• Do you make excuses?

    1405956575
    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 405
    • Joined: 1 Jun 2012

    FrozenAngel wrote:

    I did love the "Sorry I need a shower" - Didn't shower till morning documentation it made me laugh.

    Same!

    I don't make excuses. I'm honest. If I can't have sex for whatever reason, I'm always happy to pleasure my OH. It's fun not a chore that 'needs doing' ! Xx

    1405956576
    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 405
    • Joined: 1 Jun 2012

    FrozenAngel wrote:

    I did love the "Sorry I need a shower" - Didn't shower till morning documentation it made me laugh.

    Same!

    I don't make excuses. I'm honest. If I can't have sex for whatever reason, I'm always happy to pleasure my OH. It's fun not a chore that 'needs doing' ! Xx

    1405956576
    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 405
    • Joined: 1 Jun 2012

    FrozenAngel wrote:

    I did love the "Sorry I need a shower" - Didn't shower till morning documentation it made me laugh.

    Same!

    I don't make excuses. I'm honest. If I can't have sex for whatever reason, I'm always happy to pleasure my OH. It's fun not a chore that 'needs doing' ! Xx

    1405958135
    BDSM [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 212
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2009

    He does sound like an absolute git. A horrible passive-aggressive move on his part, done as he is running off so the matter can't be discussed.

    His approaches could have been dreadful. She could have been desperate for some affection and he walks in and says 'fancy a sh@g?' It might work for some but not everyone. It does sounds like he was pestering her to prove a point and fill in his spreadsheet.

    It's hardly going to improve their sex life is it?

    I always think it is such a shame that there are couples who don't know how to have good sex.

    1405958875
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    No one knows the situation so you can't comment on who's in the wrong.

    he could be being a knob all day then expecting poke her with his cock and her to be into it so she's making up crap excuses cause she's mad at him. He might not have even tried asking her what's wrong and has done this to just make her feel insufficient.

    or he could be doing everything right, being romantic and considerate and she's just shoving him away and not opening, he could have tried to discuss it with her and she says they have sex all the time and this is his last resort.

    you don't know.

    1405959565
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    IMO:

    Excuses = lies

    Communicate the real reason

    1405959967
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1976
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    To be honest it's clear who's in the wrong, both of them.

    She is lying to him by making up really bad excuses, which is wrong. She should be communicating with him and telling him why she really doesn't want to have sex.

    He has reacted in probably the worst way when really he should be asking her why she doesn't want sex.

    They're clearly both very wrong.

    1405960115
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1580
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Yes mrs +1
    They aren't communicating which is the biggest issue here. Not even the not having sex. The not talking to each other.

    1405960278
    sassykitten;) [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1549
    • Joined: 28 May 2014

    I cant say he did the wrong thing as this could of been a last resort to try n put a end to a relationship of no sex...we dont know his intentions, was it he didnt actually email it to her or was she upset n contacted the tabs.?

    Anyways that doesnt matter he must of been pretty desperate to make changes to go to the effort of a spreadsheet

    Although im only young ive experienced dry spell so to speak ive put it down not only to low self a steam but my contraception (2 different sorts) .. but I talked to my newish partner and were working though it and learning to get completely comfortable with each other n his supportive in trying to relax me :)

    1405965989
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3813
    • Joined: 17 Jul 2013

    I agree with you MrsMcx, they need to get on to this site asap! At their age I'd expect them to be a bit more active and I'm also surprised how many people think that he's lucky to get that much action . I can understand him feeling annoyed at 3 times in 6 weeks ( me an my OH are 51 and we have sex at least 3 times a week ) but the way he went about it was completely wrong. There again there must be a reason why she does'nt want sex very often even if her excuses are a bit feeble. Sounds like they need to communicate a bit more and not through spreadsheets.

    1405966191
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    I think it's very difficult to judge without knowing the whole story - he could have been trying for months to communicate and had this as a last resort, or this could have been her first clue that he was unhappy.

    1405968176
    MrPink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 223
    • Joined: 26 Jan 2011

    I don't make excuses and although I've had medical problems, I'm always ready to do something, even if it's not full penetration.

    If there's a real reason why I can't or won't have sex, I say so. No point in dressing it up. Sometimes I am just too tired or occasionally unwell to perform. Even then I could probably be persuaded to do something digital or oral rather than penile.

    What has been a bit of a problem from time to time is that as I approach 60, I can't keep it up through prolonged foreplay - sometimes Mr P forgets and then there's a bit of fumbling while we get roound my having lost it before she's ready to roll. I think we're getting a better handle on it, though.

    1405969558
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2008
    • Joined: 17 Nov 2008

    BDSM wrote:

    He does sound like an absolute git. A horrible passive-aggressive move on his part, done as he is running off so the matter can't be discussed.

    His approaches could have been dreadful. She could have been desperate for some affection and he walks in and says 'fancy a sh@g?' It might work for some but not everyone. It does sounds like he was pestering her to prove a point and fill in his spreadsheet.

    It's hardly going to improve their sex life is it?

    I always think it is such a shame that there are couples who don't know how to have good sex.

    Also some of these are legtitimate, such as "won't have time before we go to resturant" i think his timing seems terrible.

    She did explain that she's had lots on at work and rennovating their house - maybe he needs to understand that things stress women out more and can affect their libidos more.

