Sleeping

Starting writing short stories recently for the OH, she likes them but I'd like to get some other points of view if you don't mind, help me develop.  I'll start with a (reletaively) tame one, but if you like it there's a couple more I can post, be gentle with me but be honest...

Sleeping

It’s nearly midnight when I come up to bed, you have been in bed for about an hour and a half already, and you look to be sound asleep when I come in to the bedroom.  I stop for a minute in the half-light coming from the landing and watch you sleep, breathing deeply, looking beautiful and calm while the worries and stresses of everyday life are put on hold for a few hours.

Turning off the landing light, I put my bedside lamp on low and undress for bed, and as I get in to bed I turn to take another look at you before turning off the lamp.  You move slightly as I watch, and a wonderful smile appears on your face as you turn slightly towards me.  You’re still fast asleep, but I can’t help but wonder if somehow you know I’m there, and that smile is for me.  Then I begin to wonder what you’re thinking, or possibly dreaming, that brought on such an alluring smile.  It was a mistake to start thinking like this, because now I’m getting horny.

I turn off my lamp and slide under the cover, trying not to disturb you further.  I try to put any sensual thoughts out of my mind, and lying with my back to you I close my eyes.  But it’s no good, I can’t stop thinking about touching you and holding you, I need to feel you against me, but I know how tired you’ve been, it just wouldn’t be fair to wake you now.

But I need something, and trying to put aside my feelings of selfishness I convince myself I can make do with just a cuddle.  You’re lying on your right side facing away from me when I turn over and shift across the bed to spoon behind you.  Putting my left arm on yours with my hand on your shoulder, I bury my face in your hair taking a deep breath of your intoxicating scent.  I knew I was kidding myself that a cuddle would be enough and as you respond to my touch, pushing back and pressing harder against me, I feel the stirrings of an erection.

It’s no good, I have to push my luck, I need you now more than ever.  I still have guilty feelings about waking you up though, so I’m going to take it slow, and be gentle, who knows, maybe you won’t even wake up.  I start by gently stroking your arm, using only the lightest touch and the very tips of my fingers, more of a tickle really.  I begin from the inside of your elbow, where I know you love to be touched, and move ever so slowly down to your wrist, and then your palm.  Just as slowly, I start to move my fingers back up, moving to the outside as I reach your upper arm and, sliding under the sleeve of your t-shirt, gently stroke your shoulder up to the edge of your neck.

You’re breathing softens a little as I do this, but it doesn’t seem to be disturbing you so I repeat the touch, once again moving very slowly and lightly down your arm, paying particular attention to the lovely sensitive bits inside your elbow and wrist, and then back up your arm.  This time I move over your sleeve and continue up to the side of your neck, lingering there a little.  I push some stray hairs behind your ear and continue on to your face, tickling your cheek, the lovely soft patch next to your eye, and the wonderfully sensual hollow of your throat.  This time you react a little more strongly, shifting your head a little you give a small sigh, and that gorgeous smile returns to your face as your breathing becomes a little quicker.

I’m feeling bolder now, I’ve got this far without waking you up, and despite being asleep you seem to be enjoying it.  I wonder again at what thoughts are going through your mind, how your sleeping brain is interpreting the stimulus and what dreams you might be enjoying.  The thought is a massive erotic turn on as demonstrated by my now substantial erection, and I’m getting almost jealous.

Moving my hand down from your throat, I start to gently caress the swell of your chest.  Moving across the top of one breast until my fingers curl down in to your cleavage I give it a light squeeze.  Using more than just my fingertips now I begin to stroke again, moving around the curve of your breast, deliberately avoiding your nipple, until I’m cupping it through the fabric of your t-shirt.  After another little squeeze I start to move back over and this time I gently graze your nipple with my palm.

The reaction is immediate.  With a sharper intake of breath you push your chest out towards my hand as if seeking the contact.  I can feel your nipple under my palm and through your t-shirt, it was already erect when I first brushed against it but it hardens further like a small bullet as you press it against my hand, apparently craving the touch.  Taking your cue, I brush over it again, a little firmer this time, and draw my hand across the now hugely swollen nipple, and pinch it sharply between my thumb and forefinger.  With another sharp intake of breath, almost a gasp, you push your chest out even further as I gently squeeze and roll your nipple through the fabric.

I continue like this for a couple of minutes, occasionally releasing your nipple to stroke and squeeze your breasts, and moving on to the other nipple I repeat the whole process agonisingly slowly.  In the meantime, you have pushed your hips back against me and are now grinding your backside against my cock.  Pulling you closer, my breath is hot and quick against the back of your neck.

I can’t tell now whether you’re still asleep or not.  You haven’t said anything, or let on that you might be awake, but you can’t still be fully asleep, your reactions to my touches, and your own movements are too strong and definite.  Well, whether you’re fully awake or just semi-conscious, you seem to be enjoying yourself at least as much as me, if not more, and you haven’t objected in any way.

