• Confidence!?!

    1475722331
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1612
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    It's true confidence comes from your mindset. It's not about a body size it's about attitude. As some of you probably know by now I have been all sizes from a 20 to a 6. (Now a 6-8). I have lost confidence recently due to injury and not being able to work. (Resulting in job loss) so I've lost part of myself, which has nothing to do with my weight. I was more confident when I was bigger compared to a few weeks ago. It was just a case of putting on my big girl panties, accepting what has happened and knowing only I could make a difference to my confidence issues. Making more effort in my appearance, smiling (even if I wasn't smiling inside). I started to believe it and my confidence is much much better. Hubby is more attentive too 😊

    1475740027
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6201
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Smiling does play a part. A person with a smile or happy looking face will get noticed more than say someone with a sad face. A smiling face is also infectious which also helps and is statement of confidence .Body sizes or shape for me don,t come play a part as such apart from losing weight in my case from 18st 6 to 12st 6 does gave me plenty to smile about of which others have noticed.

    My problem is not to much lack of confidence as I have lots is probably my deep rooted shyness.whilst in a way I still like being admired or looked at by others it still makes me feel a bit nervous and uneasy .

    Shyness and lack of confidence do have similar traits IMO but totally differnt things .

    1475786235
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 384
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    Hello This is Mrs Modo. I am hoping someone else feels the same as me or can give me advice. I have a highly sexed Mr Modo and I am definately not the same since coming through the menopause. The mind is willing and then half an hour later the mood goes. Mr Modo says we should both have fun and not just him but to be honest I am not bothered about me and haven't been for some time. I know it disapoints him and he feels sad for me but I can't help the way I feel.

    Any thoughts or advice would be really appreciated.

    1475806443
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1612
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    1475807187
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1612
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    Yes you are right Mysteron shyness and confidence are two separate things. I am confident but I can be painfully shy particularly around unfamiliar people or circumstances. I try and disguise my shyness with confidence then but it doesn't always work especially if I am around dominating people. I am very lady like though and naturally submissive but I can still walk into somewhere new with my head held high. So yes I know what you mean 😊

    1475864842
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 384
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    Hello thank you for your reply. yes it is mental, it has made me feel less attractive as the hormones have contributed to me putting on weight round my middle. I actually had a chat with a close friend today and I think it has helped as I am going to try very hard to motivate myself to do more exercise and will persevere with my healthy eating diet. I will try wearing something sexy as Mr Modo has bought me a lot recently. I am trying to tell myself that if he finds me sexy why should I have doubts. Men certainly do have it easy! Bless them!

    1475871771
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6201
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Modo wrote:

    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    Hello thank you for your reply. yes it is mental, it has made me feel less attractive as the hormones have contributed to me putting on weight round my middle. I actually had a chat with a close friend today and I think it has helped as I am going to try very hard to motivate myself to do more exercise and will persevere with my healthy eating diet. I will try wearing something sexy as Mr Modo has bought me a lot recently. I am trying to tell myself that if he finds me sexy why should I have doubts. Men certainly do have it easy! Bless them!

    Well not quite . Men also have confidence problems as well but obviously not linked to the change as thats a woman problem but E D which is a man problem can also play its part in denting a guys comfidence in the bedroom.

    In my opinion both sexes can have confidence problems but perhaps linked to different things

    I am glad talking about it has helped you and very much welcome your suggestion about eating healthily and more E xcercise. Why not join us on the Get It Off Support Thread ?

    1475875534
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 384
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    mysteron wrote:

    Modo wrote:

    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    Hello thank you for your reply. yes it is mental, it has made me feel less attractive as the hormones have contributed to me putting on weight round my middle. I actually had a chat with a close friend today and I think it has helped as I am going to try very hard to motivate myself to do more exercise and will persevere with my healthy eating diet. I will try wearing something sexy as Mr Modo has bought me a lot recently. I am trying to tell myself that if he finds me sexy why should I have doubts. Men certainly do have it easy! Bless them!

    Well not quite . Men also have confidence problems as well but obviously not linked to the change as thats a woman problem but E D which is a man problem can also play its part in denting a guys comfidence in the bedroom.

    In my opinion both sexes can have confidence problems but perhaps linked to different things

    I am glad talking about it has helped you and very much welcome your suggestion about eating healthily and more E xcercise. Why not join us on the Get It Off Support Thread ?

    Yes sometimes us women do forget that men have their issues too. I think the menopause is so all consuming we forget to think outside the box. ED must be quite hard to deal with and as in my case needs both partners to be patient, sympathetic and understanding. If my husband was not understanding with me I would be struggling even more.

    As for healthy eating, I am on a low fat, low sugar diet. I did think this would make me crave certain foods but this is not the case. I may well join the support thread...thank you. I appear to be taking over Mr Modos postings.:)

    1484916084
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6201
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I thought I would place an update on here regarding my own experiences. Its been now nearly 12 months since I lost my curvacious tummy and most of my weight loss.

    My confidence prior to this has always been low and not dissimilar to the way some of you ladies feel .

    I have to say losing that weight and appreciating my own body has helped with my confidence issues no end . When we go out I tend to have a smug smile on my face , wear clingy clothes unless I am going really dressed up . I tend to go out as one would describe as being smart casual .I don't hide in corners like I used to do either

    I would still say I am still quite shy but if someone makes the first move I will happily chat to them whether it be male of female. But I am still not the type of person who would start a conversation .The shyness side of me is still deep rooted and is something perhaps I will never 100% overcome.

    Just to demonstrtate how my confidcence has come on, there was a small incident just prior to Christmas . The pub we go in was absolulely packed on Christmas Eve and I was returning from the gents along what I can best decribe a small channel with wall to wall people on each side. Coming in the opposite way was a really gorgouse lady . If this happened 12 months previously I would have given way and retreated all the way back to the start . This time I thought what the heck . We ended up having to negotiate around each other including her placing her legs inbetween mine so she could slide around and brush past me . She smiled at me as this happend and we had a laugh together about it after she passed, as it as it was just like a scene and Celebrity Get Me out of Here when 2 of them were passing each other on a very thin piece of platform suspended from a height.

    The best thing from my point of view is that I felt fine about it and didnt cower away as I would have done in the past.

    1485228135
    SmokingHotLove [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 69
    • Joined: 26 Apr 2015

    Mummymermaid you're an inspiration and I applaud you! I suffered from anorexia in my teens and size took ove my life! At 39 I am the biggest I have been at a 10/12, due to quitting smoking and simply enjoying food more than ever! When I look in the mirror I feel satisfied and see more than a size, but then I see a pic and I could cry! I hate how society makes woman especially feel like they need to be a certain size, height, hair colour etc. We are so critical of ourselves and like other posts our partners compliment us and genuinely love whatever shape we are! If all woman could just embrace and rock the skin we're in, the world would be a much happier place!

    Confidence shines through and if you feel fabulous, you'll look fabulous, full stop! You need to love yourself before anyone else can!

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.