• What has happend to old LH

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    TTurtle wrote:

    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    Yes AA is spot on TT.

    I am afraid TT you are one of those worse offenders .. sorry but its true but lets hope you and others do take action and begin to allow others to post and reply.

    Well hate to say it Dee but I feel like you've just entirely glossed over my point about if you're not making the effort you're not going to get to see what you want to on the forum and you're making me feel excluded now. I shall indeed take action and not bother posting but for a few key threads where I am needed (such as Orks story)

    no dont stop posting to appease others!

    guys i think we all know this is when its got to far, i think this thread itself could be classed as offensive, noones named any names but youve all shown your feelings about regular posters, which to be frank. Arent doing anything wrong, posting regularly is how you take part.

    if you have a problem about a person in particular take it up with them on chat dont name and shame them on here! AA you explained your points calmly and even TT agreed that it was valid, you couldve done it on chat still, but atleast you were civil.

    Dee i think youre being very unfair, i dont think TTs regular posting is stopping you from posting and replying, and also if you had something to say on the matter to an individual then you should've said it on chat. Noone deserves to be named like that and thats how you start to alienate people!!

    At the end of the day its never going to go back to the "old lovehoney" this is how it is now, and later it will change again because thats what things do. Starting a thread regretting the topics newer people have started isnt going to change anything.

    If you want the old posts that you used to have then recreate them, if you want people to reply to you then comment comment comment, if you feel like youre being ignored put it in caps or comment elsewhere. I stopped posting for abit because i felt awkward, but i came back and posting on everything i could to reinstate myself as someone who likes to get involved in topics. Which i do. Im not doing it to create arguments im not doing it to alienate people im doing it so that people can see my name crop up, add me if they want to talk further on chat if ive commented something interesting, and to offer advice if i can.
    Just because theres a group of regular posters doesnt mean theyre a clique, doesnt mean they will ignore any comment you make, and doesnt mean you cant comment. And i feel bad for anyone who feels this is the case. i think everyone should be allowed whether youre commenting every minute or every week or so. But the people commenting every minute are going to get more replies than those commenting every week or so thats just how it is. x

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    Jimi Duro [sign in to see picture]
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    Life is too short for getting hung up about stupid things in Life

    If people dont like me ? Fuck you ! I have too much shit in my head at the moment to get hung up about this site or anything else irrelevant in Life !

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    TTurtle [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    It's true that the forum is what we make it. But when it comes down to it, it just takes one or two members to change the entire mood and feel of the forums and upset and frustrate a lot of people. But I'm not saying that you are one of them TTurtle. You seem like a really nice fella. I would genuinly be sad if you did not contribute to the forums. But sometimes, being so involved with the offenders is tainting you with the same brush...

    I am making good use of the "Report this post" button now. I'd like to think that others would join me to help with repairing the forums. Reporting is annomynous and with enough reason and reports, things should get done by Lh themselves.

    I'm going to leave it at that.

    I involve myself with everyone, because thats how I am, because I can be very very sensible but at the same time I can be silly and humourous and I'd hate to appeal to one type of person. I know what you are trying to say, that if I just stayed out of it a bit more I wouldn't be in the centre of this but I am not going to change how I post based on others having a problem with it..take me or leave me

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    But I will try harder myself to get involved where I can and help and advise where I can.

    Glad to hear :) more people get involved the more fun itll be.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    What i meant is that I feel i cannot contribute to barely any thread these days, the fact others feel the same isnt just MY problem TT.

    I didnt mean to offend you TT and why are you raving mad is beyond me.. i havent said anything that isnt true.

    TT I do try and conbribute but its getting harder. Continue with what you are doing, i never said stop posting I am merely giving my opinion of what I feel is happening on here.

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    PinkPolkaDot [sign in to see picture]
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    Jimi Duro wrote:

    Life is too short for getting hung up about stupid things in Life

    If people dont like me ? Fuck you ! I have too much shit in my head at the moment to get hung up about this site or anything else irrelevant in Life !

    Okay I didn't want to get involved again but how did it go from people feeling excluded to people insulting each other now? Everyone will have their own opinion on this. Yes, it it the people that make the forum and we all have the right to post whatever we want - within reason.

