Shopping

Would've liked to review/edit this a bit more, but just don't have the time at the mo.  Anyway, all comments welcome, and enjoy...

It’s a reasonably pleasant day as you potter around town.  It’s not warm but the sky is clear and the wind is not too strong so you can amble about, even outside, without the need to rush.  You’re not looking for anything in particular, just enjoying a little ‘me’ time and some retail therapy. 

It’s not too busy either.  A little busier than normal for a weekday but the Christmas rush hasn’t really kicked in yet, so it’s still relatively easy to make your way about.  Despite this, you can’t shake the nagging feeling that something’s not quite right.  It’s nothing you can put your finger on, but you’ve felt it since you first left the car. 

You shake it off telling yourself not to be stupid, and head for one of the department stores in the main shopping centre.  But as you’re browsing through racks of the latest styles the nagging feeling gets worse, a more persistent sensation, almost like you’re being watched.  Nervous now you look hurriedly around, but all you can see are the usual hassled looking shop assistants and weekday shoppers.  Nobody seems to be taking any notice of you at all. 

Once again you tell yourself not to be daft and just get on with things.  But as you move on to the next rack of clothing, you don’t see me step out behind you from between some display stands.  Moving swiftly I step up behind you taking both your arms and holding them behind your back.  You’re only just starting to react as I hold you securely, but you start to relax again as I put my mouth close to your ear you recognise my touch. 

“Shhh” I whisper, and start to guide you gently towards the elevators. 

I’m holding you tightly, almost painfully, but nobody else in the shop seems to notice as we move through the racks of clothes.  We reach the elevators and a kind lady reaches out and holds the doors of the one she has just entered, offering us the chance to get on.  She looks confused as we stand motionless in front of the closed doors of the other lift, neither of us making any eye contact with her.  Her expression changes to offense, almost anger, as the doors close taking her from our sight. 

The doors to the other elevator open and we walk in, and I stay behind you as we turn around to face the front.  As the doors start to close, you feel something being slipped over both of your wrists, still behind your back, and then tightened to hold them securely.  Then I quickly slide a blindfold over your eyes and start applying gentle but firm pressure on your shoulders, forcing you down to your knees. 

Quickly, I step around in front of you, and at first you resist as I place my already fully erect cock between your parted lips.  You soon relax though, and start to tease me with your tongue, tightening your lips around my shaft and giving my head some extra special attention.  I start thrusting gently, fucking your mouth and you gag a little at first with the sheer size of me, but you manage to control it, and after adjusting slightly we settle in to a pleasant rhythm helped by the rocking of the elevator as it carries us upwards. 

You start to panic as you feel the lift start to slow down and I’m still in your mouth, you wonder if I’m even aware that the doors could open any second, revealing us to everyone in the store.  But just as the lift shudders to a halt I step back, pulling my cock out of your mouth, and help you back up to your feet.  I step behind you again, and just as the doors start to open I pull the blindfold from your eyes. 

You blink several times acclimatising to the sudden light, as two women enter the lift.  One of the woman pauses slightly mid-conversation as she glances across at you and you flush guiltily as you wonder what it is she might have seen, your smudged lipstick, or slightly ruffled hair?  Can she guess what you‘ve just been doing?  She returns immediately to her conversation, but your relief is mixed with a healthy dose of excitement as you realise just how close you came to being caught. 

As the new arrivals do the customary shuffle, turning round to face the doors, I remind you of my presence by pressing the bulge of my still impressively swollen member against your behind.  You’re getting very excited by now and push back against me feeling your own lubrication begin to flow.  I discreetly remove the bindings from your wrists allowing them some freedom, but only a little as I once continue to hold you, keeping you firmly under my control. 

By now, the lift has returned to the ground floor.  The doors open and I hold you back as the other occupants exit and go in their own directions.  You think for a moment I am going to keep you in the lift for another go round, but just as the doors are about to close I push you gently out on to the shop floor. 

Once again I move you through the racks of clothes, and once again nobody seems to notice I am effectively holding you prisoner.  Maybe the way I’m holding you, it just looks like I have my arm around you. 

It looks as though I’m guiding you out towards the main entrance and you start to get a little anxious.  Doing this in the confines of the store, and the racks of clothes is one thing, but surely someone will notice out in the open shopping centre?  At the last minute however, I guide you to one side of the door and make a beeline for another, smaller door, marked ‘Staff Only’. 

I guide you straight through the door without even checking if anybody has seen us, and you realise I have brought you to a small stock room.  It’s a lot tidier than you have previously imagined a room like this to be, and very well lit, which is another surprise.  There are racks of hanging clothing to one side, whilst the rest of the room is occupied by shelving units, each stacked with boxes of all shapes and sizes. 

It is behind one of these units that I now guide you, finding a pile of boxes on the floor stacked, rather conveniently, just to waist height!  Getting rougher now, I push you towards the boxes  and force you upper body over on to the top of them.  You sense an urgency in me now, and start to get excited again yourself, your juices flowing again so hard you’re convinced the damp patch must be showing through by now.  You feel the straps going back on to your wrists, but this time there’s pinching and a little pain as I fasten them tighter than before.  There’s something else too, something on your back, you realise it’s another strap just as I reach forward and slip a collar around your neck, using the strap to fasten it to your wrists. 

