• Should I be offended??

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags nailed it.

    The last thing your hubby needs to know is you are offended. This will only make it worse. Just change you thoughts a little. It's not that he doesn't find you sexy. We just can't allways be hard. This is why ED is such an emotive subject.

    1407312321
    dragoon [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok an extension to the initial question what if he doesn't really get hard and your sex life goes from 3 times a day to 3 times a year

    1407315100
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    From other threads I've read that you have sex several times a day, I feel it's unlikely he's going to be rock hard and ready when he came a few hours ago. I never expect the OH to be up and ready without foreplay, he gets head before every session, he likes it, I like it and it makes a good hard erection. You said that after foreplay he's still soft, but I'm getting the feeling that hand/blow jobs don't fall in that category? If he's still soft after direct physical stimulus then it's something other than the fact he's not a sex machine that switches on when you want, stress, exhaustion, health all affect erections.

    honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with him at all, I think you're expecting him to just get hard for you because you look good (perhaps you've been together a while and that's what it used to be like) from my experience, not to sound harsh, it's your "job" to get him hard and his "job" to get you wet. Give and take.

    1407315428
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    dragoon wrote:

    Ok an extension to the initial question what if he doesn't really get hard and your sex life goes from 3 times a day to 3 times a year

    1. Try and focus on sex without penetration, pleasure him without the intent of him getting an erection and cumming, prostrate us good for this but we have many erogenous zones, if you want to work on this enough allowing him to pleasure you without using a dildo or other penis substitution will help. Just taking the pressure off him trying to get an erection and stops him feeling guilty or less of a man.

    2. Perhaps a trip to the gp, if he's unable to get erect through direct physical stimulus most of the tine it's likely due to health problems, whereas if he only struggles every so often it's likely due to stress/exhaustion.

    1407315581
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Hubby's erection sometimes softens during sex but I don't take offence lol
    I get dry down there but he doesn't get upset he reaches for the lube!

    1407316194
    dragoon [sign in to see picture]
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    We haven't had sex 3 times a day in about 4 yrs and he has no real interest in sex he's rather play on his xbox one, 360 or ps3 than play with me. Well that's hiw it feels and looks

    1407316625
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Throw his toys out lol I'd kill OH if he started paying more attention to a game than me!

    So it's not that he can't but he chooses not to?

    1407336343
    Irie [sign in to see picture]
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    dragoon wrote:

    We haven't had sex 3 times a day in about 4 yrs and he has no real interest in sex he's rather play on his xbox one, 360 or ps3 than play with me. Well that's hiw it feels and looks

    Have you spoken to him about how you both feel? There may be a reason and if taking can help identify it, you can work through it together. Do you initiate or let him know you are in the mood?
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    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    I put my experiences in another thread last year:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/719207-erectile-disfunction/post-719387/

    This has continued to work for me and it's like I've got my youth back.

    1407341059
    dragoon [sign in to see picture]
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    We have talked and he admits he has a lack of interest in sex but also says i need to seek help coz i want sex so much. i do let him know and sometimes ask him out right for sex and he always finds an excuse not to for example I've got a headache, my stomach hurts I'm too tired god knows what to think its driving me crazy

    1407342526
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    You don't need help. Everyone has a different sex drive and wanting sex more than every few months is not an over active sex drive, but I really don't know what to tell you. Do either of you gave any fetishes? What's sex like when you do have it?

    1407344128
    dragoon [sign in to see picture]
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    I have loads of stuff i like to do things I've told him about and mentioned we should try but he thinks its disgusting or risky and so won't try them. we kiss f**k and then he leaves the room its like sleeping with a guy I've just met he cums and goes but i guess shit happens and i gotta deal with it

    1407344626
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    dragoon wrote:

    We have talked and he admits he has a lack of interest in sex but also says i need to seek help coz i want sex so much. i do let him know and sometimes ask him out right for sex and he always finds an excuse not to for example I've got a headache, my stomach hurts I'm too tired god knows what to think its driving me crazy

    So, because you have a high sex drive, you need help, but he doesn't need help for having a low sex drive? What a lovely way to shame your partner for being a sexual person/interested in sex with you! *headdesk*

    Dragoon....There is nothing wrong with you for wanting sex more than once every 3 months. In the same respect, there is nothing wrong with him wanting it twice a year. The only thing "wrong" here is mismatched sex drives and this is an extremely common problem in long term relationships. There is often one person who wants it more than the other and although the stereotypes say it is often the man with the high drive and the woman with the low one....it is becoming just as likely for it to be the women with the higher drive in this day and age. I have always had the higher drive in my relationships. I naturally seem to want some kind of sex almost every day.

    As for suggestions on how to fix this, you need to communicate and compromise. If he has no interest and is likely to play the blame game (something wrong with you) you need to say, there is nothing wrong with either of us, but we do need to compromise a little. It is also worth pointing out that relationships require a little work to keep them running smoothly. Its not a case of "Well, I have her/him now, so I will sit on my ass and play video games 24/7 and basically starve the relationship" You both need to have "together" time, enjoy couples things together and indulge in some spoiling or romance now and then, to keep the flame burning. Life often gets in the way, work, kids etc, but it is important to have some lovers time when you can.

    If you are unhappy and can't solve it, you could try couples counselling. I guess the final thoughts come down to "can I put up with this forever or is it making me too unhappy" and deciding if you are meant to be.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    dragoon wrote:

    I have loads of stuff i like to do things I've told him about and mentioned we should try but he thinks its disgusting or risky and so won't try them. we kiss f**k and then he leaves the room its like sleeping with a guy I've just met he cums and goes but i guess shit happens and i gotta deal with it

    Does he not even try to pleasure you, or ask what gets you to orgasm?

    1407346131
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    dragoon wrote:

    We have talked and he admits he has a lack of interest in sex but also says i need to seek help coz i want sex so much. i do let him know and sometimes ask him out right for sex and he always finds an excuse not to for example I've got a headache, my stomach hurts I'm too tired god knows what to think its driving me crazy

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/796857-sex-starved-wife/

    Hi Dragoon , I am sorry to hear this. It is all normal. Seldom when in a relationship will the sex drives be equally matched.. here is just one thread on the subject and in no way am I suggesting you are a sex starved wife. If you type "sex drive " into the search box at the top of this page you will find lots of threads with great advice. You are not alone and where better to get help and advice.

    1407349864
    dragoon [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank everyone xx

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