• Partner Troubles, Am I Normal?

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    brunettecattitudexo [sign in to see picture]
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    You probably get lots of people saying this but is it just me that can't orgasm with a partner?

    I'll give you the short story.
    I've been with my fiancee for 2 and a half years, and not once has made me orgasm ( i haven't actually had an orgasm on my own yet, i don't think anyways. )

    I just find it hard to believe that i'm normal when all my friends boast about their sex life all the time.

    Is there any specific toys or tips that you can recommend to help me out?

    I don't want to be the odd one out anymore!!

    1408501472
    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
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    If you worry about orgasming then its harder to orgasm :) Try to just enjoy the sex and let it happen. I don't know what you've tried so far, but here go my suggestions...!

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years and never really had any problems orgasming, but since I started enjoying clitoral stimulation, well, I've been orgasming a lot more, and more intensely! My love of clitoral stimulation started when my boyfriend bought me a rocks off bullet vibrator (this one in gold http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=10157, but lovehoney have really nice ones with tattoo designs on too), and he's a natural at using it on me, he's even made me squirt with it once, which hasn't happened before or since... :)

    My other suggestion is doggy style! He can get so much deeper this way and you can really feel a lot more...this may take some practice too :)

    Good luck! :)

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    hotchocolateandcream [sign in to see picture]
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    you need to try something a little naughty : ) get into fantasy and try this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=10239

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    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Most women can't orgasm during penetration alone.
    Including me.
    Most require clitoral or anal stimulation as well in order to climax.

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    stamford [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe your trying too hard ? Presume your fiance doesn't know about this ? Probably best not to tell him as we tend to get upset over things like that !!

    Is he your first sexual partner ?

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    10% of women can't orgasm. You may be one of that 10% that doesn't mean you're not normal and it certainly doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex. I was in your same position and honestly believed I would never orgasm so just accepted it, when I met the OH I told him and he just said OK, sex was amazing, exhausting and I loved it, then during oral it just happened, we weren't trying, weren't even thinking about it.

    thats my advice, don't worry about having an orgasm, it's not the be all and end all of sex, I can now only orgasm for oral but I'd chose penetrative sex without the orgasm everytime! Just focus on enjoying yourself, explore different sensations, don't chose a toy because it might make you orgasm choose it because it will feel good, because it's exciting, because it's different. Learn to enjoy sex for sex and the orgasm may come or it may not, but what does it matter? As long as sex has you panting and shaking with a massive grin on your face, it's not the orgasm that does that just incredible sex

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    stamford wrote:

    Maybe your trying too hard ? Presume your fiance doesn't know about this ? Probably best not to tell him as we tend to get upset over things like that !!

    Is he your first sexual partner ?

    Sorry I disagree, they're the best person to help with this so need to be in the loop, show them some threads on here, there's a few about people who struggle to orgasm and google it to have the facts to hand. If they love you they'll understand it has nothing to do with their performance, everyone's body is different.

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    You may have more success if you try orgasming by yourself first. Remember, an orgasm is created as much in your mind as it is in your body, so you will need to get yourself mentally prepared. Make sure that you're in a place with no distractions. Think of what most turns you on, and create a fantasy from this - or read / watch some erotica.

    When you have got yourself in the mood, start playing with your favourite clit toy. Many women need to have their nipples stimulated to reach orgasm, so bear this in mind too. don't put pressure on yourself, just let it happen in its own time!

    When you have found what works for you, you can show your OH. Hope this helps :) x

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    dragoon [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi hun i have difficulty too and found that i have to find something that arouses me to a really heightened state and then its easier to orgasm

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    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    I think a lot of people rave about orgasms and you think it is going to be earth shattering and see stars but its just not always true!!

    Have you ever played with yourself and reached a point where you just feel suddenly okay, relaxed, like its time to stop, where the feeling you had building just plateaus and seems to disappear with no change on your part in speed/touch/rhythm and no amount of further touching seems to bring it back?

    I used to think I couldn't orgasm, actually I realised I orgasm really quickly during sex - I just didn't really know what I was feeling - I thought my body was just giving up because in my head the feelings weren't as strong as I imagined an orgasm to be!

    Next time you are doing something sexual try to follow all the standard tips for it, and relax, jut aim for that feeling of satisfaction to wash over you - leg shaking earth shattering comes later lol

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    Fitnessfreak [sign in to see picture]
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    Being a male but I would try solo first maybe a rabbit, you might be putting to much pressure on yourself when with OH.