A quick pull on the strap jerks your arms up and your head back, and confirms you're now tightly bound.  Satisfied, I hook my thumbs in to the waist of your pants and knickers together and almost tearing them, pull them both down to your ankles in a single swift movement. 

You’re very excited by now and starting to squirm back against me, trying desperately to get any touch or stimulation.  So, when I test your wetness by sliding one finger from your clit down, and pushing it harshly once, in and out of your already aching pussy, you can’t help but let out a gasp of pleasure.  That’s when I slap you, hard on the top of the thigh, leaving a bright red handprint.  You want to cry out, but you sense the slap means you must be quiet so you bite on your bottom lip and instead pull against the restraints around your neck and wrists. 

You bite down harder as I pull on the strap, controlling you completely, and you feel me positioning myself behind you.  You feel the bulbous tip of my weapon against your lips, and then it’s in!  I slam it all the way to the hilt in a single, hard, merciless thrust.  It feels enormous and the combination of shock, pain, overwhelming fullness and pleasure pushes you over the edge almost instantly in to an uncontrollable orgasm. 

You cry out and receive another stinging slap for your sin, this time on your backside.  But it’s all too much now and the pain of the slap just becomes part of the pleasure, pushing your orgasm to a greater intensity and racking your body with waves of agonising pleasure as you struggle against the bonds at your wrists. 

I haven’t moved since that first thrust and keep my cock buried deep inside, as your grip on me convulses and you swamp me with your juices.  I’m still pulling lightly on the strap, and now I reach around underneath your top, push your bra up over your luscious breasts, and start teasing one of your nipples between my thumb and finger as your orgasm starts to subside. 

But, just as you think it’s done I pinch hard, pull on the strap and push my cock even deeper inside you, if that was even possible.  You don’t know if you’re having another orgasm or whether the first one has just been rekindled, but you cry out again and receive another slap, in the same place as the last one, for another transgression. 

Finally, after what seems an age, I relax the strap and stop tormenting your nipple long enough for the latest orgasm to gently ebb away. 

After pulling my cock almost all the way out I push it back in, much gentler this time, then slowly start thrusting, taking my time to make sure you can feel every solid inch as it pushes in to your now extremely wet pussy, and then the feeling of loss as I pull back again, sometimes so far out you can just feel the tip on your most sensitive lips. 

Gradually I build up the pace, teasing your nipple again, but gentler this time.  Occasionally I reach down between your legs and give your clit a light, tender stroke.  Enough to give you a judder of pleasure, but not too much to distract from the fullness and the rhythm of the thorough fucking your body is now receiving from my cock. 

Suddenly, we freeze as the door opens and in walks a young sales assistant.  We can see her clearly through a gap in the boxes on the shelves in front of us, and if for any reason she looks in this direction she’ll see us too.  Unable to move or protest, you’re horrified as I start pushing in to you again, very slowly, but taking great care to push extra hard and deep as I reach the peak of my thrust.  I pull a little way out but then repeat the move as the sales assistant rummages through racks of clothes, clearly looking for something in particular. 

I feel your body tense as you try not to make a sound, and I give the strap attached to your collar a gentle tug as a reminder to keep quiet.  But try as you might, you can’t help a small whimper escaping your lips as I gently pinch your nipple to coincide with the deepest part of the thrust. 

The sales assistant stops and cocks her head to the side, not sure if she’s heard something.  She glances quickly around the room, her gaze passing over our hiding place, but she’s not looking hard enough.  Shaking her head slightly she finds what she has been looking for and walks out of the room, having another quick glance behind her as she goes. 

I feel you relax, and hear your sigh of relief as the door closes behind her, and this time the spank I give your already rosy red bottom really does hurt!  You snap your head back and cry out but the pain recedes and turns quickly to pleasure as I resume thrusting, a little quicker and a little harder than before the interruption, and with a new determination you can feel through my touch. 

Gradually increasing the pace you can feel your orgasm building, this one different from the earlier ones, somehow richer, and fuller, gorging on the senses and ready to burst from you.  At the same time you can sense my climax approaching, my thrusts becoming sharper, and jerkier as I give in to the sensations and finally I let myself go.  With one last almighty thrust, I cry out and squirt my hot cum inside you. 

You feel my cock convulse inside you, my juices filling you up, and this is all you need to push you over the edge of your own final climax.  Jerking and gasping, our orgasms taking us away from our surroundings, we fall forward on to the boxes and just wait, enjoying the sensations and the cool air of the room on our hot, sweating bodies. 

Eventually, the feelings gradually subside and I help you to stand upright, reaching down to pull you’re your knickers and pants back up.  Gently, I remove the restraints from your neck and wrists and even help you re-fasten your bra.  But then, still behind you, I once again hold your arms behind you as I guide you out of the store room.  Quickly you glance around to see if anyone has seen us leave, but really, who cares anymore. 

