• Unusual Problem/Question....maybe the guys can explain!

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    Hev-leigh [sign in to see picture]
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    Right my OH and I have been together nearly 10 years.  We have no secrets about our pasts and our sex life is great.  Before we became a couple I worked at a gentleman's club.  I was a dancer/hostess for a few months (think more burlesque than stripping I always kept my knickers on!) he knows this and is fine with it.  But what I find weird is that he has never asked me to dance for him!  I am aware that my figure isn't as great as it was (side effect of having children) but I've got the confidence and he loves my body.  When I've mentioned it in the past he just shrugs and says he's never thought about it.  Please keep in mind that we are open minded and love to try new things.  (stating the obvious I know, otherwise I wouldn't be on here).

    So I was wondering why he hasn't asked me to dance for him?! Could a few of you guys on here give me some insight as to why my OH doesn't seem interested.

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    xrd_man [sign in to see picture]
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    Some guys will find it more tempting than others, for some guys dancing would be a turn on whilst for others it could be an act of supreme indifference. I wouldn't take it personally, everybody's different. For instance make-up on a woman is never sexy for me and at best neutral, but for other men its different.

    I'd just surprise him and do it, then ask him about it afterwards. You never know it might peak his interest. Good luck!

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    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    Not a guy but my thought was maybe he doesn't want you to do this because it was your job in the past?  Perhaps he doesn't want to be reminded of you dancing for other men?

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    [suspended user]

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    Cat Lady wrote:

    Not a guy but my thought was maybe he doesn't want you to do this because it was your job in the past?  Perhaps he doesn't want to be reminded of you dancing for other men?

    yeh what cat lady said......opening old wounds

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    Hev-leigh [sign in to see picture]
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    He's really open minded.......I can't really stress that enough.  But I can see that whole having danced for other people thing....but it was no touching, minimum 12inch distance etc.  He on the other hand can enjoy the "whole" experience!

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    DOC1 [sign in to see picture]
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     some guys will think its tacky and distastefull and others will like it and turn them on. 

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    Hev-leigh [sign in to see picture]
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    Hardly old wounds I loved it.  I have never felt so empowered as a woman.  The control you can have over a man in that situation is intoxicating. 

    If you mean my OH old wounds, he's always know.  I was honest I've met some men who hated the whole idea of it.  It has never been a problem

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    Hev-leigh wrote:

    whole idea of it.  It has never been a problem

    quite obviously it is

    watching a woman perform is a public not a private experience,,,, a  world of difference

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    Hev-leigh wrote:

    whole idea of it.  It has never been a problem

    quite obviously it is

    Not necessarily.

    He could just not find dancing women a turn on. We all have different tastes - what one man loves another couldn't care less about.

    If you're confident it's not a psychological issue then it could just be a "meh" for him.

    Example: I love sex with my partner and love oral sex - but receiving oral sex isn't really a turn on for me. I enjoy it, but I never really ask for it because it's not as high as other sexual acts on my preferences list. Your partner may well enjoy seeing you dance, but doesn't rate it as highly as other things you do for him so it's never occured to him to request it.

    Adx

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    Hev-leigh [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Alicia D'amore.......I've decided to just take the plunge!  Guess I'll have an answer by the end of the week.  Wish me luck!

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    morefun [sign in to see picture]
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    Just because he didn't have a problem with something that was in your past doesn't mean he actually wants to see what you used to do for other men. I would talk to him again first rather than risk causing a potential problem.

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    ZombieCpl [sign in to see picture]
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    morefun wrote:

    Just because he didn't have a problem with something that was in your past doesn't mean he actually wants to see what you used to do for other men. I would talk to him again first rather than risk causing a potential problem.

     

    agreed. I know my bf fisted his ex. Knowing it happened doesnt mean im ok with it, just means that i know. I certainly wouldnt let him do it to me and im very open minded.

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    MSChaps [sign in to see picture]
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     May be its just not his thing, or maybe he is ok with you saying what you use to do but seeing it may put it in a different light so would rather not.. the problem is it could be any number of things I guess. Have you asked him if he finds things like that a turn on? 

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    RandyMuppet [sign in to see picture]
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    If I was to guess my money would be with him being ok with it in your past but not wanting it rubbed in his face - so to speak.  The other possibility mentioned that its just not his thing is also quite possible and you wont really know until you talk it out with him. If he shuts you down rather than having an open and frank discussion then you can safely assume he's not quite as cool with it as he has led you to believe. If not, you'll have your answer.

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    tommy07 [sign in to see picture]
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     I would go with his just no into it, I had the samething with one of my ex's She was a Stripper and I never once asked her to do it for me.  Nothing to do with it being because she use to do it for other men or opening old wounds, more just a case it doesn't turn me on. 

    I wouldn't stress about it and just ask him out right if he would be turned on or not?

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    Jimi Duro [sign in to see picture]
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    maybe he is just not into dancing ?

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    Hen Night Toad [sign in to see picture]
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     Dancing in a gents club is really a precusor to intimacy. With a stranger in a club it is the thin end of the wedge towards intimacy (and it usually goes no further) but it works because in the context of two people who dont know eachother at all it can be highly erotic. In the context of couples though I think once youve already gone passed the point of having had sex with another person, the titilation aspect that works with a dance for a stranger loses much of its appeal, because on your personal intimacy scale, its at the relatively tame end of what you know of oneanother. I think.

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    Hev-leigh [sign in to see picture]
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    Well I was quite shocked at the result!  Turns out he didn't think I enjoyed dancing.  (Can I just say I wasn't a stripper.....that is something different entirely)  That I had just done it for a job and thought nothing more about it.  So I'm dusting off my costumes and dance moves as we speak.  Lets just hope I don't fall on my ass!! lol

    Thanks for everyones advice.  Sometimes it's just nice to have someone elses view on the subject!

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