    TT - I didn't mean any offense to you at all, I hope you know that. I completely agree with you about things changing (that's life, everything changes) and if people want to be involved then they should make an effort and post things that interest them.

    I honestly think this is getting out of hand now, do we really want to turn this into another argument?

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    apart from the bit about dominating the forum, thats untrue, after all you are well within your rights to create 50 topic based threads right now, im sure people will find one to comment on and then youll have your hands full replying, i personally wouldnt say oh dee is now doming the forum and taking it over, id just be like oooo what interesting thread can i comment and join in on. xx

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well whatever I have said has angered TT - i cant really see why. Ok maybe i should have said that the forums arent being dominated by anyone at all. Perhaps certain threads are. My mistake

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    Well whatever I have said has angered TT - i cant really see why. Ok maybe i should have said that the forums arent being dominated by anyone at all. Perhaps certain threads are. My mistake

    Its ok everyone makes mistakes :) I personally think youre a bigger person, for ammending it and saying that you should put more effort into posting :)
    well done to you and im sure itll make it more enjoyable for you and everyone else :) xx

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    TTurtle [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    I didnt mean to offend you TT and why are you raving mad is beyond me.. i havent said anything that isnt true.

    This upset me Dee

    I am afraid TT you are one of those worse offenders

    it was totally unncessary. I made my point in a fair and I think quite reasonable manner whilst making barely any reference to anything in particular and I agreed that things need to change and insinuated that I shall also consider my posting habits. But calling me out like that is TOTALLY not cool, especially after I was trying to be very civil. You start a thread saying you don't like that members are being excluded and you isolate and exclude one in particular? AA I was also a bit angry that you called out KF but I let it slide since I think most people here know what that was about and there's no point in trying to skirt around that issue. But if you have a problem with me, tell me in private, I am very very open to criticism and civil discussion but I don't appreciate being humiliated and being made to look like a dick in public

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    I cant talk to you in private TT as I am not your friend. But accept my apology if you wish. I take back what i said.

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    TTurtle [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    I cant talk to you in private TT as I am not your friend. But accept my apology if you wish. I take back what i said.

    That was your choice not mine as we used to be friends but it seems not now and I am actually very hurt because you were one of the first people who I talked to here and I looked up to.

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been a member here for three years and have definitely noticed a change in things recently. I used to come on and feel that I could reply to almost every thread which definitely isn't the case now. I'll reply to one or two and then get bored because it does seem to be a bit cliquey.

    The repeat threads issue could be helped by lovehoney improving their forum search function. It's not very specific for example if you type in "anal sex" you get a billion and one hits and most of them aren't relevent. Hence there are loads of repeat threads because people don't want to trawl through the entire website to find what they're looking for.

    There are a lot more chain threads rather than threads and certain members posting endless threads that aren't relevent at all.. rather than people asking for help and advice.

    But things change, life moves on and lovehoney has become more popular which is great! I'll still keep posting as and when I feel that there's something that I can give advice about. Lovehoney has always been there for support and advice when I was having problems in a past relationship and when I was going through the headache of dating someone new and I'll always be grateful for that :) xx

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    kinkycop [sign in to see picture]
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    If people stop declaring war on each other! this forum will return to normal!

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I am reasonably new here, and I do love the forum. I can see what everyone is saying and from a "new member" point of view, I dont think its as simple as one way or the other. I think we need both old and new.

    I would not have even stayed around on these forums if it wasnt for the new members joining. Why? because they have been mainly the only ones to talk to me! LOL. I mean I believe I have started a few threads (which I accept wont appeal to everyone and I by no means expect hundreds of replies ofc) and I have also commented in many other threads and like someone else pointed out. I generally get ignored by the older members. Now dont get me wrong I understand it is human nature to develop bonds with people over time and connections so that when those friends post it is much more personal and interesting to you. So it does not really bother me that I have no really been spoken too much by the long standing members or made to feel a full part of the community anyway, but it does make me realise that maybe there is exclusion both ways here?

