How to be friends with an Ex

I know that this is possible but so far I've not acheived this yet. I've only had 2 relationships but even the guys that I've only had a couple of dates with have turned out to be crazy. Is it me? 

A little back story on my latest disaster. I've just split up (3 weeks ago) with someone after nearly 4 years together. We've been emailing, trying to sort out our issues so that sometime in the future we could be friends. Well, thursday I got an email saying asking if I had been seeing anybody behind his back. I was confused by this as we seemed to be getting along and this has come out of nowhere so i say the truth, NO. He comes back with a list of my LH purchases (I hadn't shown him all of them because I had been keeping some as surprises for special occaisions such as our anniversary, which was yesterday, but obviously I didn't get a chance to show him.) and hotel & ticket receipts for 2 for Mardi Gras, I'm going with my mate and we've got separate beds. He said that he came across this info when deleting my account from his computer but this doesn't explain why he had to go into my emails (I must have stupidly saved my password, I've now changed it) and search through the different categories because the LH & MG receipts are in seperate areas. I've now told him to fuck off!

Please, I know it might me painful but I would like to hear if anybody has had any similar stories of bad break ups or even success stories with Exes as mates would be nice to hear. 

Could i have done something differently?  

 just to say hun they always try to get some information to get and keep a hold over you it never works trying to be friends after a break up xx

sounds like he doesnt want to be your ex to me but still go out with you or he wants to blame the split on you seening someone else.

telling him to F off was a good move though

amydb69 wrote:

 just to say hun they always try to get some information to get and keep a hold over you it never works trying to be friends after a break up xx

I agree. I have never wanted to, and never have been friends with a person after a break up. Never been in contact with them either. It rarely works second time round as the same issues arise as before. Let go and move on!! x

It is DEFINITELY possible to remain friends with an ex, at least for some of us. I have with five, successfully, although I'm peeved with one for leaving the country without telling me. That's not an ex thing, that's basic friendship especially after I hauled him out of his suicidal spell. Lost touch with one because we both just moved around too much for awhile. Another's changed his e-mail and I haven't gotten around to writing to his brother to find out what's up. Still hear from one via the internet and another is my go-to person for emergencies. If I need help, he'll come through for me.

Going from my data points, the success of continuing friendship has largely depended on the strength of the friendship before and during the relationship. In every case, neither of us held onto 'issues' or grudges. We valued all of the positives in our friendships and let that guide us through the change.

 I have remained good friends with ex's but it's difficult in the begining because you are both hurt and it's raw. Sometimes trying to be friends can give the other person the wrong impresssion and they think there is hope to save the relationship. 

It sounds like a little space between you would help...then getting in touch in a light hearted way woud be a start.

It can be done, be patient, from what you've said he sounds attched to you still and doesn't want it to be over so he might need some time to get his head round it. 

It is generally better to share information, no matter how insignificant and innocent it may seem. Now he thinks you are cheating on him because of purchases and a trip. If you had said I am going to Mardi Gras with a friend and that you have some surprises for him then it probably wouldn't have been an issue.

It is possible to be friends with your Exs but you need to finish on good terms and have something in common apart from your relationship. That and not to be fuck buddies.

in all the relationships ive been in, im only friends with 2 of them, ive tried but it doesnt always work out.

i agree with minx, you do have to finish on good terms and have something in common, but never go down the fuck buddies route however much they ask.

To be friends with an ex when things end on negative terms, I think you need to give yourself time and space and dont get hung up on being friends at the end of it.  Just let things happen and then once 'over' him, then if you end up speaking on whatever you maybe able to remain friends.  I have always found that when I put too myself pressure on myself to remain friends I never gave myself chance to think of him as a friend just as my ex. xx Sure things will straighten out eventually...if not= his loss. Someone elses gain.  Thats my motto xxxxx

Ah... You should take the leaf from my book just now! The latest chapter is amazing! Been with him 6 years and now it's broken-up like something from a nightmare!

Will I be friends with him again? I really don't know. Time can only tell, but at the moment a friendship is a very dangerous thing! Just found out this morning that he made changes to my PayPal account yesterday. Thankfully I've had no payment transactions go through, but I certainly cannot trust him with anything just now.

Could you have done something differently? Sure, we can always do things differently, but it might not result with a different outcome or a better outcome. What you did was probably right. Trust is incredibally important (as I'm discovering with some pain) and if it isn't there -on either part - then a relationship cannot heal or result in success.