Leaving your breasts, I slowly move my hand down your side.  You’re still lying facing away from me, meaning I can easily stroke your bum and the top of your left thigh.  I concentrate on this area for a while, occasionally giving your bum cheek a deliberately firm squeeze, before I reach my hand around and inside your knickers, just until I can feel where your trimmed bush begins.  Now more like tickling again, I stroke you just around the top of your bush to see what reaction I get.  You squirm a little more against my erection and then try to roll on to your back, but I stop you and hold you where you are, still stroking the top of your pubic area, but pressing a little harder now.

Eventually, after what seems like an age, I take my hand out of your knickers and move it back to your bum, stroking some more and squeezing again.  I then move my hand down your leg and I know you must be awake now, because with a little pressure and a squeeze on the back of your thigh, you take the hint and move your left leg up a little, bending at the knee, and giving me easy access to the lovely cleft between your thighs.  If you are awake you’re still not letting on, so I’m happy to continue the illusion too.

After some more stroking, I start to move my hand over the back of your left thigh and in to the gap between.  Pressing lightly I start to stroke your pussy through your knickers, and I feel your lips begin to swell as the blood rushes in to your most sensitive parts.  I feel the heat building too as your breathing becomes heavier and faster.  Eventually, when I think you can’t get any hotter, I slide my hand inside your knickers and start stroking your swollen pussy with no interference.

This time you definitely do gasp as I apply a little more pressure and my middle finger slips easily between your lips, your pussy now so hot and wet there is no resistance.  Slowly, I slide my hand forward and backwards, applying pressure to the whole area with three fingers, whilst the fourth glides easily up and down between your outer lips.  I slide forwards again, and this time continue all the way up, parting your lips further, making them even slicker with your juices, and stopping with my fingertip just short of your clitoris.  I pause there for a moment, moving my finger gently from side to side as you push yourself against my hand.

You’re hot as hell now, and definitely no longer asleep, though we both continue the ruse as you grind your dripping pussy against my hand.  I can’t tell whether you want more of the same, or whether you’re getting desperate to have something inside you.  I slide my hand forward again, but this time I don’t hold back, my finger moves all the way up between your lips and the tip strokes gently over the swollen nub of your clitoris.  It’s like pushing a button, you cry out and immediately start to spasm with the beginnings of what feels like a very strong orgasm

A couple more gentle brushes of your clit cause you to convulse wildly, so I draw my hand back and push first one, then two, and then three fingers deep in to your welcoming body.  This sets off a whole new round of convulsions as I feel your muscles clamping hard around my fingers, seeming to try and pull them further in.  I thrust in and out a couple of times while you ride the waves, shuddering and moaning with the pleasure.  I feel your internal muscles continue to twitch as the orgasm begins to subside, and I begin a gentle slow thrusting with only two fingers now, as you begin to rock against me with the rhythm.

Still not speaking, though all pretence of sleep has long since gone, you again understand when I reach down for a spare pillow.  With a little shuffling, you help me to tuck it under your pelvis whilst rolling on to your front, pushing your backside up and presenting your pussy to me.  I can now see how wet and swollen it is, shining and almost pulsating with eagerness.  I know you wouldn’t agree with me but it’s a beautiful sight, not quite on a par with your smile but more likely to give me an instant hard on, which is what it would do now if I wasn’t already standing proud, hard as steel.

I can’t resist a taste of those juices, so pushing my head between your thighs I give a long, slow lick from your clit, all the way back to where I can push my tongue inside you and lap up all the juice you can present me with, and you have been gushing.  Like a honey bee after the nectar, I repeat the process, this time probing your clit with the very tip of my tongue, before licking all the way along your slit again, and fucking your pussy a couple more times with my tongue.  This has the desired effect and you come for me again.  Not as hard as the first time, but enough to gush more of your exquisite essence in to my waiting mouth and quench my thirst.

Now I decide, you’re ready for my cock.  You need to be ready because even I am surprised at how big he feels.  Positioning myself behind you, I press against your lips and watch captivated as what little resistance there is gives way, and the head of my cock slips easily inside.  I watch your lips fold over my shiny helmet and tighten around me, welcoming, warming and lubricating all at once.  I hold it there for a moment, then begin teasing you with just the head of my cock, pushing it slowly in, then pulling slowly out again, watching fascinated as your body accepts me so willingly every time, but resists the removal and seems to ache for the return.  God I’ve never wanted to fuck you more than I do right now, and judging by your whimpers of complaint every time I pull out, I think you feel the same.

This time I don’t stop at the head, I continue to push… slowly…, slowly…, watching as my enormous cock is accepted, gripped and welcomed by your body.  I keep pushing, not believing your body can take this all in on the first thrust, but you've been well prepared and you take all of me, only letting out a small pleasurable gasp as I press my pelvis against your backside, my cock well and truly buried as deep as possible inside you.

