How inventive are you?

Ever used a household object for sex? Be it food, a machine, a utensil. . .anything at all!

I was playing wii tennis last night and it suddenly dawned on me that someone has probably taken the silicone wii controller cover off and somehow slid their cock through the smaller hole for a tight fit and wanked off into it, sort of a poor man's tenga egg(which I just ordered after reading TB's review-cheers fella!) I know lads have stuck their cocks in hoovers and stuff and there are kitchen utensils sold in muslim countries that purposely double up as sex toys so their men don't know what it is, a brill idea for those women I think.

The hoover thing always sounded a bit risky to me - I can imagine some very humiliating trips to A&E if something went wrong there...!
I used to, unoriginally I'll admit, use this hairbrush with a fabulous tapered end. And there was this very nice powder brush too. Good memories.

I suspect that a whole load of girls experiment with electric toothbrushes!

I tried the vacuum thing when I was about 15, but the nozzle was too narrow, so I made my own wider one out of card and made a seal out of a polythene bag, attached with sticky tape (thanks Blue Peter!) Reckon that was pretty inventive. Only problem was no time AT ALL alone in the house. My parents never went out and left me on my own which was an enormous pain when growing up.

Apart from that I experimented anally with the usual cigar tubes, candles, deoderant bottles etc.

Speaking of A&E, I've never understood why anyone would want to use a steel cock ring! Massive chance of getting wedged in with those things, if you mistakenly use one that's too small.

I've been a horny bastard ever since I turned 10. Not going to go into full detail but here are some of the things I used:

Metal cigar casing
Drumstick -> superized to end of a broom [still have the broom ^^] -> supersized to end of snow shovel
Anal beads made out of tennis balls -> turned out they're too big :x, made an another set out of squash balls
All kinds of phallic shaped deodorants
Small 0.5L water bottles
Candle [unlit :p]
Banana & cucumber

I could have missed a few but one might spot a trend here :p. Most of them are used pentrate me, not the other way around. But I also made a kind of vagina when I was 13 or 14. Used a nice high glass inserted a stick a little narrowed than my penis in the middle, then poured silicone all round. When it solidified I removed the stick, put on a condome, poured in some lube and did my business.

Vanquish my friend, you need to get a good solicitor and take a look at the tenga egg range. . .the swines copied your idea mate! Tee Hee.

I once had a drumstick in my ass too. The girl who got it in there was tapping it hard as she wanked me and blew me off, fantastic it was.

SG69

Yeah I read about that on the forums. :p

So you suggest I go Monika Lewinsky on their ass? :P Pull out a 9 years old, spiderweb engulfed, spunk filled toy in the courtroom? :D

Now there's a girl for my top 5 fantasy fuck list, nice one!

SG69

Inventive can be dangerous,  I once tried to wank myslef off with one off those wide neck Ribena bottles, was quite nice whilst only semi hard, whn I got a bit excited & fully hard it was f'ing agony.  Problem was it was swelling up cause it was trapped.  Nearly pulled my cock off trying to get it out!!

When I was younger I would ram my cock into just about anything I could find. Most popular choices were between the bed frame n matress, or laying on the sofa with my cock down between the seat cushions.  In my Design and Technology class at school I finished my assignment with a few weeks left, so I told em id mess around n make things. I told them I'd make one of those spagehetti measure things. But I never gave it to my parents. I measured my cock and cut each hole either just right, slightly too small, or slightly too big.  It worked ok, but wasn't great.

As for my ass, I've done the usual stuff; cigar tube, drumstick, pens, toilet brush (the handle!!), toothbrush, razor (again...the handles!), a carrot, maglite torch.......I'm sure i'm missing a few, but oh well.lol.

PS, always wondered about the vacuum thing but never tried it!

Mucky Duck wrote:

Inventive can be dangerous,  I once tried to wank myslef off with one off those wide neck Ribena bottles, was quite nice whilst only semi hard, whn I got a bit excited & fully hard it was f'ing agony.  Problem was it was swelling up cause it was trapped.  Nearly pulled my cock off trying to get it out!!

Terrifying!!!

SG69

sexytime wrote:

 I told them I'd make one of those spagehetti measure things. But I never gave it to my parents. I measured my cock and cut each hole either just right, slightly too small, or slightly too big.  It worked ok, but wasn't great.

There is a toy on here pretty much like that, it's called a monkey spanker.  You could be entilled to some royalties!!!

I think SG and MD just wanna see someone go to court!

Hahahaha, yeah! :D 

When reading this thread I wasn't expecting those kind of responses. I'm happy to wank with my right hand and put nothing up my arse. My missus thinks I'm sexually imaginative, I should get her to read these threads so she knows what's happening in the world today.

As for putting a semi cock into a bottle and then getting it hard, ouck very ouch.

Cigar tubes seem to be a popular one, unfortunatley I don't smoke.

