• Turning the tables

    1407398622
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Ok so last night I was restrained to the ceiling and hubby teased and spanked and flogged me.
    When he finished he said I could tease him!
    He's done it twice to me now so he has more of an idea of what to do.
    Me? I went blank.
    I tied his hands behind his back with my knickers and teased him with the feather tickler.
    I did use the flogger on him gently and the paddle gently twice.
    But I gave up and just gave him head then told him to just f##k me lol.
    I don't know why I was so rubbish at being dominant.
    Maybe I just prefer him to be?
    So any tips on things I can do to him?
    That was the first time he's let me spank him, I was gentle and tbh he was very hard and dripping so he must have enjoyed it!
    Secretly hoping fluffbags sees this as she's awesome at writing scenes lol!

    1407399227
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4372
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    My Blog is forgotten and neglected atm, but you might find a few things on there to give you ideas...

    subsmissives.wordpress.com

    1407399819
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    I'm exactly the same. Feel so awkward taking any kind of control, in a previous relationship I dabbled in it, a lot of spanking bum legs and balls (gently on the balls) watching you enjoy yourself, or not letting him watch but using a vibrator so he can hear you. Blindfold and use a few nice things on him, tickler, vibrator then paddle on his leg, ours revolved a lot around pegging though. I'm sure fluff bags will do you proud, glad you had a good night

    1407400070
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Thanks.
    Definetly no pegging lol.
    He's not into that.

    1407401254
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    What about just a little finger? Just think of all the things you'd want him to do to you.

    Have you ever tried orgasm denial?

    or talking down to him? Like making him lick you from an awkward position and when he struggles go get a toy do it yourself and say it's his fault you had to do it yourself he's a useless slave and shove your damp pants in his mouth

    sissification? Make him wear a pair of your pants and talk nasty while spanking him, maybe make him suck one of your dildos, especially after you used it.

    depends how far you want to go and what you want to try, are you into water sports?

    1407401543
    Nightfire [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2013
    1407401976
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Think I need a chat with him to see what he'd be up for.

    1407402028
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4372
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    I've got a spare 10 minutes before the next meeting, so here's a few ideas...

    Tease and Denial is probably a big one, this can be anything from edging, to full on chastity. For us this usually involves my other half having many orgasms and.me being forced to watch or provide, and any pleasure gained without permission is punished. The point really is that you are in Control of if and when he cums

    You can also Consider spoiled orgasms - where you do enough to tip him over the edge but not enough for it to rock his world.

    how about face sitting - forced oral sex?

    A favourite of my Mistress is to set me tasks and grade me on them from 10, each mark I fall short of ten equals one lash of the cane.

    foot worship? Pussy worship? Generally treating you like a goddess.

    Set him a challenge - for example.i had to do the gardening wearing lady pants and a butt plug. Or I had to take her out for a meal whilst my nipples were clamped (that was so tough) - 3 hours nearly she made it last

    Oh and wax
    1407404360
    SR36 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 577
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    Sum Sub wrote:

    I've got a spare 10 minutes before the next meeting, so here's a few ideas...

    Hahaha, brilliant.

    1407424997
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Think some of your stuff is too intense for him subs x

    1407425239
    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 668
    • Joined: 23 Oct 2010

    Restrained to the ceiling?

    1407426120
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Rorschach wrote:

    Restrained to the ceiling?

    Lol

    To explain better he's put a hook it the ceiling.

    Attached the ring and wrist restraints from the restraint system and attached me to them.

    1407426208
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4372
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    From the ceiling...!

    1407426328
    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2231
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2009

    That's not a bad idea PA - the ceilings in our house are quite low, so you could easily 'hang' someone - although we can't do it in the bedroom - we have a vaulted ceiling so we'd need a crane and/or stepladder.

    1407426441
    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 580
    • Joined: 11 Jul 2011

    Cheap&Easy wrote:

    I now have an image of someone duct-taped to a ceiling....

    I was thinking of fly paper

    1407426471
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    He did make sure it was in a beam.

