• Can you be friends with your ex?

    hornyteen [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry if this has been covered but I couldnt see it.

    So I just want to know if people think it is possible to be friends with your ex.

    Me and my boyfriend of 21 months have just broke up as we no longer are in love with each other (though I do still love him, just not IN love) and need some space.

    We have agreed to be friends which is important since we work together, side by side. In fact we spilt and continued to talk and I even took him to the cinema (after he spilt with me..crazy) We have agreed that if we are meant to be we will be, be it 6 weeks or 6 months down the line.

    We met on a dating website and have agreed that we can both still go on and see other people, but it did hurt going on even though I wrote up a testimonial for him.

    I cant imagine the pain of knowing he was with someone else.

    So yeah I really wanna remain friends but I just want to know if you all think it is possible and hear of other peoples experiences be it good or bad.

    Thanks for listening xx

    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    it will take time to get used to the idea that he isnt all yours anymore, but it will get easier in time. he probably feels the same, but just make sure you dont fall into the whole "getting back together just so noone else can have him" thing, it will just end up hurting both of you

    and yes, you can be friends

    but just rememer, its ok to get jealous. what makes a difference is how you hanle the jealousy. x

    Little Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you can, but of course it will be difficult at the beginning! Look at Carrie and Big in SATC! =P

    I wouldn't know personally to be honest and my current bf is the only one I've had and we've never broken up.

    One of my friends has had two serious relationships and both the guys told her "we'll be good friends" and they never kept that promise, so it just depends on the guy/girl I guess. =)

    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    i personaly dont think you can br friends with your ex... as it will just bring to much pain and comperlacations(sp?)

    when i spilt with my ex, who was the first guy i tought was my first love, we tryed the whole staying friends thing but i found it harder to get over the spilt by still have that contact with him. from the go it didnt work as i tryed to make him jelouse and he tryed to wind me up ect ect it just didnt work and i stopped all contact with him, told him not to txt me ect ect and i soon started to get over him and move on, he still txt me but i told him where to go (we didnt have a healthy relationship, it was a bad one for me to be in).

    few months later i met my OH and never been so happy with someone then i have with him, yes we have or ups and downs like everyone but there mostly up's.

    had i stayed in contact with my ex, i dont think i would have ever got over it and moved on but would always feeling hurt and upset and i wouldnt have met the man i love now.

    so no, i dont think it can be done and i dont think its healthy to stay friends and in each others lives but this is just my own thoughs and opions.

    i hope you can work out whats best for you and i hope everything works out for the best for you


    Kitty76 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm so glad this has come up, have had some problems with this recently, so am also interested in your views. For me, I find it awkward to continue being friends with ex's, just the way it is for me. x

    bigbrownblowjobeyes [sign in to see picture]
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    Some can, some can't hun - it's too early to know really.

    I'm friends with two, but not the other. Just as well I am friends with the most recent - we have two children.

    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    my opinion?.....no. sorry

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    As BBBJ said. Some people will and some won't. Some people might find jealousy difficult to cope with or someone might get a partner who finds the situation uncomfortable so you drift apart.

    I think people just don't like change for the most part and once you get over that it might even be better for you both.

    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I guess. just all mine were twats so good riddancs lol

    MzBee [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes and no. Am going through it at the moment but to be honest, am hoping that we sort things out. I like being friends with my ex's. But that's just me. I tried it with another ex and he just became a total fruit cake, ended up stalking myself and my most recent ex (which I think is half the reason we are having this bad patch). Eventually, I had to involve the police but it doesn't stop him emailing every few months to say sorry and be a total idiot.

    But I think if the break up was amicable then there is no reason why you can't be friends - there are some of my ex's who I sometimes forget I even went out with, so good is the friendship. However, if one party is still harbouring thoughts of reconcilation, then I don't think friendship is going to help.

    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
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    it depends - personally i think you have a better chance if you never loved them - i still get on with an ex or two where it wasnt a love thing, just a daft, short relationship founded on bugger all... but if i loved them... i dont think it'd work.

