• Hubby refuses to get kinky, sooo frustrating!

    1409225046
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi guys and gals,

    I recently bought a LH paddle and riding crop, hoping to get a bit more slaptastic in the bedroom, but every time I hint (not so subtly, along the lines of "I've been a really baad girl and I need to be punished!") my hubby refuses to spank me.

    he says he doesn't want to hurt me, which is silly, because I'm practically begging him to swat me, and even tell him he doesn't have to do it too hard. I'd really like him to take charge in bed a bit more, and do more kinky stuff like tying me up. It just seems like even when I give him blatant hints he seems at a loss as to what to do, and I end up feeling like I've forced him into it.

    the other day I went off to work on the bank holiday, and sent him a naughty text, basically saying what I wanted to do when I got home. Later that evening, I managed to persuade him to go with it, but it felt like I had to coerce him a bit.

    Am I being too pushy? I even suggested to him the other day, that I could dominate him, if he didn't feel comfortable dominating me. Not sure what his response to that was... He was a bit non-committal.

    Just feel a bit frustrated as he seems to just want Vanilla sex when we do it, and I want something a bit more wild and explosive.

    Any suggestions?

    Oh, I should add, that I'm a big fan of literotica.com, so I read stories on there all the time, and he is currently reading 50 Shades of Gray, after I convinced him to take a look. I thought that might help him get a bit more experimental, but sadly not so much.

    1409226544
    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
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    Has he ever spanked you with just his hand? This is what I convinced my boyfriend to try, and now that he is more comfortable with that we are looking into getting a flogger and paddle. Another thing you could start off with is a feather tickler. As for tying up, suggest things like japanese silk ropes or satin restraints to start off with. If you do feel like you've coerced him into it, try not to worry about it and just have as much fun as you can. If he sees how much fun it is for you he might be more willing to try it again :) x

    1409228777
    Fitnessfreak [sign in to see picture]
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    Whats wrong with these men!! ha, the other day I was asking my wife to dig her nails in my arse during sex but couldnt really feel its. I think a lot of relationships have a kinky partner not sure where my limits are.

    I can see why he wouldnt want to hurt you just reasure him you like it a little rough maybe slap him a little first too :) I have spanked my wife a little during foreplay it took me a while to get past the laughter side.

    1409229096
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fitnessfreak wrote:

    Whats wrong with these men!!

    Nothing!! He's either uncomfortable trying something new when he doesn't really know how to and it does sound like you're pushing a bit much. Or he really doesn't like the idea at all, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him at all, he just doesn't share the same fantasy as you.

    My advice, You have the paddles, he knows you want it, stop mentioning it and let him take the lead when he want to and feels comfortable to do so, sorry if it's not quite what you wanted to hear

    1409229509
    B52 [sign in to see picture]
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    Nothing wrong with a bit of coercion from time to time if it gets the desired results.

    My OH is exactly the same in not wanting to spank or be spanked while I absolutely love the sensations being on the recieving end. The solution is to find a compromise and in our case there is no spanking to her and light spanking by her, although to be honest, I really wouldnt mind if she would let her hair down one day and give me a good arse whipping. I also enjoy having my nipples pinched quite hard during sex but that only happens if she's pissed with me beforehand. My OH on the otherhand doesnt really enjoy nipple play much at all . If we were all the same life would be boring but sexlife could be outrageous!

    1409229774
    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    What you've got to understand with this kind of thing is it goes against 'most' mens natural way. I don't know about all men but I know usually they're brought up on the basis that you do not hit women, it's not right to hit women, you certainly do not hurt / hit your partner. So mentally getting past that is quite difficult for them

    All I can suggest is to talk to him, find out why he doesn't want to suggest maybe just using his hand since he has compleate control then and maybe work up to using other things.

    1409229799
    Fitnessfreak [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    Fitnessfreak wrote:

    Whats wrong with these men!!

    Nothing!!

    I know I was just playing I think some of us are built more kinky than others in my case it might be a good thing my wife isnt as much to keep things sensible :)

    1409230043
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Everyone's different, I consider myself quite kinky but there are things I would never do, whereas people who love those things wouldn't do the things I do. But there's only so much encouraging you can do. We brought spanking into everyday life, we slap each others bums all the time, although very rarely spank during sex (too busy)

    1409232363
    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all your thoughts. He has occasionally used his hand to slap my behind, which I encouraged.

