• About using debit cards...

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    Lovehoney - Alice [sign in to see picture]
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    Well well well, I emailed that forum again today and they have removed the reference! Fantastic news, though it'll take a while for Google to cotton on.

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    Ginger Ninja Minge [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the help, everyone! And I have to agree with you Shellyboo. They do seem to be rather controlling on what I do even though I'm an adult. I'll try and go for what Suze9 suggested even though my parents would go a bit mental over that with the whole 'they could've kept my card details' or whatever.

    I have to say I'm also surprised at what length Love Honey goes through to keep it all confidential. I applaud them for that because this is what makes them a great company to stick to!

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Even though I'm a father of two daughters and you might expect me to differ I must say that I'm very much with Shellyboo on this. By the time you are at university I feel they should really be respecting your privacy even if they are footing some of the bills. I would never open any letter addressed to my children unless they asked me to, even if it looked like junk mail. And the contents of their rooms is entirely their business. I have no idea about their finances beyond what they choose to tell me - we give them the money we have agreed and let them get in with it.

    If they dig a big hole with debt then I'll obviously have failed to instil the financial caution I hoped for but it has to be up to them now or they will never learn.

    Unfortunately, I'm not sure how you convey this sort of thing to your parents if they don't feel the same - I was conspicuously bad at dealing with my parents latterly. Perhaps giving them the long silence treatment if they ask about things you don't think are appropriate - or just change the subject on them - may get across your position without it reaching a conflict.

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    Ginger Ninja Minge [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to say, Gyrator53, that I'm impressed with your attitudes. That's the sort of father I want to be. Guide them when they're teenagers and let them have their independence when they're an adult. Sure, I went into an overdraft and that was a mistake. I can learn from that (stupidly, I thought that the cash machine would give me what's left of my account. Supposedly not..). And, as I'm practically still a teenager (just that I'm now considered as an adult), I can sympathise with my children (if ever I have children) that what's in their bedroom is for their eyes only. Just like a child wouldn't creep into their parents' bedroom, which I wasn't allowed to do (I think...).

    I think everything may be okay. They haven't messaged me anything about Love Honey or anything. If I just don't use that particular account for buying from this website, they should just forget about it. Hopefully.

    Again, thanks for the help, everyone, you gave me a boost in confidence and lowered my level of worrying. I just hope they don't delve further into the matter than what's necessary...

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I have like a budget which covers my accommodation, food, travel and some spare money. Part of it goes from my work, part from my parents. We set how much I have available to cover basic needs plus some extra and they never controlled what I used the extra on. Having said that my father has access to my bank account in case of emergency and in 4 years he did not use it. Why? he thinks its my privacy and respects it. I am an adult and can be bit independent

    And maybe they decide to let it pass but I would also use another card and account to make sure there is not another incident

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    Ginger Ninja Minge [sign in to see picture]
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    I will do that. I'm not switching my account to online banking as that would seem suspicious. I have other accounts which I've applied for online banking which my parents don't know about.

    I'm jealous of you, Laveila. I would very much rather my parents wouldn't look at my statements even if I do stupidly go into overdraft. I can sort it out myself! I can understand why they would look at what's happening with my money though because they wouldn't ever suspect that I'd buy sex toys. Seriously, I don't appear to be that sort of person. For a start, I refrain from drinking and having random sex with anyone, I'm a shy and introverted person and I always stick to rules. I haven't even ever had a girlfriend. So why would I buy sex toys? There's always secrets lurking in everybody's minds...

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    M4S you can always ask if your statements can be sent to a local branch for collection, tell them your uni address is shared and unsafe. The only downside is any replacement cards will also go there but is will stop nosy parents.

    I used to work for a bank and it was something we did for a lot of students

    xGGx

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Ginger Ninja Minge wrote:

    Sure, I went into an overdraft and that was a mistake. I can learn from that (stupidly, I thought that the cash machine would give me what's left of my account. Supposedly not..).

    Ooops! Easily done. You might notice that some cash machines give you two balances; the actual money left, and the money you have "available to borrow". This includes any overdraft facility you may have, so by dipping into it, you'll start incurring fees (on most accounts).

    Also - going in to your overdraft was a mistake? You're not in real trouble until you hit the limit...

    All the best,

    MrMr

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    It was all a lot simpler when I was a student. You didn't get any cards, just a cheque-book with specially printed student cheques which effectively told shopkeepers not to accept them. All you could do was use them to draw cash at the branch where your account was and they checked your balance every time. If a student asked for any kind of loan/overdraft bank staff were inclined to hurt themselves laughing.