    Because the new members come along, dont really know any of you old timers (on the forum! Not calling you old lol) They dont know the feel of the forum or the friendships so they drift towards posting on new member threads, maybe they even feel a little intimidated by you older/longer members because we do kind of get overlooked (human nature but you will be more likely to comment on threads your friends make so please dont take offense if you do get involved with the new members) and forming their own little friendships, its a natural thing to do just like it is natural for the longer members to feel like they are then being excluded because "all these new kids on the block are taking over"

    From my point of view if anyone cares, is that as a new person it would be really nice to be taken under the wings of the older members here, made to feel welcome (after the initial "hello i am new" "welcome" thread) rather than we are just "cramping the style" of the perfect forum that it was before we showed up. And ironically only one person did that which was TT. Also I am not 100% sure about this because I havent read through every post on the threads, but I do think that the longstanding threads like mentioned above can be exclusing to new members just as much as new member posts about random things can be just as alienating to the older members.

    So surely we just all need to find a nice balance between both? I think the forum would be boring if I just logged in to pages and pages of "help and advice" posts in which other members have answered the question anyway so therefore you have nothing else to add yourself. I think in moderation some of the fun posts are just what the forum needs! Orks story being one, I think I tried to start one entitled "your most embarrassing sex story" which ofc got ignored by most old timers lol (but again I appreciate not everyone would want to answer that so its fair enough) but yes surely posts like that, where the question is a bit of a giggle and open ended and based on personal experiences are good, so everyone can join in. I did read some of the posts that have been referred to in this thread and although I can see it would be hard for other members to join in, and I can see that it is maybe off topic and slightly pointless to the rest of the members here but does it matter really....really? Ok yes if it was constant spamming of it over and over and over but two threads which you can just scroll past if it doesnt interest you isnt overkill to me.

    What I really like about this forum is the difference, between posts asking for help and advice, personal posts where people just need someone to rant to and get support from friends online, the games posts, the funny posts, the have you ever ....posts. if it swung too far either way I think it would become a boring forum

    at the minute I do wish the older members would come and post more as i for one definitely want to feel like I am part of a community not just another random post. also I do not wish for their to be too many "pointless" posts but mainly for us all not to flame each other for human nature and personalities. We are all different and have different styles and thats the point no? Dont fall out guys! :(

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    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    Well, to be honest, most people are going to want to make a new thread and get a personalised response rather than trawl through several pages of an old thread responding to someone else's query.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    My pocket history

    At some point several months ago, a handful of new people changed the dynamic of the forum dramatically.

    I didn't think all that much of it at the time; strong personalities have come in plenty of times before, dominated and then either toned down or wandered off again. This time it built on itself. Within maybe a month, things were very different.

    Like many others have said here, I found fewer and fewer threads where I had anything worth saying. When I did post, they weren't well received. I gave up on many starts with a sense of 'why bother, it's only going to be misread'. As I functionally disappeared from the boards here, I wondered how many others were still lurking but not posting and what could be done to bring us back.

    For everyone telling us to just make a thread - that's EXACTLY what this is. Someone made a thread and we're talking about the issue. Part of that is discovering that this sense of exclusion is a common experience for many of us. Another part is trying to figure out what to do. That's getting lost though.

    I posted my thoughts earlier in the thread on what I see as the main change in forum use - the proliferation of hundreds of small threads. Archive searches used to be easier, we had a lot of experience and previous discussion to draw on, help threads stayed visible longer. In my view, it worked better.

    Things aren't working for dozens of longstanding members who used to be regular and very valuable contributors. Our observations of the changes and experience with different ways of using the forum need to at least be recognized. If the majority decide that they want things to stay as there are, so be it.

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    PinkPolkaDot [sign in to see picture]
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    Cat Lady wrote:

    Well, to be honest, most people are going to want to make a new thread and get a personalised response rather than trawl through several pages of an old thread responding to someone else's query.

    They could easily add to it. Ask their own question in an existing thread and I'm sure someone will be more than happy to help if they haven't found an answer to the question. The only reason I don't post on those is because I have no idea what advice to give - I've never had anal sex, I'm not in a relationship so what's the point of posting to just say 'sorry can't help you today'. I do however try to help out people who ask something I do have experience with.

    The thing about AA having the guts to say what most of us have been thinking - why shouldn't she be able to call someone out on something? Surely there's no point adding someone as a friend to point something out to them. Let's just be honest, because that's now also telling someone what they should or shouldn't be posting.