    We have used dressing gown cords for some tying up play. Think he quite liked that, though I've not tied him up as such yet. That could be fun too.

    I was worried about pushing him too much, so will try and get him to talk to me a bit more. That can be difficult in itself, as he sometimes finds it hard to vocalise how he feels.

    Just need to be patient with him, and try to understand his reservations. Once I've done that for a while, I may just have to resort to tying him down, and getting kinky with him ;)

    1409232845
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Good luck but just bear in mind that everyone wants to get kinky. Do you HAVE to get kinky? If he came on here and asked us what he should do because his OH really wants to be spanked but he hates the idea and it's a massive turn off for him, we'd tell him to talk to you and explain that he's not comfortable with it and never will be and that you should understand that because one day he might ask you for something you don't want to do. He might be nervous, he might have been raised to never hit women or he might just not want to do it.

    1409232890
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband wasn't sure.
    Now he likes nothing more than tying me up and spanking me!
    And wants me to do it to him!!
    His nickname for me is k.b.
    Kinky b***h lol!

    1409233200
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    pinkanimal wrote:

    My husband wasn't sure.
    Now he likes nothing more than tying me up and spanking me!
    And wants me to do it to him!!
    His nickname for me is k.b.
    Kinky b***h lol!

    Success!! :D my OHs nicknames for me are slug and chunk -_- because I always crawl onto him or put all my weight leaning on him

    1409233266
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh I beachwhale over him when he's in bed coz I can't be bothered to walk round to my side

    1409233842
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    pinkanimal wrote:

    Oh I beachwhale over him when he's in bed coz I can't be bothered to walk round to my side

    Haha! Well he shouldn't be in the way :P apparently I push the OH out of bed, what he means by this is that I always try and cuddle him and he rolls out bed trying to push me away, I'm so loved lol

    1409260056
    magicnumber69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe there is some fear factor with spanking you; with so much in the media about domestic abuse, perhaps he can't differentiate spanking from abuse, no matter how much you demand it.

    I daresay some might even wonder why 'vanilla' sex doesn't seem to be enough anymore, that there has to be some kink in sex play. Myself, I do enjoy a bit of pain with my pleasure, but if my partner is reluctant, I wouldn't try to force it. I wouldn't drop the subject, but try to ease into it and employ a bit more patience; once it's seen that I'm getting a rush from it, she might start enjoying it too.

    Luckily, my gf is quite open-minded and is open to experimentation.

    1409265225
    Mizziii [sign in to see picture]
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    You know, Sometimes people just are vanilla. Not everyone gets off on that stuff. It's about doing what your OH feels comfortable with and gradually pushing boundaries. If he still feels uncomfortable with spanking it might have a deeper reasoning. Try talking to him about it more. If he doesn't want to hurt you maybe he's seeing it as disrespecting you. Start small and get him comfortable with that before trying to push him in the deep end

    1409268212
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Why should people push boundaries? There are some boundaries you don't push, if he's not comfortable leave him be. I don't want to have a threesome, EVER. If OH decided he wanted to and was going to slowly get me used to the idea I'd feel betrayed and on edge constantly!

    1409268789
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    If you've spoke to him and he's still not interested then there's not much you can do about it. The more you force it on him, the less interested he'll be. Just leave him to come around in his own time.

    1409269711
    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    In my opinion it's not always good to go along with something your not really into but do anyway to please a partner. If your not really keen on it your partner will know so it probably wont feel right to them and it can even ruin a nice fantasy. That said if you dont try you wont know. I dont mind a bit of spanking but i can't get rougher than that, i just can't change my nature like that. Lucky for me my OH aint into being slapped about.

    1409307841
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried a give and take approach. It is fascinating how woman are becoming more and more prepared to ask for what they want. I know we have a high percentage of none vanillas here due to the nature of the site.

    Sorry I've drifted. How to get what you want over him something he loves if he gives you what you want. How about a nice long loving BJ in return?

    But as with most relationship issues we all would communication, communication and more communication. He may just be in ore of his wonderful woman's demands.

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