    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Some can but in my experience not in a million years.

    SG69 x

    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    hornyteen wrote:

    So I just want to know if people think it is possible to be friends with your ex.

    I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup hornyteen. From what you've said before it sounds like this has been coming for a long time, but I know that knowing that doesn't make it feel any easier, or better. It's hard, I know. :/

    The thing about being friends with an ex is that in my experience it very much depends on the ex, the reason for the breakup, and how much time has passed. I couldn't be friends with many of my exes because we broke up when they transgressed my trust. I have a personal policy of keeping only trustworthy people in my life no matter whether they're friends or lovers. So I can't be friends with a person whom I know is untrustworthy. I must be able to trust my friends, you know?

    I think that how the breakup feels will tell you if you're able to be friends later. I find that the most painful and volatile breakups are unlikely to end up with friendship further down the line. Relationships which just sort of drift out can result in friendship.

    Of course, this isn't just you, it also involves the other person. Obviously it's difficult to be friends with a person who doesn't want to be friends, you know? So it's also up to them, which again points to friendship after breakup depending on the particular person.

    I'm sure everybody is different and has different experiences, although in my experience, super duper painful breakups are most likely to end up at best with just acquaintanceship and nothing more.

    I think cordial acquaintanceship is a worthy goal to strive for, especially if you have to keep encountering them in work or any other compulsory environment. Some of my lovers were never my friends to begin with, so after it's over there's nothing there to build a friendship on, you know?

    In short, I think my answer for you in this particular instance is - wait and see. Sorry I couldn't be more definitive, but people sure are unpredictable. :)

    I hope you feel lots better really really soon.

    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    ps: I am still friends with some of my exes, if that helps.

    LadiesMan [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't believe ex's make good friends, and I've never stayed in touch with mine. My last relationship before I married my wife went on for 3 years.... that was two years after the initial break-up, and would never have ended unless my friends urged me for a clean break. There's an emotional dependancy which is still there, and the temptations when one feels lonely to go back to the ex (as a safe bet, I guess) was (for me) way too strong.

    I guess the other thing that's dangerous is saying "We have agreed that if we are meant to be we will be, be it 6 weeks or 6 months down the line." If it isn't meant to be, one party is going to get hurt when 6 months down the line, and that leads to more pain as that person has been waiting and waiting.

    I may just be a cynical old git (probably from previous relationships) but I wouldn' recommend it.

    Salvadore [sign in to see picture]
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    No you can't...

    bigbrownblowjobeyes [sign in to see picture]
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    Salvadore wrote:

    No you can't...

    How can you say that when the FACT is that some do - I know an ex couple who were married and now some 20 years later have managed to stay friends and have successful marriages to other people? They are certainly not isolated either, I know lots of people who have managed. My ex and I are friends, and his first love is our mutual best friend; and never once was an issue to us.

    Sure SOME can't - I have seen - and been partr of - those who can't.

    But some can.

    I am glad for my children's sake you are wrong on this. Sorry, just I have seen proof to the contrary - it is very much down to the individuals and the circumstances.

    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    it would depend on why someone broke up with someone you know, i suppose with just not being in love anymore it might be possible, as nothing has happened like a big thing to shift any feelings, it seems like a gradual thing ( to fall out of love i mean)

    i think the best thing would be to wait and see, see wether things start to get awkward...

    i'm sorry i can't be more helpful i've only had one serious relationship and im still in it, but a previous boyfriend we remained friends, but eventually just drifted away, but that was because of leaving school etc nothing to do with our past relationship, because it was barely a relationship

    all i can say is i really your okay :]

    and what happens, happens...

    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    sorry, i really hope your okay that was supposed to say

    MissHoneyBunny [sign in to see picture]
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    i dont think you can be friends...my current boyfriend is very good friends with his ex and it weirds me out a little because all she has to is call and he'll drop everything (including me) just to do what she wants. so as a rule i would say that you should never be friends with an ex

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