I guide you out of the shop and towards the main exit of the centre, outside.  You’re no longer worried about me holding you restrained in such a public area, and still nobody seems to notice anyway.  You can feel the afterglow of your last orgasm, and this only gets nicer as you feel our combined juices start to leak out and run down your thighs. 

I direct you to the main square in town and find a bench near the centre.  Here I sit you down and it’s a while before you even realise I have gone.  Eventually, when you feel able, you get up to go and find the car to go home.  It’s only at this point that a realisation hits you.  You never saw my face, and I never spoke, you never heard my voice.  Can you be sure it was me?  How can you find out?  If I don’t mention it when you get home, how could you bring the subject up, you couldn’t just ask, what if you were wrong? 

Ooh I so did not see that little plot twist coming, or much of anything from under that blind fold.  I normally don't go for stories written from this perspective, but that is personal choice on my part and I honestly can't deny getting... excited or I would have posted sooner, so huge pat on the back for you. 

I thought your yous of language was impressive, for example, I relax the strap and stop tormenting your nipple long enough for the latest orgasm to gently ebb away.

I would have used the word subside but the way you wrote it it seems more poetic.

The only real problem I had was the fact that it wasn't until a third of the way down (though reviewing it again I caught on quicker) I discovered I was a woman (the smudged lipstick). I was going to suggest adding something about what I decided to wear this morning to make it more obvious but i can't think were it would go.

Anyway, my slow caching on aside I thought it was well written and steamy. Certainly gave me some language ideas for my story. 

All in all you should be very proud.  

 

First of all, I'm impressed with the ending. I didn't quite think of that and brings rather a good twist. I'm glad she wasn't being manipulated by a stranger. However, she recognised the voice at the start, then trusts whoever's behind her. Seems a little contradictory in my opinion, but I suppose the heat of the moment will erase doubts and the calmness afterwards will induce anxious feelings, considering she can't be sure for certain that it was who she thought it was.

I actually can't criticise this as I felt it was done extremely well. I would actually be so happy if I could write like this. I just wish that it was longer because I was getting turned on by it all. I feel it could actually have been made longer. Tantalise readers with elaborate descriptions and slow the pace down when the woman is being teased. Just so  that the feelings and sensations are savoured. Like when you say she's getting 'very excited'. It's telling me she's excited, but does it show me anything? It's just a little thing you can expand on to keep the readers on edge so that you, yourself, are teasing readers also, not the main character.

Other than that, there's nothing I can actually be negative about. You do make very good descriptions, such as the penis being a metaphorical 'weapon' and the woman's last orgasm being 'richer' and 'fuller'.

I would normally think of sex in public would be horribly embarassing, but this seemed to just make it sound really hot, especially with the risk factor of being caught. We can all dream though... in reality, you'd just be caught every single time.  Or me at least...

I'm actually considering writing a short erotic story myself. Though I'd find it difficult due to me not actually having much of an experience of adult life. It'd be interesting to see if I actually write it well or not. It's all well and good to give constructive criticism, but when I'm writing myself, would I actually write it in the way that I've explained?

Thanks Leon, thanks Ginger for such positive reactions.

Leon, obviously when I was writing I knew the gender identity of each character but spotted the early ambiguity as soon as I began the edit process.  I kind of liked the uncertainty so left it in, also to see what kind of reaction it got from readers.  I'd be very interested in a female perspective (hint, hint... anyone...?) but I can fully understand your reaction.

Ginger, she actually recognises my 'touch' rather than voice at the start (it was voice in the first draft!).  I know this is a bit weak; I wanted the twist at the end but needed something at the start to set the reader at ease, otherwise the whole thing reads like a progressively worsening sexual assault!  The premise I had in mind was of a couple who had previously discussed something like this as a fantasy, hence being so quick to trust, but it's hard to include that detail in a short story.

Oh BTW Ginger, believe it or not I have no experience of having sex in an M&S stock room!  If you can imagine it, you can write it, give it a whirl and see what comes out, you can always bin if you don't like it...

Thanks again both of you...

Sorry, I got rather confused and believed it was the voice she recognised. It's better, I suppose that she recognises the touch rather than the voice, but then again, shouldn't she be recognising the voice? I don't think this matters at all though. You fooled me, and I bet you'd fool a lot of readers with that, because we read something in a fiction book and believe it to be true. She recognises him? Yeah, ok, I believe that. It was a very good move to do that because it brought a rather amusing, clever twist and at the same time reassures us it was, as we assumed, still her husband. I really don't think you could've made it better. I say it's rather contradictory, but then again it's absolutely fine.

That's interesting with the discussion, and it's better that you left it out. Simply because it's a short story, and we'd be quick to assume it's actually going to happen. It would work in a novel, though, as everything can be spread out across the book so that people are awar of the discussion, but forget about it later.

Your welcome. I might have been a little harsh in my critique so sorry if it came across that way. A story written in this way is good, as it is so easy for the reader to just assume the identity of the character and go at it.

 The uncertainty you created at the start does help the tension created within the scenario. Like I have said before I f you are happy with the story that you create then that is all that matters. 

Hope it's not too long before I get to read more.