• Dominatrix Crossdress and Bondage for Beginners

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    b21 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey, do you mind if I pick the brains of the kinks among us?

    I'm 29 and married to the lovliest girl in the world. I'm a bit of a crossdresser and she is great with it - even encouraging at times. She likes that I wear womens underwear daily, we wear chemises to bed and we reguarlary both dress up in our best lingerie for a sexy night in.

    She indulges me and I love her for accepting and enjoying that part of me.

    She has hinted recently that she'd like to try a bit of light bondage - tieing up, blindfolding, teasing, light spanking etc. This is with her as the submissive by the way.

    The idea of BDSM is new to me and has never really crossed my mind and it never really appealed to me. But having thought about it, I'd love to indulge her like she has me and share something new together which I'm sure we'll both enjoy.

    My idea is to combine both kinks into one and dress myself in say a shiny black dress, stockings and heels but also do something I've never done before and get totally into character with long hair and makeup. But then I would make the whole evening soley about her - tease and pleasure her all night until she can't take it anymore.

    So I need some help...

    1. How does that idea sound to the girls out there?

    2. Has anyone got some ideas of what I can do that night for 2 bondage beginners?

    Thanks :)

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly it sounds like you have a great girlfriend there and a great sex life!

    Now, to the question in hand... if it were me, I would bring in the bondage as an exclusive thing since it is new to both of you. Theres loads of beginner bondage sets on here - one even has its own tester thread - which may still be available.

    Personally I recommend the FSOG set with silk ties, dual sided spanker and satin blindfold. Nothing too heavy.

    In terms of the dressing side of things, if it were me, I'd either not dress at all or just dress to what you already do. As you say, this is her request and you want to spoil her and make this all about her. You may, if you dress more than normal, 'steal the show' as it were or even worse, this next step may be a bit over the top for her.

    Once you guys have got the bondage down to a good thing, then you can suggest taking your dressing up to another level and then maybe the bondage can ramp up a peg or two as well.

    Hope this helps

    1443021937
    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
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    Sound perfect , you'd both would be enjoying your pleasures and fantasy together.
    I'd go for the lovehoney tease range satin restraints and blindfold great for beginners and I believe they are on offer now.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21798

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21799

    1443022739
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with justjenson. I would do one at a time. Satin wrist ties are great and not too scary for a first time play. A good blindfold and a double sided spanker great. The Lovehoney purple ones are on offer today, so might be worth a look.

    There are some rules you must sort out before indulging in ANY level of bondage.

    1. A safe word.

    A word that signifies that the other person wants this to stop immediately. Don't use stop or no as these can be part of the play. So something very out of character like Strawberry that you would not say in the bondage situation.

    2. You MUST stop if the other person uses the safe word.

    3. Talk about what you might like to try and anything that your not sure of.

    As long as you are safe it can be real fun. My OH and I are relatively new to bondage and we enjoy the satin ties, but I hated metal handcuffs, couldn't relax and didn't enjoy it.

    Dont rush things take it slow, taking time to work all her senses, the built up is often as much fun as the actual spanking or whatever you choose to do.

    i would recomend using one of her toys on her while she is blindfolded and tied up, she will love it.

    As for going the whole hog with wig and makup I would do this at a separate occasion. Maybe have a bottle of bubbly and get ready together like a girly night out. I'm sure she will guid you with make up and hair.

    Im sure you are going to have great fun.

    1443027327
    b21 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys.

    I think that is some sound advice. I wouldn't want to make the experience about myself.

    I would however like to make it more of a fantasy/roll play/make-belive kind of thing hence the 'character'. I think if it was too familiar, she may feel a bit uncomfortable. But as you say, I wouldn't want to steal the show lol

    She has hinted at it but can be a bit shy as to explaining what she wants, it would have to be a surprise and I would have to take the lead - but that's fine and we've been together long enough for me to know how to move at her pace.

    I love the satin restraints and blindfold! :)

    1443033650
    Ddiggler [sign in to see picture]
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    Everything you want to try me and my OH half do but took a while to build up to it don't rush in feet first slow and steady and add and build every time no point going all in on the first time is it lol.you know your partner and how to talk to her about it.me and my OH can talk very open about what we like and want to do normally after a sexy session we'll talk about new things to try next time.the last few months we have got into bondage with her being the sub and she has found that its her all time Knick she loves it and we are adding to our collection all the time.sometimes it's full dress up wig and make up other times just dress up or the mr gray role play I think if you keep it mixed then your enjoy it more.good luck and hope it's all what you both enjoy.

    1443034260
    matnem [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Just Jenson, and Fun Louise.

    I would not recommend a mix of the two fetishes, until you are both comfortable.

    A safe word IS A MUST (regardless of bondage or not). Look up the Red, Orange, Green rules (although they are pretty self explainatory). Dont go for something difficult to remember or say.

    Talk about what you want BEFORE you play, AND after you play talk about what you enjoyed and what you didnt. It will just keep getting better this way.