    1405970719
    SlinkyRat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 105
    • Joined: 5 Jun 2014

    Besides, being 20 minutes early was it really long enough for sex? Because I would postpone it until after dinner. I don't like to put a time limit on sex, and expecting me to heat up on demand is pretty unreasonable.

    1405974222
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1577
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    We don't have sex now but I have my toys and crushes, no way am I being a dried up old woman, I'm 48 this week not 68, so while hubby gets a bit fed up with my crushes he can't moan he decided medical reason's no sex so while there is a lot of love our marriage is sexless now, I don't put pressure on he's just not interested, but those two must talk, if he's wam bang thank you man, in attitude to foreplay ect no wonder she doesn't want to know.

    1405987984
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 189
    • Joined: 3 Jul 2014

    MrsMcX wrote:.

    Basically, a husband made a list of all of the reasons over a six week period why his wife wouldn't have sex with him. They actually only had sex three times in six weeks!

    However, I also think that her excuses are just a load of crap, and seeing that they're both only 26-years-old and their sex life is that limited is such a huge shock to me!

    Man, I'd kill for sex every two weeks! I'm 25 and the missus is 27.

    However, I wouldn't trade our relationship for theirs in order to get it. If that's how they treat the subject (and each other) then any sex they do have can't be good, surely?

    1405989538
    subbysam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 127
    • Joined: 19 May 2014

    I'm torn on this one,

    I've been in relationships where "no not tonight, i'm not in the mood" is considered an unnacceptable reason to not have sex and hence had to come up with excuses, and also where it has been a case of the OH saying "do you want to go have sex now" and generally not felt like a quiky with no effort to any foreplay.

    But I can understand it is frustrating to hear silly excuses.

    I mostly can't believe she published this to the web though, I would be wanting to keep this as far away from the prying readers of the daily fail as possible, and this was bound to end up on there.

    1406011855
    Cowboy81 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 667
    • Joined: 21 Nov 2013

    I found this very interesting. I have never made excuses and I don't think MRS has either. If one of us doesn't want to then we don't.. but that is rather rare. More common is one is in the mood and the other is indifferent and thus can be aroused because we are willing.

    Now for why I think it is interesting - we keep a sex journel of sorts, so the part of "tracking data" does not seem odd to me at all. I track a lot of details in my life. Trending.. you have to see the data trending (did I mention I am really, REALLY a geek?). Anyways, it is the delivery that seems off BUT if he had tried to discuss it and she continued to make excuses (self persmission and dishonesty already having been established in the relationship) then showing the data may have been an attempt to show the "overwhelming" nature of the problem.

    Good plan, poorly executed you might say.

    1406071498
    AK1970 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2013

    Interesting. I reckon there are problems on both sides and that there is a more mature way of solving these.

    Normally I'd advocate just sitting down and discussing how both of them feel about the situation and working out where or even if they want to go from there.

    However... I'm currently in the midst of a 10 year dry spell and, despite having had a long, open and honest discussion about why she only very rarely felt inclined to have sex and how I felt about an enforced abstention, we still don't 'play' more than two or three times a year.

    Now while I can appreciate my wife's reluctance - skin on skin contact, hot weather, hormonal rush etc aggravate her eczema and lying in particular positions can aggravate a long term hip condition (caused by lugging around heavy bags of books back when she was a teacher) - whenever we do agree to have an early night she often defers it for a couple of days and, come the evening in question, will then sit up until 3 or 4am watching old episodes of house makeover programmes she's seen dozens of times before. By the time she does come up and sees I'm awake she'll either be sound asleep in less than a minute or will profess not to have remembered our plans.

    It is quite frustrating but as I do appreciate that sex can sometimes leave her uncomfortable for a day or two, I don't push it and enjoy the rare occasion when the stars do align. As far as I'm concerned no means no. I would slip off for a quiet wank but that is frowned upon - she doesn't understand why men or women do that or what they get out of it. With our daughter beginning to ask about sex I have heard some very one-sided advice being offered!

    I'm also open to the possibility that it may be down to a lack of technique on my part but whenever I ask if there's anything I can do to make lovemaking better or more enjoyable she just says that she doesn't really want to try anything different. Lingerie is a no, oral is a no, toys are a definite no. And I'm not brave enough to ask for anal, even if that appealed. I have asked about this every now and then, so it's not as if I'm constantly pestering or if it's the only thing I think of when I see her. Little notes, help around the house, looking after the kids while she goes off doing her voluntary work... These are all given and appreciated and I don't automatically expect anything in return.

    So while I can appreciate the frustrations the chap with the spreadsheet is experiencing I can also understand why his wife keeps saying no. The log seems to show him pestering for sex nearly every day and even I would find that a turn off. That said, there are a lot of obviously weak excuses being given in response and these are causing just as many problems for both of them.

    1406110454
    Poppicat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 200
    • Joined: 7 Nov 2011

    No one is ever entitled to sex. She may of in the past just said i don't feel like it and he hasn't accepted it so now she feels she needs to make excuses. She may also have a lowered sex drive for some reason.

    I do have a high sex drive but i can't have as much sex as i want. Due to operation and scar tissue i can find sex painful and can tear. I need a good week to recover from a nights session usually 2-3 times. I don't live with my oh so its not as bad i can give myself time to heal.

    She may have issues like that and he is not being understanding. I think they need to have better communication skills. He is being very childish sending her this.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.