• I cant orgasm! HELP!!

    1406282684
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey guys, i dont know what to do. I have never ever had an orgasm... i dont know how to release it. I dont like the uncomfortable feeling i get when i think i am near to climax... even on my own i dont think i am cumming... i fake orgasms everytime i have sex with every sexual partner i have had.
    I dont know how to relax and just do it.
    Maybe i just cant?

    1406285054

    [suspended user]

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    Are you trying to have a clitoral orgasm or gspot orgasm?

    Many people find it much easier to have a clitoral orgasm compared to gspot

    x

    1406286067
    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    You're trying to hard..

    Even if you don't actually think you climax, do you feel happy with/after sex? (the general feeling in your body, not the mental feeling)
    I went through a time where I couldn't really orgasm - but I was still left feeling happy after sex, infact that was some of the best sex of my life so far.

    I think the orgasms come in time after you relax and learn to accept your body and your partners. When you stop looking for something, you will find it. Keep practising the general techniques, but stop focusing on the orgasm - just do what makes your body feel good.

    1406287508
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    You're not alone, as many as 80% of women can't have orgasms during penitritive sex, but I personally do believe it's something you can learn to do.

    I personally couldn't orgasm during intercourse when I was younger, and I just didn't understand why sex was supposed to be so good when I wasn't getting anything out of it. I went through a bit of a phase of sleeping with a few men to see if it was just me or not. When I realised it was just me it made me incredibly sad. It wasn't until I started exploring myself and found my g-spot and could recognise when it was being stimulated in the right way to get any enjoyment from it. After some exploration I found out what felt good and when I was being stimulated properly, then the first time I had sex after that was the first time I slept with my now husband, and had my first orgasm (probably why I married him! haha!)

    I lot of having an orgasm is mental for a woman, if you're thinking too much about it, it just won't happen. But if you try and relax and think about how good the sensations are then it will, if you learn what feels good.

    Have you thought about investing in a good g-spot toy? This way you can practice on yourself and find out what feels good to you. Then when you're having sex you can focus on the good sensations. I personally find that my g-spot is best stimulated when I'm on top.

    I just wouldn't panic too much about it, you need to really try and relax, it will be difficult at first, but with plenty of practice I'm sure you'll get there one day.

    Good luck :)

    1406288324
    Kittyondrugz [sign in to see picture]
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    The easiest way I achieved orgasm was with a vibe on my clit,home alone.Maybe try and relax,have a glass of wine,watch some porn you like and just enjoy it and don't think about it..it will come on it's own.

    1406301251
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    That is all really good help, but i have tried it all!
    I relax and it feels amazing, when alone i dont like penetrive play, so i use my rabbit ears on my clit. And i do that to the point where i am squirming and it feels great but then when i think im done i take it off my clit and feel sort of unhappy with the result.
    With partners penetrive sex never works, when they give me oral it feels awesome again to the point where i think i am done... the have penetrive sex with me then again straight after i am unsatisfied. Maybe im just hard to please :3
    I have both g spot and clitoral toys.
    Ive noticed im closer to a real orgasm when i am receiving anal sex/masturbation with my clit been rubbed too... maybe im cumming and just not realising it. I dont know :/

    1406302539
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    From what you describe it sounds like you are coming.
    After I come I get very sensitive down below. Makes me squirm and giggle lol.

    1406305725
    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the word is Insatiable >.<

    No, I think I understand what you mean more now since that last post. It's like mini orgasms right? Enough to make you go all sensitive and think it's finished, but not enough to knock you out like in the movies? And not quite enough to absolutely know for sure whether that was it or not?

    And now I'm amazed 'cause I've never met anyone that's said anything like that before and that's exactly how I am with pure clitoral orgasms... they never feel quite enough afterwards...Like even if I pushed through the sensitivity 'cause "I haven't come yet" The good feeling drops straight after like it's finished, but I don't feel like I've come. For me, it's not actually that pleasurable even... I just feel kinda empty and tingly...Like I need something else...

    Definitely a stronger, more obvious orgasm with combined sensations!
    Especially anal... I can never go again after anal w/clit stim... just go weak at the knees >.<

    1406312062
    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't worry, you're not alone, I'm in the exact same situation. You pretty much described what happens to me, I only ever squirm in a bath with shower head but I feel unsatisfied afterwards. But sex without an orgasm leaves me satisfied, personally I think you're thinking about & expecting to know when it'll happen. I find listening to music helps to take mind off of it. Hope you find something to help! ^_^ Xx

    1406316484
    Monkeysnacks [sign in to see picture]
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    Will have to remember to keep an eye on this thread as I think I have something similar. Since a lot of you have said that it's mostly mental I think that is where I am going wrong as I find sex and even sometimes masturbation quite stressful.

    1406321730
    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Jazzam wrote:

    I think the word is Insatiable >.<

    No, I think I understand what you mean more now since that last post. It's like mini orgasms right? Enough to make you go all sensitive and think it's finished, but not enough to knock you out like in the movies? And not quite enough to absolutely know for sure whether that was it or not?

