• Lingerie/ body size issues

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    HaveAGoAndy [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok I do oppologise for the long post but please bare with it. Lovehoney-Leanne yesterday asked members for quite a detailed size breakdown to help with sending the right lingerie or clothing to the right people for testing. In my mind an absolute no brainer to make everything run smoothly. So off I popped to the bedroom with Mrs Andy and whipped out the tape measure and got down to the task of measuring. I personally didn't think anything at all about my chest, waist and hip sizes, simply because if you want something to fit properly, this information is invaluable. Then it came to measuring Mrs Andy hmmmm..... From the off the mood and atmosphere changed. Firstly we had to do every measurement about 20 times as she wasn't happy with the results and then after finally getting all the correct measurements down (without knocking off The couple of inches she thought shouldn't be there), I then had to endure an evening of her moodily planning how she is going to change this and going to change that. Mrs Andy is size 10/12 and in my eyes perfectly formed, So maybe this is just a male perspective and I've surely got this all wrong as per usual, but lumps, bumps and curves are what separate the male and female form and from our point of view are sexy. Anyway after enduring last nights sulking I notice on Leanne's thread that I probably wasn't the only guy that experienced this last night as looking through some of the replies I noticed that a few women were showing signs of the same attitude as Mrs Andy about changing this and that or that " I thought I was this size but the tape measure said this instead " and it has got me to thinking that what a women seems to think she should look like to be sexy (probably due to social construction) and what a guy thinks she should look like to be sexy are fields apart. What I do not fully understand and this is my point, and maybe it's just me, is if we were all the same shape and size there would be nothing to tell us apart and surely we all, men and women alike, look for and find different shapes, sizes and curves a personal preference but not a catalyst to depict sexiness.

    My question then is this, am I just a dumb bloke who really doesn't get it or is there something so very wrong with society that makes women think they can only be perfect if they are a super model look alike ?

    I like lumps and bumps as apposed to skin and bones but that's just me.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    There's definitely something wrong with society. The world isn't such a lovely place if you're a woman, there's so much pressure to be this or that, it sucks. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and I hope you can reassure your woman of that. I'm sure she is beautiful as she is! Just for her peace of mind, lingerie sizes vary from brand to brand and some coming from America (or wherever else) may have very different measurements to our UK brands so if she's a 10-12 in UK sizing, she may be the next size up in something coming from another country, like-wise she may be a size down in a different item. It all depends on the manufacturer!

    however, I do think you should be cautious about saying things like "skin and bones" as some ladies could take offence to it! I am not a fan of shaming women for their size, whether they're size 0 or size 20. Everybody is attractive to someone. Women come in all shapes and sizes and they all deserve to feel beautiful :)

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Andy you have done nothing wrong mate honestly and don't do yourself down . Us guys like our ladies no matter what shape. We luv their bodies agreed end of !.

    Some ladies on ther other hand have a tendency to hate parts of their r bodies , Why do you think the cosmetic undustry does so well ? Ladies are their own worst critics ,thats a fact !

    if your are ordering lingerie for your Mrs then just obtain her normal sizes and order the lingerie together so she knows you know that the correct size is being entered . If it does happen it doesn';t fit ,which won't be your fault , just send it back and order the next size up . LH have an excellent returns policy.

    If your are wanting the measurements for testing then hold fire until you have got a couple of items of lingerie from LoveHoney ( bought) and fit and then perhaps base the measurements off these.

    But don't worry about it !

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    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I totally get what you mean - I definitely noticed my partner shudder when I got out the tape measure to respond to Leanne's thread yesterday, because he knows that it could provoke hours of me sulking or crying. It's strange really, because I know that I'm the same size and shape as before I measured, but just seeing the numbers puts it in such black and white for me, and I tend to judge my entire self-worth by that for a while.

    For many years, I haven't been 'allowed' to weigh myself, and that extended to measurements too for a long time because even if I was happy with myself before, the numbers made me feel bad. I think it's because it's so numerical that it doesn't account for how someone actually looks, and it's very easy to end up looking at supposed 'perfect' measurements and comparing yourself.

    I think men's clothing sizes and women's clothing sizes are totally different, in terms of what they do and how they're seen. Men's clothing tends to actually be by measurement - like if you're buying a shirt or trousers, it will have the actual chest or waist measurement in inches as well as 'S', 'M', 'L' etc., so men kind of get used to seeing this and I think are therefore able to see it as a functional bit of information that you need to buy clothing. With women's sizes just being a number that's disconnected from actual measurements, I think we aren't used to knowing our actual measurements.