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    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    Total agreement on the self love. You need to be in tune with how your body works and know what stimulation you need if you want to orgasm during sex. Most women can't orgasm through penetration alone, you could be one of them. Take a step back, relax and take a nice slow approach, whether you decide to play alone or you indulge in lots and lots of foreplay with your partner. Key word; relax! You are totally normal :)

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    PetiteJess [sign in to see picture]
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    My first orgasm was clitoral, it took me years to orgasm through penetration and even now I sometimes can’t manage it. The best way is to relax, try not to focus on having an orgasm as then it rarely happens. As others have said it is mostly psychological, I find when I am totally relaxed and enjoying the moment that’s when I am most likely to reach an orgasm. I would try first with some clitoral toys, have a relaxing day/night in by yourself and explore your body, read some erotic novels or watch some porn if it helps you fantasize and try not to focus on other distractions. Hope this helps :)

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    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    If you haven't orgasmed on your own then there is no need to expect it from your boyfriend. Once you know what your body needs then you can help your partner help you.

    It sounds silly to say, your body doesn't know which muscles to twitch and how to tilt your pelvis at what time to achieve orgasm. Once you have found that with yourself than you will start doing that with sex with your partner.

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    Petrichor [sign in to see picture]
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    It took me a few years of trying to actually learn how to orgasm - and this isn't just leaning what you like, it's more like your body doesn't actually know what to do. I'd definitely say it's something you should be working on on your own if it bothers you - and then after you can orgasm on your own, try having one with your partner. I actually treated it like a chore for a few months - I had to try for a set period of time regularly (otherwise I'd never bother because it didn't get me anywhere).

    For me, (and this is very common) the easiest way to orgasm is through clitoral stimulation, so I'd reccomend trying a bullet or similar - I actually found it easiest with a jet of water, and couldn't manage using a vibrator for a long while after my first orgasm. Sometimes I think vibrators can actually wind up making it more difficult, after a certain length of time I begin to get irritated or go numb, which is fine if I can have an orgasm before that point, but not if I need another 10 minutes after that point.

    While using other stimulation as well (like vaginal with a rabbit) is helpful now, when I was first learning I just found it distracting, more sensory overload than actual pleasure. I think a lot of people expect it to happen a lot faster than it necessarily does - it's really not uncommon for me to take 45mins to reach orgasm even now - and if you don't feel like you're getting anywhere, it's really easy to give up before that point. You're not abnormal don't worry, I have friends who haven't ever had an orgasm - but the common factor with them is that they don't masturbate.

    Another weird thing (I have no idea if this is true for anyone else) I don't think I actually had the circulation to be capable of orgasm when I first started - at the time I started having orgasms, I started seeing a lot more veins appear around my clit - and once these showed up it was much easier - could be coincidence, but it really did seem related.

    One thing I will comment on is that you've titled this thread "partner troubles" and to be honest, that seems a little unfair - it makes it seem as though the problem is your partner, or that it's your partner's fault, whereas I would say it's not a problem (so nobody's at fault!) , it's just something your body hasn't learned to do yet.

    Good luck, and don't stress too much if you can't. You're not weird at all :)

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    brunettecattitudexo [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow.

    Thank's everyone for the comment/tips/stories etc.

    I'll definitely take on board what you've all said.

    I probably shouldn't have named this partner troubles, i can't expect him to be able to do something that i haven't conquered yet.

    But yeah, will definitely try different things out myself first. Hopefully then i can share these things i learn with me OH.

    Thanks everyone.

    xoxo

    1408564783
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    brunettecattitudexo wrote:


    You probably get lots of people saying this but is it just me that can't orgasm with a partner?

    I'll give you the short story.
    I've been with my fiancee for 2 and a half years, and not once has made me orgasm ( i haven't actually had an orgasm on my own yet, i don't think anyways. )

    I just find it hard to believe that i'm normal when all my friends boast about their sex life all the time.

    Is there any specific toys or tips that you can recommend to help me out?

    I don't want to be the odd one out anymore!!

    Hi and welcome to the forums, please stop worrying it's quite normal lots of great help from the ladies here on LH.

    Some solo time is probably the best place to start , relax and try to enjoy all the wonderful feelings your body can give you. I would suggest a bullet vibrator. Small unassuming but powerful vibes. Most woman need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. But the most important thing is to relax and stop chasing an orgasm generally we find the harder you try the more elusive it becomes. You will get there just enjoy yourself trying.

    Finally from a man's point of view if your OH asks be honest don't lie but be careful to explain that you've never orgasmed before but you do enjoy having sex with him very much. It will be a very special moment when you do together. Hope this helps

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