• Is she bii, lesbian or straight?

    Staar91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 8 Jul 2014

    My girl friend of 5 years has explain to me she had always watched lesbian porn from a young age and she could never watch normal porn, in which i thought nothing of it.

    couple years later into our relationship she now exchanged dirty pictures and videos with a girl friend, which again i dont mind

    she was talking to the girl the other day and i saw her V was soaking i mean soajing wet ?? She has never been that wet for me ?

    moving on she says she would like to experiment with a girl but she is insistant she is not bii but clearly she must like girls.

    why does she get so wet from lesbian porn?

    Or talking to another girl horny ?

    She has always been a reserved girl but last week she went crazy and messaged like all her friends looking to find one that she could do some sexy things with and ended up loosing best friends of like 7 years?

    any help or advice

    What do to do


    ScarletRose [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 351
    • Joined: 1 Aug 2012

    You've been with her 5 years, you've noticed she's changed, maybe you should talk to her about it? She may be feeling confused, or she may just want to experiment. She will probably be feeling upset if she's lost some friends too. I think you should just talk to her. In my experience, most people aren't so black and white when it comes to sexuality really. She may lust after women but not feel romantically towards them, which is how I feel. You just don't know how she feels unless you have an honest talk with her.

    LilHorror [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 998
    • Joined: 18 Apr 2014

    Well to be honest most women at some point in there life feel attracted to another woman or want to experiment. Though from what you are saying i think it is clear that she is Bi or at least Bi curious..

    There is really not much you can do about this. You will have to have a open talk to her about it.. Ask her why she messaged other girls when she has you..

    Thats all I can really say about the subject... But to be honest she should not be asking friends to have sex/sexual contact with when she has a partner already..

    She sounds a bit confused and needs someone to talk too :) xx

    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    Whilst she sounds to be what many would call 'bi-curious', most people chose to name their own sexuality - don't try and force labels on her.

    Just try and understand precisely what she as an individual actually wants.

    Taylor77 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 170
    • Joined: 18 Aug 2010

    if you are in love with this lady, all you can do is be there for support, talk it through, it maybe awkard and even painful at first, but do not force the issue, mole hills can rapidly become mountains.

    PlumCake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 140
    • Joined: 21 May 2012

    Fantasy and reality are very different - just because she watches lesbian porn (which isn't reality in the first place and is generally created by men for men) doesn't mean she's gay or bi. It might just excite her! Which is perfectly normal.

    Personally although I'm straight, I find male-female porn a real turn-off. If I had to watch porn I'd pick gay porn every time. I don't want to watch a woman when I could be watching two men - yum!

    My point is that people's taste in their fantasy outlets (porn, flirty messaging) doesn't always reflect reality. For me it doesn't anyway!

    It's healthy and it's great to explore every ounce of our sexuality, so if you're supportive and there for her then that's all you can do.

    If when it comes down to it, she really does want to experiment with another woman then you need to decide whether you're ok with that and how you fit in to the equasion!

    Good luck.

    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1573
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    I've never wanted any experiments with women at all, porn does Nothing for me but I do feel for you, and her, talks needed here, lots of them.

    kayliixx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 298
    • Joined: 8 Apr 2014

    Tbh I had a thread up recently as I was going through a similar thing. I spoke to my then partner and he said it was my decision if I wanted to experiment but would support me any way. I have experimented now but it was very minor play. I hid alot of my sexual feelings and am.now.blossoming and loving it.

    My experience is I gound it amazing being with a female as they do tend to touch in a different way than a man and it is hot. I want to experiment mote but would class my self as straight in the sense of I would only have a relationship with a man, but bi curious as I do have sexual feelings for females and want to explore that. But at the end of the day does it matter as long as you are happy together?

    It is unfortunate she has lost friends over this, however support her as much as you can as it is a very confusing time xxx

    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 222
    • Joined: 1 May 2012

    Firstly I'd say you need to open your mind to why she might be having these thoughts.

    Sexuality is often seen in definites - you are straight; you are gay; you are bisexual.

    In reality that doesnt' cover it. There's a wide range of in betweens and it's not just two dimensional. People can also change tastes and desires over time, sometimes varying back and forth.

    Also people can lie in differnt places on the ranges for their emotional needs and their sexual needs and desires. Meaning a woman can like having sex with both sexes but only enjoy an emotional relationship with a man. Or vice versa. Or it can be more open that that.

    Last point, fantasy and reality can differ. Many people have fantasies that they never want to live out and may actually hate the idea of in real life, or that they wouldn't live out while with a partner. Some things seem great in our minds because they're different or naughty and that's it.

    So what does this mean for her?

    Maybe over time she'll realise she prefers to sleep with or have relationships with women, maybe when reality comes down to it she'll realise she doesn't want to experiment afterall, maybe she'll try it once and have done, maybe she'll find she wants sex with women regularly as she feels fulfilled by it but still wants a relationship with a man, or so on.

    What does it mean for you?

    You've been together a while so if you both want the relationship to continue then you both get say in what happens. You need to consider what you're comfortable with her doing, what's ok now or what's a maybe for future, and what's a definite no. This might be "go and play with stragers"/"go and play with just someone I trust"/"only play in a 3some"/"cams and messages are ok but not physical"/"I can't agree with you experimenting with a woman at all"

    Then you need to sit down and discuss as calmly as possible. Fact is, if she sleeps with a man or woman without you being happy with it then it's breaking the rules of the relationship, it's cheating, and it's either forgiveness time or split.

    You both have to realise that also that there is rational thought and then emotion which is often not rational, and understand that the other has a balance of both. While being understanding in a relationship is important, it runs both ways and it's ok to say no to something like this.

    Main thing is, anything she does as far as experimenting has to be done with agreement between the two of you and you obviously need to discuss it fully. Also let her know your concerns.

    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    ^ well said.

    Tussilago [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 46
    • Joined: 30 Apr 2012

    I really can't add anything to scarab9. Sexuality is super fluid and society has a fetisch for limiting labels. Try working around your cognitive biases, talk it out properly and go with the flow. Personally I find that I get curious abour stuff I've been surpressing so she might just need the chance to experiment with it to explore those parts of herself.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.