    And it's the living room lol but the hooks removable

    I wasn't hanging or anything

    1407426507
    DreamOfTheEndless [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 668
    • Joined: 23 Oct 2010

    Ah, I got you.

    Hats off. That sounds impressive.

    1407426555
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4372
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    Some people do indulge in suspension bondage though - it's quite an artform/science

    1407426628
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Rorschach wrote:

    Ah, I got you.

    Hats off. That sounds impressive.

    I know right??

    He's pretty clever he amazed me lol

    1407437092
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2236
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Hi! lol

    Well, first of all, you are probably not "rubbish at being dominant". The truth is, we are all pretty rubbish when taking on new challenges, but if it is something we enjoy doing, we practise and it gets easier/better. Its like when we think back to your first time having sex. Most of remember we felt awkward, fumbling and a little unsure. Then most of us, over time, learn what makes us and our partners tick and it begins to get more interesting. We often also communicate a bit more.

    When I first took the dominant role with my partner, it pretty much went exactly as you described your first encounter. It is normal, so don't worry about that.

    As for some ideas, there is literally an endless supply and it just depends on your own dynamic as to the things you try. I guess the best advice I can give really, is to focus on how you want to make him feel (as opposed to things you wanna do)

    See, if you start here (thinking about how you want to make him feel) your brain then begin to narrow down those unlimited options and focus a little better on a plan of attack (so to speak!)

    So, we can already assume you want to make him feel submissive. This is the starting point. You want to feel dominant and him submissive. (or vice versa) So we can take "I want to make him feel submissive" out of the equation right now, because this is the starting point and too broad. (There are MANY things that can make someone feel submissive and it is different for each person) So therefore, you want to focus on "how"

    What will make him feel submissive?

    So, you have probably heard it before but communication, communication, communication is your starting point. (and also knowing that if he is new to this too, he might not even know what he wants/likes/hates yet) So start throwing out some ideas together. Would you consider this? Would you be up for that? Try to pick up any themes in the subtext. Generally his answers will clue you in to what makes him feel most submissive.

    So, what are the major things you can experiment with?

    Pain:

    It comes in many forms and people react to every form in a different way, so honestly, it is about experimenting and communicating along the way. Because he might not even know where his limits are at the moment, set up some safewords ( for example "Yellow" means "I am reaching my limit, please reduce the intensity but continue playing" and "red" means "Stop all play immediately") Then experiment with different methods of pain. here are some ideas:

    Spanking implements can be used on many areas of the body, with care and attention. Each area of the body (and each person) will be unique in what they like, what they hate and what intensity they can take, so a great game to play might be to start very gentle and ask him to rate the pain out of ten, ten being his limit. Then try spanking different areas of his body, always starting gentle and building up to discover his limits with each tool, in each area of his body. Always avoid hitting his head, neck and lower back/kidney area). You will probably find he can take a harder spank on the meatier areas of his body....but don't rule out sensitive areas, such as feet, nipples and genitals, just ensure you start very lightly (and try each spanky tool on your own body first, to get a general idea where to begin)

    You don't have to use a spanky things to cause pain either. Biting, nipping/pinching and scratching are some options and eventually you could consider purchasing some other sensory tools such as candles, a wartenburg wheel, vampire gloves or e-stim.

    There is another element to pain or discomfort that is often overlooked and it is called predicament bondage. As the name suggests, it is the act of placing your partner into a predicament, a difficult or unpleasent situation. I imagine there are thousands of options/ideas on Google. A basic example would be the hogtie, which makes it difficult for the person to move or escape. Another would be tying his wrists and hooking them above his head, so that he is stretched and has to stand on tip toe, or otherwise, hang from his arms (not a great idea if the support cannot hold is weight, bear that in mind). Another example would be using a "humbler" which is a device that attaches to his testicles and hooks around the back of his thighs. With this device on, he cannot stand up straight (hence the "humbled position" Of course, you can spank him while he is in these positions.