I can't believe no-one has mentioned fruit.

Pop a hole into a ripe water melon and you're well away.

i've used a marker pen, not the end with the lid on lol, and some other stuff, i can't remember, i haven't used any of this stuff since i got my boyfriend and that was nearly two years ago now!!! i think i used the old classics of a make up brush (i don't even wear make-up, someone bought me it in a set) and a hair brush handle hehe

I didn't really use anything other than my hand that I recall and now I buy toys so not really imaginative I suppose.

This does remind of that sex-mishaps programme on TV though where a guy stuck his cock in those holes you get in swimming pools and the vaccum meant he got stuck. Ouch.

Mucky Duck wrote:

Inventive can be dangerous,  I once tried to wank myslef off with one off those wide neck Ribena bottles, was quite nice whilst only semi hard, whn I got a bit excited & fully hard it was f'ing agony.  Problem was it was swelling up cause it was trapped.  Nearly pulled my cock off trying to get it out!!

Sung to the tune of "Geenie in a Bottle"

It feels like I've been alone too long,
With no girls around
My mind was wondering.
Thinking of some way,
to release it.

I looked in the kitchen,
Saw some Crisco Oil,
And that's when my blood started to boil,
Ooooooh yeah.

Ow, Ow, Ow!
(Uh oh!)
Ow, ow, ow!
(Oh God! What did I just do?)

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Got it shoved up in there all the way.
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
Oh no,
Can, can, someone come help me out?

It's turning purple,
All the feelings gone,
Now where did I put that friggin' phone?
Dialing 9-1-1!

Please pick up!
I'm in a lot of pain!
This was supposed to feel good,
Now I'm suffering,
Oh, please answer!

[Emergeny Services]
Denver 911, what is your emergency?

Ow, Ow, ow!

[Emergency Services]
Hello?

Ow, ow, ow!

[Emergency Services]
Sir, what seems to be the problem?

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.

[Emergency Services]
Go on!

It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

[Emergency Services]
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
Oh my!
You must be a really lonley guy.
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
That's a first!
Don't worry sir,
We're sending somebody out!
Hey Pam, this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!

[Pam]
No way!

[Emergency Services]
He does!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Wait, wait...
Sir, we're sending somebody out.
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!

[Police]
He's in here,
Let's break the door down!

They break the door down.

[Police]
Oh my God!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[Emergency Services]
No one wanted to be with him,
Had to make his dream come true,
He wanted to hump something!

I didn't know what to do!

[Police]
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
He stuck his weenie in a bottle--

And now I can't get it out!

[Policeman]
Ok kid, relax
We're going to get this thing off of ya!
OK, get ready,
PULL!

OWWWW!!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Now, now, now I can't get it out!

Mucky Duck wrote:

Inventive can be dangerous,  I once tried to wank myslef off with one off those wide neck Ribena bottles, was quite nice whilst only semi hard, whn I got a bit excited & fully hard it was f'ing agony.  Problem was it was swelling up cause it was trapped.  Nearly pulled my cock off trying to get it out!!

Sung to the tune of "Geenie in a Bottle"

It feels like I've been alone too long,
With no girls around
My mind was wondering.
Thinking of some way,
to release it.

I looked in the kitchen,
Saw some Crisco Oil,
And that's when my blood started to boil,
Ooooooh yeah.

Ow, Ow, Ow!
(Uh oh!)
Ow, ow, ow!
(Oh God! What did I just do?)

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Got it shoved up in there all the way.
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
Oh no,
Can, can, someone come help me out?

It's turning purple,
All the feelings gone,
Now where did I put that friggin' phone?
Dialing 9-1-1!

Please pick up!
I'm in a lot of pain!
This was supposed to feel good,
Now I'm suffering,
Oh, please answer!

[Emergeny Services]
Denver 911, what is your emergency?

Ow, Ow, ow!

[Emergency Services]
Hello?

Ow, ow, ow!

[Emergency Services]
Sir, what seems to be the problem?

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.

[Emergency Services]
Go on!

It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

[Emergency Services]
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
Oh my!
You must be a really lonley guy.
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
That's a first!
Don't worry sir,
We're sending somebody out!
Hey Pam, this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!

[Pam]
No way!

[Emergency Services]
He does!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Wait, wait...
Sir, we're sending somebody out.
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!

[Police]
He's in here,
Let's break the door down!

They break the door down.

[Police]
Oh my God!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[Emergency Services]
No one wanted to be with him,
Had to make his dream come true,
He wanted to hump something!

I didn't know what to do!

[Police]
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
He stuck his weenie in a bottle--

And now I can't get it out!

[Policeman]
Ok kid, relax
We're going to get this thing off of ya!
OK, get ready,
PULL!

OWWWW!!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Now, now, now I can't get it out!

 Washing machine.  Spin cycle.  'Nuff said.  :)