convince her to shave / wax

How dare you presume to say something like that Lady Lara!?

I would have no problem with you saying that you disagree with something and that it isn't to your tastes as there have been several members to do so. But you NEVER do that! You always have to add in how disgusting or sad people are for liking the things that they do. I don't care whether someone is uptight, I care whether someone has manners and can show that they dislike something without it turning into a personal attack against another individual.

I agree, it is never a good idea to pressurise someone else into doing something. However, if someone has tried something once and not had all of the information (which is why the OP was here, to find out ways to make it easier and nicer for his OH if she were to do it again) then in my opinion there is no harm in finding out that relevant information and suggesting it to them again armed with this.

I have known women who have tried anal sex for example and hated it because their partner not only did not use lubrication, but actively told them that it was a PUNISHMENT. This is clearly wrong and disgusting and for a long time she was unable to even consider anal sex, which is understandable, but once she did try it again with a gentle partner and with plenty of lubrication she found that she liked it.

My point (being made in a roundabout way) is that armed with the correct information, things can change. I would suggest that the OP return to his partner with this information and if she still doesn't want to try then fine, drop it. And if she tries but still doesn't like it then again, that is fine.

Thing is, LL, I have no problem with your opinions - after all, the world would be pretty boring if we all thought alike... But there are times when the way in which you express yourself about these opinions can be quite aggressive and be a touch on the judgemental, even offensive side. (Such as the 'sad' comments etc)

SEXYGET 69 wrote:

Betcha Angelina Jolie's got a shaven haven!

SG69 x

PMSL
I havent heard that term in ages, and as soon as i read it i imediatly thought on the ali g film!!

xx

diamonds wrote:

the OP never said or come across to me that he was pressureing his OH, to me he came across as asking his partner to try something new and that his way of hinting at what he would like wasnt being picked up.  [...]  i would totaly agree with you that pressuring her to do something she didnt want to do and keep bothering her would be wrong but that hasnt come across to me and some other members.

To be fair, the title of this thread is "convince her to shave / wax".

To me, that sounds more like pressure than a request.  So for me, I felt some of that pressure nuance which Lady Lara was responding to.

 I think 'convince' may have been the wrong choice of words, but in the post I didn't get the impression any pressure was being put upon the girl.  If there is, then its clearly not right.

I think with a lot of things, the first time you it, you don't always get the best results, so its just a case of practice makes perfect.  She obviously tried it once and wasn't happy with the results, so *IF* its something she's willing to try again, its just a case of reassuring her it 'takes a few goes to get it right' so to speak.

Yeah, i also agree with redapple, livingfire, Nexas etc im afraid.

Its one thing expressing an opinion, and that is indeed what the forum is here for, but expressing it in a way that involves name calling aka "sad", purely for their opinions on their likes/dislikes, isnt on, and i think what redapple said is correct, revise before posting, as the concern for your appeared agression in posting is undeniable as many people have commented on it.

 Well, the original poster not only used "convince" in the thread title, he also used it at the end of the body of his post.  So it seems unlikely to me that he chose that word accidentally, in error, twice.

Also, as you mentioned, the original poster's partner has obviously tried it once and wasn't happy about trying it again.  Two things I wondered about were

1. why the poster was persisting with trying to convince his partner to shave/wax
2. why the poster limited his communications about pubic grooming to only hint about it
3. why the poster was asking us here instead of discussing the matter with his partner

In my experience, advice can frequently be sought for one thing, when the actual problem turns out to be something quite different.  For example, although the symptom of the problem might be shaving, the cause of the issue might have more to do with trust and respect.

I know that because of each of our own personal experiences, some of us are much more attuned than others to warning signals of one kind or another.  Although we have no way of knowing for sure what any poster's personal circumstances are, I think that the double use of the term "convince" is definitely worth at least a further query or two.  

While that is very true, it is worth bearing in mind that we are not all fluent in perfect Queen's English, and many words are used very 'loosely'.  That is to say not to the exact dictionary definition. 

How often do we hear some exclaim 'I hate blah blah blah' or indeed, 'When I get in she's going to kill me'.  Now in both instances I think we can agree the person does not mean those terms literally, more as a figure of speech.  Convince is another great example.  I'm often heard to say 'I'm going to try and convince so-an-so to help me at the weekend.  Now I know when I say that it is a figure of speech.  I'm not trying in any way to coerce a person into doing something they don't want to do.