Girl Power and all that! We are strong!

Hello,

its possible to stay friends with your ex. I am friends with 2, in both cases close friends. and I trust them deeply. But the key is to break on good terms or fully forgive each other the reasons why you broke up. To have something in common and time. And also the reason why you broke up will play a role whether or not it will be possible.

I would not push it. I personally find its better to leave it and see what happens.

Good luck, also broke up recently, so I know how you feel.

 No! Just plain and simple no, I mean okay for some people but really I think it's better for everyone to move on with there life's. Even if you do become "friends" it is in my experience there's alway's an awkward void between the two people. Also you alway's run the risk of accidentally getting someones hope's up, and it's impossible to tell if that's what there thinking un til they tell you. By then it's to late and someone's feelings are about to be hurt all over again.

It is possible to stay friends with an ex, I am living proof of that lol!

My ex and I got together about 5 years ago, and broke up just over 3 years ago.  Ok, maybe for a few months after we broke up we were still sleeping together but now we are just friends.  She has a new boyfriend who she is very much happy with, I am not jealous in the slightest.  In fact, I am happy for her, she is with someone who makes her truly happy.  We both thought that I could make her happy but turns out we simply weren't very good as a couple. 

Seems strange for some people to believe this but she is still one of my closest friends.  We used to talk every single day, and that has changed since she got a new boyfriend, but it's one of those friendships where you won't hear anything from them for a week, but then as soon as you start chatting it's like you carry on where you left off as if nothing happened.  There is no awkwardness at all.  We both have no intention of taking the friendship any further, and there certainly isn't any sexual attraction coming from anyone.

Her boyfriend isn't completely happy that we're still friends, much less staying in contact, which is understandable.   We still meet up every month or so for a proper catch up over dinner.  Even though we aren't compatible as a couple, we both have loads in common, we both love the same foods, one of the reasons why we meet up for dinner.

I personally don't know anyone else who is on good terms with an ex partner.  It seems that I am the only one out of my circle of friends who is and the same for her.  So many people think that something isn't quite right about it, or that something is going on.  We're just friends, it's that simple.  We know exactly where we stand with eachother and we are fine just being friends. 

Thank you all. I don't think that it will be possible to fix this and be friends. He had done something very similar early on in the relationship when he signed into my facebook (I had saved the password on his computer that time to), he then went into the messages & found some of me arranging a date with another guy and accused me of cheating, only he didn't read the date because it was actually months before we met. I eventually forgave him that time because I knew about his past trust issues (every ex had cheated on him) and he seemed genuinely sorry. It just hurts because I had worked so hard and I thought we were past this. I'm all for giving second chances but there has to be a limit or you'll just end up a doormat. 

AA- I feel the Paypal thing is a step beyond my situation and is totally unacceptable. I've done some reading on what's happening with you & I think that you needed to get out as soon as possible and not look back. We deserve better. 

Iggy xxx

Im still friends with most of my ex's....I think mainy due to the fact that we were friends before the relationship, and many of them weren texactly big epic love stories ,just young, carefree romances. :)

I was with my current ex for over 6 years, weve just recently split up. We still live together  which is awkward ( primarily because we have 2 kids together) and he smy best friend. We decided to make our situation as easy on everyone as possible, though Im finding itincreasingly hard to remain friends with him right now, as even though Ive told him we will not get back together, he still has hopes, and has resorted to checking my FB and phone when Im asleep.

I love him dearly, and will be friends with him for the rest of my life as hes a wonderful person, and if not for anything else, we are parents to two wonderful kids, who deserve to have a mum and dad who are grown up enough to put aside any bitterness and have an amicable relationship :)

 Only ever been friends with one ex, find it too hard in the inital stage of breaking up so - clean break every time.

I suppose it depends how long you were together, how bitter was the break up and if children are involved, I only have on "ex" and our break up was so sour we could never get back together even though we had feelings for each other and did give it another go.

I am sure it's possible but I think it all depends on the relationship and experience and I'm sure some relationships just come to a natural end.
I'm not friends with my ex as he was abusive and manipulative but I still talk to a good friend who a relationship just didn't work or feel right. It took a while for him to realise we were better as friends and he had to warm to the idea I was in a relationship. I'd say it's taken 2 years for us to get back to the friends that we were.