    We just need to accept that the forum will be constantly changing with new members joining and old members changing. It's what happens, there's nothing we can do about it, just join in and make this forum a place we will all enjoy coming to.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    you have a valid point Ork (how do you have anal sex btw: :P) hehe and I can only say this, on the one hand you have been here so long that its the same old same old questions and you just cant be bothered answering again. On the plus side people like myself, who are sort of new, will jump on it and think "ooooh I can help here" so we post and yes that then does look like the older members are excluding the new guys. (When really they have just tired of answering the same thing over and over)

    Hmmmm I guess this is something we can not really solve and I guess it is the nature of forums but also if you have been here now and seen most of the questions come and go a thousand times, what kind of posts interest you now? (I am genuinely curious here, not trying to say "what you here for then" That question goes out to all old timers not just yourself Ork) Because like i said the same old thing over and over again must bore anyone. Maybe this is why you started your threads like your stories. More fun style off topic (well off the topic of sex ofc) threads. Maybe in their own way thats what the new guys are doing too....Oh who knows but I stick with my original point...we are all different and we aint going to appeal to everyone!

    Also I personally wouldnt mind, if I asked a question and got linked a previous similar thread or directed to the search option. However all you have to do people....ALL you have to do, is say it in a polite way. Maybe add a "Good luck, Hope you find your answer" or any such little personal things, to let the OP know your not just being a grumpy bum who doesnt even want to aknowledge their presence. I think sex and sexuality can be an emotional or embarrassing or awkward thing for some to ask about and it has taken them to be brave enough to post their question. So when they come back nervously to read their replies from the big scary people on the forum I think it helps them feel a LOT more welcome if your reply is stated in a friendly way rather than "This threads been done before...search it" (Which CAN maybe come across as blunt online when you cant read the tone in someones words) I try to do that anyway, just to let them know its okay and we are all friendly.

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    TTurtle [sign in to see picture]
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    PinkPolkaDot wrote:

    Cat Lady wrote:

    Well, to be honest, most people are going to want to make a new thread and get a personalised response rather than trawl through several pages of an old thread responding to someone else's query.

    They could easily add to it. Ask their own question in an existing thread and I'm sure someone will be more than happy to help if they haven't found an answer to the question. The only reason I don't post on those is because I have no idea what advice to give - I've never had anal sex, I'm not in a relationship so what's the point of posting to just say 'sorry can't help you today'. I do however try to help out people who ask something I do have experience with.

    The thing about AA having the guts to say what most of us have been thinking - why shouldn't she be able to call someone out on something? Surely there's no point adding someone as a friend to point something out to them. Let's just be honest, because that's now also telling someone what they should or shouldn't be posting.

    We just need to accept that the forum will be constantly changing with new members joining and old members changing. It's what happens, there's nothing we can do about it, just join in and make this forum a place we will all enjoy coming to.

    I nearly always skip over AA's posts because they are often too long and I do not have time to read them and I get bored of doing so and perhaps in my opinion it is posts such as this that leave a forum stagnant? Sorry AA this is an extremely unfair post of me to make but since we seem to be now going down the route of airing our dirty laundry in public and isolating members instead of having a quiet word with them I want to make it..PPD I respect your opinion highly but you have to understand that posting in a public forum aiming a post directly at someone saying essentially they are poisoning this community when all they have EVER tried to do is be friendly and helpful and humourous is not cool and in my example now neither is telling someone I find their posts too long and boring but that is exactly how I am being made to feel...I'm sure no one would appreciate a personal attack on their posting style and its not about being told what the should and shouldn't be posting, it is about being mature and having a quiet word just saying hmm not sure if you realise how you're coming across here but just to point out some people are a bit put off..I could then choose to do with that what I wish and I would of course take more things into consideration - it was fairly obvious at where some of this thread was directed and I am not stupid and can work that out myself but to be isolated and have my name directly mentioned has upset me a lot.

    Avril - the part about skipping your posts is true (not the stagnation bit) and I am sorry to make it, however my opinion counts for very little and I know ALOT of people appreciate your wonderful advice and experience and you shouldn't change that but I am just simply trying to make the point that not everyone likes every ones way of posting and telling people that in a highly charged thread such as this to my mind is unfair

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