• GF taking loooong time to orgasm and only focused oral or fingers on clit

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Afternoon all, hope everyone has a great weekend ahead of them!

    (My band is playing our first gig this evening so should be a hell of a start!)

    Anyway, I'm lucky to be in a relationship with a woman who is absolutely wonderful, that four letter word was recently said by her for the first time (by me a while ago but I was more open to it), our sex life is great, fun and very comfortably explorative. We can talk very openly and do so, and we utterly trust each other. And she's got a high sex drive!

    <awaits congratulatory high five>

    Sorry not bragging, just getting some background to answer some of the obvious questions that might pop up.

    Also, partly due to hanging around on the forum and obviously from experience I know women are all different when it comes to how easily, often, or what methods work best in regards to orgasming and we're both very happy with how things are, but being someone that loves to give and also try new things and generally learn, I'd like to be able to help her orgasm more. 

    Since first getting together I can make her orgasm with oral or with my fingers but it takes a loooong time. That's not a problem, I'm more than happy to spend the time as long as she's enjoying herself. Keeping to clitoral orgasms for now, she/we have tried vibes but they just seem to be a distraction or get too much, any vaginal stimulation again just seems a distraction. Some anal stimulation does seem to help speed things up a LITTLE bit and more importantly she sometimes enjoys it, but basically it's just very straight up tongue of fingers, very focused on her clit (no matter how turned on she is if I stop and move elsewhere for more that a few seconds it's goiing to be a long period of focused attention required again - I can't get a slow build up to work. 

    Internally, in a couple of positions she feels good g-spot stimuation and if she's either on top with us both sat up, or on her back with her legs right up hy her head she'll (just saw this word today in a post, cheers guys!) 'flood' a lot and very quickly, but she never reaches orgasm. Recently she thought she might get close but we'd had to be going at it for ages and were exhausted and pretty much collapsed before finding out if it would eventually work.

    When she does come from oral she sorta almost has to put herself in a daze or a medetative state to do so. Any distraction stops her. 

    She's generally not that sensitive and responsive to touch (of any kind) (in case that answers anyone curiosity).

    Again, perfectly happy as is she, and I know how to make her orgasm reliably every time which is great, but it would be nice to be able to change things up a bit. Our sex is pretty varied and exciting but at some point it's always "right, stop, get in the usual positiion, the next 30 mins is going to be spent on the usual!" otherwise no orgasm for her.

    So it's not a worry and while we'll keep trying it's not become one of those stressful and unattainable tasks as this can do. But I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or experience that may help so we can get to a point where she can orgasm without having to follow such a specific approach every time.

    (one thing I haven't asked which I've been meaning to and might later is what she's thinking of while in the 'daze' in case that helps at all).

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    ps. apologies for the long write up. I wanted to answer all the questions I could that I predicted from lurking about and commenting on other posts.

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    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH has to have clit stimulation to orgasm. This has got easier over the last 20 years, so now she can grind against me in cowgirl position, but direct clit stimulation with tongue is the only guaranteed method.

    To be honest, it's not a problem. She likes all the other bits and I need direct penis stimulation in some form or other to orgasm.

    If neither of you are worried, I wouldn't worry. Sounds like you have a great sex life.

    {High Five}

    1403294042
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    You hit the nail on the head saying all women are different, so although we can tell you what workd for us, I think it is clear that your woman has told you what works for her (Which is great. There are so many who really struggle, but your lady knows what she likes and can reach orgasm)

    I seem to remember reading the average time from start to finish for a woman is about 20 minutes, which sounds close to where your lady is and about right for a lot of us women. We do just take longer than men, generally (not all of us) I am one of these 20 to 30 minute women and I was made to feel extremely paranoid about that, by an ex and guess what happened then? I either couldn't cum at all, or took even longer, sometimes hours. 

    I also often need to kind of "zone-out" to get there. I need my eyes closed and focusing. I can't be all eye-contact and chatting. (Well, occasionally I can, but the orgasm is weak) Your woman sounds a lot like me and unfortunately, us women who take a little while longer just do. Its not really your fault or something your doing. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I can be really qick, if worked up well in advance. To be fair - I can go a little faster when doing it alone too, but so can most people, as we know exactly where to touch and when to slow or speed up etc. 