    And now I'm amazed 'cause I've never met anyone that's said anything like that before and that's exactly how I am with pure clitoral orgasms... they never feel quite enough afterwards...Like even if I pushed through the sensitivity 'cause "I haven't come yet" The good feeling drops straight after like it's finished, but I don't feel like I've come. For me, it's not actually that pleasurable even... I just feel kinda empty and tingly...Like I need something else...

    Definitely a stronger, more obvious orgasm with combined sensations!
    Especially anal... I can never go again after anal w/clit stim... just go weak at the knees >.<

    Its great knowing i have people in the same boat, upsetting that we all feel this way! Yeah exactly that mini orgasms that arent really worth it! Ive asked my friends in person and they all say they can which is unsettling for me too. I need a stronger orgasm but ehile it lasts you could say its fun.
    1406322067
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Try focusing on getting more pleasure than stronger orgasms, I couldn't orgasm with anyone but my OH sometimes I still don't orgasm but that doesn't mean I'm not satisfied. It ruins sex focusing on orgasming and it's not as important as you'd think

    1406323753
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello,

    based on the desription, I would say you are having orgasm. Just not as strong as you think you should have or not as strong to leave you satisfied. But being sensitive says that there most likely is even a small orgasm involved.

    I was like that in the beginning too. Actually I still occassionally am. I would personally try to relax and do not think too much about having an orgasm, but focus on the journey and enjoyment. My orgasms did improve after some time and experiments.

    If you are trying with toys, maybe try to experiment a bit. I have toys, which make me orgasm, but the orgasm is weaker compared to other toys.

    Last thing coming to mind is have you tried some orgasm boosters? I used to use them regularly in the beginng, when I was learning to orgasm, but now I rarely do. I prefer to have the orgasm without any help, but I have to say that they helped me to learn to orgasm.

    1408320573
    lew12645 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not really keen on penetrative sex, so I tend to use bullet vibes on my clit, and I find that usually after a while i hit a 'wall' as such, where my legs spasm and I just cant hold it on there any longer, but as soon as I take it off I feel, well, pretty poo. I don't think I've ever orgasmed but? Is this 'wall' actually a mini-orgasm like previous posts say? Please help!

    1408324490
    magicnumber69 [sign in to see picture]
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    As a guy, I must admit to finding this intriguing, although the geek in me is as much thinking about the science of what you're experiencing; perhaps the endorphin build-up becomes too great, but that cessation of stimulation causes it to then plummet, causing that feeling of dissatisfaction you're experiencing.

    Just a layman's view of course, but I do find myself fascinated, for some reason. Perhaps as all bodies and all the ways that brains are 'wired' are different, perhaps even down to your upbringing, perhaps there are numerous reasons you're not having - what you might see, at least - an orgasm. Perhaps you are having mini-orgasms as others describe, but haven't 'trained' yourself to recognise it.

    Hopefully, you'll find some useful advice here and be able to narrow it down to more than 'trial and error's and my apologies if I'm coming over all 'Discovery Channel', but as I said, I'm kinda fascinated.

    1411761880
    AmyC2003 [sign in to see picture]
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    I never had a proper orgasm until I started using toys doing it myself. Even now I can't have an orgasm through intercourse. If you want it doing properly... Do it yourself!

    1411764808
    OUCH! Thank you ;) [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to have such weak orgasms I didn't think I was having any at all. Once, while my husband had his head down there, he informed me that he loved watching me come and I was lay there thinking who's this fool talking about, there's no-one coming up here? He said it was hot *TMI* watching my vagina tighten and my anus contract.

    I just came to the conclusion that my friends were a bunch of Meg Ryans and orgasms were crap.

    Then after I had my son I started paying attention to my pelvic floor, doing kegels, using kegel balls and those crappy spasms became ooh, that wasn't too shabby spasms. Then we discovered my G-spot and though it took about three hundred years for my hubby to bring me off I had deep, thigh trembling orgasms.

    Now that I'm older and we have a huge selection of sex toys, by using them I've trained my body to come properly and I do so fairly regularly, though I need both clitoral and internal stimulation. A cheap and cheerful toy that gets me off every time is the Cupids G-Spot Smoothie Vibrator, available here on LH.

    Maybe starting to do kegels (if you don't already) would help strengthen your orgasms too. The Fifty Shades balls (the metal and the silicone) are both good as are the Tracey Cox ones. For conscious kegel exercise I like the Je Joue Ami system.

    As others have said though, please bear in mind that orgasms aren't necessarily the be all and end all of good sex and I'mnot just saying that becasue I have decent ones now. We've been together 16 years and I've only been satisfied with my orgasms for about eight of them.

    On the occasions I don't come I still find myself exhausted and happy after sex. Sometimes its all about the intimacy, the connection I have with my husband and knowing he's had a toe curling good time is enough for me.

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