Now - please don't take offence op - if you want to be really pedantic and analyse the wording, it may be worth noting the lack of capital letters in the thread title.  This suggests to me the person wasn't sitting there thinking 'Now, how do I phrase this correctly?' and rather was just typing the first words that entered his head.   As we usually do when speaking out loud.  Hence, figures of speech are often used; which unfortunately can easily be misunderstood in an online forum environment.

The main body of the post mention his partners previous problems and tome reads that the last he would want is for them to re-occur.  He went on to ask advice for how to best trim/shave and maintain this.  To me this rather shows that he does care for her feelings and was looking for ways to allay her fears and concerns.

No one is disputing LL's opinion that it has to be her choice.  In fact I am pretty sure we have all said that very same thing, more or less. I know I certainly did and this was indeed my first reaction to the op.

What has my back up Luby, and I'm sure others is LL attitude that her experience must be that of all of us and 'our' way is somehow flawed.  There were also sweeping statements such as 'does not make a blind bit of difference' which are simply untrue for many of us.  It is a very subjective thing.  The post was very harsh - unnecessarily so I think and along with a few previous comments on the same subject, rather offensive to those who do feel differently.  By all means, have our own views - and of course air them.  Surely though this can be done in a friendly respectful manner.  I truly found LL post rude this time.

Well this is a democracy and the majority are right in this instance.

And it is a big majority by the looks of it.

SG69 in peace! x

Lubyanka wrote:

 

diamonds wrote:

the OP never said or come across to me that he was pressureing his OH, to me he came across as asking his partner to try something new and that his way of hinting at what he would like wasnt being picked up.  [...]  i would totaly agree with you that pressuring her to do something she didnt want to do and keep bothering her would be wrong but that hasnt come across to me and some other members.

To be fair, the title of this thread is "convince her to shave / wax".

To me, that sounds more like pressure than a request.  So for me, I felt some of that pressure nuance which Lady Lara was responding to.

i said the above as i belive like what BBBJE has to say about the word convince and that also from when i read his post i did not pick up on any kinda pressure from him to make her do something she didnt. for me i read that he was just looking for some advice and tips on the subject so that he could maybe help his OH if she wished to try to go hairless again to make it better for her then last time.

thats just how i read it and my opion and were all entilted to them, however i dont think that its nice that in most topics lady lara replys to, to make big deals and issues that are not there or dont apper to others. finding my husbands toys is an example for me.

i agree with lady lare if he was pressureing his OH and miss-treating her but that doesnt come across to me or many others who have posted to this.

i agree totaly with red apple and BBBJE.

Dxx

SEXYGET 69 wrote:

Well this is a democracy and the majority are right in this instance.

And it is a big majority by the looks of it.

SG69 in peace! x

Now, whoever said it was a democracy eh?  Rather reminds me of an incident on GTAF where my ex was a Mod.  A largish group of young boys and men ad decided to demand something ridiculous from the boards.  When told to sling it, they cried 'this is meant to be a democracy man!'  To which they got the reply 'This is not a democracy, it is a forum.  Privately owned.  If you want a democracy look to your local government, you have a slightly better chance of finding it there.'

Sorry for the off-topic, but it amused me.

I find it ironic that others can be frank, opionated and truthful but when I do it , it's BAD.

When I used the word "  sad"  in my sentence ,I meant it in it's truest form and I DO find it a shame that people can't seem to accept that what THEY want isn't always what their partner wants or likes , sexiness is inate and comes from the inside,  the OP needs to examine WHY he wants his partner shaved/waxed and why HE is unhappy that she isn't - if she definitely wishes not to de-fur her lady bits then that should be the end of all discussion . 

As an aside, I notice that Lustylou has never been back to update her post on finding her hubby's toy and I'm not sure what to make of that to be honest,  I don't generally make "big deals" out of things but I am normally very good at reading people by what they say or write ( or don't) . 

There's also  a whole world of difference between gentle persuasion on an undecided partner and the persistent badgering of one who had already expressed a definite opinion, to change their mind.

In simple terms, the OP should expain to his lady that he really , really likes it ( with a valid reason - telling her it makes her MORE sexy is a very BAD idea imho and will make her feel like she's not "good enough "  )but if she says NO WAY then he should drop it.

By posting on here it seemed to me like he wanted "ammunition" to persuade (  or bully?) her with.

I find it ironic that others can be frank, opionated and truthful but when I do it , it's BAD.

