• Bit of a flop?

    1407836986
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Last few nights we have had sex and I've noticed hubby going slightly floppy during sex.
    Last night he struggled to come inside me and had to finish himself off over me!
    Why?
    What am I doing wrong?
    Does he not find me attractive anymore?
    Am I just not doing it for him?
    I know I know before you say it, I do need to talk to him.
    It was late last night and he went to work early.
    He does always take a very long time to come.
    Most people would love that, me it kinda hurts after a while! Lol
    Last few times I've been left a bit, well cheated out of an Orgasm too.
    I know we need a chat but how do I approach that without upsetting him?

    1407837281
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I definitely wouldn't say it's anything you've done, and I know it's easy to blame yourself in circumstances like this, but it's cropped up on the forum a number of times, and it's usually down to some sort of pressure or stress.

    As you know, the only way you'll find out is by talking with him, but I believe this could also work against you. He could be struggling a bit due to stress, but maybe if you point it out it may lead to more pressure on him. I would maybe wait a couple of days and see if things improve and if not, then bring it up.

    1407837633
    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have this problem with my OH now and again. Unfortunately his is down to stress and anxiety and he takes Citalopram which sometimes causes him to lose his erection now and again.

    I agree with Mrs - chances are he's probably feeling anxious enough about suffering from a bit of ED, and bringing it up does have the potential to back fire and could make him feel even worse.

    Give it a few days, and if things are still the same, perhaps just ask him if there's anything bothering him, as you've noticed that he's not his normal self.

    You just need to be tactful and don't turn it into "Oh you don't think i'm pretty" any more - that will make things worse too! (I know, because I speak from experience).

    1407838058
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH is like this sometimes, it's partly due to having sex too much, tiredness and stress. That's why we have so many cock rings.

    The not finishing you off bit isn't fair but just say you need to cum when you think he's ready to Finnish, that usually does it for me.

    Him going soft, just ask if he wants to get a cock ring to help him keep up with your sex drive and it helps him relax rather than worrying about trying to stay hard.

    If the OH is taking too long I start squeezing my muscles rhythmically, doesn't take too long lol

    1407838351
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    I have one of the soft ones, the big daddy one. I got it as a surprise, just coz we don't have a decent one.
    But how do I produce it without making him upset?

    1407838426
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcx has got it spot on - I wouldn't bring it up unless it really becomes a problem, otherwise it has the potential to become a vicious circle!

    I know from personal experience that it's often really hard to maintain an erection and/or have an orgasm when under pressure to do so - yet sometimes I struggle to control myself the other way!

    1407838500
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Mrs, you really do need to talk, but maybe not about this issue, as this may put more pressure on him. Just have a general chat about life and work, talk about your life too, children, everything.

    Don't mention the bedroom, just talk about life in general. Maybe make a nice meal and have a glass of wine and just ask how his day was and take it from there xx

    1407839060
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I usually just put them on him after foreplay, just go down on him pick it up and say shall we try this tonight.

    Deffinately don't ask him why he's not getting hard, it'll pass. Has it happened every night or just the last few?

    1407839254
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Just few times lately

    1407839402
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I would maybe avoid sex toys for now, just because you said a while ago he was a bit reluctant to try things, he might feel pressure from that. Just a thought. I hope you get things sorted x

    1407839643
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Haven't had any out mrs
    Been vanilla.
    Seems he's hardest when we do have toys

    1407840353
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Bring some toys in then, it may be that it's just not as exciting, Takes me time to get OH hard for vanilla sex and a cock ring whereas he gets rock hard just tying me up. If you have the same sex every night it may be getting a bit same old. Maybe take a day off then do some thing really exciting, if it doesn't work it's probably something like stress from work, try having a general chat. Men hide a lot of worries from us

    1407840680
    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    This is why me and the MR mix things up. If we constantly have sex, with toys, we end up becoming dependent on it so when we have sex without toys - it's not right.

    Mix it up, a session with toys, a session with out - and do other things. Give each other intimate massages, talk dirty to each other ... have sex in different rooms, send each other naughty texts... just anything that doesn't rely on toys and just mix it up!

    But if even that fails to do anything, then there is something in his mind, so talking is the best thing.

    1407854757
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys x

    1407857214
    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly, from my experience, it's nothing to do with you not doing it for him/not being attractive/etc. etc.

    We went through this and it's now better. For me, staying away from porn (see http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/) and pelvic floor exercises were the key, but there's countless things it could be. Have a look at this thread I started ages ago:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/719207-erectile-disfunction/

    Going to the doctor is a good idea to rule out any bad things, but you obviously need him to want to do this.

    The other thing is Viagra. For me it works. I was prescribed it by the doctor and it got rid of any psychological problems (if Viagra works then your equipment works). This made things better even when not taking it. After a year of no porn and pelvic floor exercises I still keep a stash of Sildenafil (generic Viagra) because, even though I don't need it now, it's brilliant for a marathon session.

    1407863455
    Petrichor [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had that a few times recently with my BF, i've put it down to it being too warm for him, and that he's tired from sleeping badly. I think from the fact that you're worried it's your fault, you're doing things wrong, you're not attractive enough maybe you need to look at why you jumped to those conclusions and why it's that much of a worry for you as much as why he went soft - some times people just go floppy! It doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything wrong. If you're upset that you're not being satisfied maybe ask for oral or similar, it's good to remember not everything sexual requires an errection.

    1407866391
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    argh! Everyone accepts women are complicated but so many expect men to be like machines!

    We aren't.

    You said it's been a few times in the last few days. Have patience. I doubt he'd complain if for a few days you weren't your usual self.

    It could be tiredness, stress, the heat, he's just preoccupied, he's had more to drink than normal, he's got a cold. It could even be an unusual hormanal thing - we mend do actually have hormone rythmns!

    Obviously if it goes on a while then maybe start to be concerned. But for now, chill out and just accept he's human.

    1407878986
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the reply scarab.
    Let me be clear that I am not bothered for myself entirely.
    I am concerned because there's never been issues before.
    And that I want him to enjoy sex as much as I do.
    Isn't that the whole point?
    I don't want to seem selfish at all but I love him and I'm genuinely worried something's wrong.

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