flirting but does he know about the wanking? If this bloke is having problems in that area then it's up to him to sort it out , it's not anything you should be getting involved in and it doesn't seem right that he has even told you about it.

    It would be pushing the boundaries too far if I discovered my OH talking to a woman while she was masturbating or trying to " help " her. I think by telling you this he's hoping that despite you being married things might go further and maybe you need to take a step back from this flirty friendship before it gets out of control.

    1410204479
    HappilyExperimenting [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2009
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2012

    I agree with all the other forum members, you should really think about who you are hurting in this. How would you feel if your husband was messaging another girl and she got off on the thought of him and was asking for him for help to be wank material? (Pardon the w word, I can't think of a better one)

    This is very close to being unfaithful, I understand that you have not done anything "sexual" but I would be very upset if my OH was being asked over Facebook to help other people sleep because they're masturbating over them :/ It's only one step away from breaking your husband's heart. I'd think long and hard over this wildflower. A friend would recommend that he go to the doctors for sleeping pills - why should masturbation even come into the equation?

    1410205440
    Kinky&Curvy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 956
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2013

    In my opinon, talkin to this male friend of yours in that way is already on the road to cheating. You don't have to do anything physical to be cheating.
    From what I've read, to me it seems as if you're trying to prove to yourself that you aren't doing anythin wrong by tellin us you haven't 'stepped over the boundary' though you seem very close to doing so.
    Like Y&F said, would you like it if your OH helped some lass get herself off thinking of him and him sayin what he'd like to do to her? I think not.
    I'm not trying to be harsh, but as the others have said, this 'friendship' of yours has to stop. X

    1410214045
    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1549
    • Joined: 28 May 2014

    Completely agree with others. ?. I think you need to think long n hard about how you could be confusing him, I.e youve told him its will never go anywhere yet your continuing to flirt etc..

    I know as others sad id be extremely upset if my other half was doing this n if I was actually doing it to him to be fair ...

    You need to chat to both of them, n stop whatever is going on before you all get hurt.

    1410221195
    Bornagainvirgin79 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 54
    • Joined: 28 Dec 2013

    Stop it now before it goes further... And it will go further. I ended up in a similar situation with a married man (I was single) and it did lead to sex, and I will always feel guilty for allowing that to happen.

    1410222435
    myghost [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1540
    • Joined: 30 Dec 2012

    To me it sounds like you want this guy to be more than just friends i don't think his sleeping patterns or how he masturbates would be so much of a concern if this really was just friendship. you need to stop things now not only are you confusing your friend, you're just going to end up hurting your husband too

    1410258110
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    Agree with the others - this sounds like you're looking for a loophole.

    Are you sure that the definition of the 'flirting' that your husband is OK with includes 'dirty talk during masturbation'?

    1410264702
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 222
    • Joined: 1 May 2012

    your post reads as "I've told this guy nothing can happen but then totally encouraged him to think it could do because I like to have my cake and eat it too."

    I think you need to be honest with yourself more than anything.

    If we've all misread and your husband is fully informed and this other guy is too (it REALLY didn't read like that, and we're pretty open minded here) then great, have fun. But sounds to me like you're playing around with other people's emotions.

    1410264728
    jayandrach [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 351
    • Joined: 18 Jan 2012

    I agree with everyone else and all I can input is if this was my wife I would be extremely hurt and devastated that she had taken it this fair. continual flirting is one thing (personally I would find hard if my wife did it) but talking dirty is on another level on my book!

    1410268163
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 904
    • Joined: 1 Mar 2014

    You say your husband is ok as long as it doesnt go beyond kissing, WHY are you kissing someone other than your husband, when you clearly are not in a open relationship?

    1410270173
    Dali256 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 399
    • Joined: 1 Mar 2010

    Either have an affar or dont, theres no half way. Obviously id suggest not having one.

    1410274708
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    wait...WHAT!! i read it wrong the first time... you kiss him???? i know every couple has their own way. but if youre not in an open realtioship you shouldnt be kissing anyone else. i dont personally agree with open realtionships but at least both parties are fully aware of what is happening. i feel so bad for your husband! if my OH kissed another woman i would be in absotute turmoil, i would go ballistic! id be upset with flirting but kissing? then kissing me? no.

    sorry if ive been harsh but...no.

    1410278974
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1976
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    If that is what this couple has and it works for them then we shouldn't judge based on our own relationship status.

    1410301956
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    IF both parties in the couple are OK with this then of course it's fine - they're free to have an open relationship if they choose.

    But this rather reads like she's skirting around the edges of what she can get away with, rather than doing right by her husband.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.