Frank, opinionated, truthful - all good. When worded in a non-aggressive, less offensive manner ;) The only bit I ever take issue with is the way things can be said... Im all for people having differing opinions. ;)

As for all this:

There's also  a whole world of difference between gentle persuasion on an undecided partner and the persistent badgering of one who had already expressed a definite opinion, to change their mind.

In simple terms, the OP should expain to his lady that he really , really likes it ( with a valid reason - telling her it makes her MORE sexy is a very BAD idea imho and will make her feel like she's not "good enough "  )but if she says NO WAY then he should drop it.

I completely agree, and I think most people on here do too :)

Lady Lara wrote:

I find it ironic that others can be frank, opionated and truthful but when I do it , it's BAD.

Heh, believe me, it isn't only you.  I've had plenty of fallout for expressing my frank, opinionated, and truthful views.  :p

When I used the word "  sad"  in my sentence ,I meant it in it's truest form and I DO find it a shame that people can't seem to accept that what THEY want isn't always what their partner wants or likes 

I found it interesting that whilst most people expressed quite firm views in favour of giving the benefit of the doubt for using the word "convince", when it came to your use of the term "sad", I think the benefit of the doubt thingy seemed to evaporate somehow ...

Oh well.

i think people dont like the word "sad" cos we have read on other topics and posts by LL that we are sad if we like such and such. which isnt very nice, just cos we like or do something someone eles doesnt make us sad for doing or likeing such thing, just differant.

Lubyanka wrote:

I found it interesting that whilst most people expressed quite firm views in favour of giving the benefit of the doubt for using the word "convince", when it came to your use of the term "sad", I think the benefit of the doubt thingy seemed to evaporate somehow ...

Oh well.

It's in the context.  While you are very upfront you are rarely offensive Luby.  The overall tone of the post was very aggressive.

 This may be totally off the offness of the topic, but I really did grow a great big smile to learn that I'm rarely offensive.

Yay rarely offensive!  I hereby award myself a tuna sandwich.  :)

Lubyanka wrote:

 

Lady Lara wrote:

I find it ironic that others can be frank, opionated and truthful but when I do it , it's BAD.

Heh, believe me, it isn't only you.  I've had plenty of fallout for expressing my frank, opinionated, and truthful views.  :p

When I used the word "  sad"  in my sentence ,I meant it in it's truest form and I DO find it a shame that people can't seem to accept that what THEY want isn't always what their partner wants or likes 

I found it interesting that whilst most people expressed quite firm views in favour of giving the benefit of the doubt for using the word "convince", when it came to your use of the term "sad", I think the benefit of the doubt thingy seemed to evaporate somehow ...

Oh well.

Lubyanka, you are often frank and opinionated without being openly attacking or aggressive (I've seen you getting that way when people have attacked you, but then that is justified IMO).

I would also generally agree with the word sad as having several different interpretations, had Lady Lara not shown time and time again the same attitude towards other people who hold different opinions, that they are disgusting and there is something wrong with them. I have often agreed with Lady Lara's opinions, but the way she has put forth her opinion actually angers me and therefore I mention it and she takes it as a personal attack.

Lady Lara wrote:

There's also  a whole world of difference between gentle persuasion on an undecided partner and the persistent badgering of one who had already expressed a definite opinion, to change their mind.

In simple terms, the OP should expain to his lady that he really , really likes it ( with a valid reason - telling her it makes her MORE sexy is a very BAD idea imho and will make her feel like she's not "good enough "  )but if she says NO WAY then he should drop it.

By posting on here it seemed to me like he wanted "ammunition" to persuade (  or bully?) her with.

Agreed that telling someone it makes THEM more sexy is wrong. Telling someone that it makes an experience sexier is acceptable IMO hence why I mentioned oral sex.

And to me it doesn't sound like persistent badgering yet. It sounds as though he has tried to drop hints but these haven't been taken on board or noticed.

I think an explicit request should do, and it seemed to me as though that was what the OP was heading towards. As such, it would appear that he wanted more information rather than ammunition. I think it was just poor wording.

Lubyanka wrote:

 This may be totally off the offness of the topic, but I really did grow a great big smile to learn that I'm rarely offensive.

Yay rarely offensive!  I hereby award myself a tuna sandwich.  :)

Also never offensive to ME.  I used the word 'rarely hun, as if I said 'never' I know a couple of people may have piped up; if only because they are offended by your bluntness rather than any actual wrong-doing on your part.  Enjoy your tuna sarnie. Yumness :)

mmmm tuna, tasty ^_^ xx