    Women in porn tend to "orgasm" within 30 seconds of starting penetration, even without clit stim...they never fail. Of course, either they are one of a kind women, or faking it, because as I said, the average is 20 min and that is average, which means some women are on the quicker side and some on the longer side.

    This is just how it is for a lot of us women. Oh and most of us orgasm only from clit stim, so that will be why she wants focus there. I know it is a fantasy of a lot of males to make a woman orgasm from penetration, but this is harder and rarer in general. I guess it would be like her getting disappointed in you because you need your cock touched during sex and she wants to get you off by playing with your ass......see what I mean? 

    She sounds completely normal to me though. Shes probably extremely happy you please her so well with fingers and tongue! Only one guy has ever had regular success with both on me! lol

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    kinky-for-you [sign in to see picture]
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    Your girlfriend sounds very similar to me, and I'm 100% happy with my sex life. Clitoral stimulation is the only thing that can tip me over the edge. I love penetrative sex but it doesn't give give me earth shattering orgasms more like ripples, they're great but I still want more. We have a fantastic sex life and it is nothing my partner can change he has just mastered what works for me. If it vibrates it can take me minutes if not a lot longer but it's still worth the fun trying! In short if she's happy and you have the tounge muscles be happy :)

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    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like us too!

    Only ever made her come one way

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Cheers folks. Yep, very happy but always looking to improve ;)

    Oh and thanks fluffbsgs, "zone out" is the phrase I was looking for but my brain failed me!

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello,

    I am one of the women, who can take longer, I think my average is about 15 to 20 minutes. Sometimes, if i did not orgasm for longer time, or extremely horny, I can take less than 5 minutes, but sometimes I take even 30 minutes.

    Having said this, I used to take even longer in the past, like 45 min to an hour.

    I found that over time I can orgasm more easily, because I learnt more about my own body and what I enjoy and what not. How to touch myself etc.

    One key thing for me is to still learn my body and experiment what works for me. I also found out that some imagination helps to get me there faster, even if with a partner giving me oral. I prefer to have my eyes closed, not opened, so I can fully enjoy the sensation. I find open eyes are distracting for me. And I seem to be more likel to orgasm on my back, with legs either bend or extended. I can orgasm in other positions, but this seems to be the easiest one for me.

    I also could not orgasm from internal stimulation until recently. I found kegel balls helped me with that a lot. I started to enjoy internal stimulation more.

    Does she have an orgasm on her own? With fingers or toy?

    One reason I love bullets is that i can use them to immitate fingering motion with the added stimulation of vibrations. My reason why I do not enjoy wands that much. As I cannot do this with them.

    Personally I would advise to experiment. And find out what she likes and what will help her get orgasm.

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    Spudsmum [sign in to see picture]
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    Just out of curiosity does she use a rabbit or bullet on her clit at all ? I found that using my rabbit too much really desensitised my clit, it was taking two or three times longer to make me orgasm orally, I ended up laying off using toys for a couple of months and then just occasionally using them with the oh really helped.... I personally try to stay in the moment too whilst engaged in anything sexual as that helps too.... As for internal orgasms, not all women are lucky enough to get them, it's taken years for me to orgasm internally and am still on the hunt for the ever elusive g spot !! I'm sure she's delighted that you can make her orgasm even if it takes an age :-) xx

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm exactly the same, and my OH is in exactly the same position as you. He's dying for my to cum for penetrative sex, we got extremely close with me holding our tiny love honey wand vibrator on my clit in that same position with my legs right up on his shoulders. I have to zone out too and I can't do that during penetrative sex (mainly because of how much noise I make.... I'm very distracting!) she will probably get quicker over time though, I'd never cum before then my partner got me there in about half an hour, now a year down the line I can get there in about ten minutes.

    theres no set way, just keep trying new things, she's happy as she is so don't worry too much and one day you'll just stumble over that one thing that really gets her there.

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