    I think it's easier to get strange about female sizing because it's just one number to reflect your entire body shape. I know that for a long time, I would try to squeeze into the smallest size I possibly could even if it wasn't comfortable or flattering just because I thought wearing that size made me that size. I think it's easy to internalize the idea of smaller clothing sizes being better or more attractive, but I'm starting to realise that the size really is just so you can pick out something that will fit you best. It doesn't say anything about how you look because people have different body frames, and probably the most important thing is just finding the positive things about yourself and having confidence.

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    Shadow Collector [sign in to see picture]
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    Skitty wrote:

    I totally get what you mean - I definitely noticed my partner shudder when I got out the tape measure to respond to Leanne's thread yesterday, because he knows that it could provoke hours of me sulking or crying. It's strange really, because I know that I'm the same size and shape as before I measured, but just seeing the numbers puts it in such black and white for me, and I tend to judge my entire self-worth by that for a while.

    ... yup. That's about right for me too.

    You're always aware of how ridiculous you're being, but it doesn't help much.

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    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    Being a woman is a complete ball ache. I'm around a size 20, I have a saggy tummy from being pregnant, I'm covered in stretch marks, my breasts have forgotten what perky is, and I'm just such an awkward shape it's ridiculous. I am already well aware that I am fat, and I'm not particularly pretty, and I know that half of what I wear is unflattering - of course it is, I struggle to find clothes to fit my shape! And buying clothes for my size that are fashionable is a complete joke - and I then have to go out and face the public, and I know people take the piss. I've heard people call me names because of my weight, or make snide remarks. I had a customer call me a man the other day. I have mirrors!! I know what I look like!!
    So, I chose not to measure myself. Because I can't handle knowing numbers on top of everything else.

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to be honest the numbers mean nothing to me. What's on the tape measure doesn't change what I look like. I look the same as I did before I measured myself. I would rather be smaller but I'm not and changing it isn't high on my list of priories right now. I'm a size 16 and clinically I'm classed as obese. The medical implications do worry me slightly but I don't feel I'm so big that it should be a big worry.
    I do however think our culture measures beauty too much by what dress size a woman is. It's complete nonsense.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I tired not to get upset with them, but I also know I am still recovering from surgery and the swelling is still a reality. It is what it is, I can only look forward. I am not sure why as a woman it bugs me, but it does.

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    rougeorchid [sign in to see picture]
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    I think media really make a big impact on the body image issue especially for women. They have such a high expectation... I have given up to reach body expectation set as 'ideal' and just embrace my flaws.

    At the end of the day, your flaws are the one that makes you YOU and we should have celebrate that. :D

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    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought my posting may get a few reactions negative and positive because I know that we are all human and can get those insecurities no matter what gender.

    I know my OH is particularly  over sensitive about certain aspects of his body and same for me. Sometimes he will go to put his arm around my belly and i'll shrug him away and he is the same with his back. Personally I do not see what his issue is and he does not see what mine is. But it is what we see in the mirror and a lot is down to society telling us what is beautiful visually !

    I think that beautiful people shine through their personality , I know from personal experiences that you can meet someone who is considered to be ‘stunning’ by those ‘rules’ in the world but they turn out to be a horrid person. I then see no beauty in that person , even on the outside.

    I didn't mean to cause anyone any distress , let's all embrace our bodies and feel sexy in some lingerie I may send you wink

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    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
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    Well said! True beauty is on the inside xx

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Leann, I was not in distress LOL but you probably saw in my email that I believe as I recover my size will change. I would much prefer you have our measurements on file and send us tester items that are going to fit than be really disapointed when an item arrives and it is too tight or too big due to the design of the sizing.

    I also have used lingerie to improve my body confidence over the years, but in order for that to work it needs to fit. I think getting a tester that does not fit would more depressing than taking measurements any day, plus Lovehoney needs reviews from people who properly fit the item needing reviewed.

    I love the little picture memes you post on here! Last night at the book store I saw a children's book about squirels and I literally LOL thinking of being a secret squirel for Lovehoney =)

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    Ruby Red Slippers [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have an issue with my weight, but thanks to years of nasty comments about them, I hate having to measure my boobs and height (both considered far to small by most people). The worst thing is the fact that most of the nasty jibes and comments have come from family members or 'friends' who meet the social expectations (and so have no idea what it feels like to be constantly told that you're unattractive) and have the cheek to use the 'it's just a JOKE' if I get upset. People like that give me a serious case of the rage.