Your body starts to buck underneath mine and I can’t believe you’re going to have another orgasm just from taking my cock for the first time.  I’m not complaining though, and I hold on to your hips, pulling and keeping myself firmly inside, as hard and deep as possible, while you cry out and your body convulses wildly again.

I let your orgasm subside, but not completely disappear, before I start thrusting.  I thrust slowly, pulling all the way out before pushing slowly back in again.  But on every thrust, I push as hard and as deep as I can, and on every push your muscles grip me tighter, creating a fantastic wet friction that feels like tight velvet on my cock.  I know I won’t be able to stand too much of this, especially from behind so I slowly begin to build the pace.

I still watch, but it’s not a pussy I’m teasing any more.  We’re way past the niceties of teasing and game playing, and now it’s a cunt, a cunt that wants fucking, and I want to fuck it, and now you’re telling me you want me to fuck it too.  You’re telling me you want me to fuck it hard, and fast.  You’re screaming at me to push it deeper, and I do, but I still pull almost all the way out on every thrust, I want you to feel every inch of me as I ram my cock deep inside you.  I want you begging me for more when I pull it out, and begging me to stop when I shove it back in.

Harder and faster I smash my pelvis against your bum, my balls slamming against your cunt lips and a muffled cry coming from you on every thrust, your face now in the pillow, biting to try and control yourself.  I feel the first tingling of an orgasm begin to build deep down in my balls, and reaching forward I pull both your arms behind your back.  Pinning your wrists with my left hand I reach forward with my right and bunch your hair in a ponytail whilst still slamming my cock in and out, in and out, deeper and harder every time

I can feel my orgasm building, getting closer now, and I can feel you are ready for another one too.  Slamming so hard I can’t believe I’m not doing you damage, I feel the rush of orgasm begin in my balls, at the same time I pull your head back by your hair, and holding your hands behind your back you’re helpless as I crash in to you one more time and release my cum inside you.  This sets you off too and we both cry out loudly as our bodies join in a gloriously synchronised orgasm.  My cock spasms at least ten times and I feel like I’m pumping gallons in to you, while you push back hard against me and seem to suck it all in, trying to pull me in further.

We both collapse in a sweaty heap and gulp for air while we recover.  But then, to my utter amazement you roll over, facing away from me, and pretend to be asleep!  Ok I think, I’m happy to play that game, nothing happened, and at least I don’t have to do pillow talk!

Sounds like a sexy game to play and it is a well written story. My only critasicme would be your way of describing the actions of your characters movements. were you have for example

 You’re lying on your right side facing away from me when I turn over and shift across the bed to spoon behind you. Putting my left arm on yours with my hand on your shoulder

i would have written it as

unable to contain the lust building within me I slowly moved over to embrace you, my hand finding the curve of your shoulder.

But I think at the end of the day it comes down to the personal style of the writer and if you and your partner are happy with what you write that is all that matters. I used to write with the kind of description you put into your story and there is nothing wrong with it but i think personaly it takes away from the sexiness of the story to over describe things.

That is just my opinion though and regardless of it I must once again say it was a good story and I deffinatly think you should write more.   

Thanks Leon, that's exactly the sort of response i'm after...  All opinions are valid so long as they are honest, and offered in a constructive manner.

I should say I agree with your comments, I'm quite analytical by nature so do tend to over-describe things.  I think I need to improve my self editing and observations like this help.

I'm also not sure how comfortable I am with the 1st Person POV.  I've experimented here and of the other two stories I have done one is in the 2nd Person and the other in 3rd.  I think I'm happiest with the 3rd but that might just be because it's the most recent. 

I may post both soon to see what people think, but not til I've checked for long winded descriptions ;-) .  They're also both a bit more dominant in nature.

Thanks again

No probs at all. I love writing erotic fiction and the worst response you could ever have is nothing at all.

 I think you find 3rd person easy as you say  becaus ive found that you half to be a bit more annalytical and that is more your thing. 

I have experimented with pov myself and are finding now that first person is a bit esier than it yoused to be but it comes down to practice in the end.

I based it on the character of Nancy from the film Sin City and I hope to have it polished and posted by the weekend so check it out and tell me what you think. 

The only story that I have up just now is called testing the waters which I wrote purely to see how good I was at writing a bdsm scenario and seemed to go over well. Both parts are written in 3rd person so take a look at that as well and maybe you could get some ideas. 

Can't wait to read your next installment and remember the most important thing is to have fun.  

P.S you probably know already but if you have trouble searching for my stories you can do it through my name beside the post here and go to view post history and it will be somewhere down the list. 

mmm Sanda that was very good i thoroughly enjoyed it..keep up the good work your  vivid descriptions drew us into your scenario so well as if we were participating.. and feeling all those delicious sensations. :)

Thanks selphi, much appreciated.

I'm just trying to find time to review and edit the next one, so watch this space.