    Don't rush into the heavy bondage stuff - it can get expensive and dangerous and more importantly may scare both of you away before you get to have some great experiences. To start off with allow yourself to get immerged into the "scene" without using any real restraints - Loose silk/cotton scarfs (with no knots) is a good way to start: just tell your SO not to move or you will "punish" her (small slap on the bum is usually good enough). I started by showing my SO a glass full of iced water whilst she was on her knees and then ballancing it on her back and telling her not to move. (What she didnt know -- and still doesn't probably -- is that I replaced the glass with an empty plastic one). The threat of the glass falling was bondage enough!!

    Half of bdsm (and what people dont realise) is that its sensation based (not pain based). You dont need to hit hard (and bruise - which seems to be a popular badge of honour at the moment. Something that I personally think is wrong. A GOOD top will NEVER hurt their submissive).

    Get your scene ready. Dim the lights (or put a coloured cloth over the lampshade (make sure its got an energy saving ie non hot bulb). light a few candles and even get a scented on out (more sensations). Choose a few household items (clean and new) that have different sensations. Get your SO to lie on their tummy and use these items (gently) over her back and bum. stard off with as many smooth and soft items you can find, a feather, something furry, something felt ie:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31013

    Also try something that it warmed up and cooled down like an ice cube.

    work your way (slowly) towards items that are more sensational, ie a brush, the scrubbing side of a sponge. You will also see a lot more "sensation" devices on fetish sites and not realise whats going on here ie pin wheels and pointed rings. Basically as you work your way up the scale, more and more blood is pumped to the affected area. This "turns on" the flesh and makes it much more reactive to new sensations. When you are a little more confident, you can even try out wax play at this point. DO NOT USE THE SCENTED ONE!! ("bondage" candles have less addatives so burn cooler - read up on this before you try it out)

    If you do this before spanking, the spanking will be a lot more intence and not require you to hit so hard and bruise.

    With regards to light spanking: start off with just some simple slaps. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be careful with your aim, there are some BDSM NO GO areas: ALL joints (regardless), particuarly hands, wrists, ancles, hips. Avoid the bottom of the back (easy for a beginner to get overly excited with a flogger or slapper and miss the bum) as the kidneys are here. back of the leg around the knees, throat (ie whole neck and head really) and underarms. The best places are bum and thighs but not the inside (for newbies). You can when you are a bit better try out (gently) inside of the thighs, the boobs, the top of the back and arms (but never with a "hard" object, only things like floggers and gentle slaps with a riding crop) and between her legs. Try not to use too many household items in the bedroom, as they can not "perform" as you'd expect. ie a wooden spatchula may seem like a great idea, but actually its quite hard and unforgiving (especially if you miss) and the wood can split and cause a really nasty pinch. Try something like this:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21800

    When you are feeling more confident invest in decent leather padded restraints. Spend some money here, as these become a massive part of your new life together. Buying a collar for your sub is as important to some people as buying a wedding ring.

    Finally: if you want to get some more active adivce, and acceptance of your peers (IRL) Please look up your local Munch. This is a monthly gathering of kink/fetishists that will accept you for you and not for your real life mask. To find your local munch jump onto fetlife, set up an account and search. Usually people meet in a bar or a club that is accepting of the lifestyle. Newbies are always welcome and there will be new people coming each month. Every munch is different, so if you dont get on at your most local one, try another one thats not so close. PM me if you are struggling to find one. People here will be able to offer you advice, product recommendations and details of local events.

    1443034284
    matnem [sign in to see picture]
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    .... wow, that was longer than I thought!

    1443045051
    Elle & em [sign in to see picture]
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    We are just starting out and recently got the fsog set which has four ties a paddle and blindfold , all really well made and the paddle has a lovely spank to it x

    1443090310
    b21 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys, that's some really great advice. And matnem - wow that was awesome and very detailed lol!

    I think I'll still dress up though as she likes it and she would think it was weird if I didn't lol!

    I'll let you guys know how we get on! Any further advice is more than welcome!

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    phil [sign in to see picture]
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    Matnem, you have hit the nail on the head wonderful advice. Just to add a little a munch is a gathering of kink minded people usally at a pub just to have a good chin wag and compare notes. The best place to find a munch near you is to join FETLIFE, not the eaiest site to use but a very good source of info into the BDSM scene. I wish you well with your newfound adventures.

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    Feminfinity [sign in to see picture]
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    Well all i can say is, Congrats. You hit the jackpot and found yourself a gem of a girl who accepts you and encourages you to do that and to be yourself. and doesnt judge you or try to change you. That is very hard to find, especially for a guy with your unique proclivities As im sure you know, most girls would find a "straight" guy doing that to be odd, weird, and a bit psycho, to say the least. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. To each his own. So you better hang on to her and be her good little bitch. OK. Enjoy

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    phil [sign in to see picture]
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    There is a lot of very sound advice on this posting. If you find you are enjoying your new play take things slowly, discover likes / dislikes and communicate as you progress. In time you might want to move on to attending a BDSM club the best source of information on Munches and venues is Fetlfe. Not the easyest site to use but when familiar with it very good for locating local information.

    Wish you well in the future, have fun.

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