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  1. Anyone know any good jokes?

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    Liam8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 24 Aug 2011

    Two fish in a tank

    One says to the other "You man the guns and I'll drive"

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    InMe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 153
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2010

    A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and
    Thumps against the windscreen.
    Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns
    Around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
    To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground
    With a cock like that."

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    sharry [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 18 Jan 2011

    Honeytongue wrote:

    A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. At the gates of heaven, St Peter asks the girls if they have ever had any contact with a penis...

    The first girl giggles and says she once touched the tip with her finger. St Peter asks her to dip her finger into the holy water before she's allowed in. The next girl says she fondled one so has to put her whole hand in the water. There is suddenly a commotion with Jenny pushing in at the front.

    "What's the rush?" asks St Peter.

    " I want gargle that holy water before Kathy has to stick her arse in it!"

     

    So funny!

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Posts: 8183
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    Gaddafi once had it all and now he has nothing. He's slowly watched his empire crumble, his most trusted have fled to the opposition and his once mighty defence has collapsed... Now the world is laughing at him... Sorry did I say Gaddaffi? I meant wenger.

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    Avrielle_Aniko [sign in to see picture]
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    • Posts: 12800
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    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    Gaddafi once had it all and now he has nothing. He's slowly watched his empire crumble, his most trusted have fled to the opposition and his once mighty defence has collapsed... Now the world is laughing at him... Sorry did I say Gaddaffi? I meant wenger.

    *Groan*

    It is about right though!

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Posts: 8183
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2008

    DODGY EMAIL GOING AROUND. . . .Don't open any emails saying "two free tickets to see Everton".

    It contains two free tickets to see Everton.

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 8183
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2008

    Paul McCartney is gonna be pissed off when he finds out his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last one.

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Bill Kenwright has said after the coin throwing at Goodison against Liverpool on saturday, Everton have £3.76 to spend in the January window.

    For the lovely MTC ;) x

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 1 Feb 2010

    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    Bill Kenwright has said after the coin throwing at Goodison against Liverpool on saturday, Everton have £3.76 to spend in the January window.

    For the lovely MTC ;) x

    Pfffttt....... You can fall out with people you know.... and I saw the other one a few posts above this.... Your card is marked SG ;) xx

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 1 Feb 2010

    Just read this on FB, made me smile, no offence meant at all....I emailed it to my sister who's a blonde, and I'm a redhead, haha....

    A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
    So she goes out and buys a gun.
    She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
    Well, the blonde is really angry.
    She opens her purse to take out the gun,
    And as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
    She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
    The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
    The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 8183
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    Lol. Love it!

    That dodgy email one is funny though!

    :S

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2973
    • Joined: 1 Feb 2010

    Hmmmm...... your card remains marked SG ;)

    xx

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    sovereign [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    • Joined: 8 Mar 2008

    I work in a Jewellers, a woman came in and asked what sort of watch i would suggest for her carribean husband.  She wasn.t impressed when i said Neighbourhood.

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    sovereign [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 200
    • Joined: 8 Mar 2008

    I was chatting to a Gypsy girl last night, when she asked did i fancy goin back to hers for a good time.  She wasn't fucking kidding, ......I went on the Waltzers, the Dodgems, the Ghost Train and went home with  a Goldfish....Result.

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    The co-writer of the long running sitcom 'Allo 'Allo, David Croft,has died at the age of 89.
    A family spokesman said "He pissed away in his slop".

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    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    The co-writer of the long running sitcom 'Allo 'Allo, David Croft,has died at the age of 89.
    A family spokesman said "He pissed away in his slop".

     

    This made me giggle. 

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    Avrielle_Aniko [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 31 Dec 2008

    sharry wrote:

    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    The co-writer of the long running sitcom 'Allo 'Allo, David Croft,has died at the age of 89.
    A family spokesman said "He pissed away in his slop".

     

    This made me giggle. 

    Me too!

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    puddin [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 1 Feb 2010

    A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

    'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

    'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get £400 a night for what I give you for free!

    'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

    'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

    The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on £800 a year!'

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    mtunreal69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 9 Jan 2009

     "We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here" says the barman. A neutrino walks into the bar.

    Thanks suicide nt pt 2

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    hotpussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Heard these today and they made me smile...

    The fairy liquid adverts have been updated to reflect modern society.

    "Mummy, why are your hands so soft?" asks the little girl.

    "Because I'm only 14, now go fuck off and go and eat your pot-noodle"!!!!!!

    My husband went to a meeting for premature ejaculaters tonight. He didn't know what to wear, so he phoned them first. They told him to just come in his pants!!!!

    Have you heard that a man was arrested last night for openly masturbating in the newsagents? Apparently, it's all over the papers!!!!

    Marriage is like a pack of cards. When you start out all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!!!

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