    And although it was tough to live a whole year on £411 (a full grant in 1972!) they did at least make it possible for someone to emerge with a degree (or two) without any debt.

    And as an aside, a house couldn't cost more than 3 times an annual income because that is all the building societies would lend you (after saving with them for several years to get the deposit). Can't help feeling we went wrong somewhere.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Well my only loan is the tuiton fees one, but yes, it is a bit of nightmare, but without it its not possible to study in the UK unless you are from very well off family. In my home country you can still study for free, but frankly... if you need anything from the university, any reply can take months. And they often act like you are the lowest creature on Earth not worth their attention and that you should consider yourself lucky they decided to let you in. And to be honest they take more students in to get money from the government and they dont kick at most universities students out, from what I heard from people teaching at the universities they are not really allowed to kick students out, we are suply of money for them. And you have no say in most matters as you are just student. Also it is normal a teacher decides to go on fieldwork and comes back at the end of semester, out of 12 lectures you had 2 and the rest you have to somehow manage yourself with 2 days notice before an exam. Makes me wonder which system is better.

    I think the current costs of living is scary for sure. I gave up the thought of having my own house in the future.

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    The old UK system was not perfect - lecturers were promoted purely on their research and with no consideration for the quality or volume of their undergraduate teaching (something that I had bigger issues with later in my career). However, there were still many lecturers that provided excellent lectures and tutorials despite their not personally profiting from them.

    Yes, there was a much greater feeling of privilege about a university place - partly because of the funding but also because there were far fewer places (enough for about 6% of school leavers, I seem to recall). If you didn't perform then they had no qualms about chucking you out (yes, later departments were pressured into keeping on even the worst of all-night-party-going failures - those for which there were no mitigating circumstances).

    Unfortunately, in trying to improve the system we have made many aspects worse. Yes, we have lots more places but we also have massive graduate unemployment and greatly depressed graduate salaries (I can employ a new electronics graduate now for slightly less than I did in 2000 - given inflation that is a hell of a drop). And of course they all come lumbered with a 5 digit debt before they even think about a house. A better system than the 1970s? Not a chance!

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator: and I think the tuiton fees actually make student more concentrate on finishing.It is normal for some to finish their undergraduate after 4-6 years of full time. Or leave one degree start another, then leave it and start again, which costs a lot of money in the system. I dont mind people staying in education for longer if its like undergraduate, graduate and finally postgraduate degree but I left one university 4 years ago to start in the UK and 3 people still have yet to finish their undergraduate. Thats really ridiculous! they are entering their 6 year!

    It is hard to find solution for this situation as even a free education system has its problems including the devalvation of the title. I may actually be lucky with my UK degree as it will be better to have considering whats happening with the free system and there is no will to change it. But I repayment of the loan can cause problems to young people and may be one thing influencing their dicision to have kids (I dont want my own kids for various reasons).

    I agree it is easier to get into financial problems these days as you can get so many loans and noone really cares as if you dont pay they gain so much more.

    Its also bit harder to get a job after graduation, it seems that there are very high expectations regarding what they are looking for. Including generally 2+years of practise which is hard to do with part time jobs. it takes lotof time and dedication to survive after school

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Alice wrote:

    You can see an example of what comes up on your bank statement here:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/help/card-statement/

    Everytime we mention what is written on the statements or packages at Lovehoney we use an image so that it's not searchable by search engines. (I've had to edit a lot of them out on this thread!) We also regularly google the phrase and email the review sites and forums that mention it to try and cut down on the footprint, but unforunately it's so easily posted by people and we can't control every reference.

    This is another reason we love & would recommend Lovehoney - little thoughtful things like this make all the difference

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Laveila - I watched the system from the inside for nearly 25 years as it changed and I saw no evidence that the imposition of tuition fees had any beneficial effect at all - quite the reverse. I think you are perhaps making the mistake of believing the system we had was like the one in your country now. I'm sure that isn't the case.

    I don't think we had a problem with waste or lack of effort from students in the old days. It was quite difficult to earn a place so not many made it if they were not motivated. Perhaps the odd 'hot house plant' from a private school but they worked or got the chop fast.

    If you failed the exams at the end of the first term of the first year you could be out. End of year failures would certainly have you looking for a job. You got one chance - drop out and you would have real difficulty getting funding for a different course and in any case you wouldn't get more than a total of 3 years funding across the two courses (or 4 if one of the course required that) unless you had medical or other compelling reasons for dropping out.

    It took considerable effort on the part of the department to get dispensations for students so the undeserving had no chance.

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