• Sub and dom relationship angst.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    As many of you know I am a 25 years happily married man. My wife is beautiful and an amazing woman. She is very maternal and giving woman. I am such a lucky man. This all makes her naturally sub although I have never really considered it that way. All through our lives together we have discussed all the major choices but it comes down to me usually making the decisions.

    This then carries through to the bedroom. Do whatever you want to me and my body is yours to use however you want. Isn't that fantastic , how many men would just die for that. We are very open and discuss our love lives but it's Allways initiated by me. I am constantly planning and thinking about our next session. How do I get her to join in and come up with ideas of her own. Things she would like to do. I don't necessarily need her to be Dom all though that would be wonderful occasionally. We are so happy and trusting in our relationship we know each other inside out , what we like and don't like and what turns each other on. But I just can't get her to understand the biggest turn on now at our time in our relationship is our minds. For her to feed mine with her sexy thoughts and desires would be such a turn on and foreplay. I also think it would be amazing for her too.

    So easy question for you all , how to unlock your OH's mind and let the creative sexy juices flow?

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    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats a really hard one because i'm in a similar situation but that situation suits me. I love the planning, organising, roleplay etc but I do agree that sometimes it would be nice for that to be reversed.

    One thing you may be able to do is if you have some time together write down five things you want as part of a session and draw them out one each..........you could clearly define a session where she takes control.

    Looking forward to seeing other peoples responses.

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    acuk [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry no words of wisdom here also in the same position, im not complaning its all good fun, but as you say it would be nice to hear ideas and thoughts, my latest idea was getting her to fill our wishlist on here with toys and things she would like to try with out any imput from me, so far it has opened up a few ew things so all good :)

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    GG, I know from your posts that you and your wife have a great relationship and a fantastic sex life. I'm guessing that you were the more experienced and adventurous when you met and took the lead then. Now there seems to be so much openness and trust which has got stronger over your years together. You are both very lucky.

    Personally, I would just be happy with what you have got together. As my husband says, if it isn't broken don't try to fix it!

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    PetiteJess [sign in to see picture]
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    How about you both write down what you would like to do to each other in stages?

    Me and an ex use to do this by text, so for example:

    Me “when you walk through the door I am going to kiss you, then you will”

    Ex “Lead you into the bedroom, then you will”

    Me "slowly undress for you whilst you"

    And so on.

    It’s kind of like scripted role play and was a lot of fun, it really helped my ex unleash his imagination and take lead in the bedroom.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    capricorn13 wrote:

    GG, I know from your posts that you and your wife have a great relationship and a fantastic sex life. I'm guessing that you were the more experienced and adventurous when you met and took the lead then. Now there seems to be so much openness and trust which has got stronger over your years together. You are both very lucky.

    Personally, I would just be happy with what you have got together. As my husband says, if it isn't broken don't try to fix it!

    Capricorn I know you are right but there is just something in me that knows this is possible and if she would just let herself go it would be amazing for her. My wife Allways says the same why are trying to fix something that isn't broke. The answer is something this amazing needs constant nurturing and care.

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    subbysam [sign in to see picture]
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    How about for next special occasion you ask her to write down a fantasy/erotica for you, then you can try and live it out as she has written it?

    Or just begin by getting her to tie you to the bed, and then when she has just tell her she gets to dictate what happens.

    Or ask her if she can write down what she fantasises about whenever she masterbates, or gets her horny and leaves it out so you end up with a mini book of things you know get her hot.

    Just bouncing ideas around here, but i reckon your best bet is to get her to indirectly tell her your fantasies and then you follow them that way, if she is not up for being the dominant one in the bedroom.

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    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry GG I have no words of wisdom, but I will be anxiously watching this thread for ideas.
    Getting my OH to talk about what he likes or wants apart from "a blow job" or "a slow blowjob" is like drawing blood from a stone!!

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    Monkeysnacks [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm pretty kinky but quite shy so I sometimes find it difficult to ask for what I want. I think the suggestions to have her write things down are good, because it's less pressure than actually saying what she wants to your face. Even in such a loving and fluid relationship like yours, it can sometimes be embarrassing to ask for what you want.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Thankyou all, my angst has grown a little this morning. We had plans initiated by my wife I was being edged all week for her to give me a prostate massage on Friday evening but not allow me to orgasm and save that for Last night all her idea great. We had family's over Friday night and they wouldn't leave. Then last night my son needed Taxi of mum and dad. Wifey needs to know he's home safe and sound. So I just went to bed. Know excruciatingly horny and kind of feeling let down. We have a sex pact as we don't get enough time together we don't come alone. So I couldn't relieve myself but I came Close to breaking it tonight.

    Positively I think you may of hit on something in writting. Ever since Shades of Grey she reads a lot of erotic fiction it has helped her raise her sex drive. I have asked her to be more explicit in her sexting and tell me what she wants, but it always drifts to her asking me what I am going to do to her.

    I think Capricorn might just be right she has posted with me before. I might just be asking my wife to step out side her comfort zone a little to far. It's just that I have this very strong feeling it would be so good and right for her.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Just because something is 'good' and 'right' for you, doesnt meant that it will be for her. I agree with Capricorn, and I'm sorry to say but I feel like you're being a little selfish and pushing her too hard to do things that will sexually please you, and I really don't think you're thinking too much about what she wants.

    Why don't you just be open with her and talk about how you feel? Ask her if she thinks it's something that she likes, presuming that a certain sexual fetish or fantasy is going to be good for her because it's something you want to do is a bad way to go. You need to be open with her and step away from all presumptions.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    Just because something is 'good' and 'right' for you, doesnt meant that it will be for her. I agree with Capricorn, and I'm sorry to say but I feel like you're being a little selfish and pushing her too hard to do things that will sexually please you, and I really don't think you're thinking too much about what she wants.

    Why don't you just be open with her and talk about how you feel? Ask her if she thinks it's something that she likes, presuming that a certain sexual fetish or fantasy is going to be good for her because it's something you want to do is a bad way to go. You need to be open with her and step away from all presumptions.

    Thanks MRSmcx. Of course you are right. We do talk openly, she is just a natural Sub and I need to just except it. As Capricorn and my wife have said don't try and fix what isn't broken.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Being a 'natural submissive' doesn't hold much merit when it comes to a Dom/sub relationship. Some people use this type of relationship as break from real life. For example someone who has a very dominant role in life may in fact fully enjoy having a submissive sex life because it's something different from how they are in real life. Equally, someone who has to be submissive in life might enjoy the power of being Dominant. It's totally up to the individual person what role they want to have in their sex life.

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