    I think it also doesn't help that it's common for magazines and stuff to categorise women as being 'pear', 'apple' 'boyish' shaped etc and they insist that hourglass is ideal and then give you a list of ways to disguise your 'flaws' and what you should NEVER wear.

    That said, I completely understand that it's important to get accurate measurements for lingerie testing and I wasn't bothered about divulging the numbers to Leanne as I know she won't be judging me.

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    Ruby Red Slippers [sign in to see picture]
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    Also, I LOVE that Lovehoney packaging has drawings on it instead of a photo of a hot model on it for me to inevitably negatively compare myself to. I wish more brands did this. Please keep it up!

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    HaveAGoAndy [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you I don't feel such a plum now, and i do get it to a point, we all have things we would change I'm sure. If any of my comments caused offence (NatandTom) I can only apologise and say no offence meant and I do understand I can have a direct approach which is not always received with its true intent and body shaming is exactly what I'm standing against. This subject I do get fully and in some ways a lot more than most seeing as I have physical disabilities and unsightly body scars from surgeries but these things I can't change and also they make me, Me. I have been called all sorts in my time from spastic to handicapped now disabled and have found my own coping mechanism over the years to deal with uneducated opinions. I love my wife and her lumps, bumbs, baby body changes, warts and all. All of her so called imperfections and I think all other beautiful ladies also, are only in their minds, as I see the perfect person for me in her and the perfect person for someone else in them. Ugliness is in attitude not in physical appearance. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder not in a magic mirror.

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    Ruby Red Slippers [sign in to see picture]
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    HaveAGoAndy wrote:

    This subject I do get fully and in some ways a lot more than most seeing as I have physical disabilities and unsightly body scars from surgeries but these things I can't change and also they make me, Me. I have been called all sorts in my time from spastic to handicapped now disabled and have found my own coping mechanism over the years to deal with uneducated opinions.

    That's horrible! I can't believe you have to listen to that especially in this day and age - I thought words like that were recognised as being completely unacceptable decades ago. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

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    [suspended user]

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    Where is the favourite button? I want the statement from Leanne in there, along with some other lovely posts. What was said is so so so nice and true. Inner beauty shines through the on the outside. You get these people who are considered stunning only there is an ugly person inside and that is what shines through. I'm repeating what has already been said because it's good information worded brilliantly.

    I hadn't contemplated taking my measurements would make me slightly sensetive until I discovered a couple more inches more than I estimated (particularly my hips)

    Saying that it makes sense taking peoples measurements tbh. The measurements will make decisions a lot easier knowing what items are suitable for each individual, saving on returns and reviews that would be negative because of the fitting being off.

    Tv and Magazines are always plastered with perfect, petite, airbrushed models. so we see what they want us too see which sets the bar high. We're all beautiful in our own right. We should all embrace our bodies and feel beautiful no matter what shape or size we are. Beauty is only skin deep, it's what's on the inside that counts, it shines through 👍

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    HaveAGoAndy [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks RubyRed but don't let it bother you as I refuse to let it bother me and in some ways I feel sorry for people with bigoted attitudes because although I have problems, I grab life with both hands and I'm sure I have a more fulfilled life than they do so its only them that are missing out. I on the other hand ain't missing out on anything if I can help it 😜

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    Talia [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think only women have issues with their bodies - or do all the guys in fitness studios only work out to increase their strength so they can carry the shopping more easily?

    (That's not to mean that I have anything against working out - I know that I feel much better when I do!)

    In my opinion the problem starts with childhood fairytales, when the pretty girl gets the prince. Disney movies supply the visuals - the princess (or cinderella) with the tiny waist and the wide-shouldered prince with narrow hips. And then we are bombarded all our lifes with idealized bodies in films, tv, magazines and billboards. I think I can count the number of overweight actors and actresses on one hand (not even sure whether I can think of five of each...) So we hold ourselves to some impossible standard and of course we are unhappy when we can't fulfill it.

    Frankly, I don't care any longer (generally - I did feel a brief urge to slap the salewomen who answered my inquiry for size 46 - approx. 16/18 - with a haugty: "We don't have that size.") No, I don't have a model's figure - but I've met enough models to know that I'd much rather be myself!

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