    Predicaments don't have to be all about the position though. Try tying him to the bed (arms and legs) then squat over him. Insert his penis into your vagina and then raise yourself up, so that he has to arch his pelvis up to stay inside you. When he is at full arch, ensure just the tip of his penis is inside and tell him to fuck you. It will be difficult and frustrating. You could also squat over his face in much the same way, lifting up so that only the very tip of his tongue can touch you. (Bonus points if you blindfold him, so he can't see, but knows you are inches from his face) You could tie his hands completely together and then tell him he is allowed to masturbate and cum. Deny him entry into your vagina for 2 weeks and set a date when he is allowed, but on that day, put three condoms and some numbing cream on his penis and say "Go for it, you have 5 minutes"

    Predicaments are all about making something difficult or impossible and then giggling at his frustration or failure....even punishing him for it (Be careful with this one. Some subs do not like being forced into impossible to win situations and then being punished for failure...others love it. Again it is about finding out what works for you)

    Humilation:

    I am going to start cutting this short, because ...essay. So I will go straight onto the ideas. A basic example is that you could edge him for an hour or so, then tell him you want him inside you. Eventually, straddle him (or have him penetrate you) and goad him on to give it to you harder and not stop (get on top for ultimate control) Due to the edging before hand, he won't last long, so you can laugh or mock him, ask him if that's it, even suggest you might need to find a man who can go the distance etc. Tease him about the fact he gets hard before you are even naked, or gets excited too easily, or has no self control. Make him say embarrassing things to you (Tell me you are a slut. Tell me you have no self control. Tell me you love it when I...) Build up humilation play slowly and communicate after each session (Was that okay, did you enjoy that, would you like more or was it too much etc) If he enjoys it, then go for it, but not everyone does!

    Tease and denial:

    The idea behind denial is to keep him longing for more. To have him at a hightened state of arousal...to be so desperate that he will do anything to please. You can either deny him over a day...or over months depending on what you both find the best. (Each couple is different) You can deny him in oh so many ways, but the idea is to stop before he orgasms. You can either extend the session over hours, touching him so lightly, or even play the stop and start game (get up to go get a drink, or watch tv for a while). If you struggle to notice when he is close, simply make him tell you when to stop. (Tell me to stop when you are close/on edge) Of course, the denial part is easy, its the ideas that you need. Instead of writing them all out, I will link you to my blog post, "Orgasm denial games and ideas":

    http://thegrittywoman.com/orgasm-denial-games-and-ideas/

    There are a lot of ideas on there.

    I think the most difficult thing I found at first was vocalising. I was not confident talking (esp dirty) during sex at the best of times and felt out of my depth trying to be a "big bad dom" and shouting out all these orders and demands. Turns out, you will find your own style. I rarely shout. I rarely swear lol. In fact, my calm voice and deadly stare seem to work well on him. I started by asking questions, to learn and to get used to speaking. Questions are great, as they help open up the communication too and keep it flowing. You can mock using questions too:

    "Awww did that one hurt?"

    "Do you like it when I do that? "

    No? Then why are you hard?

    "Are you lying to me you naughty boy?"

    "Do you know how pathetic you look right now?"

    "Do you feel embarrassed/ashamed/dirty right now?"

    "Do you want me to touch you righttttt here?..Nope sorry!"

    "Do you always make this much noise when someone slaps your bum?"

    "Would you like to to turn you over and do this to your balls? No? Stop whining then"

    "Are you stuggling to move at the moment? Shame!"

    It might also help to just say what you are thinking or what you need doing, as opposed to shouting out dirty words, try these at first:

    "I think you look so cute bend over like that"

    "i love the colour of your butt right now...kinda pink, like your other cheeks"

    "I'm going to lie here and take myself to orgasm. You be quiet now and watch"

    "Bend over/Spread your cheeks/stop wiggling/stop whining/hold my paddle (bonus points if you make him hold it in his teeth)

    "I would love to do XYZ while you are tied up like this"

    Lots of mocking and laughing is my style lol. Its all about teasing him.

    Anyway, hope this gives you some ideas. Don't forget, it takes a while to gain confidence and learn about each other, so don't rush it. Just keep talking and take it step by step together. Try to remember it is less about what you are doing and more about what you are feeling. Its about finding the things that feel best for you and him (or finding the things that feel worst...